• Published 27th Aug 2012
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A minor variation - notMurphy



No sonic rainboom. The Mane 6 find different destinies. See where it takes them.

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A Variant Season, Between Friends

A Variant Season

Between Friends

To Assistant Professor Rarity Bell,

You never cease to amaze me. Returning an Ursa Minor, unharmed, to it's natural habitat. Restoring most of the damage caused by its rampage, and finding time to write personal notes to my sister, who is doing quite well lately. I simply don't know what to say, other than 'Good job' which I rather think you might be insulted by, so forget I mentioned it - but do pass along my congratulations to your friends. I must say I'm surprised you were unable to apprehend any of the parties responsible, but between justice and mercy I suspect we lean in the same direction.

Concerning said Individuals, should you or the other Elements ever happen to run into one, the following decrees have been made:

Mr. Iron Will has been forgiven his debts from gambling, the establishments he partook in have come under investigation for fraudulent practices.

Gilda Rarsquawk is still wanted for questioning, although no longer as prime suspect, in a case of agravated assault. It appears the previous investigator may or may not have had certain... prejudices. It is interesting for me to note that a gryphon was recently hired by Ponyville's weather team, and though I'm certain there is no relation, I wish Miss 'Newleaf' all the best of luck adjusting to life in Equestria.

Trixie Glamor was only wanted on several minor cases of fraud that have reached their statute of limitations. I have not received any official reports on damages from Ponyville and therefore cannot issue a warrant.
You may also be pleased to hear that your former teacher, Subtle Glamor, is making moderate but promising recovery in her latest round of medical healing spells.

Flimmond and Flambert Barbershop are both wanted for multiple counts of fraud, flagrant ignorance of safe food handling practices, and repeated counts of Public Performance without a license. Also, their sisters wish to be assured of their continued wellbeing... there simply is no accounting for family, is there?

We have no active reports of a Changeling colony anywhere within the territory of Equestria but take such things very seriously. Further investigation is warranted and will be carried out as soon as we can discover where to begin a comprehensive search. Please, if you have ANY further information send it. ANYTHING.

I must commend you and your friends on your continuous attention to my sister's recovery. Sadly, as of now it would be politically impossible for her to visit you, and unfeasible for me to arrange official visits for your friends to see her. However, there is a unicorn ward of the crown who could use periodic mentorship if your friends can find more room in their hearts. I'm sure that Midnite Newmoon would be just like an old friend in no time.

Sincerely,
Princess Celestia


"So you see, it's not that you took my material that I'm upset about. It's that you didn't ask, the price isn't even an issue.' Rainbow sighed,"Look, if I thought it'd make you happy, I could probably get you anything you wanted. The thing is, stuff isn't what makes us happy." 'When the hay did I get so sappy?'

Rainbow looked down at the orange filly. 'Why's she still so afraid? I said the material wasn't important, it's not like I'm going to kick her... oh crud.' She dived before the filly even realised Dash had moved, wrapping her forelegs and wings around the child. "Hey, hey listen to me. I'm not going to send you away. If you have to, go ahead and keep testing the boundaries, heh, in design we called that 'testing to failure' but you know what? I will NEVER fail you. You can't make me hate you, so just stop worrying about it... when you can."

Scootaloo shifted uncomfortably but made no real effort to escape. "Testing to failure? Jeez, you sound like an egghead."

"Pays the bills, my little Chickadee."
"Augh, how do you manage to be so uncool? You should be, like, a natural–but every time you open your mouth you ruin it." The words were complaints, but the tone was relief.

"Ok, so your punishment is... show me what you made."
"What!? Th-that's not a punishment."
"My shop, my rules. Or, do I have to show you who's boss again?" Rainbow tickled the filly.
"Ok, ok... ugh. mumble grumble mushy stuff... here."

Rainbow Dash took the yellow cap, looking at it, turning it this way and that, noticing how the pink yarn on the top was just long enough to flap in the wind but too short to ever be caught in a stray branch or get in a pegasus's eyes... "Hey, kid, can I get one of these?"


