Discord's Game
“Really though, I’ve been trying to get you here for the better part of two days. It’s very rude, you know, keeping your host waiting.” Discord jumped up to hover above them. Scootaloo tensed, eyes closing as she waited for chaotic retribution. “It’s so rare for me to get guests, and now I have two at the same time, how exciting. And a pony too, I haven’t seen your kind for almost eight hundred years. Please, do come in.” Discord snapped his fingers and Scootaloo was blinded by a sudden flash.
When the light faded, she was inside a glistening hall with high arches and stained glass windows. It looked almost identical to the Canterlot throne room. Each window displayed a different pony or changeling.
Discord noticed her looking at them. “Do you like? I made them myself. Each and every creature to come and play with me. So then, you haven’t introduced yourselves.”
“Uh,” Scootaloo murmured, “you don’t recognize me?”
“Not at all. Should I?”
She paused. “You aren’t actually Discord, are you? I mean, you can’t be.”
“I find the word ‘can’t’ to be very limiting. Impossible things happen all the time, if you know what to look for. But to answer your question.” A monocle appeared over one of his eyes and a dictionary dropped into his hand, falling open. “Genius loci. Noun. The tutelary deity of a location.”
“What?” Mimic asked. “You’re some kind of guardian of the Mad Lands?”
“Not quite, my dear. I am the so called Mad Lands, which by the way, is not a very accurate name. I consider myself quite jovial.”
The tightness in Scootaloo’s chest eased a bit. “Well, I’m Scootaloo, and this is Mimic.”
“Charmed,” Discord said,dropping the monocle and tossing the book over his shoulder and bowing deeply. The dictionary turned into a chicken in mid air, flailing before crashing to the red carpet. “Oh, I always forget they don’t fly.” Discord snapped his fingers and a jetpack appeared on its back. It gave a single confused cluck before launching across the hall and out the doors in an explosion of smoke. The corner of Scootaloo’s mouth tugged up despite her nerves.
“You said you’d been trying to get us here for two days,” Mimic said. “But it’s only been a few hours since we landed.”
“Not quite,” Discord said. “Unless you call forty-six ‘a few’.”
“That’s not possible,” Scootaloo said. “The sun hasn’t moved at all.”
“Well of course not. Everypony goes to sleep at night, and that’s just so boring.” He leaned his head back in a dramatic pose of frustration. “So the sun never sets here and nothing ever has to sleep. Isn’t it so much better that way?”
“Uh, sure,” Scootaloo said. “So, why did you want us here anyway.”
“Well, isn’t it obvious by now?” Discord asked. “It’s boring being here all alone.”
“As much as we’d love to keep you company, we really need to get going.”
“Bah, that’s what everypony says. What about a deal? Play a game with me, and if you win I’ll help you get to where you’re going. Leave now and you might never find your way out.”
“What happens if we lose?”
“Then you can stay here and play with me forever. It’s win/win, isn’t it?”
Scootaloo gulped. “Forever?”
“Well, not really forever, I suppose. More like sixty to seventy years.”
“I think we’ll pass,” Scootaloo said.
“Oh, what a shame,” Discord said, wiping a fake tear from his eye. “Are you sure you don’t even have time for a cup of tea?” As he spoke, the monocle reappeared and a tea set appeared in midair.
“Sorry, but no,” Scootaloo said, fighting back a smile at the casual randomness. “Uh, how do we get out of here?”
Discord sighed and pointed. “Door’s in the back.”
Scootaloo turned and started down the hall, Mimic close behind her. The genius loci followed behind them, pulling things out of midair. “Oh, there must be something I can offer to change your mind. Hmm, no... no... what about a post card?” Discord floated the rectangular card in front of them. It had a picture of him on the front, wearing sunglasses. At the top were the letters ‘ilVanusnmytsinddas’. “Really, how many chances do you get to visit a place so exotic? You must want some kind of souvenir, my dears?”
“No, really, we just...” Scootaloo trailed off. “Actually, there might be something you have that we want.”
“Scootaloo?” Mimic asked cautiously.
Scootaloo grabbed her closer and whispered, “Remember when I told you that Rose Thorn came to warn me? She also told me about something hidden here in the Mad Lands. Something that will help the princess beat Lirean.”
“And you think now is the time to look for it?” Mimic asked with a frustrated grumble. “You don’t even trust her.”
“No, but this Genus thing can tell us if it’s actually here.”
“Forget it, I’m not going to risk being stuck here forever.”
Scootaloo lifted her head to look at Discord. “Can I play alone? If I lose, my friend here still gets to leave?”
“Well, I suppose it’s better than nothing,” he answered before nodding. “But no cheating. If she helps, she has to play.”
