• Member Since 18th May, 2012
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We all know that happy, somewhat silly mare, Derpy. We always see her when she's smiling and in a good mood, but what if that was just a mask to cover up her true feelings? What if the ponies turn against her due to her clumsiness and cross-eyedness? Will they push her to the brink of suicide or will her loyal friends help her with her life? What kind of impact will this have on her children: Dinky and Sparkler? This is story about Derpy's depression.

It's not that sad, but it does have a kind of depressing feeling.

Image: Derpy Hooves by HereticOfDune

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 70 )

The idea is interesting and the execution is alright. However, i want to suggest you a few things, like don't place links or images in your fiction, even if they have inspired you and you wish to share that with people. You can add them in the end, during the fiction you can let people feel your mood without external assets. And ponifie them, a human name right inside a fim fic is in most cases an atmosphere killer.

Also i personally had the feeling that derpy was not ver much 'derpy' maybe a oc had fittet better into it. But that's personal taste. Also, to be honest, i don't get the real point behind it. I feeled like it says "Don't bully people or they kill themselves and you're sorry then!" which is maybe a true but very flat proposition. Also the story was very straight forward Hello! -> I got bullied -> i am sad -> i kill myself. Usually it would take a little more to lead to such a final decision. I'm sure you had years of bullieng and depressing moments in your imagination but i think you should at last hint them.

Anyway, it is one of the better fics :eeyup:

Dude, that made me legit shed man tears. It got me right in the feels. Dammit, Cloudchaser, you bitch. :raritydespair:

I am watching this I hope it does not end bad.:pinkiegasp:

Wow I actually cried for once.

oh no, don't die, Derpy! you're best pony to me!

1165449 Thanks for your critism, I now know what I did wrong. It's still my first try writing a sad-fic and I think it's pretty much a job well done for my first time.

I gonna bet she didnt take enough pills and she's still alive coz I don't like the idea of Derpy dead :fluttercry:

I listened to the music and it made me cry :fluttercry: and that's not a usual for me

Please don't kill off Derpy! :fluttercry: Sorry but this story... I've cried before but this one really took the cake. Sigh, now if you don't mind I have two bullies to bring before Celestia and Luna then send to the dungeon. -Grabs gear and goes bully hunting.-

1170104 Let's banish them to a place and then imprison them in the place they were banished to.

Is it really that good? It's my first time that I write a sad-fic.

do not kill derpy... she is the best... i will have to hurt you if you do... i cannot stand derpy dying... it makes me cry just thinking about it :fluttercry::applecry::raritycry::raritydespair:

I am very interested to see how this ends. It is a very well-written fic.

Am I the only one who doesn't necessarily wan't Derpy to die, but feels that she should?

(I also editted)

Very good, manly tears have been shed :fluttercry:

I don't cry often, but when Derpy was saying goodbye to her foals I lost it. :fluttercry:
Very nicely done....I'm gonna go listen to 'Smile smile smile' on repeat for a while now.

Answer to my author: YOU SOULLESS-- WHY I OUGHTA

1369770
lolnop, ranga, I have none. True story.

Found one god damn error: “Hey Twilight, how’s it going?” Cheerily asked while stopping in front of Twilight.

Manly tears...who am I kidding these are real tears

1369912 Thanks for finding that.

What if her eyes were affected, and turned normal? That would actually be pretty cool. :derpyderp2:

1371101
I agree. That would be nice, also... :pinkiehappy: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! You didn't kill Derpy, thank Celestia! Still crying knowing she's in a coma but still she's alive and soon to come out of it. :twilightsmile: Also, Rainbow gains epic heroic hugs for her quick actions along with a medal. -Salutes!- Same for Twilight taking over as temp Mother to Dinky and Sparkler however no medal though, just new book. Now to find those two idiot pegasus who caused this and present them to Celestia. -Goes hunting with Royal Guards and Shining Armor.-

Twilight, then Twilight, then Twilight and then Twilight did something, but Twilight and Twilight and Twilight.
Seriously, it's starting to drag how much you place names in there. Just use one name and refer to that pony as "she" or "he" until another name comes up.

