• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2018
  • offline last seen 14 minutes ago

AnOrdinaryWriter


Just your average ordinary writer. Nothing more, nothing less.

E

After one of Twilight's sleepovers turn boring, Rainbow Dash comes up with an excellent idea: a challenge to see who can withstand Fluttershy's powerful stare. However, they quickly come to question whether that's even possible as this idea takes a sharp turn into a problematic direction.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 26 )

I could take it... i break reality.

No, but seriously, Pinkie probably could.

"...please tell me that was just an act," Rainbow Dash said, her face portraying a disappointment that matched my own after completing a certain game of the year…

I think we all know how that feels XD

This is the hardest I have tried not to laugh (I’m tent camping with my family) IN YEARS!!!!! IT WAS AWESOME
Also poor Applejack. Don’t exactly feel sorry for Rainbow though. She got what she deserved

You did good 'AnOrdinaryWriter'.
I believe I'm quite picky with my comedy but I was smirking all the way through this, excellent work.

Ri2
Ri2 #5 · July 11th · · ·

What spell was Rarity thinking of?

10327316
Thanks, that makes me happy. :twilightsmile:

I tried to write a comedy. Did I do good?

yep
while also giving me a neat-ass headcanon to work with too

And inside of this room, there was a pony thinking...

“I’m bored.”

This pony was Rainbow Dash

Well this isn't going to end well. :rainbowwild:d

And now I'm wondering what would happen with Fluttershy's Stare vs. the Ghost Rider's Penance Stare.

It was alright for a comedy but I find narrator interactions kind of cringy but thats just me, seems like everybody is doing that.

10328048
Fair enough. Honestly, so did I, but I kept it in because I thought it fit the plot.

I didn't find as funny as much as I did exciting. Fluttershy's WMD Stare is now part of my headcanon.

Really curious about what Rarity’s spell was.

Needs a sequel.
Prrronto!

10327748
The interaction of such stupendous amount of raw opposing energy induces a catastrophic magical fusion reaction and everything in a 100km radius implodes.

10328621
I second that!

"...o...kay?" Fluttershy puzzledly looked at the corner, hardened her gaze and unleashed the staAAAAHHHH!! MY EYES! OH GOD, THEY BURN!! MY BRAIN!! ITS MELTING!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!

What an unexpected twist!

I mean sure, if by comedy you mean mild existential horror absolutely

That was pretty great. Definitely part of my 10% worth dying for, at any rate.
For some reason, your handling of Pinkie's inevitable fourth wall-messing antics was one of my favorite parts (not to mention the various descriptions of Fluttershy's stare as completely OP). :pinkiecrazy:

Just a small mistake I couldn't help but notice though:

Avoiding the line of fire from Fluttershy, she leaned toward the other three mares.

Now I eventually inferred from the next paragraph (in which the other three are shown to be Applejack, Rainbow and Pinkie, in this order) that this "she" was actually refering to Rarity, but you should correct it to reflect that, since the last named character prior to that sentence is Twilight, who's precisely busy facing Fluttershy's stare at that moment, while Rarity's name isn't mentioned anywhere close.
Sorry for being nitpicky, but unfortunately that tiny syntaxic fauxpas slightly tripped me halfway into my immersion in your story (luckily it takes more than that to break it). :unsuresweetie:

10328597
I suspect that, in the narrative context of that fic, the exact nature of this spell is probably meant to be unimportant compared to the comedic value of its subsequently described effects, but if I had to hazard a guess, I'd theorize it might've been some kind of reflective spell (like a mirror of sorts) that somehow redirected the magical potency of the stare toward the cutie map table, which blew it across the room, before its eventual blowback when it failed (like Twilight's defense spell) gave Rarity a similar magic feedback-induced headache.
Anybody's wishing to challenge or build on my theory is welcome to do so. :twilightsheepish:

10331301
Don't worry, you're not nitpicking. I committed a sin and I'm going to correct it. Thanks for pointing it out.

10328078
Fit the plot? What is the narrator a major character lol

10331791
Well, not a major character, but the narrator is used as a plot device. I like doing that in my stories.

10333018
Even in more serious stories? Because if you are then that can be a pretty unique story for real for real.

10333066
I published two serious stories that had the narrator/author as a main character (I'll link them here and here in case you wanna check them out). The concept of the narrator being a character in a story and just fourth wall breaks in general have always fascinated me and I love to experiment with them, but this story is a comedy so I went about it more generically.

So what did Rarity try?

btw

far worse than that of a parent toward a troublesome parent

child?

10400114
Oof, that's an embarrassing mistake, thanks for pointing it out.

So what did Rarity try?

That information is classified, my apologies.

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