"But ah don't Understand! Ya came back, you're already here. Whai do ya' gotta leave again? How old am Ah gonna be th' nex'time you decide to stop bah?" This was turning out to be much harder than Jackie had feared.

Mac had been easy. Jackie had told him, he'd said 'Eyup', grabbed her in a hug and said not to take so long coming back next time. Granny had told her she wasn't done wandering yet, with a heavy undertone of expecting Grandfoals at some point 'Nope, not awkward at all.' Applebloom ... well she was different. 'And why shouldn't she be? What have I ever done to earn her her trust? - I just can't do this, I've got to have some measure of freedom. The Acres will always be my home base, but if I can't ever leave the walls will close in on me.'

"Look, little sister, Harvest Season is over, you're going to school. Short of a random Zap Apple harvest there's hardly nothing for me to be doing around here. I'll be back soon, a month or two. I... it's just something I have to do. You are my family, I will come back to you. I will come back to You." She touched her sister's cheek gently. "I'd leave you my hat as word of bond, but you could sleep in it more easy than you could wear it. Oh, what the hay, take it anyhow."

Applebloom knocked the hat away. "Ah don't WANT your stupid hat! Alright, you want ta know why I don't want you to go, ASIDE from that ah'll be missin' you even more now that I actually got ta' meetcha? It's that darn Diamond Tiara! Filthy's kid, she's the meanest, cruellest, ornriest filly this side of th' Everfree-an' Ah reserve judgement on th' other side!"

"And just what does this little filly do that is so horribly, unspeakably, downright nastily terrible?"
"She makes fun of me! Makes fun of th' way we talk, makes fun of me not havin' a rich Pa like she does..."
"Does... does she tease you about our parents?" Jackie's voice had gone deadly quiet.

"Well, no, she's never said that. But... but she implies stuff. All the durn tahm, she's implyin' this or that."

"Look, sometimes it's best to assume a pony is just stupid before assuming they're being mean. Listen to Granny if'n you won't listen to me: 'Always assume stupidity over malice'."

"Oh she ain't dumb, she gets good grades on almost everythin'. Lords that over me too."
"Well, why do you spend so much time around her if she's so intolerable?"
"Ah don't! But whenever I'm alone, she comes by with her sidekick, Silver Spoon. What?"

'Don't laugh...' "I shouldn't say, but I would be a little nicer to Miss Spoon, somepony needs to." 'Sure won't be parents who'd name her THAT.'

Jackie tried another angle. "What about your friends?" Apple Bloom avoided eye contact and mumbled at the floor. "Bloom, you look at me. Don't you have any friends? What about the candy maker's daughter, Twist?"

Applebloom began crying softly. "Ah, ah told her we couldn't be friends anymore... not until I got mah Cutie Mark."
"You did what? Root and branch, girl, you march over to her house right now and you apologize to her."
"Wha-but it's not mah fault she went and got her Cutie Ma-"

"It ain't her fault neither. Here she's just had a happy moment in her life, and you're so jealous you go and try to ruin it! That is not the Apple way. Now you respect your older sister-"

"Why, have y'seen her? She disappears whenever Ah'm not looking!" Anger was easier than guilt.
"My failings are not an excuse for you to make bigger ones. You don't treat friends like that!"

"Why not, you do!" 'Just a little too close to home there. Can't let her keep shifting blame though.'
"I do not want to spank you, but if nopony else will do the job..." 'Nonono! Why,why,why can't I keep my fool mouth shut!?'

"Don't you come near me! Nopony gets that job, 'cause Mama's dead, and you weren't even here to try out for it!" Applebloom fled the house, fleeing her own words, fleeing the look of hurt and horror on her sister's face, trying to flee the sinking suspicion that she was in the wrong.

Jackie watched her run, 'what right do I have to stop her? What right did I have to come back here in the first place? I knew I wouldn't just suddenly become the farm pony I hadn't been before. Now I'm just destroying whatever fragile arrangement they had before. I should go now.' And she almost did. 'Oh don't you dare. Nopony runs out on my family twice, not even me. I can't even think about leaving until I settle this.'


