• Member Since 11th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen 30 minutes ago

themoontonite


If this is what it means to be a fool, I don't wish to be anything else.

E
Source

The stars have been Celestia's tireless companions since the heat of the sun first scorched her soul clean. For a thousand long, lonely years they have been the only constant in her life. Their soft voices just barely cresting the horizon as she pulls the sun into place before they go silent for another day.

Some days she wishes she couldn't.


Written in an hour for a speedwrite at Quills and Sofas and presented here with some editing. Thanks to the everyone in that server, really. I wouldn't be the writer I am nor the writer I'm going to be were it not for y'alls presence in my life. Special thanks to the lovely, talented, and heart-wrenchingly kind Seer for editing assistance.

Credit to Leafywind for the cover art. You can read a review of the contest version of this story here. A reading by StraightToThePointStudio can be found here.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 22 )

Meant everything I said in that review, Dawn: this story, front to back, was amazing and blew everything else right out of the water. I'm going to carry this one in my heart for a long time to come. Absolutely stunning work!

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Co-signed, mate - you might have won FIMFIc for the rest of the year. Take a bow, Moony.

What do I even have to say here? Your prose is incredible, and it's crazy to think that you're still improving. The imagery and metaphors here are so incredible and vivid. I love your characterization of Celestia as usual, and these vignettes all carry such weight to them. Insanely impressive stuff.

This story is legitimately one of the best things I have ever read, and the fact that the original version of this was written in an hour (and there haven't been that many changes or additions to this version!) is mind boggling.

I love this story so much. Thank you for posting it.

The emotions feel so spot on, it felt like you were reading my mind.

This is incredibly beautiful and I'd kill a man to be able to write prose half as good as you. You're amazing, this is amazing, I'm tearing up ♡

This story has some fantastic imagery, with the part about the meteor showers sticking out. Good job!

This was beautiful!

I would love to read a sequel where Twilight begins To feel the burning and hear the singing.

This was yet another poetic story, Dawn. You accomplish a lot with no dialogue and just imagery. I look forward to doing a reading on this. Nice job.

Seer #10 · 1 week ago · · ·

Absolutely incredible work Dawn
Your prose remains superlative, and this is one of the best written things you've ever done which is saying quite a great deal.
There are passages in this which have my jaw dropping, the sheer poetic and musical quality of your writing can be overwhelming in the best way
You should be sincerely very proud of this one

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A nice rhyme.

And it would be neat to see my favorite Twilight as well.

They say that a picture's worth a thousand words. That in an image you can conjure up emotions and thoughts equalling that of a thousand things said. But in your thousand words, you've succeeded effortlessly in making a majestic picture. Your writing, as Seer has said before, is very much dreamlike in quality, and it's only getting more beautiful. Truly, I mean it when I saw your writing is like staring into a painting, and with this piece, it not only provides the image but the song to accompany.
Atlas Song, meaning the world's song, is the one that Celestia hears. When she first hears the world, it's overwhelming and near-lethal. As I'd imagine anyone that had to hear all of the world, and indeed the starts beyond at every world, would be so overexerted even trying to comprehend the music, let alone understand it or interpret it beyond that. Celestia's mother, and her sister, had aided her in understanding it and did so after centuries of her tuning the Atlas Song out or it keeping its distance.

What the song is I'm not 100% on, but I think that's the point. It's everything in Celestia's world, but in every world and somehow still beyond these. It's everything I can be capable of knowing, and more because what they know is exceeding my mind's capabilities. But Celestia is not like you or I. Nor was her mother, her sister, or the one coming after all of them. They can understand it the way only a god could. Hear what only a god can. Then this makes me think that Luna and Celestia weren't born into being Alicorns, so them being able to hear the song initially would be incomprehensible, and would take centuries to know, as it had. But the one coming unto the world would be godly from the start. It feels more, from what I gather, that Celestia is going to pass down the sun, and the song by extension, to the one unborn.

I know personally that you and I are both avid fans of Bloodborne, and I may be wrong, but I sense its influence here. And I want you to know, if this was intended or not, was masterful. If this is where you're currently at, then the heights you'll reach will not be a painting with its accompanying track. It will be a dream put to paper, in all its fantastical qualities and fluid imagination. This was beyond excellent, and I will not be shocked if it finds the limit of its success in the very stars described in the piece.

My god, to say this was deep and compelling is an understatement! This really does grab attention exceptionally well, and the emotions being felt can really tug well! Dang, this is amazing stuff! Hope ya didn't mind, but I made a lil' reading on this scrumptious fic!

Audio Linky!: https://youtu.be/UQfbjrfE_DA

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)

Aight, this definitely reminded me of something different than what others have said. I don't know if you're familiar with Your Lie In April where the musician asks if 'it will reach her' or whoever their intended audience is, but this had those vibes. Granted, this wasn't as sad as Your Lie In April imo, but this still has a sad undertone beneath each line.

With that out of the way, I just wanted to leave a comment saying this was a very strong piece and I enjoyed it. You had a few minor word choice errors that made me raise a brow (starstuff instead of stardust [or even just saying 'dust' would've worked too]) along with some jagged sentences, but overall they didn't impact the story as much as the one thing that stood out to me in this entire story:

"Who is Celestia here?"

This might sound like the dumbest question on the planet, but to be honest, I still felt like I didn't understand your Celestia here. I got a great visual representation on how she feels about everything, but not enough to really get to know her. This was like several glimpses put together to make a whole, when we're missing a lot more umph here. Not to mention that at one point Celestia nearly sounded like Rarity. My darling moon? Is this actually Celestia here or am I reading this wrong? These points of vagueness that are overlooked kinda make it hard to really understand this version of Celestia. Trust me, I'd like to get to know this Celestia.

Despite my issues with this, your stylistic is very eloquent. It's very flow-y and free-form. Hell, if you took this and made it an original piece with different characters and a tad bit more detail to build a separate universe for this to take place in, I could see this being in a literary magazine. And that's not even a joke. I'd urge you to do so if you're on the fence about it. Nicely done. :)

Did more in 1,000 words then many could hope to do in a 100,000. Absolutely stunning work.

Our voices fell into place and we harmonized, and I think maybe she understood me, understood what had happened between now and then. I heard her apologize and I forgave her as I did a thousand times in my dreams. I told her it wasn’t her fault, that there was no way either of us could’ve escaped this. I apologized and she forgave me, and I felt her touch me for just a moment, a brief connection for two souls trapped in between one place and the next.

This is the good shit right there.

this is really good. Subtly horrifying, very sad, beautiful

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AAAAAAAAA thank you so much!! i just got done with the reading and its so good T.T im rlly glad you liked it enough to do one

Posh #19 · 1 week ago · · ·

[Reviewing]

What a fantastically moving and evocative little piece of Cellyfiction you’ve delivered unto us. Thank you.

This was phenomenal. I love stories that have an almost ethereal way with words, and this is one of the benchmarks. Well done!

Posh #22 · 1 week ago · · ·

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[Replying]

You’re welcome

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