• Member Since 13th Apr, 2020
  • offline last seen 25 minutes ago

Stinium_Ruide


A casual writer, but I also do reviews here!

T
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When King Sombra took over the Crystal Empire unexpectedly, Princess Celestia has no choice but to call everypony up to defend Equestria against the tyranny of King Sombra.

Even her most faithful student.

Featured on 20/7/20! Thanks so much to all!

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 21 )

Interesting start! I'll track this. Continue on! I'm hoping you can make this a good story.

Is this based on the Sombra timeline from “The Cutie Re-mark”?

10341714

10341956

Thanks! I hope you enjoy; this will be a long project for me.

10341731

Technically no. Sombra will take over the Crystal Empire before the first episode of the series, but the Rainboom did happen.

Hm. Interesting Premise. While the idea of Soldier or Guard-Twilight is a, if not common, at least known trope. I have never seen it written this way, especially with her being Celestia's student and becoming a Soldier. TBH if this turns into a Badass Twilight Soldier beats the shit out of people I would be so entertained. But that's in the long run. For now, I'm satisfied seeing where this goes.

10343008
I'm glad that this interests you. :twilightsmile: This will be quite a project for me and I wanted to make things more interesting...

Quick notes on the prologue. The avoiding of names seems a little off at times. Maybe if there was some line where she almost thinks Sunset Shimmer's name but decides she can't bare to even think of her name and refocuses on just calling her 'the old pupil' might work, otherwise it seems too impersonal.

“I have sombre news from Northern Equestria…it has returned!” the royal guard proclaimed, pausing briefly to catch his much-needed breath. “And it’s too late, it has already retaken the Crystal Empire!”
Has
“What? How?” Princess Celestia exclaimed immediately, shock written all over her face. “Never mind, send for a reconnaissance squad to scout out the northern regions immediately and locate Princess Cadance!”

There's a hanging 'Has' between these two pieces of text that after re-reading several times I'm sure wasn't intended.

Otherwise. Sets up the fact that Celestia still often thinks if Sunset Shimmer with regret, and gives us the framework for when chronologically this story happens.

10346088
Hey thanks for the thoughtful comment! Wow, can’t believe I threw in that hanging “has” there...that is so painful for me to see, especially with how much I care about language and formatting in reviews.

Anyways, more interesting was my decision to whether I wanted Celestia to recall her old pupil’s name. I was judging whether it was necessary to say that Celestia couldn’t bear to remember her renegade’s pupil. It’s true that it made it more impersonal, but I wanted to show that Celestia really didn’t want to recall the incident. It was, and still is a moment of anguish for her. Regardless, it is fascinating that you brought this up to light and I have to thank you for your insightful comments!

Hmm.... nice start. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

So just thinking here, considering Twilight graduated from the most prestigious school in the country and was personally taught by Celestia, shouldnt she be receiving like an officers commission. Sending her in as one of the enlisted seems like a waste of her talents. Not to mention she would probably be of better use in some sort of military research institute. Maybe working in the Manehattan project.

10354769
Every pony should go for basic training first, THEN be specialised into a specific field. Perhaps this is a rite of passage that Celestia wanted to her to go through first...

Anyways, more on this when Twilight gets hit with reality...

10354898
Its interesting you should say that. Not even all american military branches agree on that. Only the Army requires that officers go through basic prior to officer candidancy/training school. All the other branches send officer candidates straight to OCS whether they have prior military service or not. Enlisted and officers are trained differently for different roles. As an example, basic normally focuses more on direct combat training, whereas OCS/OTS focuses mainly on leadership and management training, has more brutal exercise, a lot of academics and is much less forgiving.

Funny enough from my limited research OCS/OTS is almost always longer than basic. For example, in the Air Force it is 9.5 weeks versus 8 weeks of basic. Army OCS is 12 weeks vs 10 weeks of basic. And after you complete basic or OCS/OTS you then go through permanent change of station wherein you get assigned to a base or military faciltiy. If further specilization or training is needed after basic or OCS/OTS then you will also be put on temporary duty and trained in what ever specilization that the military assigns you. I've heard that can take up to 6 months on average.

Also, I want to be clear that this is your story and you are free to make your decisions, I just feel that sending Twilight to basic would a gross misuse of Twlight's talent. Besides, its not like officers dont go into combat.

10354993
Oh, it is fascinating to consider the American perspective of how their resources are allocated to train them up to where they will be, but I am writing this in the context of another country's system. And on the fact that it is a waste of her talents...that will be addressed, no worries hehe

10355619
Yeah, I had a niggling* doubt that was the case. What country are you using as the inspiration?

*Before anyone asks Niggling is a form of Niggle not the "N" word.

3. Should the enlistee stated above does not reside in Canterlot, the transport fees by train will be waived by the Equestrian Military. The enlistee may show this scroll to the ticketing counter of any train station to enjoy the catered train journey towards Canterlot only once.

Good Day!

Pardon my nitpicking, but should the underlined read 'Should the enlistee stated above not reside in Canterlot....'

10362802
Thanks for the read! I'll have some words with my proofreader...

>Enlistment Bureau

Now ain't that ironic. Being conscripted by an agency that was set up to facilitate enlistment...

10354993
I can't speak for the shenanigans that the other branches pull, but the Army doesn't assign you your MOS (military occupation specialty); you select what you want (that you have a high enough ASVAB for) and set it in stone with your recruiter before you ever set foot in MEPS to sign your contract.

As for the length of training, everyone goes through BCT, which is in fact 10 weeks. From there, you ship to AIT, the length of which varies by your MOS. Prime example, 88M's like myself have 6 weeks of AIT, while individuals in the 35 series (military intelligence) often have AITs that last upwards of a year. (Side note, if you have it in your contract to be an officer, which is designated by the MOS code 09S, then you attend 12 weeks of OCS after BCT, followed by anywhere between 12 and 37 weeks of BOLC depending on what branch of the Army you're assigned to [chemical, transportation, cyber, etc]. Alternatively, if you're slated to be a Warrant Officer, they designate it with 09W and send you WOCS after basic training for 5 weeks followed by WOBC, which lasts an unspecified amount of time, presumably varying based on what branch you're assigned to.)

From there, if you have Airborne, Air Assault, or any other schools in your contract, or you're given the opportunity to volunteer for said schools during AIT, you ship directly to that school, which lasts an additional week for Air Assault, and 3 weeks for Airborne. Then, and ONY then, national guard and reserves go home, while active duty reports to their assigned duty station.

TL;DR- At least as far as the Army is concerned, you're gonna spend A LOT of time in TRADOC

10366564
Thanks for letting us know.

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