I See Your Pain
Pharynx shifted and turned in bed, constantly grumbling to himself in his sleep.
“No...I’m not evil...stop it…” he murmured audibly. He tossed around and kicked at the sheets, tangling them around his back legs and wing carapace. “Go… away…” he growled. “Go away!”
Pharynx groaned, then shot up in bed, lavender eyes wide. He looked around his bedchamber, breathing heavily.
Okay...okay...relax Pharynx, it’s just a dream...bad dreams can’t hurt anyone. He told himself. So stop being a childish coward and go back to sleep.
Pharynx laid back down and pulled the blankets over him with his magic. He curled up into a tight ball, almost like a cat. His dragonfly wing tail brushed against his muzzle as he screwed his eyes shut. You’re not evil, you’re not a lost cause, and you’re especially not a little grub anymore. You can handle bad dreams.
Pharynx continued to toss and turn the whole rest of the night, but he didn’t wake up. “Urgh…” he grunted as he got up. “Worst night of sleep ever.”
He felt his hooves drop onto the cold stone floor. They felt as though he had strapped weights to them. Pharynx trotted to the doorway, head hanging.
He peered into the hallway. Other changelings were trotting about happily, some watering plants growing in the hallways, others talking or hugging each other. Pharynx desperately wanted to make some sort of dry remark about getting cavities, but he was too tired to even move his lips at the moment.
“Good morning Pharynx!” Thorax pranced up to him happily. “It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”
Pharynx flashed a drowsy glare at his younger brother.
Thorax flinched a bit when he saw Pharynx’s tired and annoyed expression. “Oh, uh… did you have a bad night?”
“What? No, I just woke up like this.” Pharynx deadpanned, trotting away and trying to lift his head high.
Thorax watched as his brother rubbed his eyes a few times. Thorax followed him, they were heading for the throne room anyway.
“Seriously though, did you sleep alright?” Thorax asked as soon as he caught up with the changeling general.
“I slept like a baby.”
“Oh… So that’s a no, isn’t it?”
“What?! No! I mean…” Pharynx took a breath, trying to regain his composure. “Well, you’re the one who takes naps with the nymphs, you tell me.”
Thorax blinked, chuckling a bit. “Okay, true,” he admitted.
“Yep.” Pharynx stifled a yawn “Whatever. You got anything for me to do today besides drilling methods into the soldiers heads?”
“Hm… Thorax thought for a moment. “Well...I guess that depends if you’re looking for more to do or just telling me what you’ll be doing today.”
“In that case, I got nothing,” Pharynx responded flatly.
“Well, I have a bit of paperwork to do… but honestly it’s not that important.”
“It isn’t?”
“Well, not really, just a bit of stuff from the other lings about petitions for new activities and the like. Okay then, I guess all you need to do is your drill sergeant routine.”
“Of course I do,” he replied with a roll of his eyes.
“Something wrong with that?”
“Not at all-” Pharynx broke off, trying not to yawn. “I-uh-gotta go take care of that then. I’m gonna be out there all day anyway.”
“Okay, good luck with it.”
“Thanks. I’m gonna need it.” Pharynx sighed. Once he made his way out of the throne room, he trotted a little ways away, then leaned against the wall and let his eyes close slightly.
Okay, more than slightly. He only woke up when he felt himself slipping and let out a soft gasp, catching himself, spreading his legs wide to do it. He looked around, to make sure none of the changelings saw. A few changelings stood in the hall but none were paying him any attention.
Man, that was close… Nice work, Pharynx. He thought, inwardly punching himself. He made his way out to the training field, where his troops were gathered. “Alright, listen up!” he called out in his loudest voice possible.
Before Pharynx knew it, he spent the rest of the day yelling at his troops as they repeatedly disregarded everything he said. He was glad when the sun finally began to set. Thank Celestia… or in this case, Thank Luna. Eh, whatever.
He trotted inside the Hive again and past the throne room. Thorax was sitting in his oak throne, lounging. When he saw his brother he leapt off the throne and trotted over.
“Hey Pharynx!” he said “I know you probably had a rough day so I thought I’d give you a little treat.” he looped a foreleg over Pharynx’s shoulders and nuzzled him.
“Uh, thanks Thorax…” Pharynx said, blinking heavily. The extra love Thorax had shared with him was just making him sleepier.
“Heh. No problem!” Thorax smiled and gave him another nuzzle. “Anyway, heading to bed?”
“Yeah…” Pharynx yawned openly for the first time today. “Thanks again for the snack, I guess. I’m probably skipping dinner anyway.”
“Oh?” Thorax’s face fell. “You’re not hungry?”
“Just too tired to even eat anything. See you tomorrow, Thor.” Pharynx trotted away from him, towards his chambers.
“Okay! Whatever you say, Pharynx.” Thorax waved, then trotted towards a group of changelings heading for the dining area.
Pharynx entered his room and slid into bed, draping the covers over him and settling down. He let out a relaxed sigh as he laid the back of his head against his pillow. Alright Pharynx, it’s just another normal night. Nothing bad is going to happen, you’re a grown changeling. You can handle bad dreams. He thought.
