FemmeFiction

by J Carp

From Femme to Stern

"So... you're jealous of Fluttershy, but you don't want to tell her?"

"Oh, Applejack!" Rarity yanked a spool of thread off the shelf, probably not even paying any attention to what she was doing. "How can you say it so bluntly? This is a terrible situation!" And, sure enough, she dropped the spool and began shuffling through the overstuffed shelves again. "Terrible and huge and... terribly hugely terrible!"

"I'm saying it bluntly for a reason," Applejack pointed out. "'Cause ain't this exactly the same as a friendship lesson you learned a real long time ago?"

"...Oh. Is it?"

"Yup. It actually might have been the first one you learned after Twilight came to town."

"Was it the fashion show debacle?"

"I don't even remember, it had something to do with fashion, I think. But the point is..." She stepped closer to Rarity, firm but warm. "...the lesson you learned was to be honest with your friends."

Rarity paused, frowning. "An honesty lesson."

"Yup."

For a second, it seemed like that was it, but Rarity suddenly spun around and began levitating cloths all over the place. "But this is different!! I don't trust myself to be honest right now! I'm being completely unreasonable, and who knows what I'll end up saying if I try to talk to Fluttershy about it."

"You ain't any more unreasonable than you are on any typical Tuesday," Applejack said, barely managing not to roll her eyes.

"Oh, you have no idea!" Rarity wailed. She flung herself at Applejack's feet. "Darling, I have made terrible, terrible choices in my personal life because of this. Humiliating, degrading things! I'm completely out of control!"

"Uh." Applejack carefully paused before speaking. "If you're in trouble, I'm gonna have to put my hoof down and insist you tell me about it."

"Oh, darling, if I tell you, you have to promise you won't breathe a word of this to another soul!"

Applejack grimaced. "Sugarcube, I ain't liking this. If I gotta..."

"Promise meeeeeeeeee!" Rarity squeaked pathetically.

"Agh, fine! I promise! Cross my flies and hope for cupcakes, or whatever it is!"

Rarity lay before her, embarrassment and shame on her face. She sniffled for a few moments. "I. A few nights ago." She covered her face with her hooves. "...I took Trixie home!"

Applejack did not respond. Rarity looked up, whimpering. "Well? Aren't you going to judge me?"

"Wait." Applejack blinked. "That's it? You were done?"

Rarity gawked. "Perhaps you don't understand what I mean! I'm saying I found Trixie and took her home and..."

"Gah, no, I get it! I don't need any details!" Applejack waved her hoofs around and shook her head quickly. "I just don't get what the big deal is."

"It was Trixie!" Rarity stressed, looking flabbergasted. "Trixie! And just to... to be some sort of distraction! Ohhh, how could I sink so lowwww!" Rarity flung various cloth fragments into the air and they fell down, draping over her like tiny blankets.

Applejack took a deep breath. "Sugarcube, I'm gonna need you to do me a favor," she declared. "Wait for me while I head into the kitchen for a minute. I have to... uh. Do. Something."

Rarity only weakly mumbled a response, and Applejack took that as confirmation. She turned and walked quickly into the kitchen, frantically looking for the nearest electric appliance. She found a coffee grinder and switched it on; as soon as the whirring filled the room, she let out the laughter she had been holding in.

When it was out of her system, she switched the grinder off and went back into the other room. Rarity was glaring at her.

"Aw, shucks," Applejack muttered. "You heard me, huh?"

"I can't believe you!" Rarity snapped. "I know I'd be a laughingstock if anypony knew. But to be laughed at by one of my dearest friends..."

"Rarity, wait, hold on! I ain't laughing because of what you did, I was laughing because you made me think it was some nightmare and then it just turned out to be... this."

"Oh, don't try to spare my feelings!" Rarity moaned.

Applejack did roll her eyes that time. "Sugarcube, if I was trying to spare your feelings, I wouldn't tell you that you're being a total dumbbell right now."

Rarity gasped. "A... dumbbell?"

"A dumbbell!" Applejack confirmed. "No one cares if you hooked up with Trixie. She's... well, I wouldn't call her a good pony, but she ain't a bad one, either. She ain't the type to string you along or tell you a bunch of lies, so the whole thing seems fine to me."

Rarity covered up her face with her hooves again. "...it was really great," she whimpered.

"Nope, stop right there, just 'cause I approve don't mean I wanna hear about it." She rubbed her chin, thoughtfully. "But it ain't a big deal. I actually thought you hooked up with her a while ago."

