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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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My...God that was intense...
...no other words man...
...no other words...
When the night has come, and the land is dark, and the moon is the only light we'll see...
It was beautiful seeing shackles finally kick the bucket, the son of a bitch had it coming and it fucking happened!
Not gonna lie... I had to take several breaks throughout this chapter, not the least of which being when Unity lost her memories.
This chapter was hard to read, but in a good way. You somehow managed to capture all the raw emotions from the whole story and put them into this one incredible chapter that by all rights could have been a story unto itself. I mean 54k words? I can't even begin to understand how you managed to put this chapter together let alone this whole story. I was listening to some music while reading this, and somehow I imagine I'll always think of this whenever I hear that music again. Thanks for the laughs and tears man, this story has been a real highlight for me ever since I started reading it years ago.
Now if you'll excuse me I have an epilogue to read before going to bed, and for some reason I think I'm gonna sleep well tonight.
YEEEEEEESSSSSSS
just finished reading this
Man, shackle certainly didn't go down easy. But I would say his end was poetic.
Though it also reminded me of Murky's trip into the Stable with how his end came and what Murky saw as he was leaving.
I actually almost cried.
That was amazing.
Man, this story has gotten long. And the chapter lengths are absurd. It's like each and every chapter is a short story, that's how long they are. It's great, but it terms of rereading, it would be nice if you split the story into clear, separate "Acts," because trying to sift through this thing to find the tiny details that you might have forgotten is like trying to find a graviton in... anywhere.
The ending here had me like
Damn this was worth the wait if I hadn't checked Tumblr I wouldn't have known about this chapter and to be honest with no shame I'm crying Murky finally got what he sot after all his life
At the end of a story like this there are both many words to say and none to suffice. Let's just say if I was listing reasons this fandom is both insane and awesome, you would be high on that list.
As always, I found the chapter length daunting. For me personally, it is so long that a fair bit of the casual pleasure of reading is replaced by the mindset of a mountain climb, with my eye on progress and the half-way point and such. Fitting for story about slavery it very fittingly makes the reader do a bit of slaving away as well. I know I'm slower than most but it honestly took me all day yesterday to get halfway through the finale chapter, than I got most of the second half in the evening/night.
But again, as always, as things pick up and I get to the halfway point I get into it and it's great.
Maybe I'm projecting but, I feel like your love of horror showed again in your description of the gaunt slaves closing in around Shackles, as well as your love of musicals since the first thing it actually reminded me of was the final moments of Scar in the Lion King. But a more fitting comparison would be a story I can't name, or perhaps I'm dubbing in multiple stories for all I can remember, where a killer sees the ghost children of his victims silently gang up on him as he yells for them to get back.
The imagery of the ghosts of someone's victims closing around them is a timelessly compelling one and here it reminded me of what makes zombies and ghosts so compelling. There's the element of past sins not leaving you unhaunted but then there's the reason pertinent to Murky Number Seven. The weak rise, and the past lives. Who's weaker those already limping from death? Your paragraph mentioned that the slaves were weak but had numbers on their side, which is just like a zombie apocalypse. Horror is often about the triumph of the seemingly inert, small or harmless, albeit on the side of the antagonist rather than the hero.
Also, we got a glimpse in Shackles' past. I'm considering updating the throwaway parody song I wrote in the comments of chapter 19 about Shackles' being just a pony, since we have a better understanding of what Shackles is.
And on a final note, I'm not ending my commentary on this story without giving all the characters funny nickname's in an homage to Honest Trailers on youtube.
Prepare . . . for an epic almost twice the length of the fanfiction it's based on, within the magical world of My Little Pony spend one million words in a toxic, smog filled industrial hell hole, a story of slavery with chapters and total word count so huge and tone so dark it will make the readers feel like they're toiling and depressed just trying to finish it. But it'll be worth it for the cast of dynamic and lovable friends as they fight their way to rebuild their dreams after valley after valley of despair, for the happy pay offs that makes you work to earn them, in the Fillydelphia version of Fallout: Equestria where a small, overlooked main character works there way up from killing raiders to becoming the hero that saves his own little stretch of wasteland!
Starring!
"It's REALLY not easy being green!"
"Not THAT Glimmer, the one from the fanfic!"
"One-Eyed, No-Horn, Flying, Crimson Pony Beater."
"Red Eye Cosplay"
"Motherly Shove."
"Hope Spot."
"Dr. [Censored]"
"Long Chainy."
"Nasty Doodle Donkey."
And lots
And lots
Of typo errors!
Cue music!
"In the midst of the wastelannd's two greatest powers " *Wasteland
"on either side to looked cracked up the middle" - side looked
“Crystal from the Canterlot mines, it right magical resonance." - It's the right, unless she meant to speak that way of course
"Coral Eve shook her head to clear the thoughts. Murky? Time for your E.F.S," - Missing quotation marks
"My eyes throbbed behind as flares of sparks lit and darkened" - Throbbed behind Brim or throbbing behind his eyes?
