• Member Since 25th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 13th, 2013

Pretzelninja


T
Source

After Spitfire hurts her wing, Rainbow Dash volunteers to substitute as captain for the Wonderbolts on their last show of the season.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )

Short and sweet, always nice to see RD :rainbowlaugh:

ehh, pretty simple stuff... it fell into place way too easily for dash. there wasn't really as much problem/solution work as there should be...

Well well well . . .
Hello standard bad story that has a thousand of its own type uploaded every day! It's not very nice to see you again!

So.. here is my constructive criticism: Unlike most stories, you seem to use memes in your stories... THAT WILL NOT DO! EVER!
Get rid of Spitfire thinking "Seems legit," and fix your connection with awesomeness and Rainbow Dash.

Next thing: The grammar errors are a-plenty in this story! Before you can call any story complete -- especially when putting it out into the public, ALWAYS edit it and go through it 2-3 times. If you have trouble, then ask to get an editor. Writing isn't hard. All you need is an idea, something to write with or on, and how to write properly. Proper writing is very important!

Next: Show, don't tell! That means, don't type 'Rainbow Dash was flying in the sky one day and she fell.' Describe, instead! Describe what she was doing, how, when, and where. It is very helpful for a good story. Also, kill adverbs. Most of the time they are bad, bad, bad.

Well, I have to go to sleep now, so bye-bye!

(Type the Konami Code when you are viewing a story on FIMfiction, it's amazing!)

i like it! :rainbowlaugh:

1160947

Thanks, and the Konami Code thing is awesome!

“Oh crap! I'm going to miss the Wonderbolts! Or have I already!?” Rainbow said, shooting straight up in bed. If this fic is rated Everyone you shouldn't have swearing. :facehoof:

All in all though this is a decent fic, short but sweet. :rainbowdetermined2:

1162558

Crap is a swear word? Well maybe... I guess the Teen rating would work better then.

that was positively... *puts on sunglasses* dashing.

YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

well what a fainter

No offense to Spitfire, but I think Dash should be the captain. She is the fastest flyer in Equestria,not to mention that she is the only pony who can pull off the legendary Sonic Rainboom!

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