im a simple otaku turned brony i do art, voices and commentary
It is now eleven years after season 2 Spike is grown up but when rarity comes to visit ponyville spike is now faced with a challenge. Protect Sweetie Belle on her tour of las Pegasus but when cider and temptations come a knocking do you swing with it or do you get sucked in?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This story is good, only thing that disturbed me was the lack of punctuation marks.
A little muddler, lack of punctuation... you should check it, it has potential, but right now is pretty hard to read...
" school starts tomorrow " OMG where do you live D:? anyway it has the same problems of the previous chapter: the story has a good potential, but the lack of punctuation makes it unpleasant...
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Fort worth but if know any pre readers I'll gladly fix this story
Attention anyone willing to pre read message me if you are willing to pre read or at least teach me how to punctuation mark and I will improve upon this fiction
1167726 Start school early, i still have 2 weeks :3 anyway i don't know any of them, but it'll be a great thing, this story can be awesome:)
Like the idea of the story but it need a lot of work in grammar and punctuation. Also the gun...well, I guess you have some sort of plan in your story for it but it just came out of nowhere to me. It seem unnecessary when you have a dragon that is stronger than the average pony (considering he is a the size of a stallion in this story) and can breath fire. Lastly the face in their world they wouldn't even make such a weapon since they don't have fingers nor are violent enough without some justified means.
1168779
spike is not strong he can only do as much as he can
plus Fallout equestria Bro
I knew I was right to put this as "read later" when I initially started reading it.
It's so much more pleasant to read now. I'm not saying it's perfect, of course, but it definitely is a good enough idea that I can overlook the smaller mistakes. ^_^
twilight you just took natures tank and gave it a gun, good job!
Dulce Sueños, huh, so "Sweet Dreams", do you speak the "odd language"(or Spanish if you will)?
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Si senior mi madre es de Mexico
But I am a brony from Texas
Hmmm intresting fiction, I'll keep my eye on this
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YOUR NAME WE LOVE IT
Ok I can't stop thinking about it your username will be a mafia pony in my fic now thanks for such a great idea
"I got to see my crush who I still can never get the guts to tell."
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw4716-Just_do_it_you_wimp..png
>>1176565
One does not simply ask the girl out
(dammed iPad and it's not letting me use image)
1176233 Well for some reason I feel you like my user name
go ahead and do with it as you will. I enjoy this fic so I don't mind being associated with it I still am planing on doing a full review on what I think works and really like etc. As soon as my damn calculus gets out of the way, if thats okay I mean
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Ugh calculus I cannot comprehend I mean every class I take I can pass with at least an understanding but mathematics never work for me and I graduate this year
1176055 mi madre & mi padre son de Mexico, but a Brony from WA
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yeah one does. Lemme write down some steps.
1) Walk up to the girl, radiating confidence and happiness
2) Make friendly conversation
3) Casually mention that it would be cool for you two to hang out
4) Turn hanging out into ze magickz (a date)
I do appreciate that he was telling himself to "hold his horses" when he was literally holding horses.
It's times like these that are truly pun-forgettable.
Hmm, so Featherweight is bad me thinks.
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hehehe somepony is catching on, I just released chapter4 maybe you might change your opinion
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but for some of us, its hard to do. 
You make a point...
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Ink covered feathers, it was Featherweight. But of course he's just a pawn to the real villain. Diamond Tiara.
Please tell me that the "Pony With No Name" is a Han Solo type of pony!!!!!!!!
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Not really I would like to but I still need to watch it my big brother has the movie and me being a senior in high school keeps me busy
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Yes even though his base is of Clint Eastwood Han solo is also based of Eastwood
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Thank you I drew my inspiration through las Vegas and mafia films but yeah I've love action films like taken but school keeps me from completing chapters but I should tell you the villain is never clear
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It's hard for me to do too
I just pony up and do it!
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hell
I don't even have one
Not with my track record on girls
18 and I still never got the girl. some being must hate me I wonder who is it
This reminds me of Taken.