"all beneath below extravagant curves" - Forgot to choose a synonym
"I couldn't listen them scream." - listen to them
"I fell into his chest on another wave of force surge down past us." - As another wave
"The thought of Sundial passed already away already." - Already used "already" already
"I heard three sounds of things landing on the floor and bassy, gurgling animalistic sounds" - Not a typo, but the use of "sounds" is kind of repetitive.
"She had ensured pain, sacrifice, time, heartbreak, loss and taunting for this whole journey." - I think you meant endured. Or Coral Eve is a really bad pony.
"The bricks shattered in the air under the tremendous forces shrapnel, turning them into lethal shrapnel" - apostrophe after forces if it's possessive, or remove the word shrapnel, since that would make more sense for why the bricks shattered.
"as I saw her horn now head two shining auras of magic over it" - *had
"Coral had pushed herself too far, probably further she ever would again" - Further *than she ever would
"to the north, he thick door was bent" - *the
Unity pulled me from ahead. I pushed forward, - any reason for the large space here?
"I heard a clattering of chains, as saw two collars" - As I saw
"The rise on volume" - *in
"while foals clung tightly at why everyone was shouting. " - I guess maybe this could work but I feel other phrasings word be less of a snag that feels like a word is missing
"Sundancer." - You call her Sundancer four out of the seven times you mention Sundial's girlfriend.
"but as he brought a hoof to his face I saw him force a smile upon his face." - Not a typo, but kinda repetitive
"A belief that I could do was the only thing holding me up." - do *it
""Through the crack in the loose door, those intense white glows flew the corner, as I saw something open below them, far wider than should be possible by the vague shape that I could see, like a tear in the darkness itself" - Did you mean flew into the corner? And a tear in the darkness opened below the creatures?
"I fled down the street and tryied to veer away" - *tried
"Crying out, if anything to stir my own frightening body into action, " - While I'm sure he's quite a sight I think you meant *frightened
"I'd slipped past those pursuing me, broken their knowledge of where I was for the minute." - I feel like "broken" is incorrect but am not actually sure.
"about the fire from the FunBarn making its way down the rides if the wind turned this way." - Did you mean "down to the rides"?
"stinging rain a city falling into anarchy all over again" - Comma missing after "rain".
"If I had been tired, then I still was, but now I could see my goal" - Did you mean and I still was?
"and I fought to note throw up the very potion that was helping me." - *Not
"Ever attempt brought you closer." - *Every
"I saw another shape grab onto me, and lifted me up to whispered into my ear." - whisper*
"This wasn't just where I had been caught my Fillydelphia." - *By. Though points for making Fillydelphia sound like an STD
"passing by Shackles' head. I soared above him, as I sucked up the pain," - *It soared aboe him
"as I heard autoaxes began to whine and spin." - *begin
"The autoaxes rose and sung," - I think you meant *swung, but had the line been "roared and sung" that would've been poetic.
"Both sharpand dull pains raced back " - missing a space
"to leave only metal stand of the Ministry Mare alone" - only the metal stand
"and I rolled away from to the side to catch the fumes " - rolled away to the side
"They sent my soaring up" - *me
"Heedless of the pain it would case, I dove into the tops of the flames." - *cause
"It lazily rose and feel," - *fell
"this one get to end well!" - *got
"I had never really had known" - Had to many "hads"
"and felt myself surrounded those I cared about " - by* those I cared about
Errors that aren't necessarily typos
"or the way we'd bicker about where I'd landed or crashed" - They argued about *whether they landed/crashed
"Glimmer worked on the panel's arcane technology, while Unity went for the lock." - I thought Brimstone already knocked the lock off? Is this a different lock?
“See anything?” The white unicorn leaned down." - Coral Eve was the one talking right before this, not Unity
"Falling onto his back, I dove over his neck, slipping the cord around it." - The cord that's supposed be taught with inertia as the grappling hook extends to its full distance through the air? Wouldn't that action make it immediately fall back down?
Holy . . . Goddesses . . . . Even the final chapter's number of typos is climactic.
But even all that doesn't stop it from being an emotional roller coaster
Fallout: Fillydelphia
IT LIVES
I'm so happy that the story ended how I'd always hoped, with Murky narrating his story to Homage and the rest of the wasteland. How could it have been anything else? It was a brilliant framing device executed perfectly.
As for the rest of the chapter, it delivers perfectly. I had to wait until today to read it, but once I started I couldn't stop. I couldn't imagine a better way to finish it.
And that is why this is my favorite story, of all time, bar none. The New Years fireworks just added to the wartime atmosphere.
Yo, Fuzzy, you accidentally broke the formatting of this chapter. A section is centered starting here:
Well done Murk... well done.
