• Member Since 22nd Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

That Other Writing Guy


Just another writer.

Comments ( 35 )

So, if I am understanding correctly Twilight, and possibly others as this is only chapter 1, sacrificed thenselves to defeat the villains?

10300483
I love and hate stories like this, lol

Everyone aboard the emotional express *choo* *choo* next stop, sad land

This is the cover art source. Although it looks like yours is an edited version. It's also the same cover art as this.

10300764
Thank you for that. I just found image on google and used it. I will credit the artist and editor.

oh yes...big boat likes

Damn, this was really good, I can’t wait to see what’s next

This got me in my feels

My heart, it hurts.

10301202
I thought I was prepared. How wrong I was.

Hmmm...I’m kind of confused as to what happened, I’ve got an idea, but I Dm’d you for further info

10301205
One is never fully prepared for feels my friend.

10301210
Obviously, you have never met me.

10301210
To true. Also, thou has deep insight I see.

*<>* woah . this. Is . amazing . need moar

I'm aboard the feels train. Tell the conductor I've got plenty of tissues and I'm here until the end of the line!

i.ytimg.com/vi/U-iFEUWVtPQ/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEXCPYBEIoBSFryq4qpAwkIARUAAIhCGAE=&rs=AOn4CLDznIn8kmbpjAOQcsxs-3ReUGKRIA

First stop: Pinkie Pie. Remembered for making someone feel special on a not-so-special day!

i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/377/074/4b8.gif

all aboard! Next stop, SOBTOWN EQUESTRIA! GET THIS DAMNED TRAIN ROLLIN WE NEED TO BE THERE YESTERDAY!

Well, it's a start. You have a lot of paragraphs starting with "He", as well as a lot of sentences in those paragraphs. Repetition like that tends to get boring. You could break them up more, starting with different phrases, words, etc.

Also, the chapters, for what they are, feel too short and not enough hints (although we know what's going on) as to what's gone on to really bring out the emotion of the situation.

It's a good start though! I think I saw one or two tensing errors, but otherwise fairly solid. Try to break up the "He did this" and "She did that" at every sentence/paragraph beginning. Usually one or two per paragraph is fine, depending on the sentence count. More than that, well, it becomes a bore.

Tbh I tried to avoid stories that have sad, horror, gore and death in them. I can't handle them...:raritycry: But this i wanted to read to get over my fears of those colorful ponies getting hurt or worse. So far this story is good.:twilightsmile:

10301787
THANK YOU for your advice and I will try to follow it for next chapter. I have been told before my chapters are short I just have trouble making them fit longer with feeling like just padding them out.


10301922
I am glad I could help I hope you are able to enjoy the rest of the story.

10301966
No I did not. I just googled Anon stuff and found this picture. Whoops.

10301968
Look I'm not pointing fingers, not even sure if the writer of that story owns the art. But you may want to double check.

10301969
Well from what I can see it doesn't seem like art work is own by them from what just looked over at their story so...I just keep it for now and if asked by them or someone else who own the art I will take it down. I have seen others use same art covers for storyline before.

Well you where not joking about chapter 2 being more sad. Oh well. All aboard the emotional express, next stop is my deepest darkest regrets *choo choo*

Thought it was S.B's (sarcastic brony) work...
Oh well, let's see where this rabbit hole goes.

Heard you're working on SCP & MLP crossover, how about one story where the Foundation discovers the portal in Canterlot High and names it SCP-1, uh? Uh? Ya like the idea? Let me know I have many more to pitch!

Is chapter 3 in progress?

Are you going to finish this story

I look forward to the next chapter!

Login or register to comment