Femmeical Warfare
SATURDAY ITINERARY
Brunch with the girls!!!! (Ocellus is with Moon Dancer)
Hopefully Moon Dancer asks Fluttershy to marry her because she’s seriously running out of opportunities
I heard Luna’s gonna be out on a date with Miss Pommel, which isn’t really part of our itinerary but come ON that’s ADORABLE
No one is talking about the whole Rarity/Trixie thing and I think I’m not even supposed to know about it but WOW something really needs to happen there because it’s getting weird
Room service night in with me and Ocellus!!! (also somehow she figures out her entire sexual identity to resolve the extremely pressing issue with her best friend but more importantly ROOM SERVICE) (also, wait, what's room service?)
Starlight was exiting the shower when it occurred to her that Gold Star was about ten years younger than she herself was.
She had not recovered by the time she rephrased that thought in her head in a different way: Gold Star was closer in age to the Cutie Mark Crusaders than she was to Starlight.
She grabbed the edge of the sink and stared into the fogged-up mirror, glad she could not see her (old, old) face. It took her a moment to recognize her feelings; something she had felt many times, but not for a while: the desire to throw every single one of Twilight Sparkle’s lessons into the trash and to just do time travel until the universe was made of spinach or whatever.
She slowly calmed. She couldn’t take back what she’d done last night and then also earlier this morning and then also again earlier that morning, and she wouldn’t want to, even if she could. And Gold Star had truly done a wonderful job of making sure she felt safe.
Gold Star, who, doing the math, was maybe a junior in high school when Starlight moved into Twilight’s castle.
A few breathing exercises later, Starlight left the bathroom. Gold Star languidly dozed, but she opened her eyes and smiled at the sound of the door opening. “Hi, gorgeous.”
The kid was very good at this, Starlight had to admit. She felt herself relaxing. “Do you want the shower?”
“Oh, no thank you; I think it’s supposed to be partly cloudy, today. I’ll fly through a raincloud on my way to the tent.” She crawled out of bed and gave Starlight a quick nuzzle. “Hey. Creatures sometimes tell me I do this too much, but I wanted to check in you were still feeling okay about last night. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, of course!”
Starlight considered that, but the answer was, surprisingly, easy. “I feel fine. I was really scared about everything, but once I got into it, I just kind of… forgot I was scared.”
“I’m so happy to hear that!” Gold Star beamed, looking extremely happy to hear that. “It’s totally valid to never have done anything like that before, but I hope you know in your heart that you can, if you decide you want to. You’re such a special and kind individual.”
Starlight blinked, then sighed. “Y’know, you really are like if the School of Friendship came to life and started complimenting ponies.”
“Oh, I’m so flattered, Starlight, thank you!” She smiled widely, then, oddly, stopped smiling. “I’m getting a little hungry, but… before I go, I wanted to be open with you about where I’m at.”
Starlight raised an eyebrow. “Yyyeah?”
Gold Star hung her head, even mild discomfort looking very jarring on her face. “I really enjoyed myself with you. I said last night I was only open to something casual, and that’s still true, but... I was hoping we could keep in touch as friends?”
“...Friends?”
“Yeah! I think we’d have a lot to talk about, and I really look up to what you’ve accomplished.”
Starlight took a step back, frowning. “We can’t be friends. We… um. You know, last night.”
“Oh. You don’t…” Gold Star was an extremely expressive pony, and almost all Starlight had ever seen on her face was some sort of smile. For just an instant, something very different flashed there: sadness, insecurity. Then it was gone, and she grinned again. “That’s all right! I would never want to push you into something you didn’t feel comfortable with!”
“It’s… not that I don’t feel comfortable about it,” Starlight explained, wondering why there was this weird anxious feeling in her chest. “It just doesn’t make sense for us to be friends.”
“I get it!” Gold Star failed to assure her. “It’s… everypony’s different! If you don’t want to…”
“No, I would want to be your friend!” Starlight exclaimed, stamping her hoof. “Of course I’d want to be your friend. But after what we did, that doesn’t work. We could try being special someponies, but you said you couldn’t do that.”
“Yeah. That isn’t something my wife and I would be okay with.”
“Your…” Starlight tried not to make her eyes bug out. She remembered vaguely Gold Star saying something about a wife while reciting her litany of needs and boundaries, but she hadn’t been paying much attention to anything but the broad strokes. “Look, you’re really beautiful, and last night was really great. Can’t that be enough?”
The flash of sadness on Gold Star’s face lasted a little longer this time, but just like before, when it was gone, it was like it’d never existed. “Yeah! I’m really happy you think I’m beautiful. I was only asking because creatures think I’m beautiful a lot, but they don’t always care about… um.” She paused, then tried again “I just thought you might...” She fell silent, looking down at the floor.
