Discord Teaches Philosophy: On Love

by CrackedInkWell

Lesson 4 – Challenges of Marriage: The Wheel of Relationships

Among the carnival games, there was an easily eye-catching one. It was a huge wheel that was divided up into twelve sections. Only there were no words painted on this wheel except for the colors of black and red. Right below it was a platform for which ponies and creatures could climb up to spin the wheel. And pacing on this platform was a copy of Discord in a carny outfit, complete with a striped vest, a straw hat, and a bamboo cane.

As soon as he eyed Lyra, Sweetie Drops, Starlight, Trixie, Ms. Cheerliee, and Rarity, he smiled.

“Hello ladies!” he tipped his hat to them. “Come up and test your luck on the carnival’s favorite game – The Wheel of Relationships! Don’t be shy, step right up here and spin the great wheel to earn a prize!” He tapped on the wheel as he said this. “No tickets needed; no bits required to play this game. Just come right up and see what you’d get.”

Trixie stopped, “What kind of prize?”

Discord tapped on the wooden floor of the platform in which a doll of Starlight appeared in his talons. “Why this! Your prize if you play will be a talking doll of your beloved. See, it comes with a string in the back so that when you pull on it, it’ll talk. But depending on where on the wheel it will land, your special somepony will get to say different things. So, what do you say?”

The other mares looked at one another. “I guess it could be fun.” Lyra said, “Hey, do you have a plushy of her?” She pointed at her wife.

“Indeed, I do!” A doll of Sweetie Drops, complete with button eyes appeared in his lion’s paw. “And it comes in twelve different settings. So c’mon, do you ladies want to play? I got one of all you.”

“Well, they do look adorable.” Rarity commented. “I suppose playing this can’t hurt.”

“Eh,” Starlight shrugged. “Why not. It sounds harmless enough.”

The mares stepped up on the platform, to which Trixie stepped up. “Trixie like to go first.”

Discord smiled, “Wonderful! But before you do, let’s be clear about something.” Discord waved his cane over and onto his shoulders. “All the things that are on this here wheel have the most common sorts or relationships. A word, which here means: ‘To be in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with at least one willing, fully-grown partner.’ Now spin the wheel madame, and let’s see what kind of stuff your special plushie,” he held up a doll that looked like Starlight, “will say.”

Trixie used her magic to take hold of one of the pegs of the wheel and gave it a turn. The wheel sprung around as the dial at the top clicked with every passing peg, slowing it down bit by bit. However, when it slowed down enough, the wheel stopped at one of the panels where words appeared.

The Separate Spheres Relationship.

“Ooh!” Discord beamed, “You get the unique kind. Here you go.” He said, handing the doll over to Trixie.

Curious to see what it would say, Trixie used her magic to pull on the string in the back.

“So the way it works,” the Starlight plushy explained, “is that we set up a time when we should be together and when we need some space. You’d get a key to your own room and I’ll do the same with mine. That way, we can have all the time for privacy, do all the stuff we wanted, and still come together to do things as a couple. What do you say?”

Trixie blinked as she turned to her marefriend, “Hey, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

“Maybe but…” Starlight raised an eyebrow. “That’s not something I would say.”

“Young lady,” Discord twirled his bamboo cane as he walked over to her. “I don’t think you’re understanding the point of this exercise.”

“Which is?”

“The Wheel of Relationships is to help illustrate not only how many different kinds there are, but to look closely at both their pros and cons of each.”

“What do you mean?” Trixie asked.

“I’d keep pulling on that string if I were you.” Discord pointed out. “There’s more to the deal than you think.”

Curious, Trixie pulled on the doll’s string again.

“Trixie, we need to talk. I don’t think this arrangement is going to work. I didn’t take into account how difficult this whole scheduling this really is.”

She pulled again.

“Seriously, Trixie, I feel that you’re being really distant as of late.”

And again.

“How come you spend more time in that room than me!”

And again.

“The kids haven’t got to be around you in the past month, Trixie!”

And again.

“I’ve been seeing someone else.”

This made her drop the doll in shock.

“I’d take it you don’t like the setting?” Discord inquired as he picked the plushie up. “For a limited time, you ladies have the opportunity to spin this puppy twice if you’re not satisfied.”

Without another word, Trixie spins the wheel again. This time, when the wheel slowed down to a stop, new words materialized on it.

Serial Nonbinding Monogamy.

Trixie raised an eyebrow, “What does that mean?”

“Simply put, it’s the type of relationship where you go through a whole series of partners, one after the other, with no strings attached.”

Looking back at the plushie of her marefriend, she pulled on the string.