Rarity gaped in horror at the very notion. "No! When?!"

"I dunno, a year ago, maybe. After Fluttershy's birthday, when everypony was drinking so much."

Rarity looked as if she was about to bark something angrily, but she just sighed. "...No, dear. That was Starlight. And it was never going to last, but it's also something I look back on fondly. It was my first time with someone I've remained civil with and, erm. My first time with a mare. I had thought it was a new beginning."

"Eh, I get it." Applejack shrugged. "I got it mixed up because I just remember thinking 'Whoa, hope Rarity knows what she's doing, getting in the middle of whatever Trixie and Starlight got going on.'"

Without getting up, Rarity unrolled a mauve cloth from the corner and spread it over her own head. "I'm so humiliated," she groaned.

Applejack lifted up the cloth and looked Rarity right in the quivering, tear-filled eyes. "Sugarcube, you're worrying me. What's got you all in a stitch about this? You ain't never been so ashamed of stuff like this." She paused. "Even when maybe you should be."

Rarity groaned.

"I'm talking about Trenderhoof."

Rarity groaned louder.

"Naw, come on." Applejack pulled Rarity to her feet. "What's the problem? This ain't just about Fluttershy."

Rarity stared down at the floor for a moment. "I suppose I just thought I'd have grown past all this by now." She sighed, dropping to a seated position. "I am ashamed of Trenderhoof, and that's the problem. My whole life, one after another, I've been drawn to... to vain, flashy unicorns with excellent manes. I'm just doing it all over again."

Applejack nodded. "I hear ya, but don't beat yourself up. Trixie's silly, and she's kinda annoying, but she ain't in the same universe as Trenderhoof. You are growing."

Rarity managed a small, wavering smile, but she did not have a chance to say anything before a series of thumps was heard from the next room and a muffled voice called, "Yo, Rarity! You know where Applejack is?"

Rarity blinked in surprise. "Rainbow Dash?"

Applejack sighed. "Want me to go see what she wants?"

"Please." Rarity took a deep breath, nodding gratefully. "I'll tidy up and join you in a moment if I can pull myself together." She picked up one of the fallen spools of thread, a wavering smile on her face.

Applejack turned to walk into the next room, only half surprised to see Rainbow sticking her head through the open front door. "Oh! There you are." She glanced over her shoulder. "She's in here!"

"Oh!" Starlight Glimmer's head poked through the doorway, too. "Hi!"

"Howdy, sugarcube!" Applejack headed out the front door and closed it behind her, leaving Rarity some privacy. "Rarity's a mite busy, but you wanted to talk to me anyways, right?"

"Yeah!" Starlight answered. "I wanted to see if you could do me a huge favor. Seeeeee... you know how Manehattan Pride is coming up next weekend?"

Applejack felt her forehead creasing just a bit. "Can't say's I did."

"Huh?" Starlight asked, confused. "But aren't you..." Rainbow elbowed her, discreetly shaking her head no.

"What I am is private about stuff like that," Applejack said evenly. "What's the favor?"

"Um, well." Starlight looked back and forth between them, clearly trying to keep from getting completely derailed. "Okay so, remember Ocellus? From the Friendship School?"

Hearing that name relaxed Applejack. "Sure. Real good kid."

"Yeah, she is! Um, so she really wants to come to pride, and we think it'd be good for her! We have permission from her parents and Thorax, but we just need somepony to be her chaperone who isn't... uh." Starlight coughed lightly. "...also going for more recreational reasons."

Applejack raised an eyebrow.

Starlight shrank a bit, but only a bit. "It's our vacation," she defended. "Come on, I work hard at the school all year, and I've really been looking forward to this. But I want to help Ocellus too, if I can. I'd be able to get you a modest stipend from the school."

Applejack sighed. "Naw, you're fine. But shucks, I can't help you. We got the whole irrigation set-up for the north fields getting replaced next week. I won't have a minute to spare, much less the whole weekend." At Starlight's forlorn expression, she nodded over to the other pony nearby. "But hey, can't Rainbow do it?"

"No way, don't even look at me," Rainbow snapped. "The last time I went to a pride thing, I couldn't go five seconds without a pony coming up to me and trying to get me to do a sonic rainboom."

"Heh, I thought you'd like that sorta thing," Applejack remarked. "You're famous."

