• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2018
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Just your average ordinary writer. Nothing more, nothing less.


After one of Twilight's sleepovers turn boring, Rainbow Dash comes up with an excellent idea: a challenge to see who can withstand Fluttershy's powerful stare. However, they quickly come to question whether that's even possible as this idea takes a sharp turn into a problematic direction.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 28 )

I could take it... i break reality.

No, but seriously, Pinkie probably could.

"...please tell me that was just an act," Rainbow Dash said, her face portraying a disappointment that matched my own after completing a certain game of the year…

I think we all know how that feels XD

This is the hardest I have tried not to laugh (I’m tent camping with my family) IN YEARS!!!!! IT WAS AWESOME
Also poor Applejack. Don’t exactly feel sorry for Rainbow though. She got what she deserved

You did good 'AnOrdinaryWriter'.
I believe I'm quite picky with my comedy but I was smirking all the way through this, excellent work.


What spell was Rarity thinking of?

Thanks, that makes me happy. :twilightsmile:

I tried to write a comedy. Did I do good?

while also giving me a neat-ass headcanon to work with too

And inside of this room, there was a pony thinking...

“I’m bored.”

This pony was Rainbow Dash

Well this isn't going to end well. :rainbowwild:d

And now I'm wondering what would happen with Fluttershy's Stare vs. the Ghost Rider's Penance Stare.

It was alright for a comedy but I find narrator interactions kind of cringy but thats just me, seems like everybody is doing that.

Fair enough. Honestly, so did I, but I kept it in because I thought it fit the plot.

I didn't find as funny as much as I did exciting. Fluttershy's WMD Stare is now part of my headcanon.

Really curious about what Rarity’s spell was.

Needs a sequel.

The interaction of such stupendous amount of raw opposing energy induces a catastrophic magical fusion reaction and everything in a 100km radius implodes.

"...o...kay?" Fluttershy puzzledly looked at the corner, hardened her gaze and unleashed the staAAAAHHHH!! MY EYES! OH GOD, THEY BURN!! MY BRAIN!! ITS MELTING!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!

What an unexpected twist!

I mean sure, if by comedy you mean mild existential horror absolutely

That was pretty great. Definitely part of my 10% worth dying for, at any rate.
For some reason, your handling of Pinkie's inevitable fourth wall-messing antics was one of my favorite parts (not to mention the various descriptions of Fluttershy's stare as completely OP). :pinkiecrazy:

Just a small mistake I couldn't help but notice though:

Avoiding the line of fire from Fluttershy, she leaned toward the other three mares.

Now I eventually inferred from the next paragraph (in which the other three are shown to be Applejack, Rainbow and Pinkie, in this order) that this "she" was actually refering to Rarity, but you should correct it to reflect that, since the last named character prior to that sentence is Twilight, who's precisely busy facing Fluttershy's stare at that moment, while Rarity's name isn't mentioned anywhere close.
Sorry for being nitpicky, but unfortunately that tiny syntaxic fauxpas slightly tripped me halfway into my immersion in your story (luckily it takes more than that to break it). :unsuresweetie:

I suspect that, in the narrative context of that fic, the exact nature of this spell is probably meant to be unimportant compared to the comedic value of its subsequently described effects, but if I had to hazard a guess, I'd theorize it might've been some kind of reflective spell (like a mirror of sorts) that somehow redirected the magical potency of the stare toward the cutie map table, which blew it across the room, before its eventual blowback when it failed (like Twilight's defense spell) gave Rarity a similar magic feedback-induced headache.
Anybody's wishing to challenge or build on my theory is welcome to do so. :twilightsheepish:

Don't worry, you're not nitpicking. I committed a sin and I'm going to correct it. Thanks for pointing it out.

Fit the plot? What is the narrator a major character lol

Well, not a major character, but the narrator is used as a plot device. I like doing that in my stories.

Even in more serious stories? Because if you are then that can be a pretty unique story for real for real.

I published two serious stories that had the narrator/author as a main character (I'll link them here and here in case you wanna check them out). The concept of the narrator being a character in a story and just fourth wall breaks in general have always fascinated me and I love to experiment with them, but this story is a comedy so I went about it more generically.

So what did Rarity try?


far worse than that of a parent toward a troublesome parent


Oof, that's an embarrassing mistake, thanks for pointing it out.

So what did Rarity try?

That information is classified, my apologies.

I was especially tickled by the fourth wall shenanigans and Applejack's "Stupid honesty." Also enjoyed that you worked in a believable mechanism for the Stare (by the standards of this universe) in the midst of all the comedy.

As someone who dislikes the overpowered stare, as it's over done and is usually done as a cheap way to end conflicts in many fics, I enjoyed this, since you don't have her override any of their freewill at any point. In fact the only thing I disliked was Pinkie not getting a turn.

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