“In other words,” it said, “the upside is that you’ll be able to have a lot of sexual possibilities with others.” She pulled on the string again, “The downside is you will face isolation with a side order of insecurity.”

Trixie gently pushed the doll back to him. “No thank you.” She said walking away.

“You know what?” Lyra stepped up. “I’m feeling adventurous.”

“Oh?” Discord pulled out a plushie of her wife. “We’ll see about that. Spin the wheel and earn your prize.”

She did so. This time the wheel stopped and the words on it now say:

Parenting Relationship.

“Here you go, sweetheart,” Discord said, offering the plushie to Lyra, “let’s see what yours say.”

Lyra pulled on the string.

“It’s the perfect compromise! After we reassure the kids, settle them down, make sure they’re all taken care of, then we could start to date other ponies. It’s a win-win! The family can stay intact while we can have all the variety we want.”

She looked between him and the doll. “That… I’m not sure the real Sweetie Drops would do something like that.”

“Especially the dating other ponies’ part.” Sweetie Drops pointed out.

“Maybe not. But there’s more to this though.”

Lyra pulled on the string.

“Oh, so you’re going after models now, aren’t ya?”

And pulled again.

“If you love me so much, then why are you spending more time over there than here?”

And again.

“PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!”

“Uh…”

“Okay,” Sweetie Drops nodded, “now it sounds like me.”

“Hey Discord,” Lyra inquired, “are there any alternatives to this?”

He gestured over to the wheel in which the mare spun it again. This time, new words formed when it landed on a new panel:

Communal Living.

Lyra raised an eyebrow. “What? Like living in a commune or something? Like hippies?”

Discord pulled on the string of the Sweetie Drops doll.

“Eh… kinda. But more like living with a bunch of other families under one roof to where everyone’s open about it.”

Curious, Lyra pulled on the string.

“There’s upsides to this, Lyra. Any foalcare is shared among all of us, and there’s plenty of variation in the bedroom – if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah? And what it’s downsides?” She asked, pulling on the strings.

“I won’t lie, even with the open communication, it’s still kinda hard to master. It’s unrealistically utopian. There’s jealousy floating about. Ponies get into fights and arguments tend to break out. So, you wanna go for it?”

With a raised eyebrow, she looked over back to her wife and handed the doll back to Discord. “You know what? I’d rather stick with my wife.”

Discord hummed as his attention turned to Sweetie Drops, “So Ex-Agent Bon Bon,” he asked as the plushie suddenly busted into green flames and was replaced with a version of Lyra. “Want to play along?”

“Is there a rest stop between here and the point?” Sweetie Drops questioned.

“Oh, there is,” Discord told her, twirling his cane, “but all of you will have to play the game first.”

She sighed, “Alright, let’s get this over with.” Putting a hoof on the wheel’s pegs, she gave it a great heave, letting it spin quickly and fast. About a minute or so, the wheel slowed down until the dial pointed to a new panel in which new words formed on it.

The Sunset Clause Marriage.

Sweetie Drops tilted her head. “What the hay does that mean?”

“Pull on the Lyra plushie and find out.” He said, offering the doll over to her.

Taking it into her hooves, she pulled on the string on the back to let it explain.

“In a nutshell,” the talking doll said, “It’s where a couple renegotiates their relationship every year or so. At most, few couples do this once every ten years.”

“Yeah, but to renegotiate what?” And pulled on the string again.

“Whether or not to be in a relationship, of course. And there’s plenty of upsides to this arrangement.”

“Such as…?” And pulled again.

“Well there would be more appreciation and effort on both ends. The foals would be somewhat reassured. And it strangely has an aphrodisiacal side effect since both of us could up and leave at any time.”

“Huh…” looking up at Discord for a moment, Sweetie Drops asked, “So what’s the catch?” And pulled on the string.

“Oh, the usual stuff. Insecurity; the terror of being abandoned; increased in jealousy that the other might fall for someone; really hard to master; and even if we do leave, there might be no one better out there.”

Sweetie Drops frowned, “I’ll spin again.”

This time, after she spun it, the wheel landed on a new panel in which it materialized the words:

Celibacy.

“Nope.” Sweetie Drops tossed the plushie back to Discord and, thinking quickly, he pulled on the string.

“Ah c’mon, Sweetie! Think of all the time you’ll have to do all kinds of stuff like work or make stuff.”

“And what? Face being alone and humiliated that everyone else is getting off but me again?” Sweetie Drops questioned. “No thank you.”

Shrugging, Discord then turned to the remaining mares on the platform. “So, who wants to go next?”