"Well yeah, obviously, but I can't..." Rainbow Dash sighed. "Look, I can't help having an awesome rainbow mane, and I can't help doing awesome rainbow sky tricks. Somepony sees 'em and feels better about themselves, great, but they're my thing, and I gotta keep 'em for me. If I go, I'll just feel like a total jerk the whole time."

Starlight nodded sadly. "Yeah... so. Neither of you can do it. Me, Trixie, Fluttershy, and Rarity can't do it, because we're all going for vacations. Sunburst can’t do it because he’s overseeing the school field renovations. So. I guess that only leaves..."

Applejack leaned forward. "....it leaves...?"

Starlight glanced around. "Huh. I was kind of expecting her to appear out of nowhere and interrupt me. It only leaves Pinkie P--"

"STARLIGHT!!!!" Pinkie screeched, appearing from nowhere and tackling the unicorn to the ground. "I'd get to go to Manehattan and also help Ocellus find herself and see a bunch of awesome flags and receive a modest stipend?!?! This is amazing!!"

"Ghhk," Starlight replied.

"Ehehehe." Pinkie hopped away from her friend, reaching out a hoof and pulling her upright. "Sorry..."

"No, it's..." Starlight took a deep breath, rubbing her chest. "Whoof. Uh. It's fine. I'm just glad you're available."

"I'm posilutely available! You can focus on enjoying your trip."

"This means a lot to me. You..."

"Although..." Pinkie scratched her head in confusion. "I dunno why you want to go out to clubs, anyway! If you wanna date somepony, why don't you just date Trixie?"

Applejack actually considered that a pretty good question, but Starlight sputtered in horror. "What?! No, I couldn't do that! That's not... no! She... and I... no!"

"Wellll, okay!" Pinkie replied, completely unfazed by Starlight's fazedness. "Date Sunburst, then!"

"Pinkie!!" Starlight waved her hooves around frantically. "No! I don't even like him like that!"

"Hmmm. Okay!" Pinkie remained completely cheerful. "Date Trixie, then!"

"Waaaugh!" Starlight screeched, jumping up and down in her consternation. "Trixie and I are..." She shook her head violently as if trying to fling the blush off her face. "Auug!"

"You really saying you don't want to?" Rainbow asked. "The whole thing's seemed pretty inevitable for a while."

"No!" Starlight moaned. "That doesn't... we're close, but... look, friends can't just start dating!"

The others glanced at one another. "Uhhmmm... why not?" Rainbow asked.

"It's got to break some kind of rule! If friends can start dating, then nothing means anything! The ground is the sky! Fire is trees!"

"Ohh, lord," Applejack mumbled.

"Hey, I'm the headmare of the school of friendship. Maybe I'll just make it a rule!"

"Noo!" Pinkie wailed. "If friends can't date friends, then Gummy will never get together with Penelope!"

"Wait." Rainbow squinted in confusion. "Who's Penelope?"

"Uh, Gummy's friend, duh."

"Sugarcube, I'm sure we're all real sorry if we were pressuring you to date Trixie and you don't want to," Applejack said evenly, stepping right up to Starlight. "Friends can date each other, but it ain't true that romances can be 'inevitable' or anything like that."

In the exact instant she finished saying that, Rarity's front door slammed open and a disheveled, white unicorn ran out, beaming. "It's fate! Fated love! Fated true love!"

Applejack gawked at her. "...What? What're you..."

"I was just cleaning up my studio!" Rarity sang, dancing from hoof to hoof. "I was moping and feeling terribly sorry for myself, and I was thinking about how Applejack was right when she was pointing out my tragic, hopeless patterns with relationships."

"Uh, that's not exactly what I..."

"And then I looked down and saw this!!" Rarity levitated up a spool of thread, glistening with every color of the rainbow. There was a pause.

"Rarity?" Applejack glanced around for help; finding none, she threw up her hooves helplessly. "This ain't communicating much."

"Awesome thread, though," Rainbow added.

"Coco!" Rarity yelled joyfully, obviously thinking this explained everything.

"...Coco?" Applejack asked.

"Coco!"

"Wait, Coco?" Starlight asked.

"Coco?" Rainbow said.

"Coco!"

"Eehee!" Pinkie cheered. "Coco! Cococococococo. Cocococo! This is fun! Coc--" Rainbow's hooves mercifully clamped her hooves down around Pinkie's mouth.

"Rarity." Applejack held both front hooves up in a calming motion. "Please, just start over, would you? What are you talking about?"

"Coco!" Rarity answered again, but then she finally clarified: "Miss. Pommel."

