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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hay.... It's about time...
yay! Have fun reading, people! I know I did!
hmmm. how many chapters left to all of this?
You post this at bloody 1AM! WHY WONT YOU LET ME SLEEP! well I better start now, Murky 4 life!
It is 1 in the morning.
I have work in five hours.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.
Ooh! Now THIS is a treat! Can't wait to read the new chapter, considering what's about to happen to Fillydelphia soon...
Go Murky!!!
6093408
Made someone very grumpy tomorrow.
when will we see part 2? i dont wanna read it untill part 2 is out
I fucking love Weathervane!
Also, Murky swore?!
This needs to be said:
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20141021024115/battlenations/images/a/ae/DoctorWho_-_War_Doctor_No_more.png
Damnit, I completely forgot this was going to show up today. I read it all the way through, even though I am bloody fucking tired right now.
That battle though...damn. I can't believe Shackles has the orb now. Hope that third faction (Enclave) randomly hops in soon.
That...is one of the most creative swears I've seen in a while. Especially "arseviolin".
And speaking of swearing, Murk finally swore! Never thought I'd see the day.
Hehe, everyone complaining about that 1am post when It's more like 1pm for me!
Yes. That's all that needs to be said
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20141021024115/battlenations/images/a/ae/DoctorWho_-_War_Doctor_No_more.png
Nice work
6093820 SONOFA-
Doc Weathervane, of course
"Fuck-buttering Dinglecunts, Cock-guzzling Dildochickens."
Also, shprtly after that moment, there's...
Shouldn't that be "call"?
You sir, bring Hell to life and give it beauty. Horrible, gruesome, unfilterd, unflinching, awesome, terrifying, and truly emotional beauty.
Within just a few hours, I went straight from watching Slice of Life, one of the most crazy-fun episodes of MLP in the series, to reading one of the most hellish depictions of the overwhelming terror and violence and despair of war that I've read in years.
...The whiplash was intense.
(I am so, so glad Part 2 is already done. I don't think I could take waiting on this cliffhanger for very long.)
My goodness! You keep on teasing us with that wonderful armor. I'm left to wonder if Brimstone will ever be wearing it be the end of this.
The story is really picking up with the Enclave mixing into things. It's getting really exciting, considering who shows up at the end of the chapter.
What are hands pls
...fuck.
6100357 And it possibly hasn't even gotten to the halfway point in the battle yet.
One can only imagine how things get more complicated when the Steel Rangers and Applejack rangers start mixing it up outside, Hellhounds start popping out of the ground and Xenith starts to challenge Stern while Celestia one starts taking shots at things.
6100652 Indeed, this cliffhanger left me shell-shocked.
Part 2 can't come fast enough.
If the battle started at dawn...
with the movement of the sun...
given time for a charge...
by my random guessing the next part won't start with the foretold battle, but THE SONIC RAD BOOM!!!
Carp. Murky can't take THE SONIC RAD BOOM. It's going to set off his Taint problem. Just like it was written in the early chapters.
Hmmm, wonder how much attention Shackles is drawing to himself with the Enclave still in the area?
Still, poor Murk--he's got a lot of Bloodletters to deal with...
You could almost say...
War. War Never Changes.
Fallout 4 confirmed.
In all seriousness, I love these depictions of war. I feel the Lightbringer's battle was a bit glorified, with wonderful Call of Duty esque lone squads killing thousands. Project Horizons recently hit endgame, but all of those battles are oneoff operations. This is a real war, with all of it's horror and all of it's glory. You have shown Hell on earth.
Found a typo:
Briefly, I even wondered if this was show Sundial had felt waiting for the sirens to go off...
Should be how.
Great chapter, looking forward to the next part. And I hope Mac's Armor comes into play, that'd be awesome.
Good to see you back at it, Fuzzy.
Yeah, you're one for Pyrrhic victories aren't you?
6130828
I would not disagree with you on essentially all points, if I'm truly honest! Sometimes it's easy for me to forget how long I've been doing this (It was being posted over half a year before I migrated it to FimFic, so it's early 2012 we're looking at) and how much I've learned along the way. I am undoubtedly pleased that it's managed to grab you though. I'm still very proud of those early chapters, for all their faults (If I were to redo it, I'd condense some chapters into singular ones, for example) and I'm glad that you did say there is still good content in them. That is pleasing to read!
I'll be very interested to hear your thoughts as things go on. Behind Closed Doors was one of my favourite ones to write and I look back on the days I spent on it fondly. I won't lie, there are periods that I wish I could have done better. While Chapters 10-12 I am very proud of in their build up to the end of Act 1, Chapters 14-16 I have openly admitted drop the pacing far FAR too much during the period of rock bottom struggles for the cast and a lot more pacing/editing of content went into Chapter 17 onwards after I got a lot of feedback reflecting that about the three preceeding them. So I'll be waiting eagerly to hear what you think of those areas.
