With castlemates like these...
Princess Twilight Sparkle’s crystal tree-castle was a magnificent, awe-inspiring sight.
So majestic. The moonlight reflecting off its shimmering crystals further illuminated the tree and the castle cradled in its branches. A fitting home indeed for the Princess of Friendship, a benevolent, brave, powerful defender of Equestria and friend to all on the side of good.
That is what they thought of the grand structure towering before them. They would also be rich after they robbed it. The stars littered in the dark-blue sky were practically singing their victory.
Two unicorn stallions, a brown and grey one, forced their gaping mouths to shut. The pair didn't travel to Ponyville just to admire the palace’s majesty.
“I still don’t know about this, Locknight,” the grey pony said as he turned to his friend, rubbing his cheek in nervousness.
“Well, I am, ding-dong.” Locknight rubbed his lust silver mane to straighten it. “Look at this place! Twilight’s gotta have a crapload of valuable stuff holed up in there!”
“Ding-dong”, whose real name was Tumble, gazed toward the castle again. His scruffy black mane was a stark contrast to his partner's sleek one. “But what if we get caught?”
Locknight rolled his eyes. “Ugh, this again? For the hundredth time, it’s all good. Twilight’s gone and there are no guards in her castle to catch us, remember?”
Another sigh left Tumble’s mouth. True, it was a well-known fact that Twilight had never bothered to hire Royal Guards to protect her castle. Nevertheless, could there be a reason for the Princess’s baffling decision? “I’m more worried about Princess Twilight catching us if she returns early. Didn’t you hear the rumors about how she brainwashed ponies because they ran late for something?”
“And that is why rumors are usually shit. How could that mare be the Princess of Friendship if she pulled crap like that?”
Tumble faced his friend once again. He suffered from a habit of believing any and all rumors he overheard, but don’t they contain at least some truth to them? “But still, Locknight--”
“Come on, do you like the thought of busting your flank day in and day out?” Locknight motioned a hoof at the massive castle. “My friend, inside those walls of crystal is our ticket to easy street! You really wanna pass up this golden chance?”
Tumble stared at the gorgeous but now foreboding palace again. “Well, I do hate so-called ‘honest living’ and what we have been stealing isn't netting us much. Uh, how about we rob Spoiled Rich blind instead? She’s...well, rich.”
Locknight huffed. That was out of the question. “I wish we could rob that witch, but a rumor I do believe is that her daughter had suffered enough due to her.”
The two robbers stepped to the grand gold doors to the castle. Locknight’s unwavering steps oozed confidence while Tumble crept from behind, glancing behind him every two or so seconds.
Locknight’s horn glowed lime. From a pack he wore on his back, he levitated out a skeleton key he had made and leaned his head closer to the door. Something wasn’t right. Where was the lock? “Huh? What’s the deal with this door? There’s no lock!”
Tumble grinned and spun the other way. “Well, it’s not like the door’s unlocked, so guess we--”
Locknight pushed against the door which, incredibly, crept open. “Nevermind, it’s unlocked.” He let out a laugh and added, “Wow, no guards AND her door’s unlocked? How hasn’t this castle been robbed yet?”
With a sigh, Tumble slowly turned around to face the palace yet again, wearing a disheartened frown. His eyes locked on a banner, which hung from a pole near a window, bearing a mark of Twilight’s Cutie Mark. “Maybe Princess Twilight had it unlocked because most know not to break into her home. What if the rumors that she turns ponies into oranges for practice is--”
Locknight moaned. “Oh, will you lay off the whining about rumors? At worst, Twilight is dumb as bricks, not some ax-crazy psychopath. Now, let’s hurry in before somepony spots us and--”
Tumble zipped through the doors in a blur. A gust of wind blew by, ruffling Locknight’s mane.
Locknight’s lips curled into an approving smile. He knew his friend had the guts. “Atta boy! Let’s do this!” He straightened his mane and strutted through the doors, his mouth watering over the wealth calling out to him.
Locknight's and Tumble's mouths widened as they entered the castle’s lobby. The blue and purple crystal stalagmites hugging the walls, plus the walls themselves, were more stunning than they had envisioned.
And this was merely the lobby. They still had a whole castle to explore.
The two fortune-seeking ponies willed themselves out of their trance and trotted through the lobby, up some stairs, and into a corridor of the castle. Their jaws lowered yet again.
Along with more crystal stalagmites growing along the walls, numerous two-leaved doors, composed of sparkling green crystal, lined both sides of the vast hall. Spectacular. Nothing short of spectacular.
