Fan of a lot of thing but here's some standouts : RWBY. Star wars. Assassination classroom. Jo Jo's. Legend of zelda. Fallout
A young mare has every opportunity to achieve her dream.
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A first attempt at being deep for me, hope you enjoy.
This was written for GM Blackjack's depths of innocence contest. https://www.fimfiction.net/group/214801/depth-in-innocence-contest
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There are a lot of errors in this.
*excitedly. Also, after you say her name is Twisted Paths, you call her "Twisting" in the next sentence.
Every part I underlined is a dominant clause. They should be separated with full stops/periods or semicolons.
I like how you show instead of telling, though, and the choreographer/cartographer mixup was cute. I thought this fanfic would be about a pony who became a dancer before I read it, for some reason.
10311671
Oh semicolons, my arch nemesis.
Thank you for the compliment on showing not telling, and overall I feel like the name might have been fairly weak.... and if I had had longer to work on this it might have ended up being about a dancer
Reading every Depth in Innocence Contest entry: Story 1: Steps on a Twisting Path by guldringr
I don't really know how to feel about this one. Right of the bat, the first thing I notice is grammatical errors. A decent amount, in fact. Lack of capitalization, tense errors, the whole works. This story feels like it really could have used another editing pass-over.
But enough about grammar, what about the story itself? Well, I'm sort of neutral on it personally. I think I see what you were going for, short contrasting vignettes about Twisted's life, a character who is putting her dreams on the back-burner, and Pinkie and Fluttershy (in disguise) trying to help her achieve it, but... I dunno, it just feels... rushed? I'm sorry, this one just didn't click with me. I don't think it's bad per say, but I didn't really get anything out of it. (Man, I'm really not good at this whole "giving criticism thing)
10312012
Yeah, I should have tried to give it a another few grammatical checks but the last week was kind of packed so I was kind of rushing to get this done, I really feel like I messed up on the writing process for this, hopefully I'll be able to learn something from it