Legends of Equestria: Hesturland

by The Blue EM2

That's the Way we do It

When Rockhoof awoke the next morning, the sun rising through the air yet not powerful enough to breach the curtains of the room he had leased, it was suddenly apparent to him that his alcohol tolerance had increased dramatically since he had become Rockhoof. Previously, small quantities of the stuff had been enough to cause his sobriety to cease entirely. Here, however, he was still perfectly sober and not experiencing any sort of hangover, or any other side effcts for that matter. He sighed, and rolled onto the floor, making a perfect landing on the floor with his hooves. As landing on any other part of his body would have been not fortuitous, and this rather painful and pointless, Rockhoof's landing was therefore a good thing. Heh. Rockhoof's landing. Sounds like the name of a land in a theme park.

Even so, we are getting rather off topic. Downstairs, the musicians had already gotten started, playing the same song from last night.

"There's an inn of old renown where they brew a beer so brown
Hurricane came rolling down the hill one Wodnsday night to drink his fill!

"On a three-stringed cello there played the Owner's pat so fair
The hornèd cow that night was seen to dance a jig upon the green;"

"Do they ever play anything else?" Rockhoof grumbled, as he gathered together his supplies. "I hope they play bagpipes or a hurdy gurdy at some point! Both are magnificent instruments!"

As he made his merry way down the stairs, the music got louder. And louder as he approached the musicians who were still playing.

Called by the fiddle to the middle of the muddle, where the cow with a caper sent the small dog squealing;
Hurricane in a fuddle went to huddle by the griddle, but he slipped in a puddle and the world went reeling!

"On a three-stringed cello there played the Owner's pat so fair
The hornèd cow that night was seen to dance a jig upon the green;
Called by the fiddle to the middle of the muddle, where the cow with a caper sent the small dog squealing;
Hurricane in a fuddle went to huddle by the griddle, but he slipped in a puddle and the world went reeling!

"Downsides went up- hey! Outsides went wide!
As the fiddle played a twiddle and Hurricane slept till Sonnertag!
Upsides went west- hey! Broadsides went boom!
With a twiddle on the fiddle in the middle by the griddle and Hurricane slept till Sonnertag!"

By now, the musicians were playing very loudly, and Rockhoof was worried his eardrums would burst if he stood there any longer. He dashed over to the bar, and handed the bartender some coins for his room the previous night.

"Thank you for your custom," the bartender replied, as loudly as he could given the musicians playing louder than normal. "It's not often we see old kroner around here. Where did you find them? Only Mighty Helm Members use these!"

"I had them on my per- pony," Rockhoof stumbled, trying to ensure nobody spotted his mistake. As much as he was a pony now, he still seemed to have partial thoughts and knowledge left over from being a human, which got in the way of a lot of things.

Suddenly, things took a dramatic turn in the main dining area behind them. A pony seemingly irritated another, and he was thrown through the air and into a wall display. Luckily, he didn't stick to it, but he brought the wall down with him and its trophies.

"Watch it!" the owner called. "It took me years to collect that lot!"

"Watch this, lads!" shouted the one who had been thrown, and he sprinted forward with a shovel. With a single effort, he scooped the other pony up and threw them through the air like old dirt. This pony smashed through a table. The table must have been exceptionally flimsy, as normally landing on a table like that would have broken the pony, not the table. The room erupted in confusion, the band suddenly switching to an old sea shanty as things escalated to ridiculous degrees. Another flew through the bar and went sliding onto the floor. Beer kegs went rocketing through the air like missiles, exploding upon impact and drenching those brawling in alocohol. All the while ponies continued to be catapaulted all over the place by patrons and brawlers alike.

Rockhoof decided now would be a goot time to leave. Last thing he remembered, he was heading for the door as he had to get back to the place he was before. Mercifully, unlike Hotel California, the doors worked. Now that he was back outdoors, he could once more continue his dangerous quest to get to Louisiana, and find his true destiny.

---

Rockhoof was now outdoors, and ready to continue on his legendary quest. Last night, he had taken onboard what the barpony had said, and checked his position. He had reason to believe that he was somewhere to the north of Tennessee, which was right next door to the state that was next to the state he had started in, West Virginia (though this place was very hot and very hilly). Now that all that nonsense is out of the way, he took his map out again and leaned against a tree to look at it. He examined the symbols, all of them familiar runes he knew well, and began musing to himself over them.

"Now then," he said, his eyes glued to the map. "I appear to be here," he mused, drawing an X on the map. "And I need to get to somewhere around here." He drew a Y on a place somewhere near New Orleans. "So far, I've gone through West Virginia, and Virgina, and am now in Tennessee- ouch, it really is hot here even this early in the morning. I still need to pick my way through Alabama and Mississippi, and then I'll have arrived in Louisiana, where my destination is." He put the map back in his bag (which he had somehow acquired on his travels), and set off into the blazing sun.

Travelling in these very hot environments proved to be a lot harder than he thought. The intense heat bore down upon him, the sun oppressive and brutal in its intensity. Everywhere he went, smoke seemed to be rising from the plants and trees as he went on his merry way. The heat and the steam wasn't the worst of it, however. The air was extremely humid and horrible to drag oneself through, and he was beginning to feel tired and ill.

"I bet the desert is a lot better than this!" he groaned, as he pulled himself along. "But I can't give up!" he said, as he stopped at some water to drink. "If I don't keep going, Flash Magnus will have a laugh at my expense! I won't let that get in my way!"

Once he was done filling up, although drinking water from that lake proved to be a challenge with all the biting insects, he went on his way. Besides, if Flash Magnus gave him a hard time for overheating, he could always retaliate by mentioning his crush on Somnambula. Pointing out the all too obvious fact that Flash had feelings for Somny was always enough to ruffle his feathers (quite literally, given they were both pegasi).

The landscape slowly began to change from creeks and enclosed streams to wide rolling lands and tall mountains that seemed to scrape the roof of the sky with their immense power and scale. To see such a sight was spectacular, and no doubt what had drawn the original settlers of this land to the area. However, Rockhoof couldn't help but feel that things were oddly silent. Since setting off from the tavern, he hadn't seen a single other living soul anywhere. He continued on his way, looking about as best he could for any trouble.

It didn't take long for trouble to find him. Before long, he came across some very badly burnt ground, full of fire and smoke. Crops burned and building ruins smouldered in the distance, and a smoky pale as tall as the Empire State Building climbing into the air, making it visible for miles.

"What happened here?" Rockhoof asked. "Who, or what, did this?"

Suddenly, there was a loud scream and another jet of flame shot across the landscape. A massive blue dragon flew through the sky and landed before Rockhoof. He was absolutely enormous, reaching almost to the top of the clouds. His horns were so massive they looped down the sides of his face (one had a golden ring on it), and his cold orange eyes stared down from atop a massive head fitted with a jaw big enough to swallow an aircraft carrier. He also wore heavy dark blue armour, his wings slotting through the gaps in the plates.

Rockhoof gulped. "Thor help us," he said.

Author's Note:

Introducing the antagonist for this segment; Lord Torch!

Given how a lot of the terrain of that part of the world wouldn't look out of place in Middle-Earth, I thought the Smaug allusions would fit perfectly.

Comments

[JimmyHook19]

Noice use of the text font size for of the song near the beginning of the chapter. X3

[The Blue EM2]

10693782
Thanks. Anything else you wish to note?