However, the length of the corridor felt endless. It was as if the whole castle had swollen dozens of times larger since they broke in.
Tumble whistled. “This place is HUGE! Why does it feel bigger on the inside?”
“No idea. There are so many damn doors to choose from, so let’s first check the closest ones.”
What was that? Tumble’s ears perked. He glanced behind him, then to the left and right. The spacious hallway appeared empty, and yet...somepony, or something, was nearby. Lurking. Spying. Or was it? “Wait,” he said in a hushed voice.
“What?”
“I heard something.”
Locknight groaned. “Normally, I’d believe you with how your special talent is hearing sounds better than most ponies, but I’m not falling for it.”
“I’m not lying!”
“Ha! I heard that one three weeks ago when you lied about hearing the sounds of changelings, all because you wanted to lie in your house and sleep longer, Pingas! I felt like I had egg on my face after I fell for it!”
“And for the tenth time, I’m sorry about that!” Tumble slammed his hoof on the cold crystal floor.
Locknight waved a hoof dismissively. “Whatever. Let’s just get this heist over with quickly. The sooner we hightail it back to Fillydelphia, the sooner your paranoia can end.”
With Locknight leading the way, the partners peeked through the doors one by one. Many of the rooms beyond each door had curtains covering windows, but were otherwise empty. Some of the rooms also held a bed, a dresser, and a mirror.
Perplexingly, everything they saw was, at best, normal worth. It was impossible. This was an alicorn princess’s castle! It should have been teeming with jewelry, gold statues, rare artifacts, and other goodies that would fetch a pretty bit, or MANY pretty bits!
Locknight shook his head in disbelief. “Okay, what’s the deal? Where’s the good shit?”
“Maybe Princess Twilight is a princess who enjoys simple things?”
“Then why is she living in a huge crystal tree-castle, not in a normal house or tree or something?”
Tumble shrugged his front hooves. “I guessed that she prefers simple things, not about her tree preferences.”
“Whatever. Maybe her best stuff is in a room we haven’t seen yet.”
A chill flooded Tumble’s back. He swiveled his head in one direction after another. Something lay in wait, yet his eyes detected nothing!
“Okay, I get it, scaredy-cat. Let’s speed up our hunt.” Locknight patted Tumble’s back, triggering a nerve-filled jump and yelp from him. “Geez Louise, you’re more of a wreck than I thought!”
Again with Locknight leading, but Tumble taking occasional peeks behind him, the two slunk through another door. Inside was a large, stunning bed, a type only seen with beds of royalty. Hanging from a nail in the bedroom was a picture of Twilight and a small purple dragon on Twilight’s back, both smiling. Given the bed and picture, could this have been Twilight’s bedroom?
“If there’s anything juicy in this place, it’s in here. In fact...wait.” Locknight ran to a dresser with an open blue book lying on top of it. He closed the book, read its title in his head, and grinned in one of the biggest grins he had ever given.
“What?” Tumble asked, staring at the brown pony still bathing in the bask of ecstasy.
“Tumble, we hit the jackpot!” He pointed at the book he now coveted. “This is an ultra-limited edition of ‘The Life of Starswirl the Bearded’, one of the rarest books ever--”
A feminine voice roared, “Don’t you dare take that book!”
Locknight's and Tumble's pupils shrank, their chests tightening. Twilight returned much sooner than expected! She would soon punish them by throwing them in jail, or by just whooping their flanks, hard. They dared not even consider if the rumors that she had transformed ponies into oranges were true.
They whirled around to their potentially painful fate. There was no Princess of Friendship present.
Instead, before the pair was a scowling, teeth-gritting violet unicorn, already half the distance between them and the doorway. Her mane and tail were dark-purple with an aquamarine streak flowing through the middle. Who was this mare? Where did she even come from?
While Locknight and Tumble might be no match against an alicorn, a unicorn they could manage. Or, tell a lie and make it even easier.
“Oh, uh, hi!" Tumble forced a nervous smile. "We are...new cleaners Princess Twilight hired for the castle. We wanted to, uh, borrow that book and clean it." He took glimpses in different directions, pretending to be scanning the bedroom for dirt. "The rest of the place looks squeaky-clean, so we can--”
The mare’s glare softened and she ceased gritting her teeth, though she raised her hoof. “Let me stop you there. I was watching, and I know you two want to rob this castle.”
Tumble pointed at the mare. “Oh, it was you I sensed out there!”
She nodded, setting her hoof back on the floor. “Yep. I was hiding with a cloaking spell.”
"I knew it!" Tumble spun his head to Locknight. “You see? I told you I wasn’t lying!”
