• Member Since 16th Apr, 2020
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Meowofy


I miiiiiight be just a teensy bit too obsessed with Twilight >;3

T

The neighboring Kingdom of Aurora in the North has always been reclusive, much like their reigning monarch, Queen Eventide, whom the Princesses of Equestria have been trying to set up relations with for years to no avail.

Queen Eventide has always refused Celestia’s many invitations and appeals, sending representatives for mandatory meetings, and dispatching insincere notices of apologies with refusals to galas and celebrations. So they have no idea why she has finally accepted to attend the Grand Galloping Gala, of all celebrations?

Eventide is a unicorn, as was her husband, King Astrid, and just like him, she will, too, pass on one day. The Royal Pony Sisters have always questioned why she did not choose an heir to ascend as Princess and to one day take the throne.

Turns out she was there on the request of her daughter, Princess Twilight of the Aurorian Kingdom, alicorn heir to her mother, Queen Eventide.


(This is in an AU where Luna does not become evil.)

{Artwork is mine save for the bg, if you are the owner of that and you oppose to me using it, please feel free to pm me!]

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 255 )

Interesting start looking forward to more.

I mean, hey man, I'm hooked.

Reiterating what others have said, this looks interesting.

Fascinating...also, you made it to the featured box!

Very interesting idea I will continue to observe for now

Hmm, it has potential, but there’s not enough here to really say anything about it yet. I do like AUs though, so it has that going for it.

Very interesting I look forward to seeing the next chapter. Also very good pacing so far.

it seems interesting enough so far but starting a story without a storyline idea often leads to a dropped story. Good luck.

Loving this so far! I'm hooked, so PLEASE keep up the good work <3 (But dont stress yourself, pace yourself and give yourself time to develop as much as you need ^w^)

Ah, the whispers of an interesting story, the coming chapters will prove if it's true or not

You're going to need a more thought out justification for Aurora to be isolationist like this. Because this one is super dull and boring, and it just screams its monarchy is too stupid to get over themselves and at least be more in touch with Equestria at least.

It's not a bad story by any means. But this isn't helping it.

10342343
I do agree, but I can’t, for the life of me, seem to find any other reasons. Any suggestions?

10342359
The only thing I can think of, is that Aurora was founded before Equestria was, and was built on the same principles, and their isolation steming from a time when every other pony tribe hated them for what they were doing.

Earth ponies, Pegasi, and unicorns, living in harmony, while the Three Tribes Era was still going on. That Aurora does as much as they do, says they do care to some degree.

But they've never fully forgiven the rest of ponykind for what their ancestors did.

Someone could flesh this out far better than I ever could though.

10342393
Thank you, better than what I could have thought of, I’ll do some research about isolationism and try to expand on your suggestion!

interesting story... will continue to read this unless something happens. although, if you could elaborate on what is Aurora that would be great and why they are recluses

10342630
I was thinking of explaining that for the next couple of chapters, but I can summarize some implied info right now:

The Aurorian Kingdom is a powerful pony country to the north of Mainland Equestria, it is completely self-sufficient and they don’t have any alliances or trades. The Royal Family has always been made of Pegasi, Unicorns or Earth Ponies, and the Reigning Queen at present is Queen Eventide. Few nations, excluding the Aurans themselves, have actually seen the Unicorn Queen in the flesh since she never attends diplomatic meetings herself, instead sending ambassadors and dignitaries.

Hope that answers some questions, though I don’t want to spoil too much for you!

10342643
oh, and thanks for the advice on my fic too :D

10342661
It was a great read, keep up the good work!

10342643
Depending on how sympathetic you want them to be, you could play into a degree of Auroran exceptionalism in regards to the idea put forward by morion87, as well as a culture that encourages a degree of nationalistic independence? Running further with that idea, you might also be able to tie it into some kind of perceived threat from other nations to the their economy (currency backed by gems, could crash if Equestria entered their market), their governmental systems/ideology (Equestrian harmony and its tenants having spread widely and influencing foreign governments/cultures), or perhaps even religious reasons (immortal god alicorns). Overall, it probably needs to be something that can justify the isolationism from those perspectives, as you'd likely have internal voices calling for more trade/contact if there was only really perceived positives. Of course, the lack of those voices due to the imposition of a system like serfdom could also be a reason for them to avoid contact with a more developed world...