Dear 'Jackie',

I know my letter will reach you after my darling Clementine's does. That is because it took me longer to write mine, and I suppose because I was still upset when she had already forgiven you. Oh don't get worked up, I have forgiven you too. I know we aren't related by blood, but I still feel a fondness for you. Never forget that betrayal requires a sense of trust in the first place.

A more pleasant subject I have to discuss with you is the Musical Band your two friends formed all those years ago. I suppose nopony ever told you that after the concert tour I helped them establish a Business to manage the rights to their songs? Orange Music, which has turned out to be one of the best investments I ever made. Miss Scratch sold her shares some four years ago, I forget what she needed that much money all at once for, but Miss Strings is still one of our founding members.

If you ever see Miss Scratch again, please let her know I'd be interested in setting up an annuity for her based on her songs. Call me old fashioned but I believe one should never forget the ponies who help you on your way up, they're the same ones you will see on your way back down.

I'm curious if you have kept up on your mathematics studies, you certainly picked up accountancy quite quickly. Please do come and see us, we miss you, and it would mean so much for you to meet Valencia. I imagine you've become quite the role model with your many experiences.

your Uncle,
Orange Grove


"But Why can't I go with you? Professors teach, and you work in a college, so kindergarten should be a snap for you."

"Sweetie Bell, we have been over this. First addressing the last, the different stages of school are not equivalent, nor are they some sliding scale. I have know Miss Cherilee since grade school, she is a dedicated and excellent teacher of foals, you would be hard pressed to find a better teacher. What you are learning isn't simply knowledge, you must learn to get along with other ponies. Thirdly, I'm not going anywhere, I will be based right here in Ponyville, never gone for longer than three days at a time. You cannot get rid of me that easily."

"What if I don't like the other ponies?"
"You especially need to learn to get along with those ones."
"Well, can you at least teach me how to take them apart with words like you do?"

"Sweetie! I... I don't do that anymore. It was a mean mean thing to do, I don't want to hear another word from you about continuing the tradition. Imagine if Father had continued picking fights... You and I wouldn't even be here; can you imagine Mother falling in love with a brute?" 'It's almost harder than imagining her cooking something edible - Stop that, you just told her you wouldn't do that anymore.'

Her sister did not appear swayed. Rarity sighed, "If you want to defeat some other pony, try love and tolerance... isn't that what you'd expect 'Hurricane Fluttershy' to try first?" 'Forgive me Fluttershy, they truly do look up to you. A little hero worship never hurt anypony... too much.'

Rarity felt bad for it, but her first feeling when Sweetie's eyes lit up was suspicion. "Of course! Thanks, sis, you're right!" A quick hug and she was out of the library before Rarity could stop her.


The Mayor let out a heavy sigh, "Look, Miss Diane, I simply don't know what to tell you. If this 'Zecora' character wishes to be recognized by Ponyville, she will have to come in and register just like anypony else."

"She is not a pony, she is a Zebra. Your mistake is understandable, and even slightly egalitarian."

"Young lady, don't try to impress me with five bit words! I would expect the same from a gryphon or a donkey, even a pony from Phillydelphia who wanted to become a citizen would have to apply in pon-in person!"

"What about a dragon?" 'I do not seek to cause you trouble Spike, but I must use every tool available to me.'
"I'm sorry? What about a dragon?"
"Heathspike Bell, registered son of Rarity Bell. Is. A. Dragon. Really, if you see him it's hard to miss."

"Wh-his registration came from Canterlot, and his legal guardian registered in person. We can't always go bending the rules just because we find them inconvenient."

"Then why is the registration office always closed on the Days Ms. Zecora comes to town, along with all the shops in town. She hardly even bothers anymore because it's so consistent."

"Well I hardly see how it is the fault of local government if your Zebra friend has a bad sense of timing."

"Madame Mayor, I am the embodiment of the Element of Kindness, please refrain from making me regret my position. If you will not see reason, I shall begin a campaign of love and tolerance you shall not soon forget."

"That doesn't even make any sense."
"I wish you a nice day and further enlightenment."


