• Published 2nd Jul 2020
  • 13,383 Views, 1,286 Comments

Short Hand - Andrew Joshua Talon



The myriad misadventures of a plucky human in Equestria.

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Manga


Twilight

"Urrrgh!" Twilight tossed the romance novels she'd been studying intently in all directions, her frustration overcoming her usual care of her books. She was able to catch them with her telekinesis at the last moment, but her anger remained potent.

"I can't believe it!" She moaned.

Rarity wandered in, a smile on her face.

"Twilight dear! I'm here to return my book on-Oh my!" She immediately set her book aside, and zipped up to Twilight's side. "Twilight! What is it?"

"Oh, hello Rarity," Twilight sighed. "I'm sorry for the mess."

"Now now, we can clean that up any time," Rarity said gently, "what's gotten you into a tizzy?"

"It's these romance novels!" Twilight groaned. "There's not a single helpful thing in any of them! They're all for after the courtship and just go right into the, um, well..." She blushed severely, and Rarity nodded knowingly.

"Ah, yes, quite," she said, "and of course, the swashbuckling, sweeping one off their hooves part isn't really applicable here." She gave a smile and a wink to Twilight. "After all, none of these novels deal with how to court an actual alien, do they?"

"No," Twilight sighed. "Closest I found were these 'Stallions from Beyond the Stars' books, but they just assume all the aliens will just be ponies with a few extra bits attached!" She shook her head in disbelief. "How uncreative can you get?"

"Hmmm," Rarity hummed aloud, thinking carefully. "Twilight, as I recall, Shepherd has a fondness for his equivalent of Neighponese comics, yes?"

"They're called manga," Twilight corrected automatically, and she looked glum, "and yes, he does. So does Fluttershy."

"Well," Rarity began, "perhaps the Neighponese culture has more in common with human culture and their romantic mores! And so by researching it, you can perhaps better connect with Shepherd?"

Twilight's eyes lit up.

"Rarity, that's brilliant!" She cried. "Thank you!"

"Oh no need to thank me, darling," Rarity demurred with a smile, "you know how I try to help my friends as much as possible."

Twilight immediately galloped off to the manga section of the library. Rarity hummed as she looked through some of the discarded romance novels, as a shadow loomed up nearby.

"So," Spike said, popping up next to Rarity with hearts in his eyes, "can you help me with this cosplay idea I have for the next Canterlot Comic Con?"

Rarity blinked. "Cosplay? What's cosplay?" She asked.

Spike's jaw dropped. He then smiled.

"Rarity," he said, now confident that the ball was in his court, "I am about to blow your mind."


Shepherd

I was hammering a nail into a windowsill on the Sweet Apple Acres farmhouse, Applejack nearby with some extra lumber.

"You know, something I've never understood," I said as I hammered the nail in.

"Mm?" Applejack grunted.

I held up the hammer.

"Why are your hammers designed like they're meant to be held by hands?" I asked. "I mean, I can hold this perfectly but humans are creatures of legend, right?"

Applejack shrugged. "Don't rightly know," she admitted, "though ah like having leverage when ah swing it."

"Fair enough," I replied with a shrug. I turned around and... Slammed into Twilight.

"OOF!"

I fell down onto the dirt and grunted. I looked up at Twilight, who had also fallen down.

"Hey Twilight, you all right?" I asked. I blinked. "Huh?"

Twilight was dressed in a blouse, skirt and pantyhose. She had a little bowtie around her neck, and was rubbing the top of her head with a wince. She had a piece of toast in her mouth, which she quickly chomped down on and swallowed.

"Ha. Oh, I mean-Owww... Oh! Hello! I'm sorry I ran into you!" Twilight said. "I'm new at this school-I mean, in this town and I wasn't looking where I was going!"

"Uh... Huh?" I responded.

"Sugarcube, you all right?" Applejack asked. She helped Twilight up to her hooves, as I got up to my own feet. Twilight nodded.

"Oh yes, I'm just fine! I'm so terribly clumsy!" Twilight went on. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, by the way!" She waved her hoof as she immediately began trotting off. "It's Twilight!"

Applejack and I watched her trot off. We looked at each other.

"... What do you think drove her insane this time?" I asked.

Applejack shook her head.

"Ah don't know. Ah'm jest gonna batten down the hatches."


Author's Note:

Welp... He's screwed.