Starlight had no clue what was going on, but Gold Star quickly looked back up at her, smiling childishly and cutely and not convincingly at all. “I’m sorry! You clearly communicated your feelings about this, and I really appreciate that! I totally respect what you’re saying.”
She quickly walked to the door, fumbling with the knob a bit as she tried to open it. “I’ll just go, and…”
Starlight wanted to say something, but before she could think of anything, a frantic and high-pitched voice rang out from the hallway. “Oh! Hello, how strange to see you coming out of your hotel room, Trixie!!”
Starlight headed to the door and stood next to Gold Star, looking out. Rarity was standing in her own doorway. Trixie stood in the hallway, in front of her own closed door, eyes wide.
Rarity turned to them, looking frantically polite. “And my! What odd timing that all three of us would…” She noticed Starlight was not alone and paused, but only briefly, the social skills kicking in when needed. “Oh! Gold Star, yes? From the pride committee? How wonderful to see you!” She walked up to them, not acknowledging Trixie even slightly as she passed her. “I hope I didn’t interrupt your, ah, early morning business meeting with Starlight! I was just so surprised that all three of us came out of our own individual hotel rooms at the same time!”
Gold Star blinked at Rarity, then looked over at Trixie, whose expression had gone from surprise to annoyance. She trotted into the hallway, all confidence and warmth. “Good morning! I’m so glad I had a chance to see you both. Trixie, thank you again for being such a good friend to Starlight last night!” She looked very young.
“Yeah,” Trixie replied, glaring at Rarity, and then glaring at Starlight, and then glaring at Rarity again.
Starlight felt she had insight into about one-tenth of what was making this whole scene so awkward. All four of them stared at one another in silence.
“She’s over eighteen!” Starlight asserted.
There was more silence.
“I… am!” Gold Star agreed finally, still smiling. “I’m twenty-two.”
The door down the hall opened, and Moon Dancer stuck her head out. “Why,” she groused,” is everyone talking so loudly out in the hallway? You know how thin these walls are! Who…”
She froze, looking like a civilian who had just wandered into the middle of a gunfight. She withdrew back into her room and shut the door without another word.
“It’s…” Gold Star fell silent, then like a machine turning on, somehow clicked into ponies-pony mode. “Yes, as I said, it’s so wonderful to see everyone, but I’m afraid I have to get an early start at the planning tent, today.”
Rarity relaxed slightly. “Oh, it’s such a shame you have to rush off, but perhaps we will have a chance to actually sit down and chat later?”
“I’d like that.” Gold Star turned and nuzzled Starlight, right there in front of everyone, like the bravest pony who’d ever lived. “I had a really great time.” She flashed brilliant smiles to them all and then trotted off down the hallway.
Trixie, without saying anything, turned and went into her own room.
Starlight and Rarity looked at one another. “I have no idea what’s going on,” Starlight admitted.
Rarity coughed. “Remind me, darling, was there to be alcohol at today’s brunch?”
“Uh. I think I heard Fluttershy say something about mimosas.”
“Oh, delightful.” Rarity turned and went into her own room, muttering. “Simply delightful.”
Moon Dancer pressed her hooves against her mouth, her face red, her eyes squeezed shut. They were in the best coffee shop in Manehattan, a quiet, serious, joint tucked away in a corner of Balikuntown. She could not laugh as loudly as she wanted to; it would disturb the whole atmosphere.
Moon Dancer somehow kept it together. “She said absolutely nothing the whole time. Just stood there, silently. And then, all of a sudden… ‘She’s over eighteen.’”
Trixie giggled, earning a glare from the hardworking barista and a curious look from Ocellus, who’d opted to sit a few tables away to review her notes. “And that was what happened right before you opened the door.”
“Wow.” Moon Dancer laughed as quietly as she could. “Wow. No wonder you all looked like that.”
“Starlight…” Trixie shook her head, almost awestruck. “Starlight is just the dumbest smart pony in Equestria, isn’t she?”
“She learned from the best,” Moon Dancer teased. “I thought that was your thing.”
Trixie gasped in (thankfully quiet) faux outrage. “Trixie is indeed both the dumbest and the smartest pony anywhere, because there is no superlative that doesn’t apply to her! But unlike Starlight, who is dumb in dumb ways, I am strategic about when I’m stupid! I just do it when it gets me out of work.”
Moon Dancer raised an eyebrow playfully, but before she could respond, the server arrived with their beverages. Trixie took her latte and immediately added more cream to it, earning a disgusted glare from pretty much everyone nearby. She appeared to relish the attention.