“Fine, you were telling the truth, this time.” Locknight focused his stare at the brash mare. “As for whoever you are, this rare book is good enough, so you just stay still and be pretty and we will mosey on out of here.”
The unicorn shook her head. “I don’t think so. Twilight loves that book and she would be depressed for weeks if you take it from her.”
“Well, what are you going to do about it?" Locknight asked with a snicker. "In fact, who are you?”
“Me? I’m Starlight Glimmer, Princess Twilight’s student.”
Locknight rubbed the back of his neck. “Starbright Bomber?”
“No, Starlight Glimmer.”
“Whatever, Starshine Dimmer.”
Starlight growled. “It’s Star--”
“Don’t mind him. He’s awful at getting new names right.”
Locknight glared at Tumble. “Well, excuse me for not being perfect!” He took a deep breath and turned his head back to Starlight. “Now, Star-whatever, if you’re done joking about stopping us, we will be outta here. Twilight’s a big filly, so she’d get over losing one book.”
Starlight’s scowl vanished. Her frown didn't scream anger, so was she concerned about something? “Please, just leave without the book. I don't want to have to make you. I struggle with friendship as it is and I’m still working to get over...issues.”
Issues? Was that an awful attempt at a bluff? Locknight laughed at the motion. “Starset, don’t force us to do this the hard way. Although...you could use some exercise. You look a little plump.”
Starlight gritted her teeth for the second time. “Did you just call me fat?”
Locknight smirked. He loved chances to roast others and he couldn't pass up this opportunity. “If the ponyshoe fits. How about you let us go and we’ll fetch you some cakes to pig out on? We’ll even get a couple for your dumb as bricks teacher.”
Tumble giggled. In truth, he was thinking the same thing in his head, but he rarely spoke thoughts like those out loud. He thought more about it and his giggling evolved into full-blown laughter. He even muttered, "Yeah, Princess Twilight is pretty dumb," in-between his laughing.
Starlight stomped her hooves, shaking the corridor. Her eyes exuded rage, despite the eyes' color being a calming persian. “Oh, that does it! Nopony calls me fat or calls Twilight Sparkle stupid OR laughs about either!”
Tumble’s laughing ceased, an internal light bulb lighting in his head. This was Twilight’s castle, and didn't Starlight claim she was Twilight's pupil? Could that rumor be true? “Wait, did you say you’re Princess Twilight’s student?”
Starlight nodded, her fierce glare unchanging.
He was right. Tumble’s mouth and eyes widened. How didn’t he figure out her identity already? He stared at Starlight while taking backward steps, sweat flowing on his brow. “We’re in big trouble.”
“Why?” Locknight asked, his lips still in an arrogant smirk.
Tumble pointed a shaking hoof at Starlight. “Locknight, don’t you know who she is?”
His smirk faded. “Annoying and fat?”
“No, well yeah she’s a little fat but don’t--uh, that is, didn’t you hear the rumors of Princess Twilight gaining a student that is as strong as alicorns?”
“And as I said before, rumors are shit," Locknight answered with a huff. "What's-her-name is probably not even a tenth as strong as Twilight, let alone her equal.”
“Oh, no?” Starlight’s horn glowed turquoise and magic collected into a bubble over her head. An image played with Starlight, bearing a different mane style and using magic to “fly”, and Twilight whizzing through the sky while trading powerful magical blasts. Twilight created barriers to protect herself, but Starlight merely dodged the alicorn’s assaults, even taunting her about her aim. Both fighters seemed incapable of defeating the other.
Locknight’s jaw dropped. The rumors of a unicorn in Ponyville that’s on par with alicorns were true! Even worse, Locknight called her overweight, even if she was only slightly...wider than most mares, and insulted her teacher’s intelligence! The two stared at Starlight, seemingly an invincible giant now. They were dead meat.
Tumble looked at Locknight. “So, what was that about rumors?”
Locknight stared back at his partner. “Dingbat, if this Sunset Shimmer doesn’t kill us, I’m killing you for not talking me out of this.”
“WHAT?!”
“And I’m not ‘Sunset Shimmer’! For the last time, my name is STARLIGHT GLIMMER!”
Tumble waved his hooves. Maybe they could still escape this dire pinch. “W-w-wait, miss Starlight Glimmer! Kicking our flanks might tire you out in the shape you--uh, that is, in your ‘condition’.”
“Yeah! Isn’t Twilight the Prin--”
“She’s Princess Twilight to you, big mouth,” Starlight interrupted, her voice an icy tone.
