Ch. 7: Ego
Ch. 7
Ego
Three-hundred-and-forty-two books. Eight-hundred-and-thirty-four discreet spells. Thirty-three consecutive hours without sleep. An average of ten-point-three-six books per hour since last night, and an average of two-point-four new spells per book. Some were quite inane. She had graphed their usefulness and only thirteen percent of them would actually be helpful in a situation she would encounter in the near future.
None of those numbers mattered. All that mattered was results. She didn’t need a graph for those; they were right in front of her. She put down her book, and she could feel her magic seep off of it as she let go. Her entire body felt incredible: full and potent and coiled. It felt like she could do anything.
Anything?
Well, of course anything; she was Twilight Sparkle the Omnipotent, after all. And Beautiful. She looked at her bed, the window right above it.
You know, I never liked that window. And I can do anything, can’t I? Why should I have to put up with it?
It made perfect sense. Before she could even give it a second thought she felt her spark rush out of her body in a blinding flash of purple magic. When the light faded the window was gone, along with most of the wall it had been connected to.
You can’t argue with results.
Moments later Spike would burst through the door and ask what happened. She could sense it. Even without the precognition spells she could feel his footsteps on the stairs, could hear him panting, could taste his breath coming out in short bursts. The magic coursing through her body had amplified every one of her senses.
“Twilight! What happened!?” Spike stopped. “W…what happened to you?” He jabbed a finger at her.
“Oh, hello, Spike. That’s right, I guess I didn’t show you the wings yet!” The crescents of purple energy wafted outward. The tips of them nearly scraped a few books, but she adjusted their path easily. Their bases were anchored to her shoulder blades, and there was a magic conduit connecting them directly to her nervous system. They were just like a part of her body.
“H-how did you…?”
“You like them? I designed them myself. Pure magical energy, attached to my body, wired to my brain. Once I learned the right spells it was trivial, really. Everything is trivial for Twilight Sparkle the Omnipotent.”
Spike turned to huge gap in the wall. “Uh…and, what about that?”
Twilight turned lazily to the hole, almost as if she had forgotten about it. “Oh, yes. Guess I didn’t realize my own strength.” She turned back to Spike. “I do now though.” She smiled, but failed to notice how uncomfortable it made Spike.
“Well, that’s, uhm…”
“Something wrong?”
“No, not really, I mean… You just seem a little—”
“Amazing? Brilliant? Beautiful? Well I already knew that, Spike.” She smiled that same unsettling smile. Suddenly her face fell. Without warning she vanished in a burst of purple energy, reappearing less than an inch from Spike’s face.
“Gah!” He flinched and fell backward. “Don’t do that!”
“But that’s not what you were going to say, was it, Spike?”
“What?”
She hovered just above him. The magic wings hummed faintly, but didn’t move. “You weren’t going to compliment me? What are you getting at?” She leaned forward with each sentence. “Are you saying that Twilight Sparkle the Omnipotent and Beautiful doesn’t deserve praise? Are you some sort of skeptic?”
“Twilight, your face is really close to mine…”
“Everypony is always underestimating me. You, and Applejack, and Celestia…” Twilight paused, then smiled again. Her teeth didn’t quite line up correctly. “That’s it!”
“What’s it?”
“The perfect way to show everypony what Twilight Sparkle the Omnipotent is capable of.”
Spike tried and failed to make eye contact with her. “What are you talking about, Twilight?”
One of Twilight’s ears twitched. “Speaking of underestimators! My friends have arrived to see me off!”
“See you off where!?”
There was a flash of magic, and suddenly Spike and Twilight were in the foyer. Spike’s head spun, disoriented by the abrupt teleport. There were some ponies talking near the door.
“What do you mean you ‘lost it!?’ That note was very important, Pinkie! How am I supposed to protect you from yourself if you won’t listen to me?”
“What’d you say, Fluttershy? I wasn’t listening.”
“Exactly! And stop eating things you found on the ground!”
“Don’t worry, Pinkie Pie, I’ll buy you a nice—”
“Ugh, would y’all be qui—” Applejack’s sentence faltered as she opened the door and saw Twilight. Everypony else ground to a similar stop as they leaked into the building.