Moon Dancer placed her nose over her macchiato and inhaled gently. The rumors had been true: this place truly did create art.
“You’re such a little weirdo,” Trixie observed.
Moon Dancer concentrated fully on her drink. She raised it to her lips and took a tiny, tiny sip. It was heaven.
The experience over, she acknowledged her tablemate. “You didn’t know I was a weirdo before today?”
“The amazing Trixie knows all. She just wanted to remind you.”
Moon Dancer smirked and directed her attention to her espresso again. It suddenly struck her how comfortable she was, here in this faraway city, sitting with a pony she couldn’t talk to about books.
Even after she accepted friendship into her life, she was still carried along in it, just passively. She loved her Canterlot friends, but that whole group was the Minuette Show, and they all knew it. The little, blue dynamo facilitated everything, made all the plans, filled all the silences.
And Fluttershy’s group.. well, Twilight was a very unique exception, of course, and she and Discord had established something of a real understanding. But for the rest of them, even though it was nice, it was also a little plastic. They were sweet and kind and welcoming to her because they were sweet and kind and welcoming ponies. She really did care about them, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she could have been anyone.
But with Trixie? Or Starlight, or Maud, or Sunburst, or Mudbriar? There was no way she ‘could have just been anyone’ with them. She’d found them, and she fit. They were weirdos. It worked.
She looked up from her drink, raising an eyebrow. “So. Talk to me.”
Trixie looked back at her. “I am talking to you.”
“No. Trixie, come on.” Moon Dancer set her coffee down to show how serious she was. “Your emotions. They’re… roiling behind your eyes, or whatever. Talk to me about it.”
“I beg your pardon,” Trixie sniffed. “I do not roil, behind my eyes or anywhere else!”
“Uh huh. So seriously, what’s up?”
“Nothing.” She daintily sipped her drink, then sighed. “Okay, look, I didn’t expect Starlight to get picked up so soon. This is all super new to her, and she’s totally freaked about somehow accidentally mind-zonking someone into dating her.”
“Hm, it makes a little more sense now how she wanted me to mind-zonk her on the train,” Moon Dancer mused. “A controlled, safe way to take her own medicine. It’s not rational, but I guess I get it.”
“Yeah. So, it was supposed to be baby steps. I didn’t expect her to run into some kind of… living, breathing consent machine.” Trixie sighed. “She is totally not ready for this, and when Starlight gets thrown into something she isn’t ready for…”
Moon Dancer nodded. “Okay. And…”
Trixie held her gaze, then sighed. “And we’re just getting over an argument about this whole trip, and okay yes fine, I’m jealous, obviously, but it is totally normal to be jealous when your best friend finds other ponies they want to spend time with. It’s the normalest kind of jealousy. It’s also dazzingly spectacular jealousy, because it’s mine, but it’s just. Normal.”
Moon Dancer sipped her coffee and said nothing.
“Nngguuuh, and I’m annoyed with Rarity, fine,” Trixie groaned. Out of the corner of her eye, Moon Dancer saw Ocellus get up out of her seat and walk towards them. “So, I’ve been sleeping with Rarity. A lot.” Ocellus veered sharply away from their table. Moon Dancer hoped she had not heard anything, but Trixie kept going too fast for her to think about it. “Every night we’ve been here, and a couple of times before that.” She was clearly simultaneously bragging and complaining, which would have been hard for anyone else in the world to pull off. “She wants it to be secret, so don’t tell anyone. Or do, I don’t care.”
“If you don’t care, why are you annoyed?”
Trixie added more cream to her coffee drink; it was practically just white by this point. “My standards for friends are very high.”
Moon Dancer raised her eyebrow. “...Yeah? So what?”
“So.” Trixie actually added more cream. There was no way she could actually be planning to drink it. “For that, and for no other reason, I don’t tend to. Ahem.” She paused, doing her best to make it sound haughty. “Have. Many friends.”
“Ah.”
“Rarity’s not so bad, is all I’m saying. We open up to each other, it’s… nice.” She coughed slightly. “Especially because she’s one of the Ponyville Five, who caused my tragic spiral of self-destruction and eventual redemption. It shows how impressively far I’ve come to be able to trust her.”
“Ponyville Five?” Moon Dancer asked.
“Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash challenged me at my show. Snips and Snails went and found the ursa minor. Twilight embarrassed me by defeating it.”
“That’s six.”
“Snips and Snails each count as a half.” Trixie sipped her coffee drink, then stuck her tongue out in disgust. “Bleh, I thought you said this place was good.”
