- Member Since 2nd Jun, 2014
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Admiral Q Ponyform
After seeing huge bursts of power from one universe a Q decides to investigate
Admiral Q Ponyform
Joined 2nd Jun, 2014 ·
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Well it IS clop I'll give it that, but it feels like your reading a script instead of a steamy chapter of a story. A few typos and it seems a bit forced honestly Admiral.
Interesting.
Mmm hot and sexy! I loved it
I really enjoy reading 'Love, Seriously?!', your writing is solid. But saying that I gotta admit bud, writing porn ain't your thing. It was pretty meh.
10282159
Early on for her. So trying to have her developed as we can go.
Why does Cadence have quotation marks around it?
5 hours of edging? Damn, poor mare.
That intro is some grade A trash. Its not properly capatilized, there isnt a period, for some reason Cadance is in quatoation marks which makes me feel as though this cadance will actually be Chrysalis in disguise. Though even then it would still be gramaticly incorrect.
Aparently you need to read a different story to get this one, yet that previous story isnt a prequel to this one, nor is it linked anywhere in this story. Add to that the fact that the sentances are so short that I thought this was parody as well as a slew of poor choices and you get an absolute dumpster fire of a story.
What a waste of time.
The change from first person to third person here fucking thrugh me mate.
Other than that.... Very Nice!
10284077
Where is the switch I don't see it.
well dam. this is hot
10285084
And that's her improving
10282733
I mean, it is linked mid chapter of the latest update sooooo, you're proving yourself a bit of an idiot.
It's quite common for Fimfic writers here to split the NSFW chapters into a companion fimfic.
10287344
So your saying the story you need to read before you even START this one is linked only in the MIDDLE of this story?
Do you see the problem with that or do I need to make this eveneasier for you?
10287590
Yes because BY REQUEST I keep this seperate from the main story.
10287642
Then leave a link at the top. Its not exactly rocket science my dude.
10287736
Not rocket science my way as well.
10287740
*Slowly massages temples*
You mean to tell me that you think it makes MORE sense to only link the prerequesite story in the middle of its sequel? Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds.
10287750
It's not a sequel. It's a side part. This contains only the mature sections of a still ongoing story.
10287756
I see that you've changed it according to my feedback. Good on ya. Now at least it makes sense.
Though your short description is still incredibly poor and you did not capatilize the begining of your sentance nor add a peroid to its end.
Dont worry, I'm sure you'll get it one day.
10284115
Towards the end of the paragraph
"She glared at me while i gave her a smirk then we proceeded to clean each other of the sex fluids and sweat we had made in our activities. It was a calming and pleasant thing that bonded the two mares even more. After the bath they had a late supper..." it's just th le sudden change with no break got me.
I think I have to agree with FoxyLove and GameHunter. This feels a little more experimental than your usual writing.
Typo:
Capitalisation.
Also never really understood the desire to include hymen pain in porn. IRL it's an urban myth for most women unless their lover is inexperienced about what they're doing. Why include it in fantasy?
10297132
Considering the wording of the penetration with regards to the hymen is completely wrong, the author is clearly one of the too many people who still believe the myth is truth. They think it's a barrier to be broken instead of the sphincter it actually is. These are the same kind of people that perpetuate the myth that the canal extends during penetration, when what actually happens is that the hymen dilates.
Directly within the chapter ~♡ Nice
Only way to make it better... Let Shining Armor watch and let him blueballed until he joins Cadance Lover mare as sub
5 hours of holding her on edge? Pretty sure Shining Armor would have passed out watching it
Dear, Author
While I was enjoying the story, I was quite sadden by this, and still cling to a hope that Cadence would still be with its loyal stallion.
I like the main story, while it has its ups and downs (mainly biased by my personal preference).
I will respect and support wherever you take this story.
Sincerely,
C. x S.A. simp
(No pressure on you author, also have a nice day!)
11364596
Why not both? Two inhabit her body
Also royal consorts