“Hello, girls!” Twilight smiled.
“T-Twilight? What the hay happened to you?”
“Pretty wings!” Pinkie said.
“They don’t look very safe,” Fluttershy took a few steps back.
“You like them?” Twilight swept them open. “Made them myself. Pure magical energy. Wired directly to my nervous system.” Twilight folded the wings back up and turned to Applejack. “You can apologize now, AJ.”
“What fer?”
“For underestimating my magical ability earlier, of course.”
“Twilight, look at yerself. Doesn’t any of this seem off to ya?”
“Of course not. Twilight Sparkle the Omnipotent is a magical prodigy, after all.”
“But ponies don’t just get better at things overnight! And you were never this much of an arrogant pain before!”
“I dunno, AJ.” Rainbow rubbed her chin. “Twilight is pretty amazing at everything…”
“Rainbow, shush!” Applejack gave her a stern glare.
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “You’re just like Celestia, Applejack. Underestimating me, getting in my way… But that’s okay. You see, I’ve realized something. It’s not your fault you’re an impediment. Celestia sent me here specifically for that reason!”
“What’re you talking about?”
Twilight didn’t seem to hear her. “In one night of studying I’ve learned more than I ever did here, or with Celestia. She sent me to Ponyville to hamper my potential, so I wouldn’t be a threat to her! It’s all so obvious in hindsight. All those tests were just to make sure I didn’t get too powerful…”
“Twilight that’s—”
Twilight continued talking, just loud enough to hear. “But’s that’s okay. Her plan failed. And now that I’ve finally realized my true potential, I can really show her the things I’ve learned. All eight-hundred-and-thirty-four of them. Of course, I’ll only need about fifty of those to take over Canterlot and kill Celestia—”
“What!?” everypony shouted.
The noise finally snapped Twilight out of her monologue. “Don’t interrupt me!” A burst of purple lightning arced off of Twilight’s body and struck the floor just in front of Applejack’s hooves. It came and went in an instant, but the massive scorch mark on the floor and the acrid smell in the air lingered.
There was a noticeable moment of silence as everypony stared at the floor, including Twilight.
“Twilight?” AJ’s voice was heavy with concern.
“I…” Twilight stared at the scorched floor, then her own body. “I don’t…”
She suddenly felt incredibly off. Her body felt heavy, constricted. It was like she was wearing dozens of metal shackles and hadn’t noticed until now.
“It’s alright, Twilight. Do you want a hug?” Rainbow offered.
“Or a nice glass of imported water?” Rarity asked.
Twilight put a hoof to her face. She suddenly felt incredibly tired. What happened to me? she asked herself. No answer came.
Everypony was so shocked by Twilight’s behavior that none of them noticed Pinkie inching towards her. She had been staring at Twilight’s wings ever since they had arrived: thinking about what it would feel like to touch one. Nopony would mind if she got a closer look. A flash of purple light and a weird smell threatened to distract her, but they weren’t important.
By the time Pinke was close enough to touch them, nopony could stop her in time. She heard a few ponies shouting about something, but that wasn’t important, either. They couldn’t possibly be shouting at her. She jabbed a hoof at the magic wing. It felt sort of fuzzy, and tingly.
Twilight’s shoulder twitched, and a pulse of magic flew off her body, knocking all six of her friends several feet backwards. Pinkie smacked into a chair, and the other five landed in a heap near the door.
Fluttershy tried to ask if everypony was okay, but her face was pressing into somepony’s leg.
Applejack tried to point out how overweight her friends were, but her face was pressing into somepony’s elbow.
Rarity tried to offer some helpful advice, but her face was pressing into somepony’s haunch.
Spike tried to push his way out of the pile, but there were four ponies pressing onto his arms.
Rainbow was completely content.
Twilight took her hoof out of her face and looked around. What happened?
Some lesser ponies tried to touch Twilight Sparkle the Omnipotent, and Twilight Sparkle the Omnipotent didn’t take kindly to that.
That made sense. The voice didn’t sound quite like her own, but it made sense. Twilight unfurled her wings and started to hover a few feet above the floor.
“Well, thank you all for coming to see me off—”
“You’re welcome!” a muffled voice said.