It always blows my mind seeing how authors utilize and keep track of all the different pieces of foreshadowing/story threads in such massive works. How long ago did Glimmer mention the SATS charge? Around the time of his birthday, I believe. Just a small little reference, but it was still significant in the end. Seriously incredible.
This is honestly rivaling Project Horizons as my favourite fiction! If you ignore the occasional typos, it's such a well structured story, with an amazing plot, and the feels have been huge throughout the entirety of the story! Never a chapter that was dull
You go Murky, you are so brave!!!
That'd be 'miserly'.
Of all the times FoE period made me cry, half of them were in MN7, and most in this chapter.
Up to the end Murky had it denied, and THIS is a real liberation.
I could have read this chapter weeks ago, but I here ending a good story, still an epilogue to go through and it better be Murky reaching their village, Glimmer teasing him, Unity bring Ok and finishing with them kidding before getting drunk with everybody else !
Longer than it needed to be, and exceptionally repetitive at points (are we sure Murky's cutie mark isn't a yo-yo? Because the number of times he takes one step forward and two steps back is silly at times)
But other than that, a nice addition to the Fallout Equestria sandbox, with interesting and memorable characters
Thanks for this
Been reading MN7 on and off again for a year now, I really don’t know what to do now that I’ve finally reached the end .-. I’m late to the party, but thank you for writing this story.
Been putting this chapter off for so long ever since it first came out. I got intimidated by the word count about half way through, and thought I might take a break by reading other shorter stories, then the procrastination just snowballed out of control... I think no other chapters is going to break this ludicrous record of taking me 2 years to finish.
Now, I can finally put that unread notification marker to rest, and I lament that I didn't join in on the celebration with other readers over the story's completion and over Murky's victory back when the chapter's fresh.
Murky's journey had been incredible from start to finish, and you have my most heartfelt thanks for writing it.
This was an amazing and FANTASTIC story! Thank you so much for writing it, it's a story I consider to be worthy of the big 3. it was an incredible experience that I will never forget, thank you.
A fitting end to a great story.
HE DID IT
(Sorry if this comment isn't as good. My stupid computer rebooted unexpectedly and made me lose almost the entire thing, so I had to frantically retype it while it was still fresh in my mind. I could really use some of Glimmerlight's magic right now.)
Screw it, I think I'll do one for this chapter and the epilogue, and the story as a whole.
This finale is near-perfect, and I really do mean that. Everything came to a head in both expected and unexpected ways and wrapped up almost everything that still remained in a very satisfying way.The previous chapter left us with the great sadness of loss, and this one gives the joy of freedom at long last. It's also the most content-dense chapter. I've been writing little summaries of each chapter, and the summary length for this one just ballooned out of control.
I've already gone into all the hints you left about Murky and Unity's true relationship, but this chapter really shows how well you introduce elements into the story and bring them back later to great effect. Over the course of this chapter, there are so many things that are brought back that shift the course of the story in small or large ways. It's a major strength of your writing.There were the drawings and carving in the cells of the MAS hubs, Murky and Unity tried to leave their erased past behind them, but it keeps coming back to haunt them. There were also the vent covers in Ministry Station. I thought they were just there to show how serious of a threat the mint monsters are, but they came back for one of the most nail-biting scenes in the story. Because somehow these creatures can fit themselves into vents and are simultaneously strong enough to beat down reinforced steel doors, somehow. For all I know, you probably foreshadowed the use of the Enclave Flares and the Ferris Wheel, but if you did, I didn't notice.
But there were four things you brought back that really stood out. The first thing was the final SATS charge in Sundial's pipbuck. That was mentioned all the way back Chapter 6 or 7, and was almost entirely unmentioned until the very end and implemented just how I expected it would be! I don't even care that I saw it coming. The second thing was Unity's statue being used to draw out her magical signature from the projection orb. That statue is the biggest Chekhov's gun in the story, how it was used to draw out her magical signature, and later in the fight against Shackles (that is, if the statue did what I think it did in that scene). The third thing was the audio log Sparkler detailing how she restored a pony who had their memories drained by the nexus. Murk's friends were all getting after him when he was frantically searching Sparkler's office, I should have known it would come back! My eyes went really wide when he played the audio log to Glimmer just before they were all teleported away, that turn of events was fantastically executed.
The fourth thing had me speechless; it was something I never expected to hear about again. That thing was Murky's dream/fantasy of Little Pip back in Chapter 22. The very same scenario plays out in his fight against Shackles, except this time, he's the one pulling the trigger. In fact, Pip's statue was smashed just beforehand, and it even plays into how Murky no longer needs to depend on her as a source of hope! I remembered this moment because it was funny, I can't say I expected it to come back this way. It's things like this that make re-reading this story so worth it; there is so much I didn't notice the first time around.