I quite enjoyed the first chapter and look forward to seeing where this goes!

10342725
Amazing ideas, I’ll definitely write them down on my notebook and talk about it with my editor, (She’s really good at finding plot holes), I really appreciate your suggestions!

definitely hooked.

edit: From reading the other comments I noticed a lot of advice on how to incorporate the Isolationism, so my advice is pretty similar to them all. There is likely a bad event in the past that forced this to happen and it has continued through cultural or traditional reasons.

A unique idea that I didn't see yet is since it is the North of Equestria, you could tie it somehow to the Crystal Empire like perhaps they were the first target of Sombra's aggression so they have a natural distrust of outsiders. Or maybe they are even a former dominion/client state of the Crystal Empire, hell they could even be the remnants that escaped Sombra's banishment spell.

Would love to see more

TGM

Very interesting AU. Please continue.

If Celestia and Luna are shocked by Queen Eventide accepting the invitation, I wonder how they'll react to finding out that the queen has an alicorn daughter... Needless to say, I'm hooked.

10342941
Could actually be a pretty interesting way to go with it, yeah. Given what we saw of the Crystal Empire's culture, it was generally more martially focused, so that could be something to tap into. Besides that, the name is empire, which implies that it's more than a tiny city state. Perhaps the kingdom is what's left of that outside of capital itself? Might even be interesting to tap into the idea that they weren't traitors or deserters: they were loyalists stranded in time when Sombra was banished. That kind of thing would likely leave them... less than positively inclined towards the Equestrian nation, though their lack of intervention during its return would probably have to be explained.

Why is Luna so well informed? As much as Aurora needs justification we are given little idea of how Equestria is different. So far it is that Twilight is in another kingdom and Luna is... present... was she not in the moon? so much guessing...

10343687
As explained in the description, this is an AU where Luna doesn’t turn evil and get banished to the moon, but I see your point

Not a fan of AU stuff but I will follow to see where this goes. This is a fairly bare-bones start and to be honest I find it pretty surprising this was featured as there wasn't really any zinger or hook (this first chapter basically just reiterates what you already said in the long description) and the plot doesn't, as of yet, seem terribly original. But don't take that as a negative because it's really just a neutral comment. The story has just begun and you can take it in any direction. A lot of stories start off without an amazing first chapter and end up being enjoyable, satisfying reads. And of course this is only my opinion -- lots of readers have said they are already hooked so perhaps I am just missing something.

I would recommend thinking long and hard about where this is going to go because it's not a good sign that you are already drawing blanks. I can guarantee you'll lose interest and stop writing it eventually if you don't at least plot a basic outline. If you do it on the fly, you'll write yourself into a corner and / or introduce too many plot errors / character inconsistencies and readers will lose interest. I find for my own multi-chapter fic that drawing a crude chart to start off with, then breaking down each story chunk in more detail and by chapter, is a great way to stay on track. Write down everything you want each chapter to show / tell the reader and then make sure as you write and then edit the chapter that you are hitting all the notes that you want to, so to speak. Sometimes you will decide to deviate, sometimes you will not, but regardless, you will be putting a sufficient amount of thought into it.

In addition, I recommend working on making dialog less rigid. There were times when it felt like the Sisters were just saying things to each other so that the reader can be told what's going on. There's nothing terribly off-putting about that since you didn't dump huge chunks at a time, but it's distracting enough for me to add it to my comment, and it's much better to leave things to the imagination of the reader if you can. Just sprinkle little bits of information each chapter, so that you will string the reader along all the way to the end for the sweet, sweet finish. You don't need to dump exposition out of fear that the readers won't know 100% what's going on; that is a good thing!

I want to see this story succeed so please give it a lot of thought and put in the effort, if you want it to succeed as well :twilightsmile: Take advice from people but stay true to the story you want to tell and the ideas you want to convey.

10343739
Thank you so much for your advice, I really do appreciate it. I’ve been planning the next few chapters in my notebook and adding details based on the comments I have received.

I am also terrible at subtlety, I either add too much information so that it seems robotic and rigid, or I add too little and it drives readers crazy, so I’ll try to improve on this front.

Thank you again!