Looking around, Ms. Cheerliee sighed as she stepped up to pull on the wheel. Letting it spin and, much like the others, it too landed on a panel that was once blank until the dial landed on it to reveal its words.

Polyamory.

“You know, I’ve heard of this one.” She said with a knowing smile. “It’s the kind of relationship where ponies have the ability to be in more than one sexual, and romantic relationship at the same time with the full knowledge and consent of the other partners involved.”

“A good enough definition,” Discord said, conjuring up a plushie of Rarity, “here’s your prize.”

Letting the doll float over to the schoolteacher, Ms. Cheerliee let it rest on her outstretched hoof. And quickly understanding what needs to be done, she pulled on the string from its back.

“Well just think of all the advantages, Darling,” the Rarity doll said, “You get all the constant sexual and emotional support from all sorts of ponies. You’d get the freedom to be with whomever you want to be with. You’re able to learn more about yourself. And there’s not much day-to-day frustration as long as there’s open communication between all of us.”

Ms. Cheerliee blinked, “You know, maybe it’s the years of learning about critical thinking, but this sounds a little too good to be true.”

Discord smiled, “Here’s a healthy rule of thumb if a principle sounds so good on paper that it leaves out anything that might damper on that – chances are, there are downsides that aren’t being addressed.”

“For example…?”

Discord pulled the string to make the doll talk again.

“Well let’s face it, such an arrangement isn’t exactly widely acceptable. Not to mention a bit… utopian in concept. It’s tricky to master if you don’t know what you’re doing. Which is why communication skills are so critical. If you don’t have it and it all breaks down, then there’s plenty of jealousy from everyone, guilt for turning someone down, discontinuity among partners with their wants and needs, foals would be in such turmoil. And overall, such planning is exhausting, sending one’s career into utter chaos. And if you’re an introvert… it can prove to be such a nightmare. While it could work for some, I have to say it’s not for everyone.”

Cheerliee frowned. “Any other options?”

Discord answered by pointing at the wheel. So, taking hold of the wheel’s pegs, she spun it again to where it landed on a new panel.

Divorce.

“Ah! Now this one isn’t as bad as the others.” Miss Cheerliee said confidently.

“How do you know?” Rarity inquired. “I thought you were single.”

“I am. But from what I’ve heard from the parents of my students. Sometimes a couple getting a divorce is actually a good thing.”

“Why?” Lyra inquired. “I thought when a divorce happens, it means that a marriage is over?”

“Not quite, it means that a bad marriage is over.”

“Your half right,” Discord pointed out. “But there’s more to it.” He said pulling on the plushie’s string.

“With Divorce comes new possibilities for new partners. An end to cycles of disappointment and frustration. Not to mention that the past problems are all their fault. But of course, there is a catch.” Cheerliee pulled on the string. “For some, foals may be troubled by the event. Your finances would be in chaos. You might find a difficult time finding anyone better out there. And secretly, you’d know that it’s your fault too.”

Cheerliee gave the doll back to Discord. “Now ladies, we have a few more left. Who wants to give it a try?”

“Discord, what is the point of all of this?” Rarity questioned.

“All truths come to those who wait, and since you spoke up,” Discord turned the plushie inside out to make it look like Cheerliee with button eyes. “Just a few more turns and all will be revealed.”

Rolling her eyes, Rarity used her horn to spin the wheel. When it slowed down and the dial landed on a new panel. This time the words that materialized were enough to make her blush.

Friends with Benefits.

“Going off by the face that’s turning as red as Big Mac,” Discord pointed out, “I’d say that you’ve had some experience with this type of relationship.”

“Well I for one don’t see how this would count as a relationship,” Rarity pointed out, “especially when it’s not exactly romantic.”

Discord pulled on the Cheerliee plushie's string.

“Maybe not,” the doll replied, “but such an arrangement does give you the freedom to explore sexy opportunities with someone you trust.” And pulled again, “But of course, there are some downsides to it. There’s a lack of actual love between you and them. Jealousy if the other friend is seeing somepony else. A risk of dishonesty and loneness too.”

“Well… You’re not wrong.” Rarity frowned, her horn lighting up again to spin the wheel. This time, the panel it landed on didn’t enact embarrassment, but a confused look.

Marriage with Secret Affairs.

“Hang on,” Sweetie Drops interjected, “So… cheating counts as a relationship here?”

“Yep!” Discord chirped. “Like the other category, it’s a sexual one, so it technically counts.”

Pulling on the doll’s string, the plushie Ms. Cheerliee added, “Sure, it would count as cheating. But there are some upsides to this arrangement. At least there’s stability (if not a fragile one) that has all the excitement that one’s current spouse couldn’t give.” He pulled on the string again. “However, this too has a catch. This relationship will have to be filled with deceit. Jealousy and anger if this comes to light. Cowardice from the one conducting the affair, along with a huge amount of shame.”