Thank you for the well thought out comment and the honesty in it to even critique without coming across as 'talking down' or anything. I highly appreciate it! Enjoy the rest of the story!
6098070
Doubt it. He's smart when it comes to planning things out but he's not really book-smart.
If Blunderbuck wasn't smart enough to figure it out I doubt Brimstone will be able to.
If the armor weren't so over-sized I'd have assumed Glimmer would eventually hop into it since she's from the Steel Rangers. Pretty sure that'd be like a child wearing their parent's clothing tho'.
Prediction: Mister Peace gets taken out next chapter, but Glimmer installs him in the Big Mac Armor as an OS, and Brim wears it into battle against Big Brutus and Wildcard. Think Iron Man, where Brim is Tony Stark and Mister Peace is Jarvis...
I just scared myself.
6131136 Having just read 14, 15, and 16 over the past three days, I want to say — briefly, without another essay — that I don't see any serious issues with pacing. Those chapters seem consistent with the previous ones. Maybe one or two of those three could be merged into the rest, but I wouldn't say that this area is particularly guilty of that.
Is it possible that people took issue with the pacing because chapters 1-13 were posted all at once, thus allowing the reader to read them as fast as they wanted, but then there was a wait for the next few? This is only relevant to Fimfic readers, but I thought it worth pointing out.
Typo: backwards and away from the Mall abd passing near to a fast moving Enclave ship
Better version: backwards, away from the Mall and passing near to a fast moving Enclave ship
Your brain was like NOOOOO must not say and twice in the same sentence!!!
6181057
The failsafe's must be rusty. :p
I'll see about getting to them, need to find a spapre slot. (It's not just changing on Fimfic, but I need to do it in Gdocs and in my home files too.)
6165677 Pacing doesn't seem strained to me either. I mean, hell, yes--it ain't super fast but that isn't a sin.
6191934
no he needs murky's cute little ass
6191934
Damn you catch up fast. :p
That weather station sequence was, believe it or not, something planned for a long time but emerged totally differently from the original concept in the last few days before writing. Sometimes I just get these swerves of opinion on the plans.
It's nice to know when they turn out right when seeing comments like that. :)
6195114 I've been reading at the rate you suggested! One chapter a day! (Except for a few times when I doubled up because I couldn't wait to know what happened. ^^;)
I'm curious as to what the original plan was for the weather station. Kill off Protege instead of letting him live?
Actually... I'm curious about all the plans, but I highly suspect that I don't have the proper security clearance to see them.
6197664
Oh, nothing enormously dramatic for that scene in terms of the outcome. It was originally more of a low-key sequence in which they debated with words more upon a cliff atop the world, the idea being to deliberately "ramp up" the scene from Chapter 8 where they are in much the same situation.
But as I was writing Chapter 23, I got the realisation that this was too big to let fall down into an ignomious ending of words and inevitable capture. Chapter 8 defined the first time they'd been brought into physical conflict with a gunshot, 23 being a very deliberate expansion on that scene with greater intensity and emotion had to evolve that physical aspect too. The moment I realised how strong an image the two of them being brought to reluctant conflict was, it just grew the scene from there. It also delayed the chapter by about a week, but it's worth it, I feel.
It also helped lead to some of my favourite interactions between them afterwards, which I'd wanted to write for a long time. Of Protégé and Murky realising how difficult it is for them to be the close friends they want to be with the two directions life has thrown them in. I couldn't have written them without 23's sequence going the way it did. The original plan of a 'war with words' simply didn't have the raw shock to their systems to accomplish what I wanted.
Hey, it finally made it to 1000 upvotes! Congratulations! Can't wait for the next chapter. Now, if only I had the time to find all of the subtle hints to Murky's and Unity's connection. Unfortunately, I am already falling behind on my current stories and can't look through around 1 million words to find them.
6237779
and i love it it shows you how much Murky wants freedom, it takes a lot of courage to keep going after all hes been through
I just wanted to say that am amazed. I never thought I'd find a story longer than horizons.
6243484
In wordcount, it's shorter than Horizons, last I checked?
Unless something crazy's happened. :p
6243590
Horizons is almost hitting the 3 million marker right now
I love the fact that what finally pushed Murky over the edge to finally drop the almighty f-bomb was some random dipshit not putting safety rails on his platform. Fucking poetic.
6247808
not really i didn't like that part it was way too soon first time cursing should have been telling shackles to go fuck himself
6264848
you jus started your in for a good treat
Is the last chapter going to be put up soon?
6268542
Still 3 or so chapters to go! Expect the next one fairly soon. :)