1371101>>1371567 It will be much, MUCH worse.

1371578 edited the story a bit and thanks for telling me that.

1373585
Worse? WORSE?! How in Celestia's name... -Shining puts hoof to my mouth.- Oh...vight. -Spits out hoof.- Now what about the two idiots that caused poor sweet Derpy to be in this coma? Don't tell me they get off scot-free. They caused this so they should be punished. -Turns to Shining.- Start putting up Wanted Posters. I want those idiots found and brought to Celestia and Luna's thrones on the double. -All guards Salute.- Sigh. Going to be a long night.

The plot is good and the story is rather emotional, very nicely done. I will say that sometimes the writing sounds a bit blocky or stilted...for example.

because she had heard from Twilight that Derpy had visited her to talk about her depression. Rainbow Dash knew that Derpy wasn’t faring so well, but she didn’t know that Derpy had depression.
When she heard that Derpy had depression

'Depression' is dropped three times in quick succession. It just sounds a little...awkward. Just read that bit aloud and you'll see what I mean.
I do enjoy the story and any issues like that didn't take too much away from my enjoyment of it.

1375571 That's something that has to do with my language. You see, I'm not English or American, I'm Belgian so my first language is Dutch. It's sometimes hard for me to search for synonyms, but thanks that you said that I'll try to watch out for that. Maybe I need to use thesaurus more often.

I also noticed a mistake and thanks to you I edited it.

When she heard that Derpy had depression

When she heard that Derpy had a depression

1375592
Ah, I see then. Your English is rather good, so I wouldn't have guessed that it wasn't your first language (unless I considered your Username). Anyway, I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter.

Also, saying that 'Derpy had depression' was grammatically fine as it was.

Well fuck. I see this updated, took my eyes off of Halo 4 for five minutes, an you do this to me. This story is just... Bad, in a good way. It makes you angry at Derpy, but also happy that she's okay. So, bravo. I just want to see how Cloudchaser and Flitter react to Derpy almost committing suicide.

1573338 Whew, you shocked me there with 'bad' for a moment. Glad you enjoy it and yes, Cloudchaser and Flitter are coming.

1573389 I was actually thinking of editing my comment after reading it over again. I actually really like this story. :yay:

You also gave me the headcanon that Flitter and Cloudchaser are jerks.

1573687 Yeah, those two were laughing at Fluttershy in Hurricane Fluttershy, so I think they are the perfect bullies. It's a bit stupid to use Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon for this story.

EEEEE
SORRY
I've been busy with web design businesses and other stuff
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :fluttershbad:

1574145 Don't worry about it. If you're too busy just tell me.:pinkiesmile:

E/N: For The Plot found this chapter perfect.

Really liking this. The emotions are handled very well; you have me hooked!
Also can't wait to see what happens with Flitter and Cloudchaser.

Her mother had left her without even saying a proper goodbye, she just gave a Derpy’s goodbye.

I see what you did there

1854110 This is one of the stories I'm proud of. I put my feeling into this, like no other story. I was writing the last chapter of this story, but it will have to wait now. I need some time before I finish the stories.

Wait a minute :rainbowderp: I havnt faved it yerpt either :facehoof:Stupid Stupid STUPID!!
Oh wait I read this before I had this account sooo not so stupid :twilightsheepish:

1854160 I actually feel like Derpy now. Not accepted, always bullied and in the end quitting, she with her life and I with writing. Yes, this is my best story and I'm proud of it. Unlike the other rubbish I wrote.

Y'know I actually see the resemblance with you and Derpy just don't Attempt to commit suicide and go into a coma for 3 months :fluttercry:

1854178 I actually tried it once by jumping out of the window. I was being bullied and I collapsed, just like now. Luckily my parents helped me or otherwise I wouldn't have been here today. That's where I got the inspiration for this story.

I fell out of a window once but miraculously didn't get hurt :rainbowderp:
And I went head first
I also nearly drowned once

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