From the title I thought that Spike and Sweetie Belle would go out. Guess I was wrong.
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Sorry it's that if I have them ship immediately then it will seem like its rushed but romance will soon blossom through memories and events
sweetie trust is a commodity and if there has been anything school taught me. no bully comes out with a complete 180 degree change
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Mystery Character
No prob, I am also writing a fanfic with Spikex???. Oooh
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cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-swcomeon.png realization when sweetie reads that
1178038
Nice advice.Thanks, now I think I will try this... Why am i strangely not attracted to anyone at my school at this moment?
Hey hey hey I'll have to sue ya for stealin' ma story
! Lol jk though this book is REALLY good, I like it a lot and you should keep them chapters comin! I think this story deserves a feature
lol. Maybe one day we should write a story together, or at least reference them lol. Good job bro, your story got me hooked like a tow truck on a repo lol (my own ronism!
)
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RESSURECTION
but I was always wanted to make a batman crossover but I scrapped that idea and 4 others before finishing this one
Braveheart glad to have you back with us
anyway I saw that there were not enough sweetie spike fics but for my first fimfiction I did really well plus I made the cover art using vectors
1225743 Glad to be back, and a Batman crossover
? I would like to see that
! Also I know what you mean, I only know mine and yours so far, but who cares, we did terrific jobs on our takes for the couple (Though yours may be more better and detailed on their relationship, since they're older and can do more "things" 
)
1229352cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-pplotting.png well yeah I know what you mean but I really want a fluid transition from friends to cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-swponder.png cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-sroll.png something more
Edit: oh there are only 2 Others Sweetest gem and lose yourself those fics inspired this one though I wish I could get the rarispy to read this I would love to hear his input
I'm sorry to hear that you aren't happy, if you're willing to talk about it I'm a blank diary.
Also, great chapter, despite the shortness. Keep it up! (butwithlongerchapters)
I think this is the longest story I've ever reviewed. So, let's get started!
1) Overall, I thought the story had good action and an interesting plot, and I'm definitely interested to see how this all turns out. I like what you've done with Diamond so far in particular, and I hope the themes you've brought up with her continue throughout the story.
2) The characters seem a little underdeveloped, particularly their past. I feel like I was left to guess what they've been up to for the past decade, which made the early chapters confusing. Since Spike hasn't seen any of them in a long time, it would be easy for him to ask what they've been up to so we readers can get a sense of why they're doing what they do.
3) As has been mentioned, there are grammar issues. They didn't totally cripple the story, but they did make some parts hard to follow, particularly the conversations between Coal and Russet. When writing dialogue, each speaker gets his own paragraph. This really helps us readers keep track of who's saying what. Also, you switched to first and second person (I and you instead of he/she/they) in chapter 3, I think.
4) I get why Spike wouldn't trust Diamond, but I thought his aggressiveness was out of character. Developing the characters more might help with this.
Well, that's all for now. Good luck, and keep writing!
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Oh my gosh thanks I always am open to suggestion but yeah I guess I could develop them more but I think I fix that, I still got a few chapters before the end and grammar cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-sno.png even with a pre reader I can't win
Any way thanks and I'll try to fine tune this story
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Hey, I can only do so much to un-scramble the raw text. I'm a busy man!
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I know but wow dang to think that it's still a problem means I gotta put my best hoof forward for chapter seven This is my confident face cdn.broni.es/images/emotes/mlp-soarsure.png
*click click* *ZAP* GAH
Well then I'm back and caught up now so time for thoughts on the story (sorry I took so long by the time school gave me the time to read I had over 600 notifications and 110 new story updates so I just got round to reading your story) I'm loving the Eastwood character and can't wait to see how he'll affect the story, I agree with others that the rage seems ooc for spike. I kinda see spike as having more of a cold calm fury (007ish) then angry teenage style anger. I liked the new chapters and hope you get out of the dumps soon
Ok chapter 7 coming soon hope to see more people liking the new chapter I worked hard and juggled school
PLease tell me this is not a rip off of Devil may cry?