So when two, yet not quite humans appear in Twilight's castle, she finds herself taking on a new role. From the Queen of Equestria to adoptive mother. However, that's not going to be easy, and she finds herself wanting to kill whoever made these kids like this. Namely, half-starved and just that wee bit paranoid of those around them.
Yeah, whenever she finds this 'Shadow Weaver' she's going to banish her to the moon. And probably this Hordak as well.
Or the one where Twilight adopts kid Catra and Adora and becomes the mother figure they sorely needed. And probably blows up the Evil Horde in the process.
(Now with live reading done by Nailah)
Featured on 7/22/20 in both regular and mature boxes. Featured on in both boxes on 7/23/20 as well.
My name is not Noelle Stevenson, and therefore I do not own She-Ra.
It's maybe a little stilted, but golly was it fun!
10346947
Stilted, how so?
Good ol Grayskull. Nothing like dropping a holy weapon on those unworthy. It would be funny if the Equestrian vaults also had other powerful artifacts, just waiting for their true users to light their darkest hours.
10347006
....you know, somehow I wouldn't be surprised if the vaults had the Matrix in there somewhere.
Probably the Pandorica as well.
Implying that there are conditions where she'd consider teleporting adults.
The benevolent philosopher-queen of Equestria, everyone.
"Twilight, we've talked about this. I don't care how much gold goes into your hat, you can't keep violating doctor-patient confidentiality."
You do breeze through some really complex emotional tangles here, to say nothing of providing no explanation of how or why Twilight knows about Eternia. The whole thing reads like a summary of a more intense and in-depth piece, speeding through and glossing over what should be a much larger journey. There's good stuff in this story, but it barely has any room to breathe. Plus, the penultimate scene feels like you wearing Twilight as a boxing glove to take down Shadow Weaver.
Not bad, but in need of a lot of refinement.
10347020
Okay, granted, to be fair, Twilight by now knows there are some problems magical friendship lasers can't solve. Looks at Cozy, Chrysalis and Tirek And you also have to keep in mind her mindset as well, she is... not happy, understandably so, but not happy at all.
You know, somehow it wouldn't surprise me if you were a Linkara fan. Yeah, I admit this is a clumsy transition to the next conversation. Mind you, the original idea was even worse. In the first draft, We didn't get to see Sunset's talk with them at all and we only hear about her findings after the fact, if you will.
Okay, let's be fair here. It took She-Ra proper five seasons to work its way through this. There'd be no way a single story under 9,000 words would be able to pull this off, and I skipped out on Adora's issues just to keep it from going too long. And nowhere in the story do I state anyone is completely 100% A-Okay and fine. They're most certainly not.
As for Eternia, well the First Ones left their mark all over the universe. As old as they are, and with as many scholars as Equestria has, well it's not that great of a leap for someone to have learned about them and wrote about them down in a book somewhere.
While I enjoyed this, one thing I didn't get (aside from Twilight knowing about the First Ones, Eternia, Grayskull, etc.) is why was there a table conveniently full of food out in the middle of the night?
Im just wandering which Shera is this based off of?
10347076
Well, it's not conveniently just placed out there in the middle of the night. One can assume it's just leftovers and the like, or if not easy enough food to prepare on a whim.
10347082
2018.
10347106
The staff didn't clean it up after dinner?
10347009
I can picture it.
Hordak is gloating over defeating Twilight and she grabs something to help defend herself and he then hears a voice call out, “Arise Twilight Sparkle”. Then he realizes that now she has Primus in her corner. Suddenly out of the vaults come a multitude of items and Hordak realizes that Equestria is where the forces of good put items until they are needed.
Frizzle Pop then busts in and in old polish declares that she would like words with Hordak while holding a hammer.
Shining Armor comes floating in with a green aura talking about “In brightest day and blackest night”.
Cadance is right next to him in a pink aura also saying “For hearts long lost and full of fright”.
Plus several other ponies wielding other weapons and powers. This would be a fun ending but man would it be over powered and something that would only appear in horrible fan fiction. Keeping it simple and with as few crossovers as possible is for the best.
The "Angella adopts Catra fic" you mentioned in the Author's Note wouldn't happen to be The Chain by blackstar5432, would it?
10347106
Thanks for the reply.
10347283
No, actually it's this piece.
...great, now I got a certain Fleetwood Mac song stuck in my head.