Scootaloo looked back to Mimic. The changeling frowned. “Do you really want to risk it?”
“Not really,” Scootaloo admitted, “but I actually have a chance to help everypony. I don’t want to screw it up again.”
“But this is Discord we’re talking about. I’ve heard stories about him since I was a kid, about how devious he is. Even if it’s just some kind of shadow of him, do you really think he’ll give you a chance of winning.”
“Yes, actually. Especially since it’s a shadow of him. Discord always gives ponies a chance of beating him. It’s no fun for him otherwise.” She turned back to Discord. “We’re looking for a stone seal. It would have been put at the center of this place just after the fight between Discord and the princesses.”
The genius loci closed his eyes, thinking for a moment. “Oh yes!” With a snap of his fingers, a stone square about six inches across appeared in his hand. “The queens were quite eager to hide this.”
“Do you know what it does?” Scootaloo asked.
“It’s some kind of key, judging by all the spells on it.”
Scootaloo turned to smile back at Mimic. “She was right. If we can get it, we can lock up the ley lines and keep Lirean from using them.”
“Are you sure?” Mimic asked.
Scootaloo nodded. “The princess told me about them too. She used them the first time she raised the sun. If Lirean has any chance of winning, it’ll be with them.”
“So,” Discord interrupted, "if I win, you stay here with me, and if you win, you get this old thing and I’ll personally see you out of the Jovial Lands?”
Scootaloo swallowed nervously. “Deal.”
“Oh, wonderful!” Discord shouted, jumping into the air with his mismatched appendages spread wide. “I’ll go first.”
“Wait, what are the rules?”
“Rules?” Discord asked with a confused blink. “Why would you want those? Dull limiting things all around.” Scootaloo stared at him until he shrugged. “Oh, very well. The game will go on until someone gives up. If you miss a question, you lose. If you don’t, you win.”
“You mean if we don’t miss one before you do?”
“No, just don’t miss one at all. Now,” Discord cleared his throat. “I am the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space. I am the beginning of every end, and the end of every place.”
Scootaloo blinked. “Huh?”
Discord turned to float on his back, a smug smile on his face.
“I think it’s a riddle,” Mimic said.
“Yeah, thanks,” Scootaloo grumbled. “This is something Twilight would be better at. Uh, I think I’ve heard this one before. Is it the letter ‘e’?”
“Correct!” Discord said, beaming.
“Uh,” Scootaloo said, scrunching up her eyes as she tried to remember back to her school days. Cherilee had done a fun lesson on riddles one day, but that was years ago. “The more you take, the more you leave behind?”
Discord took only a few seconds of thought before nodding and saying, “Hoofsteps.”
“Drat.”
“What can run but never walk, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never eats?”
Scootaloo sat back on her haunches to think. She knew she’d heard it before. The answer was at the tip of her tongue.
“What’s wrong?” Discord asked after almost a full minute. “Oh, don’t tell me you can’t even solve an easy one like this. Well, you’ll have plenty of time to practice.”
“I...” Scootaloo began, “I don’t... Is it a—”
“It’s a river,” Mimic interrupted.
“Mimic!” Scootaloo said as Discord laughed, beaming again.
“Shut up,” Mimic said. “Watching you try to answer these is just painful.”
“But now you—”
“Yes, I know. You get us stuck here and I will make you pay every day for the next sixty years.” She looked up at Discord. “With this the heart sings and you fly without win—”
“Love,” Discord said before she’d finished. “You changelings always start with a riddle about love.” Mimic looked down sheepishly as he asked, “Always am I hungry, I must be fed. The hoof that I lick will soon turn red?”
“A fire?” Mimic asked and Discord nodded.
“You’re pretty good at this,” Scootaloo said.
She shrugged. “Like I said, the hive doesn’t have much to do, so we find ways to entertain ourselves when we have some free time.”
Scootaloo nodded and looked back up to Discord. He had a familiar smile, one she hadn’t seen in years. It had reassured her back then, guaranteed that everything would be fine. Suddenly, she felt terrified. If he was anything like Discord, the genius loci was already savoring victory.
“Mimic, stop!” Scootaloo said, interrupting her next riddle.
“What’s wrong?”
“This entire game,” Scootaloo said. “I know Discord better than most ponies, and there’s no way he’d play something so logical and straightforward.”
“But I’m not Discord,” he reminded her.
“But you act just like him. His magic made you. And he’d have some kind of trick, some way of twisting his words to tell the truth and get you to believe something else.”
“Oh, you’re just over thinking this,” he said, waving a hand as though to brush away her concerns. “Just ask your next question.”
Scootaloo hesitated, thinking, before taking a deep breath. “I give up.”