“But I’ve wasted enough time here as it is. I have an appointment with the ‘Princess.’” She nearly spat the last word out. Energy started to crackle along her body.
“Twilight, wait!” Spike tried to reach out an arm, but was still pinned by the pony pile.
It was too late. Twilight vanished long before he had even shifted one claw.
Pinkie poked her head out from behind the overturned chair. “That was fun! Let’s do it again!”
“Pinkie, come get these ponies off me!” Spike shouted.
The mass of bodies murmured muffled assent.
“Ohh, dogpile! Why didn’t you invite me?” Pinkie took a few steps back, clearly intending to add herself to the pile in the most energetic manner possible.
“Pinkie, don’t!”
“Why not?”
“Uhm… we’re all sitting on a bunch of candy?”
“Oooh! Candy! I want some!”
With Pinkie’s help they all finally managed to get untangled and upright.
“Hey, where’s all the candy!?”
“Candy causes cavities, Pinkie.”
“There is no candy.” Applejack dusted off her hat and returned it to her head. “Well…that coulda gone better.”
“I know! This is simply dreadful!” Rarity said.
“It’s okay, Rarity, we’ll think of something.” Rainbow stroked Rarity’s mane, perhaps a few more times than strictly necessary.
“No, no, you don’t understand, Rainbow! If Twilight has infinite magical powers then what in the world am I supposed to get her for her birthday!? It’s a shopper’s nightmare!”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “We have bigger problems than your shopping list, Rarity. What are we supposed to do now?”
“We should give her a hug. A long, intimate, loving hug,” Rainbow suggested.
“Well, that’s a creepy plan,” Applejack said.
“Creepy? I’m don’t see how. I just want to spend a long time touching my friend, physically.” Rainbow continued to stroke Rarity’s mane as she explained herself.
“That sounds incredibly unsanitary,” Fluttershy said.
“Ooh, we should throw her a castle-warming party!” Pinkie gasped. “Do they make ‘congratulations’ cards for coups? That’s an untapped market right there!”
“A party could work.” Rarity rubbed her chin. “And I could make her a new cape and tiara for after she usurps Princess Celestia. I doubt Celestia’s would fit her.”
“Celestia wears capes?”
“No, Pinkie, the tiara.”
“Ugh, would y’all listen ta yerselves? These ideas are terrible!” Applejack punctuated her sentence with a stomp. “We need to be thinking of ways to stop her!”
“That sounds too dangerous,” Fluttershy said. “We should just sit back and wait for her to finish her assassination. I wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt.”
There was a gentle knock at the door. Everypony was too absorbed in their argument to notice.
“Sweet apple cider, how many dumb statements am I gonna hafta put up with today? Y’all can’t be seriously suggestin’ we sit here an’ do nothin’!”
“I dunno, AJ,” Rainbow said. “Twilight is our friend, I’m sure she knows what she’s doing.”
Before Applejack could respond, the door slowly swung open, creaking just loudly enough to catch everypony's attention.
Everypony turned around just in time to see Princess Celestia walk in.
The Princess ducked under the door, though she managed to do even that in a deliberate, regal way. Once she was completely inside the building, she shut the door telekinetically and turned to Spike and the Elements. “Hello, my little ponies. I haven’t missed anything important, have I?”
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Even more LOLs in this chapter. Why no, Celestia. You've missed nothing. Nope, nothing to see here.
Nice. I might do a review of this fic when you're done (it'd be positive, I assure you).
*Thoughts at the ending scene*
Sure is Luna in here. Late princess.
Congrats! I love Pony Psychology!
awsome just Finished chapter 3 my fanfic (Black Stallion Chronicles:Chaos Rising) and I felt like I needed a laugh. This was both funny and somewhat dark. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Darn. You got my hopes up when Twilight had that all-too-fleeting attack of perspective.
Well, at least it'll be hard for Omnipone to kill Celestia while she's in Canterlot. Maybe we'll get lucky and she'll decide to shunt Discord out of the local plane of existence while she's there.
Celestia, is that a Princess tag line or something? When all of this is fully resolved, is Cadence going to show up and ask Twilight, "Did I miss anything?" Is it NORMAL for a Princess to do that?
