I just have one request in regards to this. media1.tenor.com/images/d2a02149c690bae494f122a0bcb2900f/tenor.gif?itemid=12394100

Yet another case of bad male writing. "I'm stuck in a new world in a body i don't recognize, first things first, gotta check if my cock still works". Hardly the first, second, or even fifth thing that should be going through anybodys head. Maybe a few days in once you've realized you'll be here for a while, but not five minutes after panicking.

Ok I'm interested in seeing where this goes

Interesting (grabs popcorn and soda)

10335870
I would say it would be in a moment of calm depending on the person but putting a time on it would be weird and I can remember times when I did knock my self out in the forrest and had to make sure everything was ok when I came to

I have a request as well: PLEASE MAKE SURE TWILIGHT DENIES THE PRINCESSES OFFER TO HAVE TWILIGHT RULE IN THEIR PLACE WHEN THEY RETIRE. X3

Please though: It would make me a happy camper because of it. X3

10335955
that was my initial thinking. but after reading the comment, and going over the chapter....i'm not really sure why i put the cock thing in at the initial freak out moment. i guess i thought it was supposed to be comical, but after a quick re-read, i decided to just change it.

10336028
OOOOHHHHHHH!!! trust me, Zack Twilight (which is what i'm going to call the 2nd Twilight) is going to have a lot of questions on how this worlds ruling system worked, and point out things that he thinks is just ridiculous.

10335955
Knocking yourself out in a forest is one thing. Waking up in a completely unfamiliar body, in a completely unfamiliar location, with powers beyond your understanding, you first instinct shouldn't be "Oh god can I still reproduce the way I'm used to reproducing?!". Like I said, at LEAST a day or two for it to sink in that what you're seeing is real before you go experimenting with your new body. Mainly because pleasure isn't the most important thing in a survival situation. Do my arms work? Do my legs work? How do I get out of here?

Plenty of more important things to be thinking about. A person who immediately asks "Where's my dick" before at least semi sorting out those other questions is an absolute illogical idiot.

His first thought after calming down wasn't "Which way is north" or "How do I walk", it's "Okay, lewd thoughts so my cock comes out"

10336089
For sure, and besides.... Twilight is already happy with her life as it is now. She doesn't need to rule over an entire nation. :/

After all though: I still continue to be one of the major players in not liking Season 9's arc. X3

10336085
fair enough it could fit after a rest or if attention is brought to it maby but its up to you

The title of the story reminds me of

EThe Donutier

• MLP: FiM
• Slice of Life

My name is Twilight Sprinkle, and I'm not who you think I am. I don’t have friends, I don’t have books, and I sure as the sun don’t have any wings.

• OC

Hap · 13k words  ·  1,179  45 · 8.4k views

Okay. You have my attention.

10337268
i'm glad you're finding this fic interesting, i hope all my future chapters continue to please you.

10337330
Oh, so do I.

I really, reeeeaaaalllly, hope this guy doesn't try to pretend to be Twilight.

10337533
Zack won't pretend to be Twilight, but he will act like her IF only to get something he needs or want,.....and i might spoil this, but the ponies will be pretty ease to, dupe. as in the show they have terrible at spotting lies and telling lies, so Zack uses his quick quit to use that to his advantage for some tasks.

The mare said before quickly thinking of something sexual, mostly some generic stuff from websites she'd visit on occasion. As she thought of some rather sexual images and videos, the mare felt something down below, and when she looked down between her legs she saw her erect cock. But it was, odd. It looked like the normal piece of equipment she had, but it was a dark shade of purple, and it was pretty much half the length of her body, or barrel actually. Making it a full foot and a few inches, she bet that if she would bent her body, and outstretched her now longer neck, she could give herself a pretty good blowjob.

Why? Just why?

10338919
now that i think about, after going over it a few more times......i honestly don't know why its in as well.

One thing that stood out for me was he knew the term "alicorn" but does not seem familiar with the TV show... though as his method of crossing in to this world seems to have something to do with a TV set exploding, FIM may have been a show available in his old world, but he wasn't a fan of.
Still Alicorn is not a classic word than non FIM fans world normally know, it was invented whole cloth only ten years ago(piers Anthony used a similure term for one of his xanth creatures in 1985, which maybe the original source), the show writers at first used internally words like "pegicorn" it "flying unicorn" It wasn't until Trixie's return with the "Alicorn amulet" was it used in the show and even then they waited until Rarity used the term when Twilight got her wings to confirm it was the race name of winged unicorns.

I would be interested if Oxford English Dictionary now lists Alicorn as an official word.
Still wonder how he knew it.

10339711
The word itself existed way before and in Latin means "unicorn's horn". Some charlatans in the past sold or gifted narwhal horns to foreigners dubbed as such. The term to call winged unicorns was indeed coined by the show, but nowadays you can find it used in discussions related Greek mythology and some other places, so it's possible to encounter it without any or with minimal references to the show.

Main character actually didn't knew the word until the next chapter, though. Neither he actually used it. Some sentenced could be interpreted as description of his thoughts, but description is not supposed to be accurate and it was given by the one who knows the term.

This story needs a spell check, other then that it shows promise

10423513
i try to catch all the spell checks, or change where people see the changes that need to be done. i don't usually see these until i post these fics, as i like feedback to help me improve.

Horse balls, yeah you just made an adventure story into something weird.

10386410
A couple of newer franchises, including She-Ra reboot, had borrowed term "alicorn" from FiM.

Balls? Well, seems Alicorns are hermaphrodites in this AU...

10559307
no. just Zack.

10338919
Because he's human, and that weird though would probably appear in a lot of peoples minds. We probably wouldn't actually follow through with it, but definitely a random though.

10386410
Using alicorn to refer to winged unicorns predates the show by ten to twenty years in various fandoms. Though the show has certainly popularised it.

and sizable equine balls

What.

So have we two Twilight Sparkle now or did he is like Nightmaremoon that stole Lunas body?

You somehow managed to use the words "the mare" no less than 55 times in less than 3000 words, that isn't great. Try using more pronouns and less nouns.

Still has lots of bits & portions that need editing. Also, we already learned his name in the flashback. Why keep referring to him as the mare, and not Zach? That was just confusing.

Ok I start reading