Act I - Chapter 4 - Answers for One, Please!
The Alicorn Warrior
Written by iAmSiNnEr
Edited by Skittlebug
Co-authored by computerneek
Chapter 4- Answers for One, Please!
“She’s Twilight.”
Twilight nodded. “Yes, the Sneaky Sparkle is properly named Twilight Sparkle. She’s just… Well, she has a reputation. You’d have to see one of her matches to understand it, though- it’s like… She has this power, but she doesn’t use it. Frankly, she doesn’t need to- she’s got her technique down pat.” Then she scowled. “Though it seems to change with each match, it still follows the same general pattern every time. Makes it very hard to follow, at times, but I’ve managed to learn quite a bit.”
She spotted more than one raised eyebrow, before Rainbow spoke.
“So… How would somepony talk to… her?”
She winced. “For most? You don’t. She only ever meets with the truly important ponies. That said, the Arena has been shut down for a month, for expansion- so it’s entirely possible you could run into her on the street or out in the desert somewhere.” She paused to take a breath. “So, does anypony or drake else want something to drink, or…?” She gestured with her notebook.
“Ahh… Can we talk, or…?” Rarity asked, seeming uncertain.
She rolled her eyes. “Well of course, I own the place and it’s not too busy right now anyways. But if Pinkie is to get her food, I’m going to need to tell my cook what to make.”
“So,” Cold Cuts began, sounding confused as Twilight returned to the kitchen. “I… guess they’re customers? But…”
She shrugged. “They’re old friends of the Sneaky Sparkle. It seems they were hoping to meet her here, but, well, you know.”
He nodded. “I do. So, how did you get those menus…?”
“Hmm? Oh, that? It’s a sacred art, called Menu-do. Only the finest servers can ever manage it, let alone master it.”
He blinked a couple of times. “... Okay. So, what’d they get?”
That was one of the things she liked about him: He never asked too many questions, and always respected the strengths of others- including the ones he couldn’t understand. In practice, that meant he thought she knew a very large number of ‘sacred arts’ that were actually accidentally-cast magic spells. At least that one had been planned.
“Mostly drinks, but we’ve also got a food order already. The pink one- her name is Pinkie Pie- must’ve memorized the menu last time they were here. She wants a daisy banana cream pie.”
“That’s the one you invented, isn’t it?” He chuckled. “It’s been pretty popular.”
She smiled. “Yep. Anyways, she also asked for a pumpkin cream sundae, and the others are reading their menus, so…” She shrugged her wings, trotting over to one of the counters to start making the sundae. It’d only take her a minute- and Pinkie’s pie would take a lot longer than that for him to make.
“Well,” Starlight muttered, lifting and opening her menu. “We’ve found her.”
Rainbow opened her menu flat on the table. “But what next? We can’t exactly drag her back to Equestria.”
Rarity, however, looked at Starlight. “When you say she’s Twilight, how sure are you?”
Starlight looked back, and spoke in a low tone. “Very. Same magic signature as that shield three days ago. But she obviously doesn’t want us yakking about it here, so order something. She’ll probably come find us on the street or in the desert sometime, as she said.”
“She seems… different,” Fluttershy muttered.
“Of course,” Starlight answered promptly. “She’s been out here, all alone, for the last four years. We’ve had each other, but even we have changed some. At least they didn’t make her kill that poor dragon.”
“Well of course not,” Gusty Serenity stated so suddenly that everypony jumped, trotting up with Pinkie’s sundae balanced on a wingtip. “Nobody has to fight the Sneaky Sparkle. At least, not any more. And she never kills… well, anymore.”
“Anymore?” Starlight asked.
“Well yeah. When she first arrived at the Arena, she was dragged in by Quick Leash and his gang, and they forced her to kill or be killed.” She shrugged her wings without upsetting Pinkie’s sundae, and held it out to Pinkie, who accepted it in an oddly normal manner. “Two months later, she adjusted, and turned on him. Hundreds had tried before her, all to no avail- but that time, lots of griffins died, and there was a change in management. Now, Hard Line runs the place- and now, nobody is forced to fight- they go in voluntarily.
“You can challenge anybody in that Arena, if you want- and as long as they’re willing to take you on, you can fight them in a contest of strength. Then of course, Sparkle is willing to take anyone on- though Hard Line will try to dissuade the ones that won’t have even a snowflake’s chance in Tartarus, like that poor stallion Sparkle knocked unconscious last year by greeting him from behind.”
“... Wait,” Rainbow muttered. “She knocked somepony out by greeting him?”