'Ok, what's the plan? Dye half the Townsfolk with white stripes so everypony sees that a pattern isn't anything to make you less a pony?'
"That is a ridiculous plan that would not even work."
'You should just nail shut the door of every shopkeep who closes on her. Let them see what it's like not to have a choice if their doors open.'
"Counterproductive, disturbing, and I never want you to speak again - the inside of my head feels unclean now."
'Well I think-' a chorus of tiny voices groaned.
"You will let him speak."
"Wow, thanks Di, nopony ever-"
"I Believe I said 'speak', not dither."
'Of, of course. You should throw a big party and once all the ponies show up, just have her show up.' A grumbling consensus agreed that was, in fact, the obvious solution.

"Intriguing, but not my way of doing things. If it will stop you from coming up with more 'helpful suggestions' I will tell you what I plan: Nothing."
'Mmm, not bad. Not very entertaining, but yeah, that could work.'
"...perhaps I will reserve a hollow cake as a backup."
'See? There's hope for you yet.'
"Now all of you be quiet."


To Her Royal Majesty, Princess Celestia,

Thank you ever so much for sending a note of thanks to your humble servants. We of course will continue to serve the best interests of Ponyville and the Nation as a whole. I am afraid that I have not in fact had the privilege of writing a personal note to Princess Luna, although I plan to in the next few days, but when Rainbow Dash and Twilight sent their letters I asked to be remembered to her along with everypony else.

As for the unfortunate individuals involved in that frightful incident recently, we haven't seen a single one since the 'dust settled' as it were. I am assured by Miss Newleaf that 'Gilda' is a very common name among her people, much like Hoof or Hooves is for us. I am quite aware of all the AVAILABLE information about changelings due to my... previous study, but if anything else does come to light I assure you I will share ALL information I acquire. Free and open communication is so very important, don't you think?

I was not aware Wards of the Crown kept their family names, and in this case I would suggest dropping it - she sounds like a bad joke about my friend Twilight. However, I can always use another friend, especially one who is exactly like an old friend, and would love to meet Miss 'Midnite'.

Your humble and studious servant,
Assistant Professor Rarity Bell.


Twilight's face couldn't seem to contain a single emotion for any length of time. "You, but I... she'd been making so much progress before... no, it isn't all your fault. Argh!" The worst part was she was secretly pleased to be dragged into the mess, no matter how ashamed that satisfaction made her.

"It ain't fer me. You have to realize how much it hurts me to come to you... wait, no, it hurts my Pride to come to you. But it's not about me, or not only me. 'Bloom... she's the little sister I never had - but Do have."

"I... recognize the feeling." she waited for another grimace from the orange pony, and was pleasantly disappointed.
"That's about right, isn't it? We neither of us deserve what we have, but have got to earn it, for her sake."
"I don't see why I don't... ok, ok. Of course I'll help, but I don't see what I can do."

"Well, at the moment, you can talk to her. We... both said things better left unsaid. I'm old enough to let go, but she'll still see what she said if she talks to me, and that's worse than if I'd been the only one saying hurtful things."

'I know a bit about family guilt trips.' Twilight's ears went back further, but she didn't add anything. 'Keep going.'

"See, I was trying to tell her about me needing to leave the farm for a-"
"You're what!?"
"Not now, obviously!"

"But why would you tell her that?"
"You are not seriously suggesting that I should have crept out the back door without a 'by your leave' are ya?"
"Of course not! But why do you have to leave in any case?"

"I'm... more of a tumble-weed than an Apple at this point. I will come back here, help the harvests and celebrate the holidays, but ... it's like, if I can leave it's easier for me to stay, but if I feel caged I want to break free."

"Jackie, I had no idea... wait... ok, we need to settle this between you and Applebloom, but I may have a solution to your other problem - at least a way to make things easier on everypony." 'If it works with a letter, why not a pony? Magic doesn't care about a difference...'


She finished pulling the last loose board from the north side. 'Kay, the underlyin' structure's right enough, it's the cladding that was bad. Could probably use some better support though.' She flinched when she recognized the sound of hoofbeats, relaxing when she recognized the cadence as the familiar beat of a purple pony, not a hint of orange.

