5 Times Sunset Spilled Her Heart Out To Her Journal

by LunaEclipsed15

Homesick

Sunset was laying on a picnic blanket in the park, staring up at the clouds. It was a bright and sunny day and the clouds were especially fluffy, perfect for cloud watching.

Sunset wasn’t alone, however. She was joined by her friends, who were also sprawled out all around her, watching the clouds slowly move by. It was nice, Sunset decided, being surrounded by people that didn’t hate her.

Slowly, Sunset rolled over to her backpack and pulled out a thin journal. It was a dark red color with gold bindings. She grabbed the black pen she kept in her backpack as well.

Slowly, Sunset flipped to a page and began to write.

October 18th.
Surprisingly it isn’t too cold out today, which is unusual for autumn. I guess I shouldn’t be so surprised considering I’m living in a world where everyone walks around on two feet and uses hands instead of magic.

Home. I think about it a lot.

Do I miss Equestria? Yeah, 1000%. I miss galloping through the grassy fields of Canterlot and enjoying daisy sandwiches and hay burgers on warm summer afternoons. I miss studying magic, I miss having talent that others could only dream of. I miss being loved.

Maybe loved isn’t the right word. Maybe protected is. Beyond the royal guards and the high security that surrounded the Canterlot Castle, I miss having someone to look after me.

Really, I guess I just miss Princess Celestia.

They say “home is where the heart is” but I don't feel like my heart is anywhere. My heart used to be in magic, in my studies, but I became bitter and gave that up in a minute.

Now I don’t know where my heart belongs. Is it with my friends? I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if they are just using me as a charity project for Princess Twilight. It certainly feels like they are at times.

I have no family in this world, and even back home I was never close to my parents or brother. Princess Celestia was all I had, and I let my dreams get the better of me, and now here I am, still sad and alone.

They say that I’m not alone, that I have them, but I’m not sure if I can believe it.

I don’t know. I’m still so new to friendship, maybe I just need time to adjust.

I’m trying, I really am, but it’s hard. It;s hard to keep going when everyone hates me, it’s hard to keep going when I have no real place to live and struggle to survive pretty much daily, it’s hard to keep going when my friends do something together and don’t invite me. It’s really hard.

But I know I can’t go home, no matter how hard it is. I commited treason! I would be put to death for sure. So for now, I just try to stay afloat as best I can, even when everything is too tough and there's nobody to help me.

Why would they want to help me anyway? I mean, I tried to kill them, I tore them apart and only caused them grief and pain. If it wasn’t for Princess Twilight, there’s no way they would be sitting here with me now.

I don’t want them to worry about me, but I fear that I am just a little too homesick. I miss Equestria and everything about it. Most days it’s hard to find anything good about this world to keep me going.

I wish I could talk to them, I wish I could go home, I wish I hadn’t done the things I did. But I learned a long time ago that wishing gets you nowhere in life, so there really is no point anymore.

• Sunset Shimmer

Sunset closed her journal, looking back up to the clouds. The girls were chatting aimlessly about what they look like, Pinkie insisting that everything looked like a dog. Sunset let a small smile fall onto her face.

She was happy for them, she really was. She didn’t really remember what her motivation had been for tearing them apart, and she regretted it terribly. But she was happy that they had been able to work things out and make up. They really were good friends.

“Hello? Earth to Sunset?” Sunset snapped out of her daze as a blue hand waved in front of her.

“Oh yeah? Sorry, just kinda zoned out there.” Sunset shoved the journal and pen back in her backpack, looking up to see all the girls now focused on her.

“What’s that?” Fluttershy asked, pointing at where she was zipping up her bag.

“Nothing, just a journal.” Sunset shrugged.

“Ah didn’t know ya journaled, Sunset.” Applejack said, leaning back on her elbows as she faced Sunset.
Sunset shrugged again.

“I dunno, I just started recently. Apparently it’s good for mental health, or something like that.” Sunset was mumbling, staring down at the ground. The rest of the girls nodded in agreement.

They dropped the topic after that, going back to cloud gazing and talking amongst themselves. Sunset only said anything when she was spoken directly to. Otherwise she kept quiet.

Silently, Sunset wished that they had inquired more about her journaling. Maybe they would want to try and help her. Sunset didn’t think she would be very opposed to that.

Alas, Sunset would just have to stick to pouring her feelings out in a shabby old book. She was fine. She didn’t need help. She would be okay, if she just kept smiling.

Comments

[ForNeverMore20]

Calm before the storm, huh?