*****
-One Week Ago-
Thistleroot ran through the streets of Canterlot, sides burning, gala clothes hanging haphazardly from his neck and back. Panicked ponies screamed in the streets as changelings streaked past in green blurs. He’d left the others at his apartment before turning back to find Scootaloo. Applebloom had wanted to come, but with her leg, she wasn’t able to keep up.
He pictured himself briefly as an action hero, turning back into enemy territory, leaving no mare behind. The baddest of the bad.
A changeling crashed several feet behind him in a wave of fire and noise.
“AHHH DON’T HURT ME!” he called bravely, charging valiantly away from it.
He wasn’t sure where Scootaloo would be. All he could do was head in the direction she’d flown and hope they’d find each other. The overwhelming smell of burnt fur turned his stomach, and his legs wanted to give out, but he kept running. The part of his brain that never shut up noted that there weren’t nearly enough changelings to be an invasion.
“Somepony help!”
Thistleroot skipped to a stop and hesitated. “Ah, ponyfeathers,” he cursed before turning the corner in the direction of the call. A young mare a dozen feet away was being harassed by a pair of changelings. They’d cornered her and were taking turns darting in to snap at her.
“Hey, ugly!” Thistleroot called. One of the changelings turned. “No, not you. Your friend.” The other changeling turned toward him as well. “Ah, I’m just kidding, you’re both ugly. Honestly, I can’t tell the difference. Why don’t you overgrown bugs wear name tags or something?”
The changelings shifted, fangs bared and horns glowing.
“Really, being ugly isn’t anything to be ashamed of. It’s not something you can help. Being stupid though, that’s a problem,” Thistleroot continued. “I mean, really, who lets their prey get away just because somepony starts hurling insults at them?”
The changelings turned back around to see the mare had run.
“Yeah, that’s right. Thistleroot: one, changelings: zero. What now?” The changelings hissed and charged toward him. “Yeah, I was afraid of that.” He turned to run, sides burning more intensely. The changelings closed the distance after only a few seconds.
“What am I even doing out here?” He cried to himself. “I’m just a gardener with a degree!”
One of the changelings got its hoof under his as it came down, throwing him off balance. He hopped awkwardly on three legs before crashing to a halt. The changelings slid to a stop beside him, horns glowing with angry green fire.
“Uh, I don’t suppose we could talk about this?” He mumbled weakly.
There was a sudden burst of fire and a yelp of pain. It took a moment for Thistleroot to realize it hadn’t been his. One of the changelings was lying a few steps away. Another flash and the second changeling went down.
Thistleroot pushed himself to his hooves and faced his savior. “Hey, don’t I know you?” He asked the old stallion. “You’re the princess’s friend. Al A. Kazam.”
The elderly unicorn nodded. “You’re that kid that got himself abducted, aren’t you?”
“Uh, yeah, that would be me,” Thistleroot answered.
Al looked him up and down once before sighing. “You’d better come with me then. The princess will have my head if I let you get yourself toasted.” Without another word, he started up the main street, toward Canterlot Castle, and Thistleroot followed.
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Huzzah! Update! And the riddle game that can't be won reminds me of The Hobbit.
I really liked the game. And like said above me, this somehow doesn't have the same feel as the riddle game in The Hobbit. The riddle's were just difficult enough that the readers can solve them by themselves. And that you have to give up to win is also nicely done, when you think about it it's even logical; cause as long you play the game you play with Genius he wins. He wants that somebody plays with him, it doesn't matter or it's a competition...
I'm glad I waited for this chapter to come out.
This is a good scootaloo fic, and I'm eager to see what Scoots does to leave the "Jovial Lands".
I figured out the river one, but the letter "e" got me. Darn.
Hooray! We finally get to hear about Thistleroot and what he was doing the whole time! Sarcastic almost-heroes ftw!
Oh-ho-ho! Scootaloo, you clever mare, you figured it out! Excellent job, my dear, truly excellent!
Did you, by any chance, mean this smile?
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Also,
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"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."
P.S. Does knowing about this movie make me old now?
2645177
If it does, we're both old
I stared at this for a full minute trying to figure out what that is, but, alas, I am defeated.
2645559
"Visit sunny Mad Lands" all scrambled.
I love "Al Akazam." That's great.
Heh.
Hah!
YES! YES! DELICIOUS!
I want more of those chapters! How exquisite!
Now THAT was a good twist of the riddle game. I enjoy it!
And he bravely ran away, he bravely ran away...
The riddles were from
An episode of the Jackie Chan show
I saw them, but it was 20 years ago. Thistleroot reminds me of Arthur's battle cry "Not in the face!" (from The Tick)