She nodded. “Yep. I was there. It was a very… short match. He marched his way into the middle of the Arena, yelling for her like all the idiots do.” She shrugged. “We call ‘em idiots because when they do that, they then proceed to lose in a really silly way within five minutes or less. Like this stallion. She, as she always does, entered the Arena after he did. I think she raised an eyebrow at him, before slipping around behind him- she moved through the shadows, so he didn’t see her- and walking up behind him. Then…” She paused.
Fluttershy squeaked, and hid behind her mane.
“She… whacked him from behind?” Rainbow suggested.
“Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!” Pinkie said, waving one hoof in the air, half-eaten sundae held in her other hoof. “She threw him a party!”
Spike raised an eyebrow.
“... Presumably, she greeted him,” Starlight deadpanned.
Gusty nodded. “Yep! She just said ‘Good morning’ in a normal, conversational tone. He screamed, and leaped into the air… then fell down flat and didn’t move. She poked him a couple times, shrugged, and trotted back out of the Arena with her victory.” She paused to look around at them. “Um, did you want to order some food, or no?”
Silence held for about three seconds.
“Uhh,” Rainbow muttered.
“I mean,” Gusty shrugged her wings. “This is a cafe.”
“How about,” Spike muttered, browsing through his menu. “This… gem souffle?”
“Gem souffle?” Rarity repeated.
“That’s not even possible,” Rainbow stated.
“Uh, yes it is,” Gusty stated simply- then she flipped Rainbow’s menu over, and pointed at one of the little list entries on the back. “See? Right there. It’s in the main portion of the dragon menu, since it’s actually edible for them. But Cold Cuts back there is a pretty good gem chef, according to the few draconian customers we’ve had. I think the average is four point six one three stars.”
Starlight raised an eyebrow. “What about for pony food?”
She smiled back. “That one starts with four point nine seven and has twelve decimal digits.”
“... Right. Um…” She flicked quickly through her menu. “Nothing I’m familiar with in here, so… I’ll take whatever you’d recommend, I guess.” Then she looked at Pinkie. “And how did you order the one pie in the entire menu off the top of your head?”
Pinkie shrugged, then spoke in time with Gusty. “A hunch.”
Then Pinkie turned to Gusty. “Wait a minute.”
She grinned. “A hunch to that too. And that. Perhaps you should watch some of Sneaky Sparkle’s matches sometime.”
“Definitely,” Pinkie agreed, before upending the remainder of her sundae into her maw.
Then Gusty looked at Starlight. “And she probably picked it because it’s the one item on the menu that I invented myself. Well… the one pony-edible item on the menu.” She grinned at Spike. “Gem souffles didn’t exist either, until I arrived on the scene.”
“Well then,” Rarity flicked her mane, opened her menu… scowled, paged through it, and sighed, laying it flat. “I must admit, that pie is the only thing in this menu that I recognize, both from Equestria and from elsewhere in the Badlands. So…” She shrugged. “Chef’s recommendation, I guess.”
Gusty chuckled. “Oh, this’ll be a fun one.” She scribbled something on her notepad.
Rainbow and Fluttershy looked at each other.
“I’ll take…” Rainbow poked randomly at her menu, which still lay face down on the table. “That.”
Gusty snorted. “No you won’t. Have you even read what it is?”
“Huh?”
“That’s roasted cockatrice feathers, Dash.”
Rainbow practically leaped backwards, right off her seat. “It’s WHAT?”
“Roasted cockatrice feathers,” she repeated. “Not only that, but it’s impressively toxic to ponies. You’d turn to gravel before you finished the first bite… then catch fire.”
“Oh boy,” a voice trailed in, from the direction of the kitchen. “What happened this time?” It was the chef, trotting out with Pinkie’s pie- and glancing at Rainbow, lying flat on the ground.
“Uh-!” Rainbow began, flipping herself upright.
Gusty chuckled. “She stabbed at the back of the menu.”
Cold Cuts let out a snort of laughter. “Oh boy. What’d she get?”
“Nononono!” Rainbow yelped.
“Fried ‘Trice.”
He laughed. “Yeah, definitely not. That’s only even edible to Smoozes anyways.”
Gusty chuckled again. “Eh. But don’t worry, we got enough fun coming. Already got a server’s recommendation and a chef’s recommendation coming.”
He grinned, hoofing Pinkie her pie. “Yeah, that will be fun, won’t it?”
“Well of course, what kind of party wouldn’t be fun?” Pinkie asked.
“The Grand Galloping Gala,” Gusty answered instantly.
Pinkie flinched, then nodded in agreement.
Cold Cuts wrinkled his nose. “I never could stand galas either. That’s actually why I left Equestria- they kept asking me to go to those terrible things, no matter what I did!”
“Wait. You left Equestria? I thought you were banished!”