Locknight quickly nodded his head. “Right, isn’t Princess Twilight the Princess of Friendship? Would she want her student doing things the...hard way like this?”
Starlight took a deep breath. Was she calming herself? “I’ll answer that with another question: did you call me ‘plump’ and Twilight ‘dumb as bricks’ earlier?”
“Uh, yes?” Locknight answered.
“Exactly.”
Starlight’s horn glowed brightly. There was no talking their way out of this. One option remained for Locknight and Tumble.
Run.
They swung around Starlight and broke into the hallway. Perhaps she was just bluffing after all. Still, they kept running.
Once halfway down the hallway, a burst of turquoise magic flashed in front of the two hapless thieves, immediately revealing a scowling Starlight. Locknight and Tumble screamed and bolted in the opposite direction. A beam of turquoise magic fired from Starlight's horn, slammed into both Locknight and Tumble, and knocked the screaming duo forward. They smacked onto and rolled on the floor. Slamming into a wall with a pain-filled grunt ended their rolling; Locknight's formerly sleek silver mane now matched Tumble's ragged black one.
Luckily, the moaning ponies found themselves with merely bruises. How weren’t they hurt worse? Despite their kind-hearted nature (save for Nightmare Moon), alicorns are believed to be capable of killing ponies with a single full-powered attack. Surely Starlight could do the same.
Locknight and Tumble forced themselves to stop moaning and jump to their hooves. Starlight was inching closer, like a predator closing on their prey. The pair dared not ask why the insane unicorn held back on her attack. Not with her horn still glowing, ready to send them into another, possibly worse, world of pain.
The nearest door caught the duo’s eyes: their only hope. They dashed to and through the door. Anywhere would be safer than near Starlight.
Inside, the room was like most in the castle: a window was covered by curtains, but nothing else was there, save for them.
The two faced each other, but gasped as Starlight prowled into the room. She had them right where she wanted them. They didn’t think that escape through.
A yawning small purple dragon peeked his head into the room. He looked just like the dragon from the picture in Twilight's room. “Starlight, what’s go--wait.” Spike rubbed his eyes. “Who are they?”
Starlight spun her head to the dragon. “Spike, they are thieves trying to rob the castle. They were even about to steal Twilight’s ‘The Life of Starswirl the Bearded’ book and called me--”
“THEY WERE GOING TO WHAT?!” Spike’s claws clenched. His pupils transformed into green flames that burned bright. He stomped into the room, glaring intensely at the two would-be robbers. “Let me make something clear. NOPONY steals Twilight Sparkle’s books, especially not her favorite one. She would cry in her room for weeks if she lost it.”
“Worst of all, they called Twilight ‘dumb as bricks’ and laughed about it!”
Spike gasped deeply. After a second, he gritted his teeth while emitting a low, seething growl. The flames in his eyes roared larger. “How dare you?”
Locknight guffawed. This little dragon couldn’t be serious. “Maybe we’ll be helpless against...her, but you we can handle, wimp. Right, Tumble?”
“Are you crazy?!” Tumble pointed at Starlight. “Beating him up will just make Starlight stop playing around and really kill us!”
Spike turned his head toward Starlight, the fire in his eyes diminishing. In an eerily calm voice, he asked, “Starlight, can you give us a minute?”
Starlight’s lips slowly curled into a grin. Why did Spike’s request make her so happy? Didn’t she wish to beat up Locknight and Tumble some more, or did she have a change of heart? “Sure. Have fun.” Starlight stepped out of the room and closed the door.
Now alone in the room with Locknight and Tumble, Spike cracked his neck.
Standing outside the room, Starlight hummed cheerfully as yells of pure unyielding rage, screams of pain, and slams came from inside. Green embers escaped through the cracks in the door. Spike must be going easy on them.
After ten seconds, the door flew open. Locknight and Tumble sprinted through the hallways, their fur, manes, and tails singed. From behind, Spike stormed out of the room while pumping his claws, but stayed with Starlight. The fire in his eyes had reverted to his usual pupils.
Spike and Starlight stared at the fleeing burglars in silence with proud smirks. Ten seconds after they left the castle defenders’ sights, Starlight asked, “You think that’s a good enough head start?”
Spike nodded with a chuckle. “Yep.”
“Then hop on my back. Let’s be good friends to Twilight by making sure those two won't ever want to come back.”
Starlight lowered herself and Spike jumped on her back. The two hoof/claw pumped, then Starlight’s horn glowed. In a flash of light, she teleported herself and Spike out of the castle.
Meanwhile, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were flying high above Ponyville, side by side, for some one-on-one time. Earlier, Rainbow had admitted feelings she secretly held towards Twilight for some time.
