Twilight is best Applejack

by Shyfire_

Chapter 6 - Reaching out to Celestia...

The next day, Applejack considered she'd had enough. She enjoyed the time away from that damned filly who claimed to be her sister, but she just couldn't take Twilight and Rainbow's fucking degeneracy no more.
So she decided to go get Celestia herself, and explain the whole shit to her. At least SHE would have to realize how fucked up everypony's acting recently.

~***~

In Canterlot, at the doors for the throne room

~***~

After an almighty buck, the doors to the throne room slammed open, ...then bounced against the inner concrete walls and slammed shut again from the sheer force of the impact.

Applejack blinked, realizing that there was such thing as bucking too hard. Weird, that's not what her older brother always taught her...

She got into bucking position again, and bucked open the doors, but more gently this time.
After realising the doors didn't even move, she shaked her tail out of frustration, before YEETING ONE OF THE RETARDED GUARDS BY THE DOOR RIGHT OUTTA THAT DAMN WINDOW, WHY CANT DOORS BE THAT EASY TO OPEN FOR CELESTIA'S SA-

Applejack coughed lightly, took a deep breath, counted to 10, took 3 deep breaths, sold 2 of them for profit, counted to 173 and back, did a few calming twirl, attacked the Rich family in court, won, and once she was calm enough, tried using the doorknob. It was way less epic, but, oh well.

When she couldn't quite grasp the round handle with her hooves, it got on her nerves again, but this time she only yelled enough insults to kill 3 Fluttershys from shock before reining herself in.

She started wondering why the fuck was it so hard to try to talk to the god of the land. Who did that bitch think she was?!

Applejack tried the next and last logical step she could think of, she bucked the handle.

The handle was set flying, bouncing around, before flying out of the window, taking down a tree, cutting a pony's tail (which is unfortunate because Short tails' season is already over), and taking down Sugarcube Corner, before bouncin back in the castle and lodging itself back onto the door as if it never left it.

Applejack started screaming excitedly, throwing her hooves in the air, yelling words like "TRICKSHOOOOT" and "PONY PERFECT AINT GOT NOTHIN' ON ME" and started contemplating a career in the trickshot domain.

After thinking on it for a bit and realizing that the best trickshot with an apple was always to eat it, she figured that Trickshotter wasn't gonna be an option for her.

After FINALLY realizing she still couldn't enter the throne room, she was about to give up before one final idea came to her.

She grabbed the remaining guard and started slamming him against the doors, while yelling to it: "Let me in! LET ME IIIIIIIIIIIII-"
After a few minutes, she couldnt hold on to that last note and stopped yelling, throwing the guard out by the still opened window.

She started tremendously chanting in fury "That fuckin' door is the only thing keeping me from justice...and all because of these fuckin' hooves... If only Ah' had somethin' else, like... Ah' don't know... like fuckin' hands..."

She started balling her eyes, before she suddently had an idea.
"Hands.. of COURSE! Ah' know who can help!" she bravely noted, before taking off to her hooves back towards the exit of the castle, but not before throwing one last look at the door and screeching out: "GTG REAL QUICK! BRB!"

And with that, Applejack galloped back to Ponyville, dead set on getting that fucking door to open if it'll be the last thing she does.

Author's Note:

Hey!

So apparently some people actually read this story, so figured I'd say some words for yall :)

First of, I'm really happy and glad to see that some of yall like my dumb story! It was supposed to be a crackfic, but I'm not too sure how much I deviated from that path.. oh well ^^

I'm not a writer btw, I just had some ideas forming in my head and figured I'd try to put them into actual words :D

Another thing I want to make clear is that this is all a joke; I don't actually have anything against people's sex orientations or anything, I'm a really accepting and understanding guy, I just like dark humor, but I don't intend to offend anyone <3

If I made some mistakes in spelling or such, or if you have any suggestions, or just wanna let me know how you felt about my story, I'm really looking forward to hearing all of it in the comments :D

Well, off onto the next chapter then! I promise I wont make a whole 'nother chapter about a door again :^)

Have a great day :D

PS: I'll try to update somewht often, but please don't expect regular updates, I'm not sure where my motivation will lead me, and school's about to start soon aswell, so yeah ^^ Peace! ♡