The end of the reign of Chainlink Shackles had a lot of good stuff, but it also had the only real weak points of the finale. Let's start with the good. I enjoyed seeing his overbearing presence and personality slowly fall part, as his grand plan gradually unraveled. In this chapter, he came across as...weirdly normal at times. Like we were seeing Shackles the pony, not the Shackles the evil slaver. The constant setbacks and ultimate defeat of his plan, plus the exposure to the Memory Nexus really rattled him and it shows. Shackles has never had much depth, and didn't really need much., but I liked what you did with him here even though he still deserved to die like the sadistic little bitch he is. The flaw that became his downfall was assuming that everyone would eventually fit into his little world of Masters and Slaves, there could be no exceptions, no ponies who would truly resist it. He thought Murky was so defeated that he would naturally revert back to the slave role, and in thinking that, he made a fatal mistake.
I liked how the fight played out for the most part. Murky using the anvil to turn the tables and then string up Shackles with his own chains was great, and as I already mentioned the final moments of the fight are good too. Thank fuck that bastard is finally dead. I've been waiting years to see to see it happen. But unfortunately, there are the downsides. I have no idea what happened with all the save ghosts that attacked Shackles. It kind of came out of nowhere and the only place we've seen ghosts was back in Stable 93. I would have much preferred if Murky had just finished him off with Protege's revolver instead of these weird spectral slaves showing up. My only real guess as to what actually happened is that Unity's magic somehow reanimated memories of the dead slaves when her statue of Pip was broken, but even that is a big stretch. Additionally, what Shackles did with the anvil left me confused. I thought that Murky had his wings broken well before he came to Fillydelphia, or was that just a false memory? The time when he got his wings was a pretty important part of Chapter 18, so I doubt that's the case. Or did Shackles break his wings for a second time once he arrived in the city?
I knew, I just knew that Murky's friends would be freed separately from him! I called that! Wildcard's words heavily hinted they'd be separated, but I knew that they would get sent through the portal without him. What I didn't see coming was that Murky would be the one to make it happen! Between this, killing Shackles, and finally flying, I can't think of a better end for Murky's character arc. it's incredible how much progress he made in under a month after a a whole life of servitude. he went from the most pathetic pony in the world to a great liberator. He couldn't have gotten there without his friends, but proved to the whole world that he doesn't always need them by his side if he still believes in them, and in himself most of all.
Just, thank you for this finale. Everything the entire story was building up to all paid off, and it didn't end in tragedy, but in hope. It's always great when a story really nails the landing, it leaves a lasting impression. The only other complaint I have is there's not enough Glimmerlight. Everyone else got a chance to shine, but she was mostly stuck being injured or working on the portal.
I haven’t been active in this community for a couple of years and came back to read this out of nostalgia. This bit makes me tear up every goddamn time.
Damn, this was a hell of a good read. I lost too much sleep telling myself "oh I'll just finish this chapter" only for me needing to dive into the next chapter after a cliffhanger. Thanks for the great story! Into the epilogue I go...
That was heavy.
Wow. In the moment I have no words... I was crying out of joy during that entire mini-epilogue. I'll wait a few minutes and collect some thoughts.
Thankfully I spammed a friend with my thoughts all throughout the chapter, so I should have some material to talk about.
Overall, the chapter felt like it dragged on. But for once, I won't treat that as a negative. It genuinely felt like the last mile of a long, long journey. Where the end is so close you just have to press on.
I just hope work won't be too difficult after pulling an all-nighter to finish this.I absolutely adored the scene where he bolted out when Glimmer got hurt. Was an utterly amazing character moment. I liked Coral's scene. I enjoyed Unity's scene.
But come on, the real star of the show is the second part of the chapter.
This late on, stakes were kind of hard to take seriously for a bit, since it was obvious he was not going to fail at this point. The chase scene was still interesting to read, though.
However, the last scene with Shackles? Glorious. Truly a worthy climax for the story. Not only was it actually tense because I couldn't tell if he would keep his wings or not, but the way everything actually came together? Brilliant.
Normally I would have hated that Deus ex Machina with the phantoms, but not only was it not really a true one (since phantoms had been shown in a previous chapter already), but it also was such a fitting end to Shackles.
It wasn't just Murky getting his revenge and freedom. It was all of the slaves Shackles had wronged. Well, rather, the phantoms represented all of them; same difference.
And the cherry on the fucking cake? The killing blow was dealt with Protégé's revolver. Absolutely and utterly fucking brilliant.
And that final few scenes with the radio and Homage? I was actually physically forced to stop reading since my eyes wouldn't stop tearing up.
After I read the epilogue, I'll compile my global thoughts on the fic into one comment.
Congrats on writing my third favourite piece of fiction of all time btwYEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!! F*ck yeah!
Been working through this for a while. I paused for over a month on this last chapter, but I'm glad I finished it. Good shit, as they say.