(Takes place within the universe of My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic; Stallion Edition, set before Chapter 217.)
Prince Shining Armor's coronation is drawing near. But recent events have him thinking back to a time shortly after he first gained his wings and became an alicorn.
Taking part in a royal summit held at the Crystal Empire, Shining Armor struggles to adapt to his new alicorn status. But that night a new problem presents itself when an unexpected intruder manages to steal his crown and get away.
Forced to pursue the thief through a magical mirror, Shining finds himself in a world unlike any he has seen before. A world populated by creatures called humans. And if he wants to gets his crown back, he'll have to deal with a particularly nasty human called Sunset Shimmer, the very thief he's sworn to apprehend.
This is an amazing first two chapters, and I can't wait to see more to come.
Excellent job on the start of this story. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done. LOVED the touch of Shining flashing back to just a few weeks after he became an alicorn during the last Summer Sun Celebration/first "Festival of the Two Sisters". And I also really enjoyed the scenes with Cadance and the boys before the theft.
Now, on to the next chapter.
Wonderful work on this chapter. Again, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are pretty well done. Yeah, great job on the added backstory of Celestia's time with Sunset as well as the better detail of the time frame concerning the mirror AND reasoning for Shining to want to go alone, but if I remember some of your Stallion Six chapters, it was implied that, while Shining might be the main character, Twilight still played a significant role (though it's possible that could be just my memory playing tricks on me).
Anyway, very certainly looking forward to more of this.
Another great chapter, I liked the explanation for why Shining can't just swap out the crowns again
Yeah. Thanks very much for getting this next chapter up. I really appreciated the effort you put into the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. Yeah, I can see the points you made in the author's notes. And, yeah, I DID like how Shining DID try to tell as much of the truth as he could without making it sound like he was COMPLETELY insane. And how this universe's Thunderlane unintentionally gave him a good cover story for his time here.
Of course, I thought it was mentioned in Friendship Games that he was actually an alumni (meaning that he already graduated, meaning that he was already at least slightly over eighteen). It's going to be a bit awkward for somebody who is already college age to be attending high school (and Cinch would be too concerned about her reputation to allow somebody who had enough trouble in school to be left back a year or two even into Crystal Prep to begin with, so Shining couldn't realistically use THAT as an excuse). Unless of course, Human Shining and Sci-Twi are actually twins in this universe (with Human Shining being the more athletic of the two and Sci-Twi being the smarter [meaning Cinch might plan to use Sci-Twi for the academic portions and Shining for the athletic portions]), in which case, never mind.
Of course, concerning Fancy Pants is already an older adult in Equestria (not quite middle aged, but still past his twenties), I'm going to guess that he is actually a teacher (most likely something along the lines of Economics) here instead of a student (albeit probably the teacher that tries the hardest to find the evidence to get Sunset expelled).
And, oddly enough, if you DO decide to do the two decade time skip as a semi-short sequel story, the other stories in the EG series could be incorporated as a separate companion piece story with, by then, Principal Sunset (as well as maybe Sci-Twi and Shining as a science teacher and gym teacher respectively) reflecting on how much things have changed for the better in just slightly over two decades (though Sci-Twi and Human Shining's reflection stories would probably be the analogues to "Friendship Games" and "Legend of Everfree").
Sorry about that. Got carried away with my thoughts.
Anyway, very certainly looking forward to more of this.
10320739 Rest assured that I intend to work around the details of human Shining from what was canonically established of him in "Friendship Games". The same is going to be true for human Fancy Pants.
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Roger that. I kind of figured that.
This was a great chapter, I can't wait to see the next one, and I liked the introduction to EqG Pinkie and AJ.
Why would people hate this series? It's one of the best AU stories i've ever had the pleasure of reading. And it gives an underrated secondary protag, aka Shining Armor (forever my favorite pony), a chance to be the main star of the series. And you've done awesome with this fanfic, which is something i'm NOT just saying. People who hate this series really need to get their head examined, or their brains fixed.