“You’ve gotten a lot better in your flying, Twi. You look like a pony that was born with wings now.”
Twilight giggled, taking a glance at her wings. “It’s all thanks to your training. You know, I still can’t get over how you feel about me, Rainbow. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
Rainbow’s ears flopped to the side. She tapped her front hooves as she answered, “I thought you’d laugh or say it was silly.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t ever laugh about something like that,” Twilight said in a reassuring voice. “I’m flattered that you think I'm capable of becoming the second known pony to perform a Sonic Rainboom.”
Rainbow’s ears straightened as she gave a relieved smile. “Glad you feel that way, Twi.”
“So don’t ever be afraid to tell me something." Twilight took a deep breath. "In fact, there is something that I always wanted to tell you. Promise not to laugh?”
“I promise. What is it?”
Twilight's ears drooped. She fidgeted her front hooves. “Well, it’s that I--”
“Wait, what’s going on down there?” Rainbow pointed toward the distant ground.
Twilight stopped fidgeting her hooves and looked down to where Rainbow pointed. Below her and Rainbow, two screaming singed unicorns zipped down the streets of Ponyville. Pursuing from behind were Spike and Starlight Glimmer; the former rode on the latter’s back.
“Get back here!” Spike yelled.
“Yeah! Spike and this ‘plump’ mare aren’t done!”
As Twilight and Rainbow stared at the unexpected chase, Rainbow chortled. “Guess some crooks tried to rob your castle again. What is this, the fifth time?”
“No, it is the eighth time.” Twilight shook her head, more so at herself. “I really need to start putting a lock on the castle’s door. Chasing robbers isn’t teaching Starlight friendship or helping her control her temper, even if it will keep her weight in check.”
“At least Spike’s willing to share with Starlight. He usually prefers defending the castle by himself."
The two mares continued to watch the pursuit. As they did, Twilight’s annoyed frown lightened into a pride-filled smile. With Spike and Starlight as her castlemates, she would never need any less-effective Royal Guards to watch her castle--and if necessary, protect her when she’s sleeping. The alicorn could rest easy at night thanks to them.
However, Twilight’s previous frown abruptly returned, accompanied by a scowl. How didn’t she notice it right away? “Wait, I need to go, now.”
“Why? You think Spike and Starlight might get carried away?”
“It’s not that. I gotta get down there because Spike is on Starlight’s back. That’s our thing!”
Twilight gritted her teeth and mightily flapped her wings, immediately followed by a shockwave that released the colors of a rainbow in all directions. With her eyes on Spike and with a rainbow trailing her, Twilight swept to Spike in a flash, scooped him off Starlight’s back, and immediately set the bewildered dragon onto her back.
So now we know how to get Twilight to do a Sonic Rainboom: just make her think Starlight replaced her. It also seems like Twilight has some rumors that need to be cleared up
On a side note, it's not often my stories have profanity, but I wanted to have some in this one for a change of pace.
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"SPike is only allowed to ride me!"
Jokes aside, good story. Fun little thing that I enjoyed reading.
OMFG that was a good line
Is that an Elder Scrolls reference I see?
Seems like this is a normal occurrence for her at this point.
I enjoyed the story quite a bit!
Very good.
Also: According to my research and the only times I've ever seen the Rainboom occur, It requires a Purpose or Reason to do it. Otherwise, you get bounced.
Guys, the rumour you heard is wrong - it was because she was late with a report, and desperately tried to come up with something to write about.
The "brainwashing" part is true, though - made them obsessed with a doll. Celestia had to get involved, it was that bad.
Birds, not ponies, and it was due to being startled - not on purpose.
...Are those birds still oranges, though? I wonder...
10427289
Actually, a Skeleton Key is a key that can be used for a wide assortment of locks.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skeleton_key
10427029
Glad you enjoyed it!
10427068
Along with a few other lines that I'm still waiting to use, I've been dying to use a line like that for over a year. I was not going to pass the chance up
10427247
Thanks, and I almost want to correct you about Locknight's name...but with how he couldn't get Starlight's name right, why not keep calling him "Lockdown"?
10427289
As 10427405 already pointed it out, "skeleton key" wasn't a reference from Elder Scrolls. However, I did slip in a reference to something else in the story...
10427313
Thanks! If a Sonic Rainboom requires you to have a purpose/reason or something to do it, Twilight sure found her reason to do it.
10427337
Rumors sometimes being shit is something Locknight was right about. You know how rumors can change as they are passed on.