This has a lot of potential, I'm curious to see where you take this once you find your storyline :twilightsmile:

10343759
You're very welcome :)

When in doubt, always remember that less is more. Driving readers crazy sounds like a good thing to me, haha.

i have a feeling this will be a good story

10343641
Exactly! And Loyalist Armies sound so awesome ngl. Sombra's return could then have some huge geopolitical consequences. Although there would have to be some real reason for them to be Loyal to him. I don't think ponies would remain loyal to a maniac voluntarily.

10344097
Could just be the attitudes at the time though, you have to remember that the Hapsburgs managed to rule Europe despite being inbred freaks. By our standards, Sombra is absolutely an evil maniac, though he's a bit more convincing when you take in feudal mentalities. Ie, viewing him as a strong, visionary leader that built an Empire in the frozen north the threatened an entire continent, an empire that showed the glory of the crystal ponies and carried that glory to distant shores. It appeared that the Empire had a professional army, advanced architecture, and slavery, so you could potentially even make them a Roman counterpart, which would fit with their armor types. Might even be able to pull some elements of Byzantium for the culture of the kingdom?

10344104
Fair Point... I don't really have a counter to that.

10344106
No need to counter, we're just having a discussion :)

I'm not really seeing the appeal of recycling characters like this to fit an AU author invention. Should have Just maintained canon with the addition of some OC's and the new nation in my 'pinion.

Cause in this situation it just ends up as a totally-not-canon equestria with the same characters acting exactly how they act in canon but it's different cause twilight is Swiss...

Exaggerations aside; it is an interesting premise, and I'll give it a couple chapters to see where it goes from here.

10343739
I've more or less given up on the feature box considering 2/3rds of it is usually one off porn fics.

10344432
You know, now that I read your comment, I can really see where you’re coming from...

I'd like to throw in my two cents regarding the kingdom's isolationism: One option I've not yet seen in the suggestions is that trade, which often drives diplomatic relationships, might simply not have been possible in any noticeable quantity due to the kingdom's location. You mentioned Aurora being high up north, similar to the Crystal Empire. We've seen how the weather up there looks like: Bleak, cold, snowy. While central Aurora might have quite good farm land, it could be separated from most or even all other nations by a great mountain range, offering only small(-ish) mountain passes for transporting goods (I'll assume transport of noticeable quantities of trading goods via air impossible in earlier times, due to their sheer volume and the necessary number of pegasi/griffins/whatever to simply carry them, not the mention the problems inherent in trying to fly over high mountains in thin air). Add to that a rather volatile weather with sudden snowfall, and a trek over those mountains may become impossible in just a few hours (and an utter death trap to those already on the pass).
Even if Aurora would have wanted to trade and share in diplomatic relations, their situation would have forced upon them politics favoring self-sufficiency, as you really cannot make yourself dependable on imported food or medicine if said supply may end up cut off for months or possibly even years in a few, short hours. After centuries of this, modern inventions (better tunneling methods and the train, airships capable of crossing mountains, teleportation arrays, whatever) might have made trade feasible, but the mindset might simply be too entrenched to be swayed in just a few decades—especially in the royal family, which had carried the burden of ascertaining the kingdoms self-sufficiency for centuries. Twilight might only be the first member of the royal family of a generation questioning the continued need for this isolationism, the idea possibly being even somewhat widespread between the general populace.

Given it's location, I'd also like to throw the idea of Aurora being a remnant of the ponies' ancestral homeland into the ring. You know, the place they left during and after the Windigo disaster. The ponies now living there might be descendants of those who, for one reason or another, might not have been able, willing or allowed to make the trip. They could have been criminals left behind, stubborn nobles afraid of losing their lands or simply those deemed untenable for the march into the new lands due to sickness or deformity. Forced by the circumstances to work together, the three tribes might have looked upon Equestria as the promised land they were barred from unjustly, slowly discovering the benefits of harmony between the tribes by themselves.

10344601
I was maybe thinking along the lines of: Because of the distance and hard journey to Aurora, they cannot depend on anyrace to help them when they ask for it, (Perhaps proven from a past experience?) This isolation also forces them to abandon trade, as that would inevitably lead to an alliance sooner or later. As I said in a response to one of the other comments, Aurora became self sufficient as a result, and believes the other nations have nothing to offer.