REALLY good job on the latest chapter. Love the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly liked Shining's first meeting with the human world versions of Applejack and Pinkie (who are, at least, on better terms with each other than the canonical versions were; mostly from seeming smart enough not to jump to conclusions about each other when they share a school with somebody as resourceful and untrustworthy as Sunset is at this point in time). And, I'm Sorry AJ, but there ARE people out there worse than Sunset (Adagio Dazzle and Cinch being just two examples, but you haven't met the former yet). And, yeah, I have a pretty bad feeling about what she pulled on the human versions of the boys (but teenage boys around a pretty girl with very few morals means at least SOME of it would be blackmail related if this wasn't an Everyone rated story).
A possible short bit for around the end of the story:
Spike: No offense intended, Shining, but these are teenage boys and Sunset is a pretty girl (not as pretty as Rarity, but still - )
Shining: You're saying trusting them around Sunset is like trusting a rabbit around a head of lettuce.
Spike: Well, yeah. Guys have a weakness for the bad girls just like the girls have a weakness for the bad boys.
Shining: No offense taken, Spike. And, no offense intended back, but I think you've been reading too many of Rarity's romance novels.
Spike: Well, been LISTENING to Rarity read them would be more accurate, but no offense taken. (as the two get ready to take their leave)
Sorry about that. Got carried away again. But at any rate, definitely looking forward to more of this.
This was another excellent chapter, I can't wait to see the next!
Another quite well done chapter. Yeah, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are pretty well done in all the right places. Yeah, I definitely see your point about the replacement characters (at the very least, Diamond and Silver would be more competent than Snips and Snails [NOT that it would exactly take much] and Ivory makes much more sense as the librarian than Cheerilee. And, yeah, I did enjoy Shining digging up info on this world (including his counterpart AND on the possibility of Sunset's native counterpart [who probably DOES exist, but just lives beyond the area that a high school's computers would have access to]) before helping out Rumble against Diamond and Silver.
At any rate, very definitely looking forward to more of this.
Another great chapter, I liked the introductions to Flash and the rest of the Apples, along with Thunderlane and Big Mac's suspicion. One of the only things I disliked about the first EqG movie was the main 5 of that world kind of followed Twilight blindly, accepting only a few short and barely believable explanations. It's nice to see some suspicion of Shining.
10325059 I especially hated how they glossed over Twilight confiding her secret with human Pinkie Pie spouting off the whole thing and then saying "Lucky Guess". That's just lazy writing.
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Yeah. You did a good job here making them more suspicious of Shining. I can't wait to see what happens next
Always thought it was hilarious how they tried to make Sunset Shimmer such a horrible, terrible threat. And i'll admit, she's basically what Twilight would be if she let herself become evil. But at the end of the day, in the universe of Equestria, someone like her doesn't really compare when you've seen a A Corrupt Demigod of the Night, A Spirit of Chaos, A Deceitful and Wicked Queen, A Cruel and Black Hearted King of Darkness, and A True Demon with the power to deceive the trickster chaos spirit, consume the life essence of others, and reach levels of power that could rival the Gods themselves. At the end of the day, especially in this story, it's easy to see why Shining Armor has no fear of a bratty teenager when he's had to risk his life facing REAL monsters, and demons.
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You make good points on most of these, but Tirek was actually AFTER Sunset's defeat/reform (but BEFORE the Dazzlings). Still, the point about how they faced and won against Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis and Sombra still very much applies.
Again, excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I especially liked the first meetings with the human versions of Flash AND Mac as well as the slightly greater detail concerning the stuff Sunset pulled. And, yeah, the fact there ARE some people questioning just how Shining knows their names AND showing a bit of suspicion makes sense here.
A possible few ideas for friendship problems Luster could see Shining and his friends handling if you DO decide to go with making the two-decade time skip a semi-short sequel story:
The Friendship problem Braeburn calls the group's attention to - helping out Strongheart (no longer quite so little) and their pony/buffalo hybrid child (your choice on gender AND name) in dealing with some bullying racist jerks.
Soarin' could have the gang helping out a griffon trying to train for the Wonderbolt Academy (by then, he would probably be at least semi-retired from the Wonderbolts, but still have his eyes and ears out for possible recruits who show great potential regardless of species).
Thunderlane's friendship problem could involve something his younger brother Rumble came across when he and the other Crusaders were working as teachers at Twilight's Friendship School (this one would be saved for last because it could coincide with Luster arriving in Ponyville anyway and enrolling in the friendship school herself).
And, well, I'll still have to think concerning Mac, Fancy and Shining. And, I will also respect that you don't have to do this if you don't want to.
