• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Admiral Biscuit


"This was quite well written, and the characters had a very natural feeling back and forth. Shame I didn't like it at all."

E
Source

Many a young stallion wanders Equestria, searching for himself and taking up odd jobs along the way. A cranberry bog and a mare named Foxberry might be one stallion's destiny . . . there's only one little thing that might keep them apart.

Cranberries are delicious, but they come at a terrible cost.


With a reading by StraightToThePointStudio!

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 84 )

Celestia's Shiny Hiney, I can't blame the poor sap.

I was going to say this was a supremely comfy story...
... but no. No, Biscuit. Not anymore. You've taken my comfy, and thrown it to the spiders.

As an arachnophobe, I have only one thing to say to this:

NOPE!

The moment I saw the title I thought, "This is gonna get dark, the spiders are gonna devour the poor guy at the end aren't they?" But there's no Dark tag so it can't be that and it wasn't, it was just...….eesh. Here's a question, remember in Raiders at the beginning when the guy had all those tarantulas on his back? Which would you rather have, 30-40 tarantulas on your back or 1000 wolf spiders? Personally, I'm leaning towards the tarantulas.

Now really, they probably weren't any happier about the situation than you were. Imagine going about your business as you always do, and then one day the whole gorram world floods leaving you to ride to safety on the back of the nearest kaiju.

Though yes, this is the sort of thing that needs a bit of a warning.

I personally don't have anything against spiders, I do not fear them, I don't necessarily like when I walk into a web unintentionally, but yeah, Foxberry sounds like a nice mare, but even I don't think I could handle having that many spiders on me all at once. That being said, perhaps it's one of those things like when I had to take a live-drawing course in college, I thought I'd be too distracted but when you are in the zone, things don't bother you as much as you think they would.

Do Equestrian wolf spiders howl at the full moon? :rainbowlaugh:

That went from cute to horrifying in ten seconds flat! :twilightoops:

10329977

one day the whole gorram world floods leaving you to ride to safety on the back of the nearest kaiju.

That gave me a wonderful mental picture of a bunch of humans escaping a flooding city on the back of a giant pony. :rainbowlaugh:

On apple farms, stallions are tested by hard work from dawn till dusk. On cranberry farms, it's wolf spiders.

In the palace courtyards, it's the tone and length of the meep when Celestia glomps her prey.

Sometimes, it's not easy being a stallion.

More Spiders than Spiderses.

Spiders/10.

She held her head up, and all the other fieldhooves moved in, watching as she released it, dropping it neatly on the blade of my trowel. To my amazement, it bounced.
A cheer erupted from my fellows, but my eyes stayed on the berry. I’d never seen fruit bounce before.
“That’s how you know they’re ripe,” she said. “And that’s why some ponies call them bounceberries.” Foxberry lifted her head, and made her proclamation. “Tomorrow, we harvest.”

I would be dissapointed if not at least one of the ponies started bouncing, too.

After we were dismissed for the day, I thought about that; imagined a whole field of cranberries bouncing off, chased down by a group of ponies with cranberry nets. Cranberry nets were a thing; I was to be one of the ponies on net duty.
It was a great responsibility, and I vowed to not let a single cranberry escape

Cranberries: "Challenge accepted!"


Heh.
That ending was certainly unexpected.

Edit:
Fixed grammar.

Given that this is Equestria we're talking about, I have to ask: Do you mean wolf spiders or wolf spiders?

In any case, an appropriately sour-sweet tale given the fruit in question. (I'd hardly call schadenfreude bitter. :raritywink:) Thank you for it.

She’d already been tempted to make a move, but had learned to not get involved with a stallion until she knew how he’d act when he was covered in spiders.

You gotta stop sometimes, look at a statement like that and gaze in wonder at how dang weird the world is to make that rational and reasonable advice.

10330458
And to make things even crazier, the bits of the world that make it reasonable are bits of our world.

Oh, the Spidereses....