Also, good question about if the birds Twilight turned into oranges are still oranges or not. Wouldn't be surprised if there's a story about that somewhere on the site.
Twilight and Rainbow flying over a tree... T-A-L-K-I-N-G!
Silly, goofy and nigh-hysterically funny. Good stuff, good stuff~
If anything, Starlight’s... width only makes her cuter
Look, you don't even want to know about the a many a thread that has been spent debating that.
And waaaaay more deserving of it, if you ask me.
No, no, she turns birds into oranges for practice. She and Fluttershy have had long discussions about this.
Could, but why bother when half-power or less will be plenty to stop the likes of you? I mean, she wouldn't want to strain herself kicking your butts or anything, now would she?
Well, that won't be hard.
Dunno if that stealth TwiDash ship really works seeing it's at best a mere passing reference, but other than that honestly quite small quibble, this was a fun read.
10427405
Ah, I see.
Then I suppose the thing I was thinking of actually references skeleton keys rather than being it's own thing.
Aside from the utterly pointless and useless TwiDash at the end, I love it. Makes way more sense than a lot of recent stories have.
10427405
I wonder if any skeleton keys were actually made from a skeleton...
So what happens when both Spike and Starlight are absent?
Hoo wee! You have no idea how much I wanted Spike to be a badass dragon that he deserves to be in a 'non fantasy' story! The 'Starlight is a super strong unicorn' trope is a common sight, but putting Spike alongside her is just perfect
Also, I may or may not support Starlight and Spike being a notable duo, kinda sad that the show didn't really focus on both of them after they met Sunburst.
Anyway, that fact, added with this line alone...
...instantly made me give this fic a 9.5/10~ Now I just wanna see those two getting chased by Starlight, Spike, and a certain pretty purple princess when Spike told her what the thieves tried to steal
10427485
Thank you, thank you!
10427511
Yeah. At least jake got it in the Jake Taylorverse.
10427530
And that would be an understatement!
I kept the Twidash very low key for fun, but I made sure to keep what Twilight was about to say to Rainbow a mystery. It could've been anything from "I love you" to "I love reading book with you".
10427554
Glad you liked it!
10427590
A VERY good question and it was even one I was thinking about as I was writing and editing this story. I thought about giving a reason, but it's possible I will write a sequel that would go into that. If I ever do, it won't be for a while.
10427604
Hell yeah! When I first thought of this story, it was going to just have Starlight knock some ponies around Twilight's castle. Safe to say, things happened since then...for the better, I say.
While I love the Starlight & Trixie duo, I also really liked the duo of Starlight and Spike too. It's too bad the show couldn't pair them together a little more often.
Nice little story. I like that fact that you feel Spike is old enough to have alone time with strangers.
Keep up the good work. . . . Cheers!
welp. leech took number 1 spot
It really is amazing how few ponies recognize the potential threat posed by a fireproof lizard who can crunch diamonds like lollipops.
10427590
10427471
"You want to know what happens when Starlight and Spike aren't there to chase robbers away?"
Looks left and right before leaning in.*
"They're always there. Even when they are half way across the continent they are in there guarding the castle. It is one of the five universal laws of ponyville I have discovered since coming to live here."
👍
Nice cover art. I'd say the commission was worth it.
(That's about what this amounted to)
It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but Starlight comes across as a more skilled/better reflexes fighter than Twilight is, moreso than raw power. To give say, Shining Armor credit, he's outright called her out on losing situational awareness by being distracted, saving her in the process (he probably catches too much flak, in some ways), and I'd rate Cadance's skill above Twilight's, to be honest (she actually did try to block in the Movie, at least).
Starlight did exploit Twilight not paying enough attention at least once, another time tricking her into hitting Rainbow Dash.
...but yeah, power level arguments are kind of semantics, in the end, lol, when you're not really far above average, and may or may not be of or not that far above the level of unicorn strength that involves struggling to open a peanut butter jar, versus someone who from their debut, was manipulating cutie marks, which is extremely abnormal magic, and showed a lot of variety in her return.
Anyone and their grandmother can kill or severely hurt stupid crooks, but sending them off running is more rewarding, probably, and the moral of the story is that not taking into account rumors in a fantasy land such as Equestria and therefore erring on the side of caution is basically being Too Dumb to Live.
...I'm also not sure if they'd be stupider for the fact that they didn't think of the possibility that Starlight could be making it up via illusions as opposed to "real event," or if they'd be stupider if they instead resorted to denial on that basis, lol.
I doubt Sunset would've been pleased to be there, had those two mixed up... but it would've been possibly too redundant, in the end.