“Uh huh.” Moon Dancer really did care about Trixie, but she reveled in unnecessary complications like they were playground equipment. “Look, maybe Rarity’s just being weird because it’s awkward to hook up with a friend. Some ponies can’t do that at all.”
“She’s the one that keeps initiating it,” Trixie pointed out, definitely mostly bragging. “Last night, I just went over to try to talk to her about Starlight stuff, and she couldn’t keep her hooves off me.”
“She doesn’t think you’re dating, does she?”
“No. If it was something weird like that, she’d tell me. She’s one of those magic friendship monsters, right?” Trixie responded to Moon Dancer’s raised eyebrow with just a dismissive wave of her hoof. “Oh, come on. You should know, you’re marrying one of them.”
“Fluttershy’s not perfect, you know.”
Trixie raised an eyebrow.
“Seriously! Sometimes, when she’s tired, she snaps at me.”
“What would Fluttershy snapping at someone even sound like?”
“Just normal. I never even know she does it until she apologizes for it after.”
Trixie gave the kind of eye-roll that would be visible from space. “Look, the point is, I’m annoyed with Rarity because she’s being unnecessarily complicated, but it’ll be fine because we’re actually real friends.” She nodded smartly. “It wouldn’t be inappropriate to praise me for being able to make an accomplished and worldly friend.”
Moon Dancer considered that. “You know, you’re right. It’s hard to make new friends as a grown-up. Good for you, Trixie.”
Trixie paused, probably working out if she was being mocked or not. Eventually she relaxed. “Well, thank you. Did I mention she can’t keep her hooves off me?”
“Once or twice.”
Fluttershy giggled. No one quite knew what she was giggling at, but it almost certainly had something to do with the empty champagne flute in front of her.
The table had already gone through a lot of mimosa, which was especially impressive because Pinkie didn’t seem to be drinking much, and the restaurant’s manager had declared they could not legally serve raccoons alcohol, which left Softpad with nothing but iced tea.
Fluttershy was not so inebriated that she couldn’t get embarrassed, so she blushed and tried to explain: “I was looking at my crepe, and it was funny.” Softpad chittered something, and Fluttershy laughed again.
Pinkie nodded seriously. “Crepes are one of the funniest brunch foods. Just above mushroom scramble and just below blintzes.”
Starlight couldn’t help but chuckle just at the sound of the word ‘blintzes,’ and even Rarity had loosened up enough to laugh. “Blintzes are the funniest,” Pinkie explained further. “Well, unless you’re working blue, and then it’s cream cheese omelettes.”
Fluttershy laughed out loud, which was still pretty quiet. Starlight herself held it in for a moment, but soon she was giggling, too. “I… think I’ve had too much to drink.”
“But this is a celebration!” Pinkie argued. “We’re toasting you! We…” She gasped like a bomb exploding. “I just realized! Toast, meaning the thing you do with drinks, and toast, meaning the breakfast food, are the same word! This is comedy gold! I take it back, toast is the funniest, hooves down.”
“Why,” Starlight asked, not intentionally trying to change the subject but considering it a nice bonus, “are you toasting me?”
“Why, you accomplished what you came here to do,” Rarity explained, smiling kindly. “And with an absolutely lovely and sweet mare, too.”
“Oh.” Starlight cough-giggled, blushing. “I mean. I guess.”
“So, spill!” Rarity’s smile turned a little sinister. “How was it?”
“Only as much as you want to!” Fluttershy added. Then, “Um, but please: as much as you want to.”
“It was… um.” Starlight realized she absolutely did not have the vocabulary to discuss it, and she felt old, again. But these were her friends, so… “Look, I don’t have anything to compare it to. It was my first, uh. My first time.”
Rarity and Fluttershy glanced at one another, puzzled. Starlight refilled her champagne flute. “I know! I’m over thirty. I know. But look, I spent a lot of that time in Our Town, and clearly I wasn’t going to be with anypony there, I was everyone’s cult leader! I wasn’t that evil.”
Rarity opened her mouth to speak, but Starlight plowed forward. “And then I had to deal with my sexuality and everything, and fine, look, I’m a super-insecure pony in some ways, which isn’t always apparent because I’m really confident in other ways, and what was your question, Rarity? Oh, how was it: It felt really good! Um. These are delicious mimosas, huh?”
Softpad whistled something which Starlight could not understand but which was almost certainly asking for clarification about the cult leader thing. Fluttershy thankfully did not reply; she just kept glancing over at Rarity. “Um. Was it… it wasn’t a secret, was it?”
“I… didn’t think so,” Rarity answered.
All four of Starlight’s tablemates had awkward expressions on their faces. “What’s wrong? What did I do?”