"I know you're up there, I can hear you breathing." '...not to mention the pile of rotten timber below, I'll have to ask Dash what kind of siding will last better. Heh, I bet she'll come up with some crazy concoction of her own... but I'd better let Apple Bloom do the installation, some part of this has got to make her realize-' Oh, that was a hug she was feeling.

"Please don't you be angry with me too. O-or disappointed, ah hate th' disappointment."
"I'm not upset with you Applebloom, nor is anypony else. Want to talk?"
"No, but yer gonna' insist, so ah'll just start anyhow. But, can we wait a minute?"

"Take your time, nopony is going anywhere..." 'Oh great, genius, find the one thing that's going to make her cry' '...This is neither the place or time for recrimination.'

"Things are just starting to be ok an' now she wants ta' leave? Am ah only worth seeing when ah'm a wreck?"

"Shh... she wasn't thinking about you. Hey, I'll tell you a secret: Big Ponies aren't any better at being happy, we just get better at concealing when we're upset."

The filly looked at her from lowered brows, "Yer... not real experienced at th'whole 'make a pony feel better' thing, are ya'? How'm ah supposed to look forward t'growin' up if things never get any better?"

"I never said they don't get better. For one thing, when you're old enough, you get to decide your own sleep schedule. What doesn't change is life and how you deal with it. You just have more experiences to call on, meet more ponies to help you, and discover how strong you really are. There are all kinds of things for you to look forward to... I, err, just don't want to spoil them." '...Liar' 'Shut up.' She smiled.

"Whell, there's one more obsta-problem before Ah kin think about gettin' any older."
"What...who would that be?" Twilight asked, knowing the answer but knowing even more that the filly had to speak it.
"...Diamond Tiara." 'Bingo.' ...YOLO 'ShutUP!' "and mah Cutie Mark, or lack therof y'could say."

"I think it's time I introduced you to a dear friend of mine by the name of Sun Hoof."
"...this's gonna involve more reading, isn't it?" Twilight just smiled and pulled out her well worn copy of The art of Pony War


To Instructor Cherilee Fields,

I am writing to you as a formality before I register my complaint with the school boards. If you are unable to control your students to a more satisfactory degree you will be held responsible for their actions. I will have you know that I am not, in fact, accustomed to having my concerns disregarded to such a degree.

There was a blatant assault upon my daughter's person and sense of wellbeing. At, of all places, her Cuteciñera. While that initial attack was off school grounds, the three ringleaders who I understand are now going by the bizarre gang name of "Cutie Mark Crusaders" continue to assault her on a daily basis at school, inducing their fellow classmates to follow suit.

For her part, my daughter - while putting on a brave front - has been in declining spirits. Yesterday she was afraid to ask the maid to clean after her. I will not stand for these underhoofed tactics of intimidation, I will have satisfaction!

I do not think that hiding behind our local heroes excuses such actions, and will explain such to them. I am not afraid to stand up for my beliefs, and woe betide anypony who threatens my family or good name.

With all possible sincerity,
Richard Firth


She was willing to let the Stallion stand there and stew for all eternity, but the others would be over soon and she was not about to let a boor ruin her plans. "Mr. Rich, I am of course deeply sorry that you are so upset. However, I must ask you: what exactly do you wish for me to do? Sweetie Bell will of course listen to any reasonable request I make of her, but what to ask?"

"You can tell the little... you can tell her to simply leave Diamond Tiara alone."

"Much as she 'left alone' my sister and her friends? Very well, for the sake of argument, let us suppose that I asked Sweetie to stop interacting with Diamond. Stop greeting her with a smile, stop laughing at every joke or sarcastic thing Diamond says. Stop convincing the other foals to come and play with Diamond during recess, and stop responding to her every act of malice and anger with tolerance and group hugs. Is that about what you are asking me, Mr. Rich?"

"Do you know, in the first of these... assaults, at a party being held for my daughter I might add, your sister's friend encouraged all the other fillies and colts to participate in their teasing by shouting 'we have to hug the evil out of her'!?"

"If there is anything I regret about the entire affair, it is that particular wording Applebloom used, Mr. Rich. We have of course explained what was wrong with saying that out loud, and I'll have you know that Apple Bloom, Sweetie Bell, and Scootaloo all apologized to Diamond and assured her that they do not think she is inherently unkind, Mr. Rich."