"Ohh!" Applejack frowned. "...What about Miss Pommel?"

"Well, think about it, darling!" Rarity swooned. "Sweet little Coco is the antidote to every toxic habit in my dating life so far! I've always focused on these cold brutes, looking down from what I've seen as a higher station than myself. But Miss Pommel is my equal... and when I met her, she was merely an assistant! She is a sweetheart, and a mare, and my dear friend!"

"What does any of this have to do with your cool thread?" Rainbow asked.

"Well, that's the fated part! This thread was a gift she gave me, when we first met! I saw it, tiny and adorable there on the cold, wooden floor, and I thought of her. And remember where she lives! In Manehattan!! The very place I'm already planning to visit in less than a week! It's truly fate!"

"Could someone please tell me who this pony is?" Starlight broke in.

"She's a fabulously talented designer," Rarity answered. "My closest colleague in Manehattan! We were going to work together, if not for an unfortunately timed illness."

"Hmm. I think I have heard that name before..." Starlight frowned, then held up a hoof in sudden realization. "Oh! She's the one whose work you showed me in that magazine, right? The... um. I don't want to say 'hedgehog dress,' but it was a dress that looked like a hedgehog costume and I'm not sure what else to call it."

"Miss Pommel's work is very cerebral and nouveau!" Rarity enthused. "Why, she's one of the most exciting designers to come along in years!"

"She is very sweet," Applejack admitted. "In fact, she's a darn fine pony, if you ask me. But this is still coming out of nowhere, ain't it?"

"Oh, but it's perfect!" Rarity gushed. "Think about who I am deep down, darling. I'm an artist!... but I worry the pressures of business will stifle my creativity. Who could better understand than someone who goes through the same thing?"

"Well, but..."

"And you, yourself have often observed that although I have a craving for the excitement and culture in the city, I am a small-town mare at heart. Coco has always lived in the city... but she has dedicated herself to fostering community within her neighborhood!"

"Um..."

"And all of my dearest friends already know her and approve of her! And she's so honest with her feelings, but our schedules will force us to also maintain a healthy distance. It's simply perfect!"

Applejack gently grabbed Rarity's shoulders, holding steady. "Whoa now, sugarcube. I ain't arguing with you, it's just you're letting yourself get all carried away. You got to stop and think about a few things."

Rarity gasped, seeming almost appalled. "Like what?!"

"Like is she even gay?" Rainbow asked.

"Oh! Well." Rarity stuck her snoot up in the air. "A lady does not engage in gossip!" Her expression quickly shifted to a sly smile. "But yes."

"That's good, but it ain't the biggest thing!" Applejack argued. "You've known her a couple of years now and I never heard you talk about her like this. Do you even have any feelings for her, or does it all just seem like it should work?"

Rarity gasped again, clearly well past being appalled. "Applejack! Fated love!" Applejack just looked, and Rarity slowly calmed down just a bit. "I know I can get swept away, but I've also learned so much about myself in the past year! I'm not the starry-eyed mare who pined over Prince Blueblood, despite what I was saying earlier about... a certain showmare."

"Wait, what?" Starlight asked.

"Well. All right." Applejack narrowed her eyes very slightly. "But just be careful, okay? Miss Pommel is my friend, too."

"I mean it's totally not my business," Starlight yammered as Rarity smiled gratefully. "I don't even--WAUGH!"

Applejack whirled around at Starlight's yelp of surprise, and she found herself face-to-face with what appeared to be a giant hedgehog. Upon closer examination, the hedgehog was actually Pinkie Pie wearing an extremely impractical dress.

"It's a comment on how clothes are walls we put up, or something!" the hedgehog exclaimed happily. "Rarity explained it when I bought it. But I just had to have it because come on it's a classy hedgehog costume I mean right?!"

"Two new rules," Starlight asserted shakily. "Friends can't date, and nopony is allowed to quick-change into Coco Pommel outfits."

---

"This is amazing," Moon Dancer marveled, sifting through Ocellus's suitcase. "I haven't even heard of some of these books. Do you even know how rare it is for me never to have heard of a book?"

Ocellus smile-cringed, half proud and half shy. "I stopped at a bunch of libraries and bookstores on the way here. I know Miss Pinkie Pie said this weekend is about learning things that aren't in books, but that's no reason not to do some studying, right?"

Moon Dancer stared at her. "Take my class so I can give you an A."

