A Kumquat-Orange, Chair, and a Book, Who Else?
Chapter 8
Darrell and Daring, oddly peculiar pair, but the coincidence just had to be. They've now talked for more than two minutes. You, being as you have narcissism, shove them both off of you, and turn around rudely.
"Bro, wha's that for!?" Darrell asks.
"Dunno, maybe since I have no one to talk too." In your head, it sounded more realistic. Now, really, you sound like a baby.
"Well, if you said something a while ago, we coulda started to talk to you too!"
"Oh haha, now it's my fault for being as shy as a pegasus?"
"Real mature, ey?" Darrell states.
"Excuse me, but please get off me." states the wee pebble sitting there impatiently.
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THAT WAS SO SHORT!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/173/576/Wat8.jpg?1315930535
1276740 I'm so sorry!
I'll make the next few chapters longer!
1278516 You better! *shakes fist in an intimidating manner*
1278647 Mkay!
When will we get to the actual sitting?
Or was that just to get our attention?
1281420
We got a clopper!
How much of this can I take before I get high?
It's like, drugs. They kill brain cells but make people feel good and happy.
1304749 dunno
this is possibly the most brilliant story ever.
Protip: Don't add your stories to the front page of SFNW.
1414239 K.
1171703 really? watched!
1414291 Ah, PewDiePie brings us all toget'er, ey?
1414298
i came for pewdiepie ill have look as soon as i finsih my school work IM IN CLASS RIGHT NOW LOL at one point when i saw the title i yelled it out in pewdiepie's voice at least 5 people thought pewdiepie was attually in the room XD
1414328 Awesome.
im in training to be a vantrilliqizim (i can't spell for dimond dog shit) im think thats where you can throw your voice across the room or i might just be training to do the royal canterlot voice
1414345 Ventriloquist is someone with a dummy.
Amusing, but you need to get a prereader to catch the spelling/grammatical errors that are in several places, as well as the misuse of words. I also noticed a few times where the sentence just seems mashed together, like you changed what you were saying halfway through it. Also, consider describing things more often, right now it's kind of blunt and too much telling versus showing.
I find that just going back and reading it out loud is a great way to catch most spelling errors and awkward sentences.
Hopefully this was helpful despite being slightly vague, but the only thing this has right now is the novelty and sheer wtf factor. I enjoyed it, but in the last few chapters, you haven't mentioned much of anything outside of "my" interaction with Daring and now Darrell. Also, can the "friend" understand "me" or not? She couldn't at first, but then it seemed like she could, and then she was gone without helping "me". This has so much potential! Please fix it up.
1414608 M'kay.
i102.photobucket.com/albums/m102/Jesuits/thischair2.jpg
Could not resist. Haters gonna hate.
...Also, this isn't a comment about the story, which I haven't even read yet. I just wanted to post this meme.
Well, this was...a read.
Suggestion: Add the [Random] tag.
1414765 Lolz.
1416773 Yeah, sorry 'bout that. Didn't know what I was doin' at 12 at night, an' ever since that I ever changed it. Thanks fer reminding me!
1418531
Why the romance and slice of life tag? Will Mr.Chair fall in love with Daring Do or Darell?
1419787 First of all, Darell is the male kumquat, but maybe for Daring, depends on my attitude.
Best Idea Ever!
1441693 Thank ya!
Looks like an interesting read.
1477775 Thank ya!
all i wanna say is love the story and "brofest"
1499811 /) Brohoof!
1499820 lol good point (brohoof)
1499838 Okay!
1499841 now i wanna watch pwediepie
1499870 Ditto, bro.
1414765
What's that from?