"St-stop calling me that!"

"I thought you didn't appreciate being called by your first name? I was only trying to offer you at least as much respect as you deserve, Mr. ... err, what shall I call you?"

"You may call me a cart because I think we are done here!" 'Oh, no I don't think I shall. This is so much more rewarding with you unable to find anything to be righteous about. Now just don't smile, Rarity.'

Filthy Rich stormed off with all the dignity he could muster, not even noticing the Orange and Purple Ponies he passed in his haste to leave the library. The rainstorm started about the time he reached the curb.

"Oh, Hello girls, you have no idea how happy I am to see you." They both looked back at the walk and back at Rarity, "well, maybe you do. Now, what is this interesting project you have been discussing?"


"I really must insist that you not come by every half hour and ask how I am doing. It is well meant but counterproductive."

"Well, I just really want you to know we're all behind you on this. Hay, I haven't even met her but I think she sounds pretty cool, and if she taught you even a fraction of that freaky alchemy you do she's already done Ponyville a good turn."

"To answer your question I am comfortable enough, the water was appreciated, and I have no need for sustenance as some pegasus keeps 'accidentally' dropping muffins near me." Diane turned to look at Rainbow Dash. "Also, you could inform our friend Fluttershy that it is entirely unnecessary that she instruct her work crews to avoid raining upon me, it is an entirely natural phenomena and not one that causes me hardship."

"Heh, she's tried asking them to stop, believe me. But between you being her friend, an Element of Harmony, and nursing one of Cloudsdale's best flight instructors back to health when you were just a filly, they... seem to keep forgetting."

"I, I would of course not expect them to repay a debt they felt - however imaginary it might be. I would have done the same for any living creature."

"Uh, duh. That's why."
"I... withdraw any complaint." 'aww.' 'be silent.' Diane continued to sit patiently outside the door to City Hall, considerately out of anypony's way. When a pony made eye contact she nodded and occasionally wished them a nice day. When asked what she was doing, she explained. Reactions were mixed: some smiled awkwardly and hurried away, some looked on in confusion or shrugged, and increasingly they nodded and encouraged her. What had surprised her were the number of ponies who offered to sit with her. She had politely declined, but the unfamiliar feeling of warmth acquiring her friends had started was continuing to grow.

On the third day, just after noon and a half hour before the staff would come back from their lunch break, Diane closed her eyes. At first ponies passing by assumed she had gone to sleep. It was Carrot Top who pointed out how rigidly she was sitting, after which a small crowd gathered, nopony knowing exactly what to do. Diane had always been... unconventional, but this was disturbing. She was, in fact, still breathing - which was why nopony had called the hospital yet, but they were discussing what criteria to use when the Mayor and the City hall staff began returning from their lunch break.

Diane opened her eyes just before the city ponies reached the corner. The Mayor came up to her, upset and tired of what she felt was emotional blackmail. "Pinkamina Diane Pie! I have had just about enough of your silly protest! I demand that you stop sitting there." The pink pony nodded, and stood, smiling ever so slightly.

"Of course, Mayor. I need to renew a few prescriptions for my outlying patients, will the office be open for its regular
hours?"

The Mayor sensed the trap, but couldn't see how it was triggered. "Of, of course. We might need to close a half hour early, but certainly we will be open for the next hour."

"Why, that is perfect. I will only need about fifteen minutes of your time. Oh, please step back, I believe Captain Fluttershy needs to land."

Fluttershy did not, in fact land, what she did was fly in and deposit a Black and White equine. That task accomplished she saluted the crowd and departed.

"I may have neglected to mention that I will also be turning in paperwork requesting citizenship for my Mentor, Miss Zecora Kei-Monoh."

"R-right this way, Madame Zecora."
"From first greetings this much is true: your courtesy is nice of you."

The crowd seemed magnetically compelled to follow, everypony wanting a chance to say hello to their first Zebra, and hear her fascinating-if confusing-way of talking. Why, there was nothing at all to fear from her.


