• Member Since 11th May, 2019
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Melody Song


A Bisexual Pegasus with a talent in writing and singing. I can also do magic-long story. Also, Luna is best Princess and the Wonderbolts are awesome. Change my mind, I dare you.

T

Limestone Pie is a mare. Her parents are convinced this is the truth. But she isn't. She keeps her mane cropped. She hardly wears any makeup when going out. She hides her female parts, even at night, when she's alone in bed. She's convinced that this is wrong. But she does it anyway. What will it take for her to realize it's perfectly okay?

This is a trans fic based on the song This is Home by Cavetown. If you are not comfortable with this, then do not read. It was written as a submission to the Pride and Positivity 2020 charity event

Edit (9/22/2020): I drew this new cover art for this story! I know it's not the greatest but I hope you like it

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 11 )

As far as the trans angle goes, I don't really see any problems with your depiction of gender identity struggles. Socially you're in the clear, as I can tell you're at least conscious of that angle judging by your author's note.

As far as the writing goes, you certainly have a grasp on grammar, syntax, usage, punctuation, spelling, all the building blocks. Character voice is accurate. The dialogue was easy to follow and I could tell who said what. The words themselves are perfectly fine. If you wanted any constructive criticism, it would be on things like pacing. You have a cohesive plot, which is more than I can say for a lot of people uploading on this website. It's fairly compelling as well and the resolution would be satisfying. However, there's not really any time to breathe; the text keeps racing along from event to event, I blink and we're on the farm and I blink again and we're in the park and I blink again and we're in a hotel and I blink again and we're in the park again. Now, your structure is fine, it actually follows a three act arc very well, but there wasn't time to just stop and smell the roses. Which is real unfortunate because what you have here is a great starting point.

I enjoy and appreciate what you tried to do here. You clearly know what you're doing and how to do it. For a songfic it's perfectly reasonable to enjoy it. I just wish there was a bit more padding to the meat. It left me wanting for more. This isn't bad, it's good, I just personally prefer longer, more detail-heavy and slower-paced fics like Fraternal. All in all, a pretty solid 9 with the potential for 10. Like Halo 3.

10279396
Thanks for the advice. I'll see what I can do about the pacing. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

This was an interesting thought! One of the few things we know about Limestone, canonically, is that she harbours an enormous amount of anger. That has to have come from somewhere, and the combined frustration of the world not accepting her for who she is, and her body not reflecting who she is, would be a reasonable suggestion for its source.

I think, overall, I would have liked to see a little more 'Limestone' in this. Marble's always been the sad, vulnerable one of the bunch. Obviously Limestone is grappling with some huge issues here as best he can, and to break down is perfectly natural. But Limestone has always turned pain into anger, rather than expressing it directly as sadness. That's where her empowerment comes from, using her rage to get things done and bring about change. We've never, for example, seen her show the slightest interest in what anyone else thinks of her, or seen her need anypony else's approval. So while the need for parental acceptance is of course deep-seated, if there were anypony in Equestria were to say, "I am who I am, take it or leave it, I don't need you to agree in order for me to be content with that," then it'd be Limestone Pie.

Also I looked up the song in question, and that is... not... the genre or mood I'd associate with Limestone :rainbowderp: I think she'd be a little more...

Anyway, thanks for writing this :twilightsmile: We all need more Limestone in our lives, and this was a thoughtful take on a side of the character I hadn't really considered before. Yesterday I read a Chrysalis story and felt the urge to write more of that character, today I'm feeling I need to be writing more Limestone. Such are the creative winds of fimfiction :twilightsheepish:

My use of pronouns here is very deliberate - when discussing Limestone as a character in the abstract, as a character who appears in canon and in many other stories, she's referred to as female. When discussed as the character specifically in this story, he's male.

10279725
Thanks for letting me know. Actually, my original thought for what song was The Village, but either way, I see where you're coming from. I'm not the best at writing aggressive and assertive characters like Limestone so I try to make them the best I can. I'm glad you enjoyed it and that it inspired you, though. Thanks for commenting!

I guess more details would've been nice, but it was a pretty good story. Have an upvote!

This was awesome! I loved this story, and it’s the best trans fic I’ve read in any universe. Keep it up, you’re a really good writer!

10296285
Oh, thanks :twilightsheepish: I'm glad you like it

I have to agree with the comment here 10279725. Trans dude ponies are always a fantastic idea, trans dude Limestone is particularly excellent, and This is Home happens to be one of my favorite songs. However, I think you need to slow down with your pacing. Give each scene time to incorporate your ideas. Gender dysphoria is something that takes time to introduce to a reader, as do other sensitive issues. Here, you hit a lot of major points about it, but it came across in a way that zipped through everything. Slow down, work on fleshing out your dialogue scenes, and look at how other stories incorporate lyrics to improve fitting them seamlessly into your story. You have a clear ability to write well, and I'm sure your next stories will be even better the more you work at improving.

10479478
Thanks for the advice, I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

10479484
Thank you for writing it! You have quite the library of interesting ideas, so I'll be sure to check out a few more of your stories when I can.

10479489
Well, I appreciate the support, thank you

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