"Oh wow!" Sunburst enthused, leaning in behind Moon Dancer and grabbing one of the many books with his magic. "I didn't know Null Set wrote about gender! I only know him for his work on magic physiogeny!"

"He got into it late in his career," Moon Dancer remarked. "I wouldn't call this stuff bad, but there's not much novel about it. Although he did directly influence Goodie Gumdrops, who basically invented Magic Queer Theory, so..."

"That makes a lot of sense! I know they were both teaching at Oxcart at the same time."

"Aahahaha!" A voice laughed fakely. They looked over to see Starlight walking stiffly onto the train platform, levitating her own suitcase with her. "It's a really good thing I'm not insecure about any of my friends being really similar to my childhood friend Sunburst!"

"It's a really good thing you say that literally every time Sunburst and I are in a room together," Moon Dancer replied, rolling her eyes.

Starlight grinned, but paused when she noticed the changeling. "Um. See, Ocellus, sometimes, when creatures have bad habits, they artificially make a big deal about it to turn it into a joke? That helps reduce the tension and acknowledge..."

"Heyyy, Starlight!" Sunburst interrupted. "Maybe this is a good time to remind Ocellus about how, even though you're her headmare most of the year, you don't actually have any educational responsibilities for her during this trip?"

"Oh! Yes. Right." Starlight coughed, then very softly muttered, "...and acknowledge shared awareness of the situation."

"Yes," Ocellus said, thankfully just moving forward. "Miss Pinkie told me she was the one I was going to stay with."

"Yup!" Pinkie confirmed cheerfully, bouncing up out of nowhere. "Everypony else is going to have fun. We're going to have fun too, but it's a different kind of fun: it's educational fun." She leaned closer. "And room service fun. Room service fun is very high-quality fun."

"I understand," Ocellus said, giggling softly.

"This means you stick with Pinkie the whole trip, and do everything she says," Sunburst added. "You've never been to Manehattan before, right?" At Ocellus's head-shake, he frowned. "It can be a little overwhelming at first, but that's why we're being so careful."

"Mm-hmm!" Pinkie confirmed. "I haaaaate being all tough and rule-y, but I made a promise to your parents I'd look out for you!"

"Oh, I won't break any rules!" Ocellus said, looking appalled by the very notion. "I just really appreciate being able to go."

"We're glad you can come," Starlight said. "Oh, and just because we're not your teachers, that doesn’t mean we’re not here to help if you get separated from Pinkie or something. If it's about your safety, you can come to me or anyone else you know; it's the most important thing."

"Oh, that reminds me." Sunburst pulled out a small, glowing pyramid and passed it over to Ocellus. "If there's a really big emergency, you can use this. Just poke it with your horn, and it'll send out a call to me, Thorax, and Princess Twilight."

"But I'm sure that won't be necessary!" Starlight said quickly.

"Eehhhyyyess?" Sunburst agreed, looking surprised by her outburst. "I'm sure it won't be necessary."

Ocellus set the pyramid among the books in her suitcase and grinned up at the ponies around her. "Before the train gets here, can I ask about some of the books I've been reading?"

"Yes," Moon Dancer answered. "No," Pinkie answered at exactly the same moment.

"Uh..."

"This weekend isn't about studying!" Pinkie insisted.

"Well, okay, but actually everything's about studying," Moon Dancer said.

Sunburst was slightly grateful when he felt himself getting pulled away from the argument, Starlight's characteristic blob of magic leading him to an empty part of the platform. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

Starlight glanced around, then looked at him seriously. "A magic pyramid?"

"Well...yeah. It's a good idea, right? She probably won't need it, but..."

"Thorax and Twilight?!"

"Just in case there's a disaster or something." He glowered slightly. "And I stayed up all night getting the enchantment right."

"There won't be a disaster." Starlight looked around, eyes falling on Trixie, standing alone next to the ticket office. "Trixie! Help me explain this to Sunburst!"

Trixie just looked at them for a second, then she slowly made her way over.

"Gnnnaugh, but I don't care about the morphological hegemonies in linguistipoopy doodle!" Pinkie's voice said loudly.

"Yes, Starlight?" Trixie asked when she arrived.

"Sunburst thinks there's going to be some big disaster in Manehattan."

"Oh come on. No I don't. I just think we should be prepared if there is one!"

Trixie looked back and forth between them. "Well, whatever Starlight says," she grunted. "She's the boss."

“Pinkie!!” Moon Dancer sounded horrified. “Stop juggling those! One of them went out of print five years ago!”