What a charming little story :rainbowlaugh: You have quite a way with words, friend. I loved this. What a random premise, too. Have all my Raritys :raritycry::raritydespair::raritystarry::raritywink::duck:

The spiders are a package deal. Want some fun? Deal with the spiders colt. :twilightsmile:

This was adorable, enjoyable, and quite satisfying to read in all the right places! How your genius and creative brain is able to conjure up great stories is a mystery to me, but it's something truly to behold! Dang this is all so good! Hope ya didn't mind that I made a reading on this story! I couldn't resist!

Audio Linky!: https://youtu.be/b1twS4yILk0

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)

10329876
The spiders run the cranberry bogs.

10329902

I was going to say this was a supremely comfy story...
... but no. No, Biscuit. Not anymore. You've taken my comfy, and thrown it to the spiders.

:heart:

I bet that there are some other ponies who keep spiders to keep other insects at bay . . . it seems like a pony solution, anyway.

10329977

Now really, they probably weren't any happier about the situation than you were. Imagine going about your business as you always do, and then one day the whole gorram world floods leaving you to ride to safety on the back of the nearest kaiju.

I agree--you can’t blame the spiders at all. All they want is a ride out of the water, is that too much to ask? Especially after they worked so hard all year long to keep the cranberry plants bug-free?

Though yes, this is the sort of thing that needs a bit of a warning.

Foxberry did ask him how he felt about spiders, although maybe she could have been more specific about how many there would be, and where they would be.

10331163
Funny that you say that. My parents recently moved into a home with a saltwater in-ground pool, and we've had to keep moving spiders out of the pool. They love riding the water, and as much as we don't like the spiders in our water, their webs scattered around the property are doing a great job.

10330266

That went from cute to horrifying in ten seconds flat! :twilightoops:

Lots and lots of spiders can do that.

That gave me a wonderful mental picture of a bunch of humans escaping a flooding city on the back of a giant pony. :rainbowlaugh:

On Citation Needed, they were talking about Sgt. Reckless--a Korean War horse--who was trained to run to the bunker when the Marines shouted ‘incoming’, and speculated that she had a harness that Marines could grab as she galloped by, to carry them to safety.

(She did carry back wounded Marines from the battle of Vegas Hill; she also had official rank [she retired as a Staff Sergeant].)

10330321

I would be dissapointed if not at least one of the ponies didn't start bouncing, too.

Probably at least one of them did.

Cranberries: "Challenge accepted!"

Now I’m imagining that cheese chase they have in England, except it’s cranberries and there are a lot of them.

That ending was certainly unexpected.

:rainbowlaugh:

10330352

This is very much a real life thing:

I know! I was legit inspired by just that, in fact.

10330513
Scores and scores of them, all attempting to ride to safety on the back of a pony. Sort of like Noah’s Ark, but with bushels of spiders.

10330520

What a charming little story :rainbowlaugh: You have quite a way with words, friend. I loved this.

Thank you! :heart:

What a random premise, too.

Legit based on the actual fact that real cranberry fields have lots of spiders to control pest insects.

Have all my Raritys

Thank you! Rarity is best pony.

10329899
One day, Foxberry’s gonna find the one, the stallion who’s actually cool with being covered with spiders.

10329958

The moment I saw the title I thought, "This is gonna get dark, the spiders are gonna devour the poor guy at the end aren't they?" But there's no Dark tag so it can't be that and it wasn't, it was just...….eesh.

All the spiders wanted was a ride to dry land . . . which I guess he did provide, if unwillingly.

Here's a question, remember in Raiders at the beginning when the guy had all those tarantulas on his back? Which would you rather have, 30-40 tarantulas on your back or 1000 wolf spiders? Personally, I'm leaning towards the tarantulas.

I’d rather have no spiders on me, but if I was going to have spiders, might as well go big and have a thousand wolf spiders.

10329994

I personally don't have anything against spiders, I do not fear them, I don't necessarily like when I walk into a web unintentionally, but yeah, Foxberry sounds like a nice mare, but even I don't think I could handle having that many spiders on me all at once.