'Ok kid, ya done good. I like you. You're still on probationary status, but you've proved you can think pink. You do one more thing for me and you're a made Mare.'
"Y-you can't possibly expect me to perform some act of foolery."
'Neigh my little stool pigeon, you're gonna sing.'
"This is ridiculous..."
'See, I knew you were getting it. How'd you like my Marelon Brando impression?'
"Perhaps I should simply try the singing."


"Ugh, did anypony get any sleep last night? I know for a fact that I didn't sleep a wink." Rarity grumbled.
"Who needs sleep when ya' got somthing like this to show for it!" Jackie crowed, pulling over a sack of apples. She placed her hoof against the living wall of the library for a moment, then pulled out one of the apples and took a huge bite out of it. A sudden popping noise was all that was left of her after the initial blue-green flash. Moments later a globe of light bloomed in the middle of the room, revealing Jackie carrying the Apples' farm dog on her back. The dog barked excitedly and began sniffing everything in sight.

"Well, you certainly have outdone yourself Twilight. I cannot even begin to imagine how much energy went into this enchantment. I dare to say that if you weren't expending half your magic talking to plants every moment you would be the most powerful unicorn alive, and at half you are still among the best." Rarity beamed in pride for her talented friend.

"Oh stop, without help from both of you we still wouldn't have figured out how to do it." Twilight blushed at the praise.

"All I did was be a guinea-pig for you two, but this... Twi, this is truly amazing. 'Long as I keep a small stash of these enchanted apples I can have my home and roam at the same time."

"You contributed more than you think, Jackie."
"Then you should use the name I came up with: Apple-portation."
Both unicorns groaned, "only until something halfway decent occurs to me, darling."

"Well, so much for the easy part. Now I've got to have a certain conversation... I think I'll just walk though." Jackie set out for the farm by more conventional means. There was a conversation that took place, there may have been laughter and tears in equal measure - what there was was privacy.


It was nearly ten in the evening when the unicorn arrived. She was flanked by neither royal guard nor functionaries, carried neither jewelery nor armor, clad only in the fur and hair nature had granted her. Her hide was a blue so dark it looked black, in contrast with her pale blue mane. Her eyes were a shade bluer than jade, and her Cutie Mark appeared to be a white crescent moon. She was aged somewhere between filly and mare in the awkward time known as adolescence. She looked hopeful and agitated in equal measure as she approached the door of the Ponyville Library, long after normal public hours were over.

Before she could finish knocking the door flew open and she was all but pulled inside by a mass of hooves in myriad shades of color. Everypony was talking all at once - laughing, asking questions, and carrying on. The unicorn chose to smile weakly because freezing in panic would have been rude. Eventually the pink one herded the rest away so the blue unicorn could breathe and stand on her own.

"So, heh, 'Midnite' huh? That's... creative" Rainbow Dash said, doing her best to act casual.
"It was suggested as an appropriate enough term that we - I should have little difficulty responding to it."

"We are all well pleased to see you, but addressing your... speech problem, the Fillies and I have come up with a possible aid to your rapid adoption of more... modern speech."

"She's not really going through with it, is she?" Jackie asked.
"Well, she says it will help both of them..." Twilight said in reply, trying not to giggle at the absurdity.
"I think it's sweet." Fluttershy said, and that was that.

Diane picked up the microphone that had been lying innocuously on a table, pulled in a deep breath. 'There is no possible way I can follow through on this...' 'Do it, do it.' Three fillies eagerly lined up behind her, stretching and bending to be ready...


[All possible apologies and much love to the late great James Brown, hardest working man in show-business]


When one has been indoctrinated in the Royal Canterlot Voice,
High volume becomes habit, inside tones hardly a choice,
But along with seeming shouting, comes a problem with one's diction,
We humbly say in our response, a suggetion for your affliction...

We-eee-eeel....
Sing it with me now...