He shrugged. “Well yeah. Every fifteen minutes or so, there’d be some new gala that somepony would want me to attend. And I got so sick and tired of ‘em that I figured I could make it by myself a little further from civilization.” He shrugged. “Glad I ran into you, Gusty. Finally got back to doing what I enjoy.”
Rarity gasped. “You- You’re- You’re The Cooking Baron!”
He rolled his eyes. “I was The Cooking Baron, yes. But I haven’t been for almost ten years now, and I don’t plan on going back. I’m staying here, as Gusty’s chef Cold Cuts, and anypony with a Gala invitation is going to be served fried ‘Trice.”
Everypony shuddered. Even Gusty did.
Then he shrugged. “Not really, I’m not homicidal. And it’s a bit stupid to shoot the messenger anyways, especially with Sneaky Sparkle’s occasional crime sweeps. But their answer is always going to be a no.”
“Crime sweeps?” Rainbow asked.
“Yep,” Gusty nodded soberly. “Every once in a while, the Sneaky Sparkle will show up at some town or another, silent as a ghost, and enforce the rules for a little. Nobody ever knows when she’ll show up, nor where- we’ve tried, but we can’t find a pattern. She’s only been through this town a dozen times that I know of, in the last few years, but she could be by anytime. And rumor has it she’s around a lot more often than people realize, since there isn’t always someone breaking the local law.” She scowled. “And by the time anyone realizes she’s there, she’s gone.”
“As for me,” Cuts sighed. “I just wish she’d stop by to have a bite sometime. See what the great Sneaky Sparkle thinks of my cooking.” He shrugged. “Whelp, I’ll be in the kitchen, whipping up a Chef’s Recommendation.” He said it like it was the name of a dish. “Lemme know when you got the rest of the order, alright?” He trotted back to the kitchen.
Rainbow watched him go. “... That has so got to happen.”
Gusty nodded, a mischievous grin developing. “Yes, yes it has.” Then she tilted her head. “And I think I forgot to pick up a notice from the Arena, so I’ll know when they open it up again, too.”
Applejack grinned as well. “Ought to be fun. You heading out as soon as we finish, or…?”
Gusty shrugged her wings. “I was thinking I’d take everypony’s orders up to him, then let him take over while I took care of that, actually.”
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nice work.
I'm hooked.
Welp, looks like sleep has been postponed for a bit.
Now, I really want Pricess Celestia to stop by and give out Gala tickets.
I got lost keeping track of all of her alter-egos for a minute, but I think I got it.
10375559
It won't end well
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10375559
this is where he breaks out the actual cockatrice 🤣🤣🤣
10375616
Yeah, that would be fun to.
10375616
And all the while a disguised Kratus would be shaking his head.
I was expecting a lot from this story - Action, Drama, Dark, Sadness, but what I see is "RESIDENT SLEEPER zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"
sry I know how difficult it is to make a story, but from chapter 3 it's boring.
10375649
I, for one, vastly prefer this approach over the next husk of a "Grr, I was banished, I'm pissed at anything and everyone and also somewhat evil now"-banishment story.
Seeing Twilight having carved her own piece of hard-maintained "normalcy" out of the Badlands is much more interesting to me. Sure, I love me some Badass!Twilight, but that doesn't mean the story has to be dominated by it.
10375649
hey dont worry, next chapter is much, much, more exciting, im not so evil as to give 3 SoL chapters in a row.... or am I?
10375689
I happen to like this slice of life thing.
Nice to see everyone managing to talk with Twilight - even in disguise - well enough and they are already getting in some good discussions and banter as they start to catch up, and nice worldbuilding with how things have changed since Twilight came to the Badlands and on the histories given to some of the other characters, like Cold Cuts as the Cooking Baron. And the humor is also quite fitting, like when Rainbow Dash picked out the Fried Cockatrice. XD
Looking forward to the next chapter!
10375649
Yes, SoL does tend to be boring, from time to time. However, it is a crucial part of the story- especially one with an overpowered main character, like this one. If you're looking for something that has no SoL moments, you're going to be better entertained by the action junkie stories that never last very long.
I find it odd to imagine more than one Smooze.
It's getting into the swing now. I'm definitely going to read this to the end.
10376052
I like to think that it technically is one, just not all in one big pile of goo, kinda like how a Gelatinous Cube splits up when too big in D&D, or slimes split when you kill them in Minecraft.
10376570
that...is a new way of looking at it....
10376573
Well, they would at least use asexual reproduction, probably similar to mitosis, at the least but then it could be counted as one being if they can merge back up into one.
It entirely depends on the whole ‘can they merge back into one’ and whatever the answer to that in this world is, and if they have individual personalities or not.