Durable scales, absurdly sharp claws, teeth that can shatter gems, fire breath, in an environment not prone to catching fire... there really was never a chance. If they read anything about how the Equestria Games went, or the Movie (if applicable), they would not have scoffed... but it's pretty par for the course for Equestrians to not keep up with recent events, lol.
While still ambiguous as to what Twilight was gonna say before she didn't finish, I liked that TwiDash bait-and-switch, thought it was kinda amusing.
Hmm, would it be more fitting if it were the rainbow... or the pony's colors... in any case, mission accomplished...
but she interrupted their bonding,nuuuuuuuu.All-in-all, it was good, I upvoted it. It's quite nice to see Spike be portrayed as appropriately dangerous alongside Starlight, and have it clear that he's not going all-out to be a menace to them.
Those two, I wish we got more of their dynamic, in the show.
I think their next attempt would involve robbing Discord's realm somehow when he's absent... and underestimating how hard it is to navigate.
Other bad choices for places to break into:
Rarity's Boutique, which has an occupant who know how to use sharp needles, meaning they wouldn't even need strong magic to beat you, packs a mean punch physically, and a kid that's been Twilight's apprentice in magic since like... S4, with the evident benefits therein, achieved over time.
...and a lot of fabric to restrain you with.
Sweet Apple Acres, which has a stallion that can hop with a house in tow, and send like nine ponies flying over the horizon, aside from Applejack the National Hero... oh, and they have a dog. (pro tip for real life, and probably Rarity: cats are actually rather useless for deterring burglars)
Fluttershy's Cottage, because even if she won't hurt you (around or not), whatever animals are around up to and including a bear might be another story...
Sugarcube Corner, because... it'll cease to be a burglary and turn into an impromptu party, you hope.
...there's a not insignificant list on this matter, really, but not all would be of equal comedic value, probably. Generally is a bad idea to break into a main character's house.
10427886
Pink's might wrap you up in a nice bow or have you be the pinata... and Faust save you if she 'misplaces' her pin the tail on the pony game... either way there is going to being a party in the jailhouse tonight... with a possible short shindig at the local hospital first.
10427900
...another possibility, not mutually exclusive to some others, is that she somehow causes them to have an existential crisis with her weirdness, which given that it's Pinkie, could easily happen.
That... was awesome
Excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations, action, humor and general wrap-up in all the right places. Yeah, LOVED seeing Starlight and Spike getting to have some fun with those two dumb crooks (ESPECIALLY Spike as he usually gets left out of this sort of stuff). And, yeah, MOST rumors in a Fantasy Kitchen Sink world have at least SOME truth to them (with the exceptions of the Ponyville population's first thoughts about Zecora). As for that misnaming would-be crook, yeah, the actual Sunset Shimmer probably would NOT have taken it much better if you tried your luck in HER adopted world. And, well, if Spike could do that to you as a YOUNG dragon, imagine how much worse it will be in a little over two decades when he has fully developed wings and is as tall and muscular as Big Mac.
And, yeah, it DOES make sense that Twilight would have no guards since most of her intruders would fall into two camps. 1. Guys like THESE idiots that Spike and/or Starlight can EASILY handle on their own or 2. The would-be world beaters that would be too powerful for normal guards anyway, even if said guards were actually competent (meaning that having guards would be, at best, lots of extra hospital bills).
But, at any rate, VERY entertaining one-shot.
10427590
That's when Twilight invites the true force of chaos and destruction in Ponyville to come over.
"Cutie Mark Crusaders Castle Sitters! Yay!"
10427865
Also that is technically also his castle they are trying to rob from. Stealing from a dragon is never a good idea.
10428090
Well, they can't rob the castle if it is on fire. 😐
10428140
Just let Sweetie Belle into the kitchen. That should do the trick.
Well, at last one of the thieves was intelligent, with luck he will survive and be healed in a week instead of a year
Damn, this was a fun read! I always love it when stories remind us that while Spike may be a baby dragon, he's still a baby Dragon. Which means he can be pretty nasty if somepony tries to take or hurt what he loves.
10427672
thanks!
10427690
At least it's still at the #1 with w/o mature mode turned off. Though I might have just jinxed myself and this story will be out of the featured box completely in less than 4 hours of the comment.
10427800
With all the rumors around about Twilight, you'd think Tumble would have heard something about don't mess with dragons, even small ones!
10427818
If so, maybe they work for Pinkie Pie. That might be how she knows random stuff: she got ponies all over the place telling her any and all info!