Your suggestion is also very good, I’ll be sure to add it amongst all the other ideas I’ve been given. Thank you!

10344621
So, basically, you're suggesting that Aurora is too far away to receive help in case of...what, exactly? An attack? A natural disaster? And because of this, they decided for themselves to abandon trade, even if possible? I'm not quite certain if that makes a whole lot of sense—while trade often leads to deeper diplomatic ties, that does not happen necessarily, especially when it comes to strong cooperation like in an alliance.
As long as the trading volume doesn't surpass an amount critical to the nation's survival, you really can't force an alliance upon another nation with trade. Europe's history is a great example: We've been waging wars for centuries upon another, all while happily trading good from one end of the subcontinent to another. Only in recent times, after the Second World War, were trading organizations and structures established with the explicit goal of intertwining European economies to such a degree that war would become utterly untenable.

That said, there is somewhat of a historical precedent that reminds me of your description: Imperial China. They only traded a small amount of goods in exchange for silver with a few European nations (I'm not sure if significantly more trade was going on with other Asian nations), most importantly the British. However, China was vast. Incredibly so, offering them access to a truly broad variety of goods and natural treasures. I'm not sure if Aurora could sensibly make the same claim, given its (apparently) remote location. Of course, it actually might be that big, only strongly separated from others by natural barriers. That said, I think this kind of mentality usually comes with an ugly partner: A feeling of utter superiority over others, evidence to the contrary notwithstanding. That's what ended up biting the Chinese into their buttocks. It's probably not truly necessary to include this, but you might want to think about it. There usually is something to be had in trade, so ignoring it does need a proper motivation. Maybe ponies are better than humans at choosing some that aren't horribly, though.

Either way, I'm looking forward to more of this.

EDIT: I forgot to mention this: While you're probably already aware of it, I wanted to remind you of the fact that strong separation usually leads to quite noticeable cultural differences. While there are apparently exchanges going on, what with ambassadors being send out and Twilight able to make the trek to the border and back, those differences might show themselves in a variety of ways. You might want to think about that.
A good example would be holidays: Depending on its history, Aurora might not have a Summer Sun celebration or could have clung to an archaic form of it, like the summer solstice (if there is such a thing in your universe). Hearth's Warming might not be present or even vaguely familiar to Aurorians at all.
Another example could be food: If Aurora is relatively small and arable land in high demand, the ponies there might have had to adjust their diet accordingly. This may simply be certain types of fruit, grain and vegetables not being available (think of Asia here: While they do and did have stuff like wheat, rice was still a staple—imagine, for example, what Aurorian cuisine would look like if they had only rice, no other grains) and could go up to such rather drastic changes as ponies there being true omnivores. After all, if food is somewhat scarce and the next cold winter not too far away, you simply can't ignore all the proteins and fat running around in tiny meat-sacks.
One more: Common courtesy might be different, down to even a simple greeting. Image, just for a second, Twilight meeting the stereotypical show-version of Pinkie Pie. There'd probably be hugs. And now imagine that, to Aurorians, a hug might be a gesture only exchanged by close family members, possibly only when away from prying eyes. I think we can all imagine the confusion and irritation that would cause.

10344637
Thank you, you’ve really given me a lot to think about and to take off from here.

For the nutrition, I wanted to make them a diet consisting mainly of fruit, but then in the North, it would probably be too icy to harvest anything substantial, perhaps unique Aurorian produce suited especially for the cold? I thought about what you said about the omnivore business. Maybe, since they’re at the edge of the land (Next to ocean), they could have fish as part of their meals? To be honest though, I’m not too fond of the idea of ponies consuming meat, I feel as if ponies, as animals themselves, should be peaceful and animal-loving, I guess. Silly notion, I know, desperate times call for desperate needs, after all, I can totally see how the ponies being omnivores could be plausible.

For the Celebrations, I’ve already thought a lot about Aurorian culture and their celebrations. Hearth’s warming is probably not going to be one of their traditions, the story is about how the three tribes joined together to form Equestria, and seeing as Aurora has definitely not joined Equestria, it stands to reason that they possibly did not even know the tale existed. Now the Summer Sun Celebration raised some questions in my mind. The Aurorians don’t have any immortal ‘gods’ to worship since their rulers normally naturally die in a century or two, unlike the Equestrians. I want them to know about the Sun and Moon raisers, at least as a myth? I don’t want Aurorians to fawn over monarch goddesses of another nation, it just wouldn’t suit their isolationist nature if they were so eager to meet Celestia and Luna.

