• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2020
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

SunTwi06


Love to write and make friends. Just ask me and I'll hear you out. Spoiler alert: I'm kinda of a klutz^-^'. Side note- I change my Bio pic every week :3

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Since she was a child, Twilight Sparkle is considered a prodigy, with all the brilliance to propel her to college at an early age. She seems to have it all, except a plan. Then one night, while sharing an afternoon with her friends, she chooses now to tell her story of how she came to be. Only what they don't know is that the road she took had many painful obstacles, memories she hoped to forget... Until now.

Edited by Dramamaster829

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 20 )

We can't exactly blame Twilight Sparkle, or at least 'Sci Twi', for being reluctant about talking about 'Crystal Prep'. On the surface, it's a school for upper-crust snobs, all the students care about is being the best, they are clearly not the nicest kids in town, and they treat Sci Twi like a loser despite being just as smart as them... If not 'smarter'. It's no wonder why we don't see their pony forms in the 'FIM' series. But as we can imagine with the direction for this story, there is possibly more to her time at that school, even if this is a slightly different interpretation of her Crystal Prep origins. But the intent is to show 'a' scenario about her schooling there and all before she'd eventually be in Canterlot High with her real friends. We can only hope we are able to give the faithful fans an entertaining read.

Comment posted by Tiber Septim II deleted July 4th

10315306
We can not change the past But We can go forward to a new future

10317646
That's the idea with this story. But it's the past that is the central theme to this story, to see what made Twilight Sparkle (In this canon) the young woman she is today while also exploring what she wants for her future.

Since she was a child, Twilight Sparkle is considered a prodigy, with all the brilliance to propel her to college at an early age. She seems to have it all, except a plan.

But, didn't she want to go to Everton?

In the brief moments we see when Twilight Sparkle was attending Crystal Prep, that she never really fit in when her drive for intellectual excellence would match their school's reputation to be the best. Even if she had planned on attending this 'Everton' joint, which I have no idea how it would be any different, we never would imagine how bad 'this' Twilight had it. It's not enough that she's a social outcast or a girl ignored by the whole student body. Twilight Sparkle never fit in with those Crystal Prep jerks... And this story would prove it.

But then with this chapter, we see that her problems occur long before Crystal Prep. Suffice to say, in this version, she didn't fit in with the older kids being the youngest girl to attend their classes due to her impressive prodigal skills in intellectual pedigree. It goes to show that when we take the time to learn about some of the most brilliant geniuses of our lifetimes, we have to wonder if they had it as easy just because of what made them great or if they are still just people who endured many obstacles even with their gifts.

If we ever wonder why fans may not be crazy about the students or faculty of Crystal Prep... Parts of this chapter would fully demonstrate as to why that is the case. Then again, it wouldn't matter what kind of school you'd go. Public or Private, the students in any place may act a certain way because they were not brought up to know any better. Nor understand how their actions may hurt others, like how these kids treated Twilight. It's no wonder why she would rather not remember her past for what it was, at least in this interpretation.

I saw you popping up in some groups for awhile now, and I decided to check your stories. I read this one chapter. Aaaand Ima not gonna read more. The story ain't bad, but it is not a quality work either. You need a better editor that will be able to rid you of the many tense shifts, odd capital letters, weird punctuation and awkward wording. Not to speak about the obvious error of the characters having lunch in the evening. And there are also tons of very unnecessary exposition. I am sorry to say it, but it all makes this chapter fail to interest me as it is just tasteless, the characters are not really acting like themselves, and I honestly I have no idea what the rest of the story's gonna be about - and I think I should know that after 2k words in.

10349618 A bit to early to judge but I understand. Also, I would kindly ask you to not blame my editor. He did the best he could with this story(witch was a huge mess before he worked on it) and this isn't my best work to begin with. With that said, I hope it doesn't drive you away from the rest of my work.

*side note-To prove my editor can make one of my stories of better quality, I suggest checking out either Truth Over Dare or Pick em Up witch have been featured:heart:.