Rarity frowned. “Starlight. Everyone at this table already knows, and so it’s a little hurtful for you to explicitly state that it never happened.”
“Uhmmmmmm.” Starlight glanced at everyone in turn; even the racoon looked weird. “I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Softpad chittered. Fluttershy nodded, “You’re right. I think she actually doesn’t remember.”
“I guess it was more meaningless than I’d thought,” Rarity said, sounding too sad to give her comment the bite she clearly meant it to have. “I know it didn’t come to anything, but I’d never have thought you’d completely forget about it. Especially that last time, when I actually knew what I was doing.”
Starlight blinked at her in complete incomprehension. “Someone really needs to explain to me what’s going on.”
Rarity actually sniffled and placed her napkin onto the table. “Excuse me, everyone, I…”
“No, hey!” Starlight flailed out her hooves, guilt stewing in her chest. “Rarity, I hurt your feelings somehow, but I can’t apologize for it until I know what happened!”
Rarity glared, but luckily Pinkie’s voice stopped her from saying what was on her mind. “Ohhhh. She used magic.”
They all looked at her, equally surprised. “Right?” Pinkie continued. “She forgot because she magicked herself.”
This for some reason appeared to make Rarity even angrier, but Fluttershy placed a hoof on her shoulder calmingly. After a moment, Rarity sighed. “Please explain it to her, darling. I’m far too upset.”
Starlight felt more helpless than she had in a long time, but Fluttershy’s calm expression helped a bit. But then Fluttershy spoke, and her words did not help at all. “Last year, you and Rarity had a short relationship. Or… something. Um. But you spent several nights together before deciding to just be friends.”
Starlight’s mouth fell open, and it took her several seconds to even be able to speak. “Wait. How could…”
“I’m terribly sorry for whatever it was I did,” Rarity grumbled, not sounding sorry at all. “I had thought it was something we could look back on fondly. But apparently it was so traumatic, you had to erase your memory.” She sniffled. “You told me that was your first time, too, but I suppose for all I know you’d erased your memory of something before that, too.”
“Rarity!” Starlight felt panic starting to consume her, even as she noticed other restaurant-goers beginning to look at their table. “We’re friends. I wouldn’t…” Rarity’s eyes were actually starting to fill with tears. “No, wait, look. This is some kind of misunderstanding, and I’ll prove it. I’m gonna cast a spell that’ll undo any memory-alteration that’s ever been done on me, okay? Just give me a second.” She closed her eyes and felt her horn glow, and then her whole head fizzled with magic. “See? I…”
Starlight froze.
“I’m absolutely appalled,” Rarity’s voice stated.
“Wait.” Starlight pressed her hoof against her forehead. Apparently, once when she was a teenager, her dad and his friends had caught her lip-syncing in her bedroom along with Black Feedbag lyrics, so she was also dealing with that.
She took a deep breath and opened her eyes to look at Rarity. The memories swam through her mind like barracudas. “Flarg,” she said.
Rarity pulled back in surprise. “Um…”
“Flarg doo carnin,” Starlight clarified. It suddenly occurred to her those were not words, but by that point, she was already passing out.
The private wing of the palace was, as usual, so quiet that Starlight felt upset barging in. She knew she had a standing invitation, and more importantly, she knew Twilight would want to help her. But everything still felt so Celestia, it was hard to convince herself she was truly welcome.
“Twilight?” she called, nervously walking around, blindly. “It’s me. Can we talk? I need your help.”
“Oh!” Twilight’s voice called out from what she’d been calling her office. “Hey! Yeah, just come on in. Um, but…”
“Oh, thank goodness.” Starlight briskly trotted over to the ajar door, bumping it open. “I’m freaking out. I had sex with one of your friends, and now I have no idea what to do, and…”
She froze, still standing in the doorway. Twilight looked back at her, eyes wide. She was not alone.
“Aaahahahahaha!” Flurry Heart bellowed in delight. “Sex! Sex sex sex! Sex friend!”
“Um.” Twilight eventually just slumped her shoulders. “So. I think you already know everyone, but I’ll introduce you, just in case. This is my niece, Flurry Heart. I’m babysitting her right now. She’s just learning to talk, and she is very good at immediately picking up on words she’s not supposed to say.”
“Sexxxxxxxxx!”
“And this is Minuette,” Twilight continued. “She’s going to be working with me, here in the castle, and she’s well-known among my friends here in Canterlot to never, ever let anyone forget the embarrassing things that have happened to them.”
Minuette’s grin approached outright mania. “The first time Twilight got drunk, she gathered everyone around to hear her recite an original love sonnet about Starswirl the Bearded.”
