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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I can't believe this has no comments. This is absolutely spectacular!
Why isn't this as popular as the original ?!
Indeed
Wow, I was legitimately terrified for Murky. You've done a great job at building atmosphere.
I said I'd give this story another chapter to really strike me in ways other than it's well written and I find some of it darkly funny, I feel like I have been given a big flashing "KEEP READING SIGN".
That stuff with him following the recorder, the way you introduced the Steel Rangers, Barb, this was most decidedly the best chapter yet. I gotta say, even though I guessed the fate of the Stable pretty quick it still gave me a bit of chill to watch Murky figure it out.
Also, literal ghosts, I am so very down with this. A lot of folks forget that this isn't just a sci-fi post nuclear apocalypse, it's a MAGICAL sci-fi nuclear post-apocalypse. All bets are entirely off as far as "stuff that can happen".
I know their victory will be short-lived, but I'm still interested to see it all go down and I'm starting to like Murky as more than just a squeak-toy.
OMG glimmer is cloud kicker reincarnated
This chapter made my spine tingle... Also, the foreshadowing in the previous chapter when Glimmerlight got her gun coming back in this one was great! If I didn't need to get up early for work tomorrow I might be able to get in another chapter, but... I suppose I'll have to wait.
I want to hope they'll make it free here, but I doubt it. the wasteland isn't so easy (not that any of that was even easy).
A force powerful enough to take out all of red-Eye's army which came prepared especially to battle these Steel Rangers were defeated. Odds are it wasn't by just a few rangers. If one or two were so much of a threat a patrol of them (I figure 4 or 5 would be a patrol) should pretty much be the definition of "bad end".
I was expecting the perk attained in this chapter would have to do with distractions.
It's relieving to finally see Murky succeed. Good job, Murky. :3
Is not safe.
Is gun.
> sides in orbit
The story of the ghost was really sweet. I have never had an emotional attachment like the one I have gotten in this story. The characters feel so real and the hardships they face seem so daunting. It really is my new favorite Fallout Equestria story. It just feels so real.
Imagine brimestone in enclave power armour.
that was the most friendly ghost I've met.
This was a thoroughly satisfying chapter. Spine tingles, unbearable tension, comedic moments, feels, this chapter had it all. Masterpiece.
Is not safe
Is gun
Yessssssssssssssss
I was hesitant to like this story, both in the sense of actually enjoying it and the literal sense of pushing the green thumb button. This is the chapter that finally earned your nine hundred and seventy-first Like.
It took me so long to give that Like (we're almost 200k in... the length of two novels) because I have a lot of issues with it. Murky's narrative annoys me sometimes, especially with poorly placed humor and other asides. His emotional states are sometimes inconsistent. Some plot points are repetitive or unnecessary. Some details of violence or sadness seem so excessive, it's almost like the fic is parodying itself. The whole thing seems very rough and unpolished, as if written stream of consciousness and edited only for spelling.
This chapter finally earned a Like from me because, despite all the roughness, the underlying story here is genius.
If this were ever revised and the issues dealt with, it could very well be one of the greatest stories I've read. Not just the greatest ponyfic or the greatest fanfiction, but it could be one of the greatest stories, sitting up there on my bookshelf with a bunch of legendary novels from famous, published authors.
The atmosphere is great if I ignore the misplaced humor and inconsistent behavior. The pacing is usually not an issue; if things are too slow, it's because a scene is redundant, but even within the redundant scenes, the pacing is good. The way some details from early on come around later (the synched PipBucks, "is not safe; is gun," the friendly scooter ghost) is absolutely brilliant. You're a master of conflict/tension. The thematic content came together wonderfully without being too overbearing. What happened to the Stable and the way it was conveyed is storytelling gold.
For those reasons, you now have another loyal reader along for the adventure, even if it's a bit bumpy at times. I'm excited to see what lies ahead.
Time to haul tail out of here!
Darn it, that chapter though! The atmosphere was so thick! Helped that I was reading it in the dark past midnight, I suppose.
The whole I was like, "obviously it's just Barb." NOPE!
That was an amazing chapter, truly your best work so far. The story of the stable was awesome.
