darkwalker787
Joined 23rd Apr, 2015 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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*reads chapter title
*sees story is marked "Incomplete"
Hmmmmm...... We appear to have a liar in our midst. But who?
10366158
OH shit, thank you for seeing that lol
That is a nice cover there
Unfortunately there are a lot of clunky moments in this text.
This sentence would be comically bad if you remove the only comma present. It would read a lot better if you split it in two. Like: "Oh, hello, dear sister! Do you need anything?"
Huh?
What does that mean? Also, I'm pretty sure it was meant to be 'giving off'.
Celestia comes off quite hostile here. Yet we soon find out that she is in completely different mood.
This made me snicker. In all seriousness, though, this is hardly a good adverb to use here. And it also should be placed after 'spoke'.
'Met' instead of meant.
What's with the stars in the text?!
Where this came from?
There were no warning in story description about BDSM or futa mares. Some readers won't like the surprise.
10372813
Thanks for pointing out my mistakes I appreciate it. I just wanted to see how some people would to react to a "twist" I'd say it worked well lol. As for why I use the stars it's because I want highlight certain words the characters put more effort into (hope this makes sense)
A pretty nice read.
Love princest
Wonder if we might see one where Luna/Nightmare Moon is the "mistress"? :0
10395374
Mayybbeee
And the more hornier I get even if I’m older or younger
I want to ask "why is pain so desirable?" but I remember there are a lot of weird fetishes out there. I'm sorry, but the pain is a turn-off for me, and your grammar needs a little work.
10786825
It's a just story my guy nothing more nothing less. I do agree that my grammar needs a little work, but thanks for the comment anyway.
10787753
I may not like it personally, but I can honestly say I'm glad material like this exists for those who do like it. It's not hurting anyone, it's not real, it's just a form of entertainment. Keep entertaining, my friend.
10787845
I'll try my best 👍
Futa, princect, and ...cbt? Well, color me curious.
>reads it
"Is there a sequel?"
10789726
Sorry no
10789763
I still enjoyed it.
10789771
Thank you kindly ❤️