“Yes, thank you.” Twilight glared, which did not appear to deter Minuette at all. “Thanks. She gets it. Thanks.”
“Sexxxxxxxxxxxxx sex!”
Twilight sighed, levitating Flurry Heart over to her assistant. “Could you take care of her for a few minutes?”
“No prob.” Minuette gently took hold of the toddler with her magic and trotted out of the room. But on her way, she stopped and winked at Starlight. “Who was it, Pinkie?”
Starlight was too frozen to answer, but luckily Twilight came to her rescue. “Minuette…”
“All right, all right.” Flurry Heart, by this point, had turned her repetitions of ‘sex’ into some kind of song, and Minuette actually began beat-boxing along with it as she finally left the room.
Starlight looked at the princess, baffled. “She’s really going to be your assistant?”
“She’ll keep me humble.” With a soft smile, Twilight finally turned her attention fully to her friend. “Hey. So what’s up?”
“Oh. Um.” Starlight realized she was sweating from her anxiety, which was confusing but also kind of comforting. “Right. Um. So, right. So, I hooked up with Rarity.”
Twilight raised her eyebrow. “Again?”
“What? No, not again! Like, two months ago. You knew about that?”
“Um, yes? Rarity told me. I didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to.”
“Gggghhhh…” Starlight fretted, walking in place.
Twilight frowned, hopping up onto a couch and patting the cushion next to her. “You’re obviously upset, but I can’t help unless you explain it, all right? From what she said, you talked it all over and things have been fine. So please try to relax and let me know what happened.”
Starlight jumped up next to her and tried to slow her breathing. “Yeah. Um. So, nothing happened. She’s great! I didn’t need to talk to you about her. I needed to ask you about me. Just, in your professional Friendship Princess opinion, how much of a backslide into evil, magic-abusing Starlight would I be if I erased my own memory of the whole thing?”
Twilight did not reply for a moment, and when she did, it was not helpful. “What?”
“I thought it was fine, but I’ve just been thinking about it, and I can’t stop! Every time I see her, I remember what we did, and… and it just feels like I can’t be friends with her any more because of it! Friends shouldn’t do what we did. And that makes me really sad, because I want to be her friend.”
“Why can’t friends…”
“I don’t know!” Starlight wailed. She looked up at the princess, almost pleading. “It wouldn’t be so bad, right? I wouldn’t be erasing her memory. Just my own!”
“I really think you shouldn’t erase your own memory, Starlight.”
“Okay yes, noted, right, but what if I did, though? Would it mean I’m evil again?”
“I…” Twilight threw her hooves up in the air, helpless. “No? But it wouldn’t really solve anything, and…” A flash of light interrupted her. “...Seriously!?”
Starlight caught herself from falling over, the room spinning. “Oh. Uh. Hey, Twilight! Nice office! Were we talking about something?”
Fluttershy was relieved to see Starlight begin to blink herself awake. “Are you all right?” Starlight moaned something, so Fluttershy continued. “How many hooves am I holding up?”
“Uh?” Starlight blinked sleepily. “None. That’s a wing.”
“Who’s the current princess?”
“Twilight Sparkle, believe it or not.”
Fluttershy nodded seriously, then glanced around in relief. “She’s fine. Please give her room, though.”
Everyone stepped back, allowing Starlight to sit up and press a hoof against her temple. “Nnng. What happened?”
“You fainted. We assumed it was shock from getting your memories back, but none of us are magic experts.”
“Uh, yeah, that can do that. But why did I…” Starlight suddenly jumped to her hooves. “Oh no! Brunch! I ruined brunch!”
“It’s okay! Everyone’s just very relieved you’re all right.” She glanced over and Pinkie and Softpad explaining things to the cafe manager, and then at Rarity, who was stone-faced and hard to read. “We’re going to take you back to the hotel, all right?”
Starlight nodded, doing a bad job of pretending not to notice Rarity walking off with no further acknowledgement. Fluttershy put her wing around Starlight, and they left together.
Luckily, the coffee shop excursion team was already back, so they were able to set Starlight up in Trixie’s room so she could nap while being cared for by her best friend.
“You seriously erased your own memory?” Trixie asked, sounding amazed, as she tucked Starlight in.
“It felt like a good idea at the time,” Starlight weakly defended.
Trixie just playfully bopped her on the horn. “You and your good ideas. Get some sleep, dummy.”
“Thanks.”
Trixie made eye contact with Fluttershy and shook her head, looking equally caring and frustrated. Fluttershy smiled back, and she stepped into the hallway.
The drunkenness was fading, so she just wanted to curl up with Moon Dancer and get that hangover spell cast on her. But Rarity’s door was right next to Trixie’s, and as she passed it, she knew she couldn’t just walk on by. Sighing, she knocked.