But, anyway, very certainly looking forward to more of this.
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As soon as you wrote that, I realized I made a brainfart, and was thinking for some reason EG happened after, when it was Rainbow Rocks that follows Twilight's Kingdom. Thank you for pointing that out, and calling me on that. But i'm glad you see my point on the matter. Compared to those four, and some of those who would come later, this Sunset Shimmer is the typical "Queen Beee**" and "Mean Girl" combined into one. Plus the stakes don't feel as high as they probably could have.^^;
This was another great chapter, I like your reasoning of why Shining had to find a different place to sleep. Can't wait for the next one to come tomorrow!
Excellent job on this latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all quite well done. Loved Shining's realization that he will need a place to stay while he is in the human world. And, yeah, greatly enjoyed the admission concerning Braeburn's eventual arrival and the set-up for the talks with the human counterparts of Soarin' and Fancy Pants.
Now, this isn't for this story, but a possible idea for Friendship Games:
Shining's counterpart actually insists on accompanying Sci-Twi for moral support (not to mention he plans to enter the police academy after finishing college and has his suspicions about Cinch). Ultimately, in addition to Spike giving Cinch a few sneezing and itching fits, Shining can reveal that he has enough evidence on Cinch to arrest her for blackmail (pointing out that, even if her lawyers beat that rap, it would still be a permanent blow to her reputation).
Plus some possible ideas for Legend of Everfree:
1. Shining Armor can accompany his sister and her new friends as a chaperone.
2. The human counterparts to the Stallion Six can gain the following powers:
Soarin': the ability to increase his own strength, speed and durability (as well as those of up to a dozen others of his choice within his immediate area) up to 26fold (a pretty logical choice for somebody who is the human counterpart of this universe's Element of Loyalty)
Fancy Pants: A controlled version of the Midas Touch (meaning anything he touches turns to a certain precious material of your choosing, but he can switch it on and off at will once he learns to control the power - which is logical for the human counterpart of the bearer of the Element of Generosity)
Braeburn: Super-stretching (reference to "the long arm of the law" PLUS a logical power for the bearer of the Element of Laughter)
Big Mac: Pretty much semi-early Golden Age Superman type (i.e. strong enough to lift two twenty-ton trucks [one with each hand], can run at fast car speeds, leap an eighth of a mile and tough enough to tank anything short of an artillery shell, plus all five of his senses boosted to a pretty large degree [as his eyesight being sharp enough to spot things most people would miss and his hearing and touch being good enough to get a 95% accurate sense for when somebody is lying based on subtle alterations in their heart and pulse rates would be quite appropriate for the bearer of the Element of Honesty])
Thunderlane: Healing Touch (logical for the bearer of the Element of Kindness)
Shining: His already-athletic level physical abilities increased to four times greater than peak human and force field generation (in other words, basically Captain America, except explicitly superhuman instead of just peak human)
Sunset also gains an additional power besides touch telepathy. Namely empathic power mimicry (in other words, she can duplicate the super-powers of any of the other geode users as long as she has their full knowledge and permission [and, of course, are in her immediate area])
and 3. Sometime during the adventure, Spike ends up getting exposed to something that grants him fire breath as well as the ability to grow to up to twenty times his normal size (with the appropriate increase in proportionate strength, durability and flame breath [in other words, basically the abilities of his dragon counterpart BEFORE he got his wings, but with a controlled and helpful version of the "dragon greed growth"]).
And, of course, "Rainbow Rocks", "Friendship Games", "Legend of Everfree" and PROBABLY "Forgotten Friendship" are all told in flashback ("Rainbow Rocks" and "Forgotten Friendship" by, that point, Principal Sunset Shimmer, "Friendship Games" by Sci-Twi and "Legend of Everfree" by Human Shining.
And, again, I am quite sorry. I got a little too carried away with my thoughts and I will definitely respect your right to not use the ideas if you don't want to.
But, anyway, very certainly looking forward to more of this regardless.
Yet another great chapter. I like the explanations of the video and yeah, the reasoning was pretty faulty with the fake text messages in the movie. I also like the CMC's inclusion. Can't wait to see what Shining will encounter next.