10427827
10427865
If they survive Starlight and Spike, that would be funny. I can't think of a way for them to reach Discord's realm in the first place, unless they somehow convince Pinkie to get them there.
10427900
And even Faust wouldn't be able to save you if Pinkie loses it and her mane becomes straight...
10428021
Thanks!
10428076
Glad to hear it!
10428090
10428140
10428140
Now that gave me a big laugh!
10428251
If only Tumble was smart enough to not laugh and definitely kept it to himself that he thought Twilight and dumb and Starlight was "plump". Glimglam might have taken it easy on him.
10428305
Thanks! When I thought of the idea to have Spike be a badass, a big fat grin popped on my face. I was already going to enjoy having Starlight own those two crooks, but having Spike do it too...beautiful!
10428194
I meant to reply to you too in my last comment, but I replied to a different user twice by mistake.
Just let Sweetie Belle into the kitchen. That should do the trick.
That gave me a good laugh!
When Twi finds out about what happened, I hope for their sanity that she doesn't give them "The Treatment".
Get them, Starlight. Nobody insults Twi and gets away with it!!!
Also, what kind of idiot steals books from Twilight? The kind that'll have a national ponyhunt after them, I say.
Yes. Now blast them to, through, and past Tartarus.
Aww.
10428128
An excellent point that I hadn't considered. By extension of Twilight basically being family, and it being their property, it's essentially taking what is his.
Greed, whether direct or indirect, is a powerful motivator for dragons.
10428336
There is the question of "how the heck did Parcel Post get there," in Make New Friends But Keep Discord, so I'm not sure you'd have to be Pinkie (who offhandedly mentioned checking there in The Maud Couple, and thought Maud might've been there) to get there.
...also funnily enough, he was still there in Discordant Harmony, two seasons later, and it apparently took until before Best Gift Ever for him to get out, if the timestamped in hyperlink cameo was anything to go by.
...granted, does that actually help you figure out the "how did they get there" aspect? Sadly, not really, no.
10428194
Sadly(?), for all that it became a meme, Rarity did teach Sweetie Belle how to cook better at the end of the same episode it happened in, even if there was still smoke in the air. (Hey, at least it looked like a pie that time, and it was the same episode, way back in S2, before Sweetie Belle could use magic)
I'm not surehowyou liquefy toast or burn juice, nor do I think we want to know; maybe it was for the better Sweetie Belle seemed to live with Rarity in general afterwards, as opposed to their parents, lol.Rarity, sadly, might've ultimately forced/strongly encouraged Sweetie Belle to trade her power level in burnt food for arcane progress. It's a pity, really.
10428369
Lucky for those crooks, this Twilight never invented "The Treatment". She might just do something not as bad, such as blast them all over Equestria.
10428504
These kinds of idiots, or at least Locknight.
10428644
Oh yeah, I forgot about that mailpony finding his way into Discord's realm.
10427800
I know, right?
Like, okay, Spike is still a pretty small dragon, but anything that can breathe fire should be considered as quite the threat! Not even lava can save you from him.
Poor fools... that is an armored, magic resistant, fire breathing, fire proof, diamond eating, and now quite angry ball with claws. You never stood a chance
Meh I'm pretty sure I could Rob the place without being caught and leave a note saying they will be back in after starlight gets in shape lol
Love all of this! Especially the ending! Take my like and fav!
10427800
I'm more surprised he's not yet bit somone out that pissed him off (and now I just see spike biting tierks arm or hand and him going get it off get it off
Same
No questions no comments just swoop now your on my back
10429502
SOMEBODY DRAW THAT!
10429327
Poor fools indeed.
10429501
Thanks and I'll take it if that's okay with you
10429502
Now that sounds like a gruesome yet awesome Spike moment.
10429644
There are some things that don't need questions or comment about. Seeing your dragon on the back of another is one of those things.
10429776
Soooo lol you not at all surprised I just said I could steal twilight's book and leave her a note saying it will be back once starlight loses weight
10429804
I forgot to repiy to that. All I could say is, if you try it, say "hi" to Tumble and Locknight after you get the treatment they got
Personally, if I had to try. I'd see if I could trick Starlight with a better lie than Tumble did than risk trying to fight or outrun her. And whatever I do, I would NOT insult her and/or someone she cares about.
10429826
Or I could just walk in behind starlight in her shadow swipe the book or just open a portal into her room just fly on the balcony or blow up the apple barn as a diversion seeing as that gets destroyed alot (last ones a joke) or tell pinkie I wanna plan a surprise party and wrap the book up gift it back to her with the note this is your own book I swpied it and gifted it back to you xxx