Great story, btw. Love it!
And now Luna is the only Alicorn left in Canterlot.
Will Deus Ex Twilight turn her spur of the moment crusade against the doubters of the system on the younger sister?
Will Luna fall to maddness due to Twilight's logic errors?
Will Discord realize that he may not have thought this all the way through?
Next time on Elements of Excess...
Huh... the concept reminds me of that "Saturated Harmony" fan movie that never got off the ground. Y'know, the one that SuperMarioGalaxy64 was working on before some betrayal caused him to quit the fandom permanent-like and end the project. Now Mr. Galaxy makes nothing but videos of Downfall Hitler shouting about stuff.
2049008
Why, am I missing something?
//e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/trollface.png
might give this a read later. Under the already flooded reading list it goes!
That paradox is the funniest thing I've read in this story so far.
You have no idea how much fun I've had reading his.
My face throughout the entire 7 chapters
2049378
It's sad that it took that comment for me to realize just how funny that line was.
I like your choice in music.
2048862
Thanks: I'd be flattered either way
2049374
Pfft, my read later list has 170 entries on it.
I highly doubt that even in Twilight "turbo charged magic" state + "magic study binge" that she would really be able to take on Princess Celestia + Luna + all of Canterlot guards.
What's that you said? Queen Chrysalis?
Remember, Chrysalis was able to spend a long time (days, weeks?) binging off of love and not using too terribly much magic. Love, which along with friendship and harmony, are strongly implied to be some of the most powerful forces in this universe.
Chrysalis then let everything out in one burst to take out Celestia, and even then, Chrysalis was visibly struggling, and didn't really do any lasting damage, just managed to basically "burn" and stun Celestia long enough to buy her enough time for her invasion force to come in.
Twilight does not have a backing army/friends/other elements. Her current magic surge is not powered by "friendship/harmony magic", but by "wannabe-harmony" magic (made with chaos powers artificially amplifying elements magic substitute). She has not been taking it easy and only using magic sparingly over a few days/weeks to let it "charge up", but she has been using it extravagantly. She is not one of the "order of magnitude stronger" variety of her species, but a unicorn (granted, a very strong magically unicorn, but still a unicorn). She doesn't have centuries/millennia of experience.
Plus, do you really think that this is the first time that someone has gotten a power boost from some external source, went on "study binge", went mad with power, and tried to take on the Princess(s) over the past n-thousand years (for some unknown value of n)? Do you really think she/they don't know what to do in this sort of situation?
Yea, Twilight is close to Celestia, and Celestia may get emotional long enough to make her vulnerable some, but I doubt this is the first time someone tried to "backstab" her (externally influenced or by their own volition), so I think she would know better than to let her (what she thought were) close ties let her lose.
tl;dr
Twilight probably wouldn't win, even in this state; though she probably would be able to do some chunky damage before being taken out.
2050375 Thats it? mines 252 long
I should really get around to reading some of them... 
2050395
So what you're saying is Twilight didn't think this through?
2050467
Perhaps
Whenever I get around to reading one I usually make a judgement really quickly, so the list slowly pares itself down.
2050491 Well thats a good thing I guess
2050566
Considering that this story starts out slowly, and has a pattern that isn't obvious until a few chapters in, mebbe not
Perhaps I'm just impatient.
2050632 I'll keep that in mind as I read. Thanks for the heads up.
2050375 I'm not sure if my read later list is accurate or not, but mine says 422..
Okay...Twilight's personality is now basically Trixie's taken to the extreme. Now she's gonna challenge Celestia. What could possibly go wrong?
I love pretty much all your conversations between the excessed ponies. Even when their conversations don't have anything to do with anything, the way their personalities bounce off each other is endlessly entertaining.
2050751
Congrats, you win procrastination
Clearly The Princess Luna and I can't compete
I've uh, I'm, uhhhh
Somebody help me I can't form a sentence aUUGHRARITY GET AWAY FORM MY KEYBOARD
Well now. Twilight has infinite magic, wants to kill the princess, or princesses, and take over the world. And now her target is with her former friends, who are in no position to be helpful with the elements at all, and who twilights warped brain will most likely think are conspiring against her with her enemy mentor.