For common courtesy, I think the royal family, at least is formal with each other even behind closed doors, with the little part at the beginning, where Eventide laid a simple hoof on Twilight’s withers instead of maybe nuzzling her like you’d expect with one’s daughter. I’m not saying they don’t hold affection for each other, by the way, they just seem much more refined and uptight with each other, a direct contrast to the sisters’ antics together. What you said about meeting a ‘Pinkie Pie character,’ I don’t mean to say that you’re wrong in any way, I certainly get your point, but in my opinion, Pinkie seems to be the ‘odd one out’, Equestrians normally get to know the ponies they interact with before actually giving them a hug or a nuzzle from what I’ve seen, (Correct me if I’m wrong).

10344682
I was just offering suggestions. If you do not want ponies to be omnivores, go for it. There's quite a range you have to work with when it comes to Aurora's geography and potential food supply. It doesn't have to be "frigid wasteland where ponies eat anything that didn't manage to climb a tree at the count of three." We've already seen stuff like the crystal berries in the Crystal Empire, so there might be specialized crops that can grow in colder climates. Or Aurora might be a large plateau in the middle of a mountain range stretching over the complete northern continent, offering a micro climate allowing for a range of produce.

It's hard to guess how much the Aurorian populace would know about the outside world for me. We really don't know much about the country yet, so it could be anything from "an egalitarian society of humanist values with a broad, public education system" to "pony North Korea, there's officially no 'outside the borders.'"
That said, if it isn't some kind of dictatorship or dark age-type of land where people do not have the time to learn stuff because, you know, they need to survive, I'd guess there'd be atleast some knowledge about the wider world. If they were a remnant of the ancestral pony lands or came from there as well, they'd also know that the sun and moon used to be raised and lowered by unicorns, so information about that would probably be reasonably available. And, with ambassadors attending conferences at an apparently atleast semi-regular rate, knowledge of the sisters and other nations should also be available, unless the government actively suppresses it.

And yes, the example with Pinkie was just that, an example. She's exceptional even for pony standards, but it was the first thing that popped into my mind. A less egregious example might be something like a hand hoof shake. While it seems common in Equestria, this gesture might be unknown or take on a different meaning for an Aurorian. We've seen this in reality, where a hand shake is common in western culture, but not or less so in e.g. Asian cultures.
In general, you do not necessarily need to add differences like those—both, Equestria and Aurora, probably can trace their origins to a common culture in the not too distant past, so there's no need to double down on it. But it might be a useful tool to add some differentiation between Equestrians and Aurorians (think, as an example, of a scene where two figures not known yet to the reader discuss something. We do not know who they are or where they are from, but if you'd have established certain gestures as typical of certain cultures, just mentioning those characters performing some of those would give the reader an idea where they belong to). Or you might use them to inject some dramatic or comedic misunderstanding into a scene.

10342643
This works even better with the idea I threw out. Since the Royal Family has been one of the Three Tribes at some point in time, it would make sense, in a way, that Aurora is older than Equestria itself.

The Crystal Empire was all but said to be older than Equestria. No reason another pony couldn't be.

Heck, Celestia and Luna might be one major reason why Aurora barely puts up with Equestria at all. The kingdom's ponies know that, for however long their rulers rule, they will one day die, and another will ascend the throne. Their longevity and unwillingness to step down might be seen as abhorant or tyranny.

We know the rest of the world is a toxic shit hole barely worth thinking about.

With their isolation as much forced by circumstance of where the kingdom lies, and the rest of the world showing no reason to trust them at all, no wonder Aurora is like this. Equestria might be more because they're fellow ponies.

She placed a hoof on the withers of the lavender mare before her, “You know why we must do this, look at all the other nations, have they not all been subjected to war and strife at least some time during the last century? We have been kept secluded and nothing has happened to us, nor our ponies. Do you not want to keep this peace too?”

Have you looked into the specifics of why that is or have you just been assuming it's because you practically isolate yourselves from the outside world? :trixieshiftright:

A good start. Hope a new chapter comes soon.

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