10349767
All I did was state the errors this story has - and that is just a fact. Maybe your current editor doesn't do content editing at all, I don't know. But you should def talk to him and maybe get an additional editor to catch the errors that slipped through the cracks or that your current editor does not specialize in.

I just read through Pick 'Em Up. Has most of the errors I listed for this one, the tense shifts seem more frequent, and there is also a lot of long rambling sentences. I see you have been on the site for a rather short while, so maybe you don't know yet, but a story being featured often doesn't say a thing about its quality.

10349861 ...I'll keep that in mind. However, I trust him and that's what matters to me. I'm not aiming for perfection after all. So long as people enjoy I, that's all I need and from what others have said, I did just that. I'm aware the stories aren't perfect but trust me, they were way worse before the edit. My point is, if you're going to place blame, it should be on me since its ultimately up to me on what is finalized. I should also note that the criticism you pointed out here is explained in the next chapters.

With that said, without proper examples, I can't exactly fix these issues and leaves very little to work with. If you'd be so kind as to tell me where and how to fix them, I'll gladly do so :heart:

10349922
I'm not placing blame on anyone, just saying how things you are. If you wanna blame someone for the state of your story, blame whoever you want. That is nothing for me to judge.

As for the errors, I can give you a few examples - like incorrectly used commas at the end of dialogue lines where periods should go. But the rest is just like "This is very awkward to read, this does not work well, this is an info dump." I know that something is wrong and far from perfect, but I don't know how to fix it. The best advice is what I have already said: get an editor that knows how to fix all this. With the list I gave you, they should be quite willing to help.

10349939 I'll make sure to to pass that on.

Why didn't you respond to my comment?

10356678 I'm sorry. I haven't had a lot of time to look. Witch one?

We come to a moment where after talking about what an awful experience Twilight had during school, especially during her time at 'Crystal Prep' (At least in this rendition), there comes that epiphany. That she was willing to go through all that torture, as negative to her health as that may be, just because of that desire to please people (Mostly her parents). True, Twilight Sparkle is a child prodigy and any kid would be lucky to have such an intellect (I wouldn't know, I'm not straight-A student myself). But at the same time, she was still just some kid who transitioned into the world of adulthood perhaps a slight faster than she hoped and she had all the chances to say I don't want to go through with this, but she always felt she couldn't say no (Much like Ado Annie can't say no to an opportunity to kiss a guy).

All and all, sooner if not later, Twilight Sparkle was going to have to voice her concerns to her family. To state that she's just not ready to go that far in her scholarly pursuits when there is still that chance to enjoy things girls her age ought to do. Regardless of how it all ends, it's better to be honest and truthful than to live a lie and keep pretending to be someone girls like Twilight feel they have no choice to be.

We love you...

That's all we ever want our parents tot ell us, no matter what. In a way, Twilight Sparkle had some right to fee a slight nervous about telling her parents why she doesn't want to go to college. All her life, she's always felt she had to do things because it was expected of her to do so. To go to the best schools, keep up with her grades, and advance in all her studies... Yet when parents don't really start asking how their children are faring, when their personal lives are not as great as their academic level, it goes to show the consequences of a lack of communication.

Some would say it's unheard of, wanting to be held back just to spend another few years or so in High School rather than going to college by a certain point. But we can in a way understand 'why' Twilight would make this decision. If only because she missed out on so much that she's trying to make up for all the time she could've spent just being a normal kid. For in a way, there's a price to being a prodigy: Those people are renowned for all their talents in academics, we forget to acknowledge that they are still normal people who feel this weight of trying to please everyone with what they know. That we forget that for the price of being the best at one thing, if not everything, it costs a bit of our humanity to give the people what they want.

I don't know what's going to come from Twilight's decision, but at least her parents were very understanding about her concerns. Better she spoke of them now before it was too late or else there'd be nothing she could do to make up for what she missed out of.

Comment posted by BiggerNate91 deleted August 5th

Is this chapter in the right place?

10369886
It's just an input error. I've seen it happen on FimFiction before.

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