10376584
If you go by the original the only way to make The Smooze involved a complicated ritual requiring all manner of ingredients and a volcano. Ingredients included flume, swamp muck, dirt, a large fish, grave soil, bones, and spider web.
So, upon re-reading this I am hit with a question. Is Fried 'Trice pronounced like Fried Rice or is it pronounced Fried Tris like how Cockatrice is actually said?
10376873
The latter, I think. At least, that's how I imagined Twi saying it when I wrote that...
I just noticed that Twilight's armor is an alicorn mare version of Thor's from Thor Ragnarok.
Good update
Please update.
10389306
... No, it's not a joke. Or at least I, as the co-author that came on with Chap. 1 (not the prologue), don't think it is one.
As for the more interesting part? He's just struck upon a figurative gold mine of a topic... And had help.
Unfortunately, it's hard to manage such a complex and unique storyline as this in a way that stays interesting, even for a more experienced author like me (approx.
6-800k850k words published, prob. >1M total written)... I've been doing a lot to help it flow, so the "first story attempt" warning is... Well, only true for Sinner, who is technically the primary author, even though I end up having the final say a lot of the time. If you want to see what I'm used to writing, go ahead and click onto my profile. Only really On the Implications of Parallel Worlds and the later chapters of Just Like Magic of Old reflect my current skill/style, though.That said, you mention:
Yet, whenever I click on your profile, I see that big 'ol "0 Stories" designator... If you'd like, I actually run & maintain a public Discord server. It's primarily intended for chatting & editing & etc related to my stories, but we're also using it for the editing/discussion work on this one (in a private channel, sorry). You'll find a link on my profile page as well. Go ahead and stop by- and we, including me, Gerandakis, Skittlebug, and Sinner, will be more than willing to help you flesh out your story. That's basically exactly what Sinner did- he came to us with his idea, and an execution that actually got his initial story submission denied... but we liked it, so we supported him, and helped him make it into what it is now.
Now... I can't make any guarantees about any of our availability at any given time, especially knowing we're scattered pretty far around the globe- and neither can I guarantee that we'll like your story enough to fully support/co-author/etc it with you. But I can (just about) guarantee that we will be happy to help you refine your ideas, style, and so on, as long as it's not M rated. Come join us, we're friendly! (And that goes for anyone else that's interested, too...)
10390372
I can confirm this too. Computerneek and a bunch of others on his discord's been a great help, and I couldn't have done it without them. Come join us! We'll help you whenever we're free!
Did this hit the updated column for a reason or is my end of FIMfiction derping out?
10392072
They hit 'publish' by accident and had to un-publish. They said it in a blog.
10392086
I saw.
10392109
Sorry about the accidental release, and giving you false hope. As a apology, I'll give you the title of the next chapter to theorise on. It's called Breaking the Chains
10392198
Guessing it's backstory time then. It's going to cover Twilight's time from first entering the Colosseum to killing the former management.
10392198
not the first time i saw this happen... another story i like just recently had this happen.
10392266
Agreed.
The annoying part is...
10392198
Since it's technically been published & unpublished, when we're ready to publish it, and do so... it won't hit the front page or trigger Tracking updates. Annoying. As such, it might be worth it to delete & recreate the chapter entry on FimFiction- to restore that alert function to the chapter.
10392278
yeah, ill do that
10392316
You speak wisdom.
10392316
aye, i know that mate. After chapter 1, the pace is slowed down by a lot
Hi! I was just wondering if you have an approximate time table for the new chapter
10395931
Sorry, but me and my co-author's been busy. I've been busy with school, and it doesn't help that exams are coming too. I will try to write in my free time, but it won't be as fast as the first 3 chapters.
10396542
Ok thx! Take all the time you need. I didn’t realize there were exams. Eh shows what I know
10405172
It does 👍
First, I love how she is basically talking to her old friends as old friends, even by name.
She gave them the quick summary of what happened to her, arranged a "real" meeting later, and is generally enjoying a lunch out with them.
The idea that there are others out here that left Equestria of their own volition makes a LOT of sense. And I like the idea that there are others that were as fed up with the Gala as Celestia was. Too bad they couldn't, you know, _talk_ to her about the whole stuffy party scene like our 6 could.
Adding to my active reading list.
10410604
Interesting, possible flashback scene integration?
I like what I just read.
10414347
... They were just really unlucky, I guess. The passage of that time was important for character development reasons, soo...
10376573
I guess it is
Hey there, just checking up, again... anyway how are you doing on the next chapter? I can’t wait! This is such a good story!!
10421483
halfway through, but it's taken a backseat among some irl stuff, so don't count on it being released till there's time to write it, sorry :(
10421600
That’s ok! Take the time you need. A story isn’t good if you rush it