Considering that Pinkie Pie lives on that realm? Nope.
star-wars.pl/grafika/2018/lis/63_001_5eda1b447a872489f208c2f85a21d55b.jpg
Nice story, good work.
10347330
Ah. Here's the story I mentioned
Pretty sure there’s some flaws here, but I simply enjoyed future Twlight acting all motherly too much to care!
Okay, not going to lie, I would absolutely love it if this got a sequel series where we had Luster Dawn join Catra and Adora on an adventure back in Eternia.
10347592
I actually tried to fit Luster here, but to be honest there was already so much going on I couldn't find a place to use her.
A little stilted there at the end, everything was happening snap-snap-snap
Like you really wanted to get through that last scene.
Okay. You had me up till now. WHY THE FUCK IS THIS A THING IN THIS STORY?!
And that triple for Sunset's wings. Her being in Equestria, and her role, I can get. But now you're just adding things for no real reason.
No I'm not sorry. But they feel like they has no place whatsoever. If this is one of those "Because fuck reasons. It's here. Deal with it."
Then this story is dead to me. And I was actually starting to like it.
10347607
Just putting it out there, but there could be material for a full on story here. The Horde is still a threat to Eternia, and considering Twilight is in possession of the sword at the moment, the Princess Alliance will need some assistance sooner or later.
And given Hordak has lost several subordinates, it would be interesting to see him possibly find a way to access Equestria... and maybe even recruit 3 villains who have been imprisoned for some time...
10347692
Yes because her being married to a character and another character having ascended somehow ruined the entirety of the story.
Seriously dude, get over yourself.
In the Version of She-Ra that is used here Hordak is NO WHERE near the real bad guy, though not even a anti-hero but let's face it ShadowWeaver is always someone whose head needs introduced to the curbing. Several times
This looks good. But the part where Twilight suddenly says Tempest is her wife feels a bit too sudden and out of the blue, as well as without effect on the fanfic. I think it shouldn't be put in just for the sake of it, if it doesn't have background nor effect on the rest of the story.
An interesting idea, with a few odd skips to it. The Horde kids are quick to trust, and them just being around Hordak to watch the fight felt...odd. Or was Hordak in another room watching, and they were in the same as the fight itself? Regardless, I can dig where this came from, a bit of cathartic story telling, and killing someone who felt...unworthy of the redemption she was given in canon.
Like Haggar/Honerva, I get what the writers of the series were going for with Shadow Weaver/Light Spinner, a once great soul, tainted by a single mistake, but where at least Honerva's actions were driven by love...love of someone evil, but love nonetheless, Shadow Weaver's first action was to go straight to the guy she'd been planning on fighting against, who'd driven her to this extreme, and offer her services. Never liked the Mandarin Plot(Bad Guys Killed my family, so I'm gonna join them since the Good Guys didn't save them), and here it feels even more contrived.
That all said, it is odd that Twilight knows First One, especially given they weren't magical, but instead studying magic. They definitely knew more about it than Horde Prime, but the show said they were in fact using tech to harness it, rather than being of it themselves. Still, one small nitpick on an overall well written tale, one that feels...half finished, honestly. As Hordak and Horde Prime still exist.
10348033
He’s had this pairing in the background once before.
10348166
I mean a background storywise. How did this relationship came to be and what does it add to the story plot?
10348169
Not much, it just shows another way Twilight's life has changed since she was crowned.
10347864
Because it added literally nothing to the story. Sunset helping as she did is definitely something I could see, and how her life's been since the show ended also works.
But her alicorness, and Tempest being there like that to Twilight, doesn't. It screams added because fuck reasons, and the author hoping people are too stupid not to question why it exists at all when it adds nothing to the story.
10348674
Or, maybe it was just better show her life has changed drastically since we last saw her in the series. Just because there was a change doesn't automatically mean every single one of them has to be focused on more than this one story. Nor does automatically mean that people who read the story are too stupid to know better. If you have to be insulting and self-entitled like that you're the one with the problem.
10348923
10348674
If you two are going to argue, take it to DMs. As much as I'd love to have an adventure in the comments section, I prefer constructive criticism a bit more.
10348960
I'm simply defending your story, he's the one insulting anyone who likes it by calling them "too stupid" to know better.
10348960
My critism is that Tempest's and Sunset's appearances have no valid reason in story. Sunset gets part of hers back for the help she gave the two, but her being alicorn serves no purpose that I can see.