Yeah, once again, this is a quite well done chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are great in all the right places. Loved the chat with Braeburn and Fancy Pants's human counterparts (particularly the latter admitting the only reason he goes to Canterlot High rather than Crystal Prep is because his parents don't trust Cinch [with VERY good reason]). And, yeah, the alterations to Sunset's "negative campaign ad" bit do make sense, as do Apple Bloom's comments how they are letting Sunset get to them. And, yeah, Shining, most of the threats you faced before (and afterwards for that matter) needed magic to BE threats. Sunset is able to do it on her own intellect and determination because she has had years to get used to doing things WITHOUT magic.
And, maybe, the future stories in this spin-off series could carry the "Equestria GANG" title since there would be equal focus on the boys AND girls from that point on. Otherwise, once Sunset's reputation starts changing for the better, she's probably going to end up feeling like the female focus character of the Jimmy Buffet song "Fins".
But, anyway, very certainly looking forward to more of this.
Another great chapter, I like the way you switched it up for Soarin's test. Can't wait to see the next chapter.
VERY good job on the latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are pretty well done in all the right places. The alterations to Shining's private meeting with Sunset (compared to her meeting with Twilight in canon) definitely make sense (especially with a bit more detail on Sunset's motives) as well as the modified version of Human Soarin's challenge.
Perhaps, if you DO decide to do "Rainbow Rocks", "Friendship Games", "Legend of Everfree" and "Forgotten Friendship" as flashback stories for the "Equestria Gang" series, they could be told at different stages of the lives of the one having the flashback.
For example, "Rainbow Rocks" could be told either during Sunset's graduation from Canterlot High or during her first day of college (in the former case, it would be at the exact same time as "the Festival of the Two Sisters" in Equestria and, in the latter case, it would be timed to coincide with Shining's coronation). Maybe Sunset could even be TELLING the story to Sci-Twi directly in the case of the "graduation from Canterlot High" option.
"Friendship Games" could have Sci-Twi getting the flashback at the time she earned her teacher's certificate and planned to start teaching science at Canterlot High,
"Legend of Everfree" could have Human Shining getting the flashback at the time he passed the Sergeant's exam for the Canterlot Police (either that or the birth of the human world's Flurry Heart)
"Forgotten Friendship" could have Sunset getting the flashback on her first day taking over as Principal of Canterlot High.
But, again, you don't have to do that if you don't want to and I'm mature enough to respect that.
But, anyway, very certainly be looking forward to more of this, naturally.
This was a great chapter, I like how they got evidence it was Sunset's lackeys trashing the gym and not Shining, it makes more sense than cropped photos.
Absolutely wonderful work on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up here. Greatly enjoyed the little Shout Out to Disney's Hercules (and yeah, Sunset is going to learn the hard way [like Chrysalis will in a couple of years] that being a Bad Boss tends to bite you in the rear in a major way). As well as the reasons Diamond and Silver are working for Sunset. Also, a pretty logical alteration of Flash's helping Shining by mentioning that Micro did the real work. Unfortunately, Celestia and Luna blew a small hole in Shining's cover story when they pointed out they know his counterpart already graduated. Let's just see how Shining and the others bounce back from this.
VERY definitely looking forward to more of this. As well as the last fourteen chapters of your main "Stallion Six" story, the rest of the "Equestria Gang" mini-series, "the Future of Friendship" (assuming you plan to do the two-decade time skip as a separate semi-short sequel story to allow for greater detail concerning the changes), your "What If?" series (not only Volume Eleven [which will probably be the last one for the main series as you have to be running out of episodes you want to do] but also the "Equestria Girls Edition" and "Comics Edition") and the next installments in your super-hero alternate universe stories (Batmare, Spider-Mare and Super Dragon). And, yes, I KNOW that's going to take quite a while, but you give me a lot to look forward to.
I like how you handled Shining telling the truth to the guys. It felt a lot more natural than how they handled it in the movie. I'm looking forward to seeing just what Sunset has planned and how Shining will overcome it
Excellent job on this latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all, of course, quite well done in all the right places. Yeah, I can see where Shining would be reluctant to admit something that would make him sound insane and I can understand the guys' reaction TO the confession. And now, we are wondering what Sunset is up to. After all, even without his magic, Shining is still stronger than Sunset physically (much like Smallville Clark was still stronger than Luthor even without his powers as proven in the TV Adaptation of "Crisis on Infinite Earths") AND has a lot more back-up than Sunset does, so Sunset is going to have to compensate by being sneakier.