The door opened and Rarity stood there, eyes hollow. She didn’t say anything.
“Um. Hi.” Now that she was here, Fluttershy did not have much idea what to say.
Rarity’s behavior didn’t help. She just turned around and walked into the room, leaving the door open. Hoping she was interpreting it correctly, Fluttershy followed her in, closing the door behind her. “I wanted, uh, to see if you were all right?”
Rarity laughed bitterly. “‘All right?’ I wouldn’t even begin to know how to answer that.”
Fluttershy winced. “Are you very angry with Starlight?”
“No? No.” Rarity sat down on the floor, looking defeated more than anything else. “I just feel like a very silly pony.”
Fluttershy walked closer, frowning. “Why?”
“For what I said to you, yesterday. I had thought that at least one of my romantic encounters had been positive. But now I see how things truly are.”
“Rarity…”
“There was Blueblood and Trenderhoof, for whom I humiliated and debased myself, respectively. Starlight, who was so upset, she erased her own memory. Miss Pommel, who… well, you were there. And…”
She sniffled and lay down. Alarmed, Fluttershy ran over, patting her back with a wing. “I understand your feelings are hurt, but…”
“No, darling, you don’t even know. You don’t even know!” Rarity covered her face up with her hooves. “I’ve sunk much lower than you could imagine. I…” With a dramatic sob, she flung herself over onto her side. “I’ve been doing truly pathetic, awful things! I…” She suddenly looked up, locking eyes with Fluttershy with a serious, despairing expression. “Trixie.”
Fluttershy blinked. “...Trixie?”
“I’ve been with Trixie! The silliest, most inane, most frivolously laughable pony in Ponyville! I’m so ashamed!”
Fluttershy had absolutely no idea how to react. “Um…”
“And I keep going back, too! Every time I think I gather up my self-respect, there I am again, in her bed!”
“...Rarity,” Fluttershy attempted, almost too bewildered to speak. “I don’t think I understand.”
“Oh, of course you don’t,” Rarity wailed. “You’ve always been such a graceful, dignified pony! I’ve been so embarrassed about telling you.”
“Uh. Why?”
“Why?! Darling, she… she’s a joke! Every time I even think about spending the night with somepony like that, I just... I don't even know what to say about it!” She shuddered.
Fluttershy had no idea what to do with any of this, so she just said the thing that kept coming into her mind. "You aren't sounding like yourself. Why are you talking like this?"
Rarity let out a noise that was half-weep, half-chortle. "I'm at the end of my rope! I never thought I could possibly fall so far, but..."
There was a knock on the door.
Rarity froze. Fluttershy looked at the door, then back to her friend, helplessly. There was another knock at the door.
Unsure of what else to do, Fluttershy went over and opened it. Rarity shut her mouth tight, staring in absolute terror at the pony who stood in the hallway, eyes burning with rage.
Trixie stepped into the room. “So,” she said. “This hotel? Real thin walls.”
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Starlight and Rarity both have issues. Starlight can't seem to fathom non-conventional relationships, such that erasing her memory was easier. First, she had trouble with her attraction to the same sex. (I think? I could be remembering wrong.) Then, the entire concept of Friends with Benefits. And finally, age gaps. All her doubts are coming from within.
Meanwhile, Rarity continues to be WAY too selective with her partners. Like, Rares, darling, they don't have to be perfect, they just have to like you for who you are. Your magical connection to your friends is the exception, not the norm. Gotta give love to get love.
Goddamn it, Starlight.
...Goddamn it, Rarity!
What is WRONG with you ponies?
10609846
I mean, these are the finals in the disaster lesbian championships. It's all very high-level.
10609893
Clearly.
So I caught up. God I'm loving this story even more than the first two, and that's saying something. All the representation is just so bloody wonderful. As someone quite queer myself (trans, pansexual, homoromantic with one exception being my husband, polyam, etc) seeing all this representation never gets old. It's good stuff.
As for the actual plot happening here, I think Starlight is having a lot of complexes about dealing with things. I can sympathize with that: mental health issues can make one take the easy way in everything because everything else is so hard. So since she has an easy way out of actually confronting issues--erasing her memory--she does it. And has probably done it more than once. Then there's the way she treated Gold Star the morning after that just broke my heart. Especially because wow Gold Star, such perfect communication, being upfront, honest... an example for ALL people to live by. They should've been able to be friends.
But Starlight is not. Starlight has issues. She has so many hangups about friendships that she still has to work through, and it makes perfect sense that she'd be convinced you can't date friends. When in fact being friends with your lover not only makes for better relationships, but I'd argue it's a requirement for one to be long-lasting AND fulfilling.