And now . . . I'm going to riff it and than point out ALL the typos.
See this is what I'd expect from most food in the wasteland after 200 years. How has everyone not died or become coastal fishermen-ponies by now?
Finally! Murky hasn't eaten in like . . . 90,000 words. I was considering writing to the author to ask how he's even still alive
Wait a second . .
That's . . . Okay the scene of Murky eating is actually kind of disgusting. I hope he didn't touch his food with his hooves.
You were just wishing for the company of ghosts a second earlier. Sheesh. Make up your mind!
And now it's typo time
Starting with the last chapter where you wrote "raiser" instead of "raider". Also in a chapter before that you wrote "radioi". Forgot which one.
In this chapter you had
"Loudspeader" - instead of loudspeaker
"growing as my whip bruises rubbed against the edge." - I assume you meant growling
"none of seemed to properly sunk in" - I'm sure you meant "none of *it* seemed to properly *sink* in
"Every instinct fought to close me eyes" - Murky is Scottish now?
"raising her hoof to signalled he was to shut up" - *signal*
"Hadn't that been what she had done when I fixed her robes?" - It just seems like "Hadn't that been what *I'd* done when I fixed her robes" would make more sense following the previous sentence. Am I missing something? What did *she* do when he fixed her robes?
I lost the words to properly describe how I feel about this so...
Also, feels.
I can not express how good this story is. Just... Holy shit it's good.
To sleep, or to continue? That is the question
Just as suspenseful as it was four years ago. I'm falling in love with this story all over again.
The flight to stay free is on. Now.... To out run them all is on. Man I hope Murky got that pistol off the desk. It will be his own gun, like LittlePip's gun. With no scope.
Ahh, so our intrepid little rag a muffin has come upon the remnants of fallen heroes, the last atta pony a member of the Guard recieves before civilian life and all manner of benefit screwing out off chicanery that one can do unto those who should be cared for before all others, or given to some broken hearted spouse, foal, or berieved parent who would rather have the child home then medals. Stand there a moment Murky... can you hear that? The echoes of the past, the pride, the joy of service?
No, of course not. Like a foal, Murky goes for the shiniest baubles with primary colors to impress a mare who has some inkling of what this "jewelry" means
I take that back. He's lost excited foal and slid back into carrion crow sifting amongst the dead.
Our hero folks! The most adorable thing to come out of the Pitt since Pip went Team Rocketing from Dodge, and a giant unintentional middle finger to Equestria's military at large
I just want to point out that the shackles on his cutiemark were never closed. They were always open, which as I was reading the beginning led me to believe that he was never destined to be a slave till death but as a pony who would break free from the shackles that held him down.
7874795
y'know I always thought of it as a sign that he was meant to have escaped someday from the shackles that onece held him, I like seeing other opinions as well especially when they are similar to mine.~
I love Brimstone. I have a weak spot for powerhouses that use their power to protect others.
And holy shit, he can just scrap a Steel Ranger in unarmed combat? I can't wait to see him go toe to toe with a Hellhound...
7952759
As much as I enjoy the idea, Hellhounds can one-shot a steel ranger. I don't want a repeat of Applesnack.
Every time I read something coming from the Stable’s PA I hear the sound of dial-up in my head.
7886633
Why is your text purple
This story starts slow, but chapter 6 and 7 are where MN7 really starts getting good. Not coincidentally, this is also when we first properly meet Glimmerlight. The constant tension, extremely somber events and even the comedic moments like the finale of the fight with the two Shades all come together well. The scene where Murky reunites with Glimmer in the science room is a perfect example. We transition from Glimmer fangirling over the memory orb technology and speaking technobabble and smoothly transition into Murky finally breaking down and venting to her about why he hates the past. It hits hard. No one wants to be just another cruel statistic in a history book, to have their entire potential wrung from them by a world like this one. Almost makes me tear up a little.
The foreshadowing is so thick you could cut it with Barb's knife! The memory orb technology, Glimmer's past and her connection to them, Ministry Hub leader Aurora Star, Barb's future plans... the list just goes on.
That... That was masterful.