This won't end well. Who wants popcorn?
and kill Celestia—”
That is not Twilight Sparkle. She'd NEVER be that heartless towards her second mother.
She suddenly felt incredibly tired.
At least once her mana reserves recover she'll have several new spells in her arsenal since this fanfic isn't bound by the cartoon's laws that everything must be precisely how it was when the episode I mean fic started.
If Twilight has infinite magical powers then what in the world am I supposed to get her for her birthday!? It’s a shopper’s nightmare!”
She has a point. What do you get a deity for their birthday?
“We should give her a hug. A long, intimate, loving hug,” Rainbow suggested.
IMHO Rainbow Dash has the right idea.
“Creepy? I’m don’t see how. I just want to spend a long time touching my friend, physically.” Rainbow continued to stroke Rarity’s mane as she explained herself.
I know RD is supposed to be Straw Loyalty right now. But think she's right. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CooldownHug
“We should just sit back and wait for her to finish her assassination. I wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt.”
CELESTIA WOULD GET HURT! HOW IS THAT KIND!?
2050308
It would add verisimilitude if ponies were omnivores/carnivores in real life. Just because one species on that planet eats meat, that does not mean that every society on the planet will make meat products, particularly if they don't eat meat. Also, they do not have cattle. They have cows, SENTIENT cows, for milk and other dairy products. A pony killing a cow for food would practically be like a human killing an alien for food. And personally I've only ever seen the term "hay bacon" in joke fics. And lastly, yes, while it is easy to make "tofu bacon", tofu is a food made specifically to replace meat in the diet of humans, whereas ponies and other such herbivores have no need for the nutritional supplement, as they get all their dietary requirements from the regular food that they eat, such as hay and various hay products, fruits, vegetables and, obviously, sugary treats. Though the sweets may have been similar to the human reason to make them, in which they just taste damn good.
2050375
I see your 170 and raise you 439. I clearly need to take a break from this site...
It looks like none of the bearers of the elements are in their normal mindset there... and especially Twilight... I wonder how things will manage to go back to normal, if they even do... while there is a Comedy tag, there i also a Tragedy one who is worrying me...
2051704
I'll let chapter 8 address your comments: wouldn't want to spoil anything.
As for Fluttershy's line, 2049378 covered it.
2052130
Oh absolutely not. You just have to forgo sleeping and eating until you've read those all.
Good luck!
2049986
Yes it is, go sit in the corner and wear this silly hat.
Unlike Pony Psychology, this story has stayed, y'know, good.
I noticed a few things you might want to fix:
> She had been staring at Twilight’s wings ever since they had arrived; thinking about what it would feel like to touch one.
Due to the tense used in the second clause, that's an incorrect use of a semicolon, as you're linking a complete sentence to an incomplete one.
> By the time Pinke was close enough to touch them nopony could stop her in time.
This sounds like it needs a comma after "them," personally.
>The others didn’t manage much more than a few scattered “ows”
You're missing a period there.
Dammit, Pinkie
2063012
Thanks, fixed
If you find any more mistakes in the future (fairly likely, since it's ME), then you can use the google doc to point them out: much easier than using quotes and fimfic comments, and I receive alerts whenever anyone comments on it. Link is in the story desc.
As for Pony Psychology, only read the tvtropes page, so can't really comment on it.
2065113
There's a Google Doc?
OH THERE IT IS
DESCRIPTION I SHOULD READ YOU
2052736 I think the tragedy tag has something to do with Discord.
2051940
Um, yeah, about that...
Spike. Get to Celestia and start explain...fast, before Twilight shows back up.
Well. Uh. Damn.
I think things are really going to go to hell now. Wow.
(Or Celestia fixes everything in the next chapter, which would make a much shorter tale.)
This story is fascinating.
You wrote the ponies getting into this mess, now show us how things go from there.
Are we getting another chapter anytime soon?
2315647
The 3rd draft of Ch.8 and the 1st draft of Ch. 9 are written, my editors just need to go through them. They've been busy so it's taking longer than usual
2317816
Editing is fun, though laborious. One story I just proofread, my comments were longer than the chapter.
Clingy Rainbow has now been assimilated into my headcannon.