There was a pause as Sunburst tried to think of what to say to Trixie and Starlight just stood there, looking surprised. "Are...you okay?" Sunburst finally managed.

"Yep."

"Are you sure? You don't really sound okay."

"I'm okay."

"Trixie," Starlight grunted, annoyed. "Are you still mad about me bringing Ocellus?” Trixie said nothing. “We talked about that. I did it because I got too excited, not because I don't trust you. And I'm working on being less impulsive when I'm excited. I really am sorry."

Trixie stared stonily, then sighed. "We're fine. I'm just annoyed about being up so early in the dumb morning." She did not smile, but Sunburst recognized the expression as a benign one on her. She nodded over to the other group. “What’s going on with them?”

Sunburst glanced over, only slightly surprised to see Pinkie jumping back and forth as up-tempo polka music played from nowhere. “...and you can’t learn that from reaaaaading!” she crescendoed.

“Oh, huh, it turned into a song.” Sunburst walked over as Pinkie made her final pose and the music stopped. Moon Dancer looked annoyed, but Fluttershy had come over and was calmingly patting her back.

Ocellus just seemed amused by Pinkie’s antics. “Yay, that was fun!” But she shyly held up a hoof. “Um, I think I’m still going to read some of these on the train, though.”

“Awww.” Pinkie did not sound very disappointed. “Oh well, at least I got a chance to juggle.”

Sunburst glanced back at his colleagues; Trixie still seemed a little sour, but they stood close, nothing but comfortable vibes between them. He felt a little better.

---

"I'm telling you," Starlight insisted, "this is a good idea. A great idea, even!"

The other three ponies in the sleeping car glanced at one another skeptically. "See, it's not that I disagree with you necessarily," Moon Dancer began diplomatically, "I just want to be careful."

"But we'll arrive at Manehattan soon!" Starlight protested. "And this isn't even something to worry about, anyway! It's not a big deal, and it is useful. Twilight isn't afraid of ladybugs anymore, right?"

"Um, yesssss," Pinkie said, "buuuuuut she did scream at a kite for five hours."

"That was just because you barged in on us!" Starlight sighed. "I don't get it, Moon Dancer, you were okay with this last week."

"That," Pinkie replied icily, "was before she heard about a particular cake-burning incident." She held the glare for a moment, then blinked. "I mean... I totally forgive you! But we just have to make sure nothing as horrible as a burnt cake happens again!"

Starlight sighed. "But hypnotism isn't like a mind-control spell! It's just suggestions. The whole reason I thought of using it is because it's not a big thing! It'd just be a small boost to help me out."

Moon Dancer sighed. "Yeah... that's what my research said too, when I looked into it. And I did get a chance to practice before we left... uh, but it was on Maud so I kind of have no clue if it even worked or not."

"So? Come on! You get to practice something new you learned in a book, I get a self-esteem boost. It's a great idea!"

Moon Dancer raised an eyebrow. "Yeaahhh. So, I've been keeping track. Four of the last ten disasters at the school started with you insisting something is a good idea."

"What?? That can't be true."

Moon Dancer responded by pulling a list out of her saddlebag. "I did some interviews, so I have verbatim quotes. Okay, there's 'Trust me, it's a good idea! None of the students will even notice if Discord is living in the auditorium!"

"Hey, he needed somewhere to stay!" Starlight argued. "And he didn't cause that much trouble. Fluttershy, back me up, here!"

Fluttershy drew back a bit and hesitantly smiled. "I guess... he wasn't completely lying about the chaos dimension being closed for repairs. Just... mostly lying. And it isn't entirely his fault Yona got shaved..."

"Half-shaved!" Starlight protested, beginning to feel relieved Ocellus and Rarity were off in the dining car, and very relieved Trixie was sleeping next door.

Moon Dancer gave her a dry look, then glanced back down at her list. "'It's a great idea! What could make students more honest with one another than allowing them to anonymously say whatever they want with no repercussions?'"

"Ahh. Um." Starlight scratched the back of her head. "That only lasted a day, and everycreature really did learn a good lesson at the end of it!"

"'No, it's a great idea! How much damage could two Pinkie Pies cause, anyway?'"

"Ehehehe..." Starlight grinned nervously. "Okay yes, that one was pretty bad." Pinkie herself did not look bothered, but that made sense because she wasn't even either of the Pinkie Pies in question. "Uh..."