VERY certainly looking forward to more of this.
I like the changes to the third act, I agree, the logic does kind of falter with the sledgehammer in the movie. I can't wait to see your take on the demon scene in this story.
Again, really good work on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter/climax set-up here. I particularly see your point on going a bit more into detail on the dog-napping (actually, I think the only reason that they went with Snips and Snails in the original movie instead of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon was because of the Stealth Pun of "snips, snails and a puppy dog's tail", but I could be wrong) and the "Third Act Stupidity" concerning the portal threat and why Spike doesn't go running through the portal on his own to get further help. And, yeah, I could see Diamond and Silver's reluctance to get mixed up in the fray as well as Shining's point about wasting time on finding an outfit that he's only going to wear once.
But, anyway definitely looking forward to the next chapter/climax.
This was a great chapter, I like the explanations for Sunset's use of the students. And I agree, the EqG counterparts of the main 6 that were unicorns or alicorns should have had horns. I can't wait to see how the forgiveness scene goes in this story!
Once more, a wonderful job on this chapter. The exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are all beautifully done. And, yeah, loved the increased detail concerning Sunset's plan. And you had an excellent point concerning the horns as well. And, yeah, I can understand you still being undecided between doing the other films and specials in the series or not and will respect your decision on way or the other. (and, if not, it still gives you more material for the "Equestria Girls Edition" of your "What If?" series after you finish with the main series).
Definitely looking forward to the next chapter/epilogue.
That was a great way to make sure Sunset stayed in CHS instead of going back with Shining. I can't wait to see the next chapter
Superb work on this latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. Again, I really liked Shining trying to reason with Sunset concerning facing Celestia and you bring up some really good points concerning the reasons for allowing Sunset to stay in the human world under careful watch (though Sunset won't address her issues with Celestia directly until "Forgotten Friendship") as well as maintaining secrecy concerning the existence of the other universe.
Definitely looking forward to the next chapter (which will probably be either the last or second-to-last).
This was a great ending, I'm looking forward to seeing the next chapter in the Stallion Six universe come August
Excellent work on the final chapter to this story. The exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up are, of course, quite well done. I enjoyed the detail of how they already returned the crown Sunset tried substituting for the Element of Magic as well as Shining mentally reminding himself to remind Flash NOT to let himself get distracted by Twilight.
And, whether or not you do decide to tackle the other films/specials (or at least the four most important ones [which would be the other three actual films and "Forgotten Friendship"]), I will respect your decision one way or the other. And, yeah, I get that the wrap-up to the main series will definitely come before the other stories in the "Equestria Gang" series (and probably also after Volume Eleven of your "What If?" series too [which will almost definitely be the last one for THAT main series before going on to the POSSIBLE, but NOT definite "Equestria Girls Edition" and "Comics Edition"])
But anyway, I'll definitely be looking forward to more of your work.
And, yeah, a possible one-shot set at the same time as the "present day" of "the Last Problem" (which would be two decades in the future for BOTH series), but in the "Equestria Girls" universe that has an older Sunset, now Principal of Canterlot High (and Sci-Twi as either Vice-Principal or as Science Teacher), looking back in reflection.
So, does anyone wonder if Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon would also become social pariahs like Sunset? Snips and Snails not being social pariahs can at least be chalked up to them being too stupid to know any better, but since Diamond and Silver aren't idiots, would they become social outcasts too?
Heck if Diamond and Silver did become social outcasts, would their reputations ever manage to recover after Sunset makes amends with everyone or do they remain outcasts? And would they ever still manage to reform a new friendship with a redeemed Sunset without all three of them being mean bullies of the school?
Kinda do think this is a topic worth discussing so I do wonder if anyone would love to respond to this.
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Do you wonder if Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon would also become social pariahs like Sunset? Snips and Snails not being social pariahs in canon can at least be chalked up to them being too stupid to know any better, but since Diamond and Silver aren't idiots, would they become social outcasts too?
Heck if Diamond and Silver did become social outcasts, would their reputations ever manage to recover after Sunset makes amends with everyone or do they remain outcasts? And would they ever still manage to reform a new friendship with a redeemed Sunset without all three of them being mean bullies of the school?