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Chapter 11,903 words
Chapter 22,815 words
Chapter 33,383 words

Chapter 1

It’s hard to describe to other people what it’s like to always be a little unsure that what you’re seeing and what’s real might not be the same thing.

Not that I’m saying I hallucinate a demon clown telling me to ‘kill the whores’ or something like that. That’s movie stuff and, as far as I know, that kind of thing doesn’t really happen, or at least it’s so rare that it’s not worth counting.

What I mean is that, sometimes I’ll see something in the corner of my eye that’s not there. Or I’ll hear someone say something, and maybe that person is there, and maybe they’re not. Maybe they said something and maybe they didn’t. It’s hard for me to tell sometimes, although I have gotten pretty good at telling the difference.

It’s the little things that throw me off, though.

Sometimes I’ll see a person waving at me from the middle of the street, in the middle of traffic, out of the corner of my eye, and I’ll have this brief moment of losing my shit before I realise they’re not really there. Other times I’ll hear a conversation going on somewhere in the background, and not one I’m listening to, mind you, but one that’s just… happening. Like a coffee shop conversation, one that you’re aware of, and that maybe you catch a word or topic of here and there, but you’re not really following it.

But you’re still aware of it.

Some people like me get full-blown voices that talk to them. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not that that isn’t what happens to me, because there are times I think it would be easier to tell when I’m having an episode if it was just a gravelly demonic voice or something.

The subtle stuff is scarier, to me.

It’s why I don’t drive. I can’t be sure if the car I’m following is really there, or that the exit I want to take is really coming up or if it’s coming up in another quarter mile.

Of course, those are the mild symptoms. When things were at their worst for me, back when I was living with my parents, I would have full-on breakdowns. My mom had me committed when I was sixteen because she was ashamed of me. That’s not hyperbole or anything either. She told me that was why.

Mom of the year, right?

I wish I could pretend that her saying that was just another one of my episodes, but it wasn’t. She and dad left me in that ward so they could keep on with their social lives while I slowly got worse in a padded room until finally, right after one of my procedures, I blacked out and woke up in the Trial Realm called Lery’s Memorial Hospital.

When we escaped, I thought maybe I’d be able to have a life again, or at least I hoped so.

I moved in with Tempest and Sour Sweet, we all had our own rooms, and I would wake up screaming just about every single night. I wasn’t the only one, but I did do it with the most regularity which was kind of humiliating.

Two Months After Exodus Night

“Shut up… shut up… shut up…” I dig the heels of my palms into my eyes.

There isn’t anyone in my room with me. There’s no whispering. There isn’t anyone having a conversation about something as fucking inane as chocolate eclairs at two in the morning in the middle of my bedroom. I’m alone and it’s just my defective brain having another go at me.

After a few moments, the whispering fades, and I let out a sigh of relief.

One that doesn’t even make it all the way out of my throat before it catches like a stone in my airway as I hear something else.

Thump-thump

A heartbeat appears right on the edge of my hearing. I can feel it in my bones and my guts.

The heartbeat of one of the monstrous Entity’s Fogborn Killers. The beat was faint, but it was there, so it couldn’t be far away. Thirty meters or so at most, which meant it could be right outside our apartment. It could be on the street or the sidewalk moving towards me. It could-

“NO!” I scream the word as I grip my hands over my ears and curl up. “No, no, no, no, no, NO!”

It’s not real. It’s not real!

I’m not in the Trials anymore! Sunset rescued me! She rescued all of us and damned herself in the process, but she still won! I’m not in Lery’s, I’m not in Haddonfield, or Coldwind, or any of those other horrible places haunted by monsters out of a slasher movie!

“Stop it!” I start sobbing as the Heartbeat gets closer.

Thump-thump, Thump-thump, Thump-thump.

Fifteen meters… Ten meters… I have to hide! I have to hide!

I scramble off of the bed and roll beneath it, clapping my hands over my mouth to muffle my breath as the heartbeat becomes deafening.

Thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthump

There’s nowhere to hide. I can’t run. My room is a dead end, the window is closed too! How could I have been so stupid! I know better than to hide in a dead zone! I’ll have to take a hit… if I let it hit me I might be able to run past it while it’s mesmerised by my blood.

I can’t remember what Trial we ended up on though! Was it the Farm?! I could lose them in the cornfields maybe! Wait. No, this is a house. A house-

A house.

We’re in Haddonfield. The suburban neighborhood from Hell. That’s got to be it! I need to get to some of the fences! Maybe if I break line of sight and then-!

“Starlight?”

Sour Sweet’s voice shatters the heartbeat along with my terror, and all that’s left behind is a deep, ugly pit of shame in my belly.

My heart goes from trying to beat its way out of my chest cavity to merely racing. I force my eyes open and roll to the side to see Sour Sweet peeking underneath my bed with worry-filled eyes. She’s still in her bedclothes; a ratty old teeshirt with a cereal mascot on it that she picked up from a thrift store, and her underwear.