"'This could be the best idea I've ever had! Who even needs janitors when you have one of the best magic-users in all of Equestria as headma...'"

"Okay! Yes, okay." Starlight glowered. "I should have given the janitors their raise and not transformed all of the students' hooves into sponges. Yes." She stomped her hoof. "But this isn't fair! I have a lot of ideas, and most of them actually are good!"

Moon Dancer shrugged, slipping the list back into her bag. "Yeah, you're right. All the rest of the time you said something was a great idea... and believe me, you say it a lot... it ended up being really good. I'm just pointing out it's not a sure thing."

"So..."

"Look. Starlight." Moon Dancer held up a hoof. "I'm not saying I won't do it; I just want to be careful. Hypnosis seems like the kind of thing that can easily cause... shenanigans. And I want this weekend to be as shenanigan-free as possible."

"Oh, this is ridiculous," Starlight grunted. "I wrote down exactly what I want you to say to me! If you're worried, you can just look it over and make sure it's safe."

"I did, and it looks fine," Moon Dancer said, eyes firm. "But let's say we do it. Everything's going great, but, uh oh, what's this? Pinkie's in the room and she's paying a little too much attention. So whoops, now Pinkie wakes up and thinks she's you."

Starlight rolled her eyes. "I really don't..."

"But she's an earth pony, and Starlight Glimmer without her magic doesn't make any sense. So, she goes about constructing an artificial horn out of items she finds at the hotel. And she could do it, Starlight! You know she could!"

"This..."

"...And she starts casting spells to try to change herself back into you, but it's influenced by her innate Pinkiness and the spell goes wrong, and you know what happens then?!"

"Moon Dancer. Listen..."

"Talking jellybeans, Starlight!" Moon Dancer snapped. "Talking jellybeans everywhere! Talking jellybeans that now need jobs, and kersplash goes the economy of Manehattan!"

Starlight stared at Moon Dancer for a moment through half-lidded eyes. "Are you done?"

"With that scenario!" Moon Dancer had worked herself into a bit of a frenzy, but Fluttershy softly patted her back, which seemed to be helping. "But that's just one of many!"

"Okay." Starlight was trying to not get too annoyed, but it was a bit difficult. "So how about Pinkie just not be in the sleeping car with us while you hypnotize me?"

"Aww," Pinkie mumbled. "I wanted to see Starlight yell at kites."

"You've seen me yell at kites before," Starlight pointed out. "Just... out of passion for the art form."

"That's a start..." Moon Dancer said. She glanced at her special somepony hesitantly. "Honey, I think you shouldn't be around, either. No offense, but you can be kind of... suggestible."

Fluttershy nodded. "One time, I thought I was goth," she agreed.

"See?" Starlight said. "It'll just be us. Everything will be great!"

Moon Dancer squinted at her. "Well. I guess so. But I'm sticking completely to the script you gave me! No room for weirdness!"

"That's fine," Starlight replied, relieved. "But can we go ahead and do it already? I want to definitely be done before we get to Manehattan."

With a sigh, Moon Dancer nodded. Fluttershy gave her a quick smooch, and she and Pinkie stepped out of the car after both wishing Moon Dancer good luck. Starlight tried to ignore how vaguely ominous that felt.

"Okay," Moon Dancer said, "have a seat and let's get started."

Starlight complied as Moon Dancer, with slight apprehension pulled her pocket watch out of her saddlebag. "Hey," Starlight said, "you know, you don't have to do this if you really don't want to."

Moon Dancer shook her head. "No, I'm probably being silly. I just... want this weekend to be smooth, you know?"

"It will be!" Starlight promised. "And... listen, I appreciate this. I really, really want to meet some. Um. Mares. But I get in my own head about it so easily, and that makes me scared. This will be a huge help."

Moon Dancer nodded, smiling softly. "I get it. I hope it works." They shared a small moment of connection before Moon Dancer refocused. "Okay, just relax and follow along, all right?" She levitated the pocket watch up in front of her friend's eyes and began to gently swing it back and forth.

A vague part of Starlight's mind realized how quickly and easily this was working on her, but that was easy to disregard as she listened to Moon Dancer's droning voice and watched the timepiece. In no time at all, her eyes were closed and then she opened them again and all she remembered in-between was floating. "Uh."

"Feeling okay?" Moon Dancer asked as she put the pocket watch away.

"Yeah." She stretched. "Just kinda... dazed. Did it work?"

"I think so. You showed all the signs from the book."