Tempest... I can't see any reason why she would be in the story at all. Period. If there was a prequel that explained it, then I could get it. Now it only feels like she's there just to be there, and for no other reason.
while over all i liked the story a few things
1. adora did not know what a horse was untill she met swift wind
2. you where applying post character development hordak traits to pre development he was not a good person before he met entrapta
3. this one is a bit more of a nitpick but still shouldnt it have at least been offered for catra and adora to go to the human world with sunset as they would fit in better there
still over all good story good job
10349392
Okay, I admit, I dun goofed here. I'm dumb. I suppose Acceptable Breaks from Canon could be applied here, like maybe she overheard one of the troops talking about a horse.
I'm... not sure where I did this, care to point it out? Was it the letting Twilight leave thing? I was trying to show he was intimidated, but not a nice person by any means.
Okay, nitpicks aside, I did at least consider this but there was a lot that didn't make it in due to this fic running long already. Like conversations with both Fizzlepop and Luster Dawn. Still, glad you enjoyed the piece. Did it give you that warm and fluffy feeling?
That was definitely a fun story
Finally got this read, was a good one shot, definitely liked it. Kinda feel like you have room for a sequel with an alliance between Equestria and the Resistance, but that's up to you.
Really great story!
🎶We're warriors
Unstoppable, ooh
We feel the evil coming
And shadows all around
Danger surrounds us, but won't bring us down
We're on the edge of greatness
Turning darkness to light
We're right beside you
Ready to fight
We must be strong (we must be strong)
And we must be brave (we must be brave)
We gotta find every bit of strength
That we have and never let it go
We're bound to the struggle
With mighty sword and flame
We'll never fail you
When you call our name
Together we'll be heroes
Joining forces as one
Strong as the steel we carry
We rise like the sun
We must be strong (we must be strong)
And we must be brave (we must be brave)
We gotta find every bit of strength
That we have and never let it go
We must be strong
'Cause we're warriors
We are unstoppable
Nothing's gonna get in our way, ooh
We're gonna win in the end (we must be strong)
And we must be brave (we must be brave)
We gotta find every bit of strength
That we have and never let it go, oh, oh
We must be strong (we must be strong)
And we must be brave (we must be brave)
We're gonna reach inside
Stand together and fight
Never let it go
We must be strong🎶
I wish there was a sequel of this nothing serious with a big story just adora and catra growing up with twilight
Good story overall, but Imma have to call BS on Twilight being able to turn into She-Ra
Personally, the overarching issue in the fic is how horribly the principle of "show, don't tell" has been violated. I t'was sad, as it could have been so much more, but the story ended up feeling blocky, or even rushed.
Awww, I just finished watching She-Ra and I remembered this fic! It's so adorable and sweet!
10650191
Well in some of the comic books from the original He-Man and She-Ra run it's implied that the sword chooses who is worthy but will only fully serve its true master
AAAA THIS IS ADORABLE
I'd love to see the fic that inspired this!
This is an interesting fic with a solid foundation but, if you don’t mind the criticism, it could definitely use some work.
The first problem I noticed is that the text doesn’t make clear the ages of Catra and Adora at first. This probably wouldn’t be a problem for most aged down cross over characters, but She-Ra has several flashbacks to different parts of their childhood which means there is no ‘default’ version of childhood Adora and Catra. This in turn means that at the beginning of the fic it’s hard to tell if they are as young as 6 or as old as 13.
A second problem that ties into the first is that some of Catra and Adora’s internal monologue feels out of character. It feels like Adora accepts this new situation to easily and Catra shouldn’t be wanting to go back to the horde without any perceived betrayal by Adora. This is made worse by their ages being unclear, it’s hard to write off their personality differences as an age thing when we don’t know the exact ages.
And thirdly you just got some details wrong. Someone else already told about how they wouldn’t know what a horse is but that’s not the only thing. They grew up eating nothing but horde ration bar so Catra should have no concept of what a vegetarian is. Similarly neither of them should even know what space is, let alone a spaceship. As you noted in the story Etheria doesn’t have any stars, it and it’s moons are the only things that exist in that dimension. But because of this they shouldn’t suspect they are on another world, because as far as they know there aren’t any others.
I’m sorry if this came off as rude but I don’t write this to be mean or even because I didn’t like this Fic, it’s honestly quite cute and charming. But I wanted to point out the problem so that you could do better in the future. That’s the goal of criticism most of the time. Anyway, good luck on your future endeavours and I hope I get to see them!