“Hey… are you okay?”

I’m shaking so badly I can’t even speak, so I just shake my head side to side.

Sour frowns, then sits up and walks over to the door. She closes it quietly, doing her best not to wake Tempest before returning to my bedside and lying down on the floor.

Then she scoots underneath the bed until she’s right beside me, and a moment later her hand finds mine.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Sour whispers, and her voice is soft for a moment but- “those bastards can’t get us here.”

I can’t help it. I laugh. It comes out in a half-hysterical crack of giggling, and she smiles at me.

Sour's little vocal quirk is actually comforting to me. It’s kind of nice to know someone else is roughly as messed up as I am. With her it’s a borderline issue. She doesn’t really do ‘grey areas’ and tends to swing really wide on whether or not she likes or hates something.

I’m really lucky she likes me. I don’t think I’d be able to do this without her.

“Sorry for waking you up,” I whisper.

“Oh, you didn’t wake me up,” Sour replies brightly before shifting in tone again. “I can’t sleep more than two hours a night anyway.”

It’s my turn to frown now. “Why?”

Sour Sweet shrugs. “Nightmares, what else?”

I curl up against Sour Sweet and shiver. I wish I’d chosen to wear something other than underwear to bed. It’s February, and while the apartment isn’t terrible, the heating isn’t the best.

“C’mere,” Sour Sweet says quietly, pulling me closer against her.

“Y-You can go back to bed, Sour,” I say. “This is stupid… just… just go, okay?”

“Are you gonna stay here?” She asks, and I nod. The small space is comforting, even if it’s not a good place to sleep. “Then I guess I am too.”

Her tone is caustic, but I smile all the same. I know she isn’t trying to be mean or make me feel worse than I do, because I know how to read Sour Sweet. It’s not about how she says things, or even what she says. It’s about what she does. It’s about her body language.

Sour is trying to tell me she doesn’t want to leave me alone, maybe because she’s worried, or maybe just because she cares in general, and either way I’m grateful.

I’m not going to pretend it’s comfortable under here, but Sour Sweet is holding me so that I’m resting on the soft part of the crook of her shoulder, and she’s made do with putting her free arm behind her head and staring unblinkingly up at the bottom of the mattress.

I’m too strung out to get any rest, but I’m exhausted, so I stay where I am and amuse myself by playing with her long, two-tone pink and teal hair. I curl locks of it around my fingers and tease out knots here and there, and as I do it gets tangled up with my own hair, which is when I notice something that makes me laugh.

“Hey Sour,” I say, holding up a lock of her hair and a lock of mine together. “Our hair-tone matches, did you know?”

The second tone in my hair is very nearly the same shade of teal as hers, and Sour Sweet raises an eyebrow at my antics, eyes the strands, then huffs quietly.

“They’re more of an aquamarine,” she replies testily, but her tone softens a moment later. “But yeah, I never noticed.”

“Maybe it’s the crazy,” I laugh.

“Aww, we can be crazy bitches together!” Sour jeers, then she bites her lip, sighs, and rolls over and hug me harder. “S-Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“I know,” I hug her back. “I get it.”

That’s when Sour Sweet does something I’ve never seen her do before.

She starts to cry.

I freeze as I feel her begin to shake silently in my arms, and her grip tightens as quiet sobs issue out from her as she clings to me like a lifeline. Warm teardrops fall across my shoulder and lacking any other plans I just hold awkwardly onto her, rubbing small circles over her back as she cries.

The fit only lasts a few minutes, and then she’s dry as a bone again. I wonder if that’s another one of her borderline episodes. At least she isn’t seeing shit like I do.

“Sorry,” she croaks. “I uh… that was pretty fucking humiliating, huh?”

“You found me hiding under my bed from imaginary murderers,” I say dryly. “I don’t think there’s much dignity left with any of us in this house.”

That gets a laugh out of her. A real one, too, which is rare.

“I guess so,” Sour hugs me a little more gently this time. “Thanks for not giving up on me like the rest of my crapshit family.”

“Thanks for uh… sticking around, too, Sour,” I reply.

Her only response is to hug me again.

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DavisSentoV5

DavisSentoV5 #1 · Jun 16th, 2020 · · ·

It's finally here and off to a good start! Can't wait for more and I have to say this (again, I think), thanks again for introducing to Dead by Daylight! I've been having a blast playing as Trapper!

Song

Song #2 · Jun 16th, 2020 · · ·

No need to read the first chapter before adding this to my favorites. Dead by Sunset is easily one of my favorite things to come out of this website.

I-A-M

I-A-M #3 · Jun 16th, 2020 · 2 · ·

10287076
Considering the caliber of fics on this site that is a massive compliment. I don’t feel like it’s anything like as good as some of the stuff out there, but thank you.