"Mmm." Starlight shook her hooves; it felt like she hadn't moved for days. "You followed the script?"

"Yep." Moon Dancer passed over instructions she'd been given. "Basic confidence builders, and then that specific one: When you first go into a nightclub, you'll find it easy and effortless to approach the mare you think is most attractive and who looks like she'd be open to talking and introducing yourself."

"Thank you!"

"Although I don't even know why you're working so hard at this," Moon Dancer remarked, fixing her saddlebag. "Can't Trixie just take the lead?"

"Um... what?"

"She's such an extrovert! Just have her pick up the mares for the, um. Activities the two of you have planned."

"Gah!" Starlight gaped, horror filling her veins. "No! I want to pick up mares... for myself! Not WITH Trixie!"

"Oh!" Moon Dancer blinked in confusion. "So, wait, you two are... open, or something?"

"No! We're not dating at all! Why would you think that?!"

"...now that you specifically mention it, I'm kind of not sure. I just felt like it was something that must have happened." She frowned. "Huh. Sorry, I didn't even realize I was making a weird assumption. You and Trixie. It just felt... obvious."

"Well, it's not!" Starlight snapped, hoping her blush was not too apparent. "I..."

"Ohhhh." Moon Dancer suddenly paused and then nodded. "You're dating Sunburst!"

"Gah! No, I don't even like him like that! Does everypony think I'm dating one of them?!"

"I mean. Or both?" Starlight grabbed her head in consternation, but Moon Dancer stepped closer. "It's not like I think about it a lot! I just made a dumb assumption; I'm sorry."

"Hmph." Starlight took a deep breath, calming a little. "I'm sorry I freaked out. It's just... I couldn't date Trixie; come on. That's impossible."

"Eh, you're missing out, then," Moon Dancer replied, shrugging. "Trixie's a knockout. And if I was into stallions, I'd be head-over-hooves for Sunburst... uh, though that may be egotistical to say. Apparently we have a lot in common."

Starlight glared. "I'm gonna go find Fluttershy and bark like a dog in front of her and convince her you accidentally hypnotized me into it."

"Nooo!" Moon Dancer grabbed Starlight, but she was laughing, too. "I can't let anypony think all my studying backfired! Pinkie would never let me forget it!"

They both giggled, and Starlight felt better. "I guess creatures are going to make assumptions like that if I never talk with anyone about this stuff," she admitted. "That's part of what I'm trying to fix by throwing myself out there, this weekend. Everything will be so confusing and weird, I won't have any choice but to ask for advice."

"That is a very Starlight Glimmer way of solving a problem."

"Heh. I guess so." Starlight suddenly realized that the window behind Moon Dancer wasn't showing fields and trees anymore. "Oh! We're already in the city!"

Moon Dancer looked out at the right angles and hard stone of the Manehattan buildings whooshing past them. "Well! Time for the weekend to really start, I guess. You ready?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Me neither!"

They hoofbumped, and with genuine grins, they headed off to join the rest of their friends.

Comments

[Spamotron]

I tried to count the impending trainwrecks set up in this chapter, gave up, and settled on all of them.

[B_Munro]

"Fluttershy nodded. "One time, I thought I was goth," she agreed.

"And a snooty Canterlot elitist. And a Hipster - or maybe more of a Valley Mare? Successively and multiply and at one point at five second intervals."
"Fluttershy, I think that's -"
"Did you know Twilight couldn't figure out how I changed outfits so fast? She finally attributed it to my hanging out with Discord. She felt the main alternative theory, that "Pinkieness" could be contagious, was just too terrifying to think-"
"Hey!"
"Sorry Pinkie."

[Reese]

...Ah, and I see that the short description appears to answer my question about the title from last time. Didn't see that before. :D

And I continue to enjoy the story. :)

[FanOfMostEverything]

Oh, this will be an absolutely glorious disaster. Looking forward to it. Fingers crossed Manehattan will still be standing when all's said and done.

[SigmasonicX]

This was a good set up chapter! I admit I got a bit confused during the entire hypnotism scene, due to how long it took for the characters to mention what they were actually arguing about.

[J Carp]

10300707
Tweaked! Think the comedy momentum flows a little better this way, too. Thanks!

[SigmasonicX]

10301415
Skimming over it, it does seem to flow better now, yeah.

[nlinzer]

So... you're jealous of Fluttershy, but you don't want to tell her?"

"Really Rarity green isn't your color"

Now grace me with your boos