I think that most people would feel like that. You gotta be one with the spiders, ‘cause the spiders are your co-workers.

That being said, perhaps it's one of those things like when I had to take a live-drawing course in college, I thought I'd be too distracted but when you are in the zone, things don't bother you as much as you think they would.

Yeah, I think as long as you got past the initial shock/weirdness of it, it would sort of fade into the background (for most people; obviously, not someone with a deep-seated terror). While I haven’t done any live-drawing classes, I have done other things that are awkward, let’s say. Like helping adults bathe and dress, for example.

10330167

Do Equestrian wolf spiders howl at the full moon? :rainbowlaugh:

You know, I hadn’t thought about that, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they did.

10330281

On apple farms, stallions are tested by hard work from dawn till dusk. On cranberry farms, it's wolf spiders.

In the palace courtyards, it's the tone and length of the meep when Celestia glomps her prey.

Sometimes, it's not easy being a stallion.

It’s true! All the things that they have to put up with.

10330420

Given that this is Equestria we're talking about, I have to ask: Do you mean wolf spiders or wolf spiders?

I was thinking normal, earth-sized spiders. Bigger ones might not be as good at catching insects . . . although if properly trained, they might make excellent guard animals for the field.

In any case, an appropriately sour-sweet tale given the fruit in question. (I'd hardly call schadenfreude bitter. :raritywink:) Thank you for it.

You’re welcome! :heart:

10330458

You gotta stop sometimes, look at a statement like that and gaze in wonder at how dang weird the world is to make that rational and reasonable advice.

Hey, when you’re a cranberry farmer, you gotta find a mate who’s all in on cranberry farming, y’know? That’s just a fact.

And like 10330497 said, that’s advice that applies on Earth, as well.

10330624
I know, right? And Foxberry isn’t the only one; the same general principle would apply to dating Fluttershy, for example.

10331168

Funny that you say that. My parents recently moved into a home with a saltwater in-ground pool, and we've had to keep moving spiders out of the pool. They love riding the water,

Huh, I wouldn’t have thought of spiders as enjoying surfing, generally, although I don’t know all that much about spiders.

and as much as we don't like the spiders in our water, their webs scattered around the property are doing a great job.

In terms of insect control, spiders do a fantastic job. I try to leave them alone as much as I can for that reason.

10330867

This was adorable, enjoyable, and quite satisfying to read in all the right places!

Thank you!

How your genius and creative brain is able to conjure up great stories is a mystery to me, but it's something truly to behold!

This one, I can state for a fact it was the discovery that real cranberry fields use wolf spiders to help control the insects, and when the fields are flooded and the workers start herding cranberries, the spiders climb on the workers to get out of the water.

Dang this is all so good! Hope ya didn't mind that I made a reading on this story! I couldn't resist!

Thank you! Looking forward to it! :heart:

10331204
I mean, timberwolves are made out of timber... you'd think wolf spiders would have a little wolf in them. :twilightsmile:

Once you have braved the spiders and amassed your berries, how about some cranberry coffee cake?

You always think you're ok with spiders until you set foot in a cranberry bog on harvest week.
I've actually got a few wolf spiders in my basement. Does anybody know if they can take on a wasp nest?

10331179
Well, I assumed you knew: I was posting for the benefit (small as it may be) of other readers.

My cousin worked a cranberry farm for about 3 months in between jobs and this is what made him quit. His boss didn’t tell him until the day before harvest but at least he got some warning.

Thank you, Admiral Biscuit, for helping me compile more Spider Lore.

I gotta admit, even as someone who has a hobby as an amateur arachnologist and who will free handle a harmless spider before swatting it... yeah, dozens and dozens of wolf spiders crawling on my person is... a bit much. A tiny bit much.

TDR

One would figure they would set something up for the spiders to climb , covered poles or an awning to keep the birds off them, not a pony boat.

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