Rarity, meanwhile, has been a constant train wreck this entire story, and I'd be pretty damned mad myself if I was Trixie, hearing what she was saying. Speaking of hangups, Rarity's problem is obvious: she romanticized the idea of romance when she was young as part of her romanticizing the idea of being upper class and elite. She has it associated with that to the point she thinks it is a thing she has to have to fill a void in her heart. So she pursues people endlessly that she thinks fits the mold of what she's "supposed" to be into, and misses all the good relationships she could have as a result. I'm starting to wonder if she's actually demi or aromantic and is so wrapped up in the idea of romance that she doesn't get her own awkwardness.
Also, apropos of nothing: these chapter titles are some of the funniest I've read in a long time. Femmical warfare indeed.
10610013
I do disagree about one thing - Gold Star is about as perfect as I can imagine about communication, but as is so often the case... she falls short at the part where "okay, why?" is a valid response. She would be so healthy for Starlight to know, if she'd just understand that as great as radical communication and such are, sometimes it's healthy to be or make someone uncomfortable.
And Starry has a lot of short-term discomfort she's been dodging that's turning into long-term damage the longer it simmers. Hopefully her days of hurting herself over dearly wanting to be friends with the ponies she loves are coming to a middle.
10610416
I see what you're saying, and I suppose I'll agree, albeit reluctantly. I would argue that whether or not it's healthy to make someone or be uncomfortable has a lot to do with appropriate context. I was speaking almost entirely in the context of consent towards sexual activity, where (especially depending upon interests and the person involved) things can get quite complicated, and being comfortable is important to having a good time.
Still, you're not wrong. In contexts outside of that it's crucial, and even inside of that context there could be the occasional case where it would make sense. But that's where communication is great: if things are going that way in that context anyway, being able to clearly communicate what is and isn't wanted from the start is vital.
But then I'm probably preaching to the choir on that one.
10610571
Oh, absolutely! But in the morning after, when she's getting Starlight's response and is feeling hurt, it would be a good idea to notice Starlight's complete befuddlement and maybe talk that through.
10611276
Agreed. Though I think that scene also showed Gold Star has her own issues. Her excellent communication skills felt, in some way, like the result of her having to practice over and over due to mistakes in the past. She seems especially sensitive, and prone to poor judgement when things go unexpectedly.
Which makes her yet another character I can identify with in this story.
10611433
Oh yeah.
Just hope Starlight sorts that whole mess out before she zaps her brain again.
Well, the characters might not be having the best time, but I'm still enjoying this story; thank you for writing. :D
Dead.
Rarity is just...dead.
After how much Trixie stated earlier about ponies thinking she is a joke, and being able to deal with it fine unless it is ponies she cares about. Rarity sleeping with her all week and still thinking Trixie is a terrible pony. Ooooh, this just THE WORST POSSIBLE THING!
Works really well with Rarity stating how horrid she is when dating, or trying to date even. She isn't even trying to date Trixie and Rarity is about to be sent to the hospital over it.
Starlight was good, I can't blame her for thinking 'one night stand, I don't have to worry about this pony ever again." That and her already having a wife kind of would make it even more awkward I think. Nothing wrong with an open relationship, but that could be pretty intense for someone who has never dated or is a virgin *Well, at the time she thought that of herself anyways.*
Starlight just has some memories to recover and maybe talk to Rarity, but I'd consider her good after that. Not sure Rarity is going to be able to talk though with a broken jaw.
Love the story, happy to see another chapter so quickly.
Great chapter! Also a frustrating chapter, but that's what makes it great. First I thought it was crazy that Starlight couldn't even conceive of befriending the girl she just slept with, but then the memory erasing came up. At some point, I'll have to see if Rarity and Starlight dating was ever hinted at before.
And then came Rarity screwing up with Trixie.
I'm fucking crying from laughter. I didn't even make it a third of the way through the chapter before commenting, and started laughing in the middle of typing again that, that scene in the hallway was a piece of comedic artwork
Moon Dancer looking beyond bewildered like a "citizen who had just wandered into the middle of a gunfight" broke me the second most, but the slight, slight, just slight enough pause of Gold Star's "I...am! (Twenty-two!)" absolutely shattered me. That was the most delightfully British-awkward scene I think I've experienced on the site.
Edit, I feel I should elaborate:
It's the first 50 seconds of this or so
Been reading through this while series and really enjoying it but this line is one of the most laugh out loud hilarious things I've ever read
Toast and toast literally are the same word, because the Romans used to stick burnt bread into their wine to filter it.