You know you make me wanna (Shout!)
Kick my hooves up and (Shout!)
Throw my hooves up and (Shout!)
Rear my head back and (Shout!)
Come on now (Shout!)
Don't forget to say you're 'I'
Don't forget to say, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(Say you I)
Say it right now Pony
(Say you we)
Come on, come on
(Say you I)
Say it, will-a you-ooooo!
(Say you we)
You got it, now!
(Say) say that you love ponies
(Say) say that you need ponies
(Say) say that you want ponies
(Say) you wanna please ponies
(Say) come on now
(Say) come on now
(Say) come on now
(Say) come on now
(Say) The sea still remembers
(Shooby-doo-wop-do-wop-wop-wop-wop)
When you used to be nine years old
(Shooby-doo-wop-do-wop-wop-wop-wop)
Yeah-yeah!
I was a foal to you, from the bottom of my soul, yeah!
(Shooby-doo-wop-do-wop-wop-wop-wop)
Now that you've shown, up
(Shooby-doo-wop-do-wop-wop-wop-wop)
It's enough to know, yeah yeah
(Shooby-doo-wop-do-wop-wop-wop-wop)
You wanna speak to me, you wanna, let me know
(Shooby-doo-wop-do-wop)

And I want you to know
I said I want you to know right now, yeah!
You can say I instead of we, pony
And better call another 'you', not 'thyself', Hey!
If you ever need 'We'
Be talking about you and somepony else, hey! Hey!
Practice your vowels so that you know,
A, E, I, O, U and sometimes 'Y' now, hey! hey!

Know for yourself when you wanna
(Shout-wooo) hey-yeah
(Shout-wooo) yeah-yeah-yeah
(Shout-wooo) aaaalll-right
(Shout-wooo) aaaalll-right
(Shout-wooo) come on now!
(Shout) come on now!
(Shout) yeah, yeah, yeah
(Shout) yeah, yeah, yeah (good sound)
(Shout) yeah, yeah, yeah (good sound)
(Shout) yeah, yeah, yeah (good sound)
(Shout) all-alright (good sound)
(Shout) it's all-alright (good sound)
(Shout) all-alright (good sound)
(Shout) all-alright (aah)

Now wai-a-ait a minute!
I feel aaaaaaallllllright!
(Yeah-Yeah, Yeah-Yeah!)
(OOOOOOOOW)
Now that you got your ponies
I hope you feel aaaalllright!
(Yeah-Yeah, Yeah-Yeah, Yeah-Yeah)
Every time we think about you
You seem so good to us
You know you makes us wanna
(Shout-wooo) lift our hooves up and
(Shout-wooo) throw our heads back and
(Shout-wooo) kick our hooves up and
(Shout-wooo) come on now
(Shout-wooo) take it easy
(Shout-wooo) take it easy
(Shout-wooo) take it easy (higher)
(Shout) a little bit softer now (wooo)
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now
(Shout) a little bit softer now

(Shout) a little bit louder now
(Shout) a little bit louder now
(Shout) a little bit louder now (ooo)
(Shout) a little bit louder now
(Shout) a little bit louder now
(Shout) a little bit louder now

(Shout) a little bit louder now (wooo)
(Shout) a little bit louder now (wooo)
(Shout) a little bit louder now (wooo)
(Shout) a little bit louder now (wooo)
(Shout) a little bit louder now (wooo)
(Shout) a little bit louder now
(Shout)
A 'a' A 'a'
('E' e 'E' e)
A 'a' A 'a'
(Ooh 'ooh' Ooh 'ooh')
Eye, yai, Eye yai
(Yoo 'ooh' Ooh 'youu')
Whai 'yai' eye 'ya-hai'
(some-times a-Hey)

Jump Now!
Jump up and shout now (wooo)
Jump up and shout now (wooo)
Jump up and shout now (wooo)
Jump up and shout now (wooo)
Jump up and shout now (wooo)
Everybody shout now
Everybody shout now
Everybody, shout, shout
Shout, shout, shout
Shout, shout, shou-out
Shout, shout, shou-out
Shout, shout, shout, shout (oh-whoa-yeah)
Shout, shout, shout, shout (oh yeah)
Shout, shout, shout, shout
Everybody shout now (ooo)

Goodnight everypony, Celestia loves you.

Now go get some darn sleep.

Author's Note:

Next episode: A Variant Season, Bleak Season

Originally published Sept 12, 2012