“So, Rarity,” Discord offered the plushie to her, “do you want to claim your prize?”

Rarity shook her head.

“Well now, that only leaves good old Starlight.” Discord took a moment to have the Cheerliee plushie be dipped in fondue, eat the surrounding cheese coating, leaving a now adorable Trixie doll. “You want to know what this one is going to say?”

“Since we’re almost done here.” Starlight lit up her horn to spin the wheel. The dial stopped it on one of the last two remaining blank panels before it magically filled in the missing words.

Love or Sex.

“Ah, a popular pick.” Discord smirked. “This is also known more or less accurately as the Open Relationship.”

“I’ve heard of this,” Rarity said, “apparently there are some rather famous couples who are in such an arrangement. However, they are only rumors from what I’ve heard.”

“But why?” Starlight inquired, taking the Trixie plushie into her aura to be near her. Pulling on the string, she let the doll explain.

“Sure, it’s a bit… old fashioned. However, even Trixie admits it is the most enlightened option. As we understand that love and sex don’t quite belong together, it’s possible to have a variety of partners sexually while we can still see each other romantically. If anything, it helps to help strengthen our love even more.”

“Yeah… but from what I’ve been hearing, there must be a catch to this, right?” She pulled on the string again.

“Let’s see… not that socially acceptable. Prone to jealousy. And like that Polyamory stuff, if you don’t what you’re doing, you’ll find it harder to pull off than a magic trick.”

“I’d thought as much.” So, eyeing the wheel’s last blank panel, she guided the wheel over so that the dial can point to it to reveal the last relationship on there.

The Standard Marriage.

“Huh…” Lyra raised an eyebrow. “And here is something I thought we would have covered before.”

Starlight pulled on the string, “So if I marry Trixie later one for real, can I expect?”

“Well there’s some good stuff. You’d get to own one prized pony. Better continuity with learning what we want and need. It’s stable. Any future foals would be reassured. There’s financial stability. Not to mention socially acceptable.”

“But…?” She pulled on the string again.

“Trixie won’t lie… You will get board of Trixie sexually within two years or so. You will get frustrated at my insanities, immaturities, and my eventual lack of appreciation. And, ironically given this whole conversation, you will suspect that there might be better alternative relationships out there.”

Starlight sighed as she took the plushie in her hooves, “I guess I’ll take it.”

Discord let out a fanfare of kazoos. “Congratulations Starlight!”

“Okay, we did all this,” Starlight waved a hoof at the wheel. “So, what’s the point you’re trying to make?”

“Look carefully again,” he pointed at the wheel. “Has anyone here noticed a pattern?”

“Huh?” All the mares looked back at the panels again.

“What pattern?” Sweetie Drops questioned. “All this has been saying that even the most reasonable kind of relationship has a catch.”

“You’re close,” Discord waved his bamboo cane until it turned into a balloon of his head on a string. “With all these twelve types, there runs a certain theme – loyalty with safety, or freedom with excitement. Romanticism attempted to combine both of these things with their love, thus tricking the world into thinking that they could have the same thing with their spouses. However, the painful truth is when one is in a relationship with someone, they would have a difficult choice to make. Either they could put their stock into loyalty but risk suffering from never-ending boredom, decaying appreciation, and being sexually frustrated with their partner. Then again, if they go for the excitement route, sure, you’d get freedom; but so will you get chaos, indecisiveness, exhaustion, jealousy, and humiliation.

“The point of this is that regardless of what kind of relationship you want to get yourself into, your options aren’t between being happy or falling into error, but what kind of suffering would you rather go for.”

“So, what?” Sweetie Drops questioned, “The only option is to… what? Not be in a relationship?”

“I didn’t say that. Besides, even this,” he pointed to the Celibacy panel, “has its downsides too. Yet, if you do want a suggestion,” Discord turned his back on them, “is that you shouldn’t be too focused on the outside structure of relationships that make it easier to hire and fire new lovers. But to invest more in learning about emotional skills. Perhaps take a closer look at why living creatures are so hard to love, and why living with any of you would be just as difficult. If you want to make any kind of relationship work, it is best to understand what exactly you want out of love – and why.”

Comments

[Late_Night]

10358835
before i say a damn thing, what ships are present in this
because believe it or not, they could make it or they could break it

[CrackedInkWell]

10390546
The thing is, this very thing about why it’s so hard for others to listen, I’ve been saving it for a particular lesson in the near future. Rest assured, this will come up and be confronted.