And with that he gently shut his eyes. He slept peacefully for a few hours, but soon began squirming, thrashing in bed and whining. Pharynx began muttering again.
“Stop it...I’m not your prince...Thorax is the King...he’s the one that deserves it...no…”
That was when he heard the voices.
“You always have been and always will be evil!”
“Why do you even stay here? You don’t belong with the rest of us!”
“I don’t feel safe when he’s around.”
“I’d feel safer if he were gone!”
“He teaches little changelings to growl and hiss!”
“I’m only doing this for our… safety!” Pharynx sat up, gasping for breath as he felt his throat begin to sting. “Urgh… again?” he croaked out.
Stop it Pharynx. Don’t you dare start… you want to prove you’re better than what they think, don’t you?
He forcefully shut his eyes. He eventually dozed off again, but not for a while, and once he did, he was plagued by the other changelings’ voices yet again.
And it wasn’t just the changelings’ voices. Starlight and Trixie’s filled his thoughts as well.
“I think Pharynx is a lost cause…”
“Hm... I’m all for second chances, third even, but he just seems like a BAD bug...”
“And if Thorax keeps sticking up for him, the others may decide they don’t want him as their leader… I think he has to kick Pharynx out.”
“What did I ever do to you two?! How could you possibly know my own brother better than me to even suggest he kick me out?!” he growled in his sleep.
Pharynx squeezed his eyes tighter and tighter. He reached out and snatched up a pillow, clutching it against his chest and burying his face in it. He felt his throat close up and let out a whimper.
“No...don’t do it, Pharynx... you’re better than that,” he mumbled.
Pharynx heard these insults and remarks over and over, until...
“Morning Pharynx!”
“Gah!” As though he were electrocuted, Pharynx bolted upwards, ready to attack whoever was in the room.
“Woah, easy bro, it’s just me.” Thorax trotted into his sightline. “You okay? You look pretty bad…”
Pharynx sighed groggily. “I’m fine Thorax, I was just waking up and you startled me. What did you think was gonna happen?”
“Er… sorry about that.”
“It’s fine...is there a reason you woke me up so early?”
Thorax brushed a hoof against the floor. “Sorry, it’s just...you didn’t eat last night so I thought I’d wake you so you could have first pick of the food this morning.”
“That’s…” Pharynx blinked a few times. “That’s actually pretty nice of you.”
“...Yeah...we’ve met before...Thorax...nicest changeling ever…” Thorax teased
“You know what I mean.” Pharynx lifted a pillow in his magic and tossed it at him.
Thorax shook his head. “Are you coming...or do you want to go back to sleep? You seem pretty tired.”
Pharynx thought a bit. “No, no, I’m coming.” He got up from his bed. “Let’s go.”
The two made their way out of the room. Thorax led the way to the dining area as Pharynx lagged behind. His hooves dragged on the floor and his ears drooped slightly. He fought back a yawn as they entered the area. Thorax trotted cheerily to the counter where the changeling chefs had placed the food, and levitated over some of the choices so Pharynx could see.
Pharynx growled and rubbed his eyes. “Thor...can you just pick one for me?”
“Why?”
“I just don’t want to have to choose right now.” Pharynx replied
“Oh...well, how about some Prench Toast? It’s good.”
Pharynx blinked in awe. “...Where’d you get that from?”
“The chefs made it, Princess Twilight’s been sending us a lot of neat Equestrian recipes.”
“Huh.” Pharynx took the plate of the selected food and set it down, taking a small bite. “It’s... not that bad, surprisingly.”
“Well, of course it isn’t bad.” Thorax replied, sitting beside him with a plate of eggs and cooked oats. “The ponies made sure to give us precise instructions.”
“Interesting seeing as how the instructions for Hearth’s Warming Eve were anything but.”
“Can’t believe you’ve probably given up on the meals we used to have,” Pharynx admitted.
“Very funny.” Thorax rolled his eyes “You know perfectly well we could eat regular food even in our old forms.”
“Yes, I do.” Pharynx hesitated “Still, even if we can survive solely on shared love...I won’t deny pony food is pretty good…”
“You’ve tried it before?”
“What do you think I do while I wait for you to finish your diplomat meetings? Sit and pace around in the guest room? Besides, I was an infiltrator. You can’t exactly tell ponies you’re not hungry when you need to go with them to a restaurant to obtain information.”
“...Touche.” Thorax sighed, then settled into his meal.
Pharynx looked off to the side. He was pretty tired, but maybe the meal would wake him up?
He sniffed the “Prench toast” in front of him. It smelled very sweet. Like, very sweet. He lifted up one slice of the toast and took a few bites. He swallowed. It was sweet, but sort of good. He doubted it would give him much energy right away but it’d work.
It wasn’t long until Pharynx actually finished the whole thing. Thorax glanced at him, smiling.
“So, how was it?”
“Not bad…” Pharynx huffed and stood up. “I better get going Thor, got to set up the training grounds for today.”
“Alright then!” Thorax stood up as well, taking both their empty plates. “I’ll be in the throne room or with the nymphs, if you need something check either there or in the nursery.”
“Of course you will…” Pharynx sighed, heading out of the dining area. “See ya.”
“Okay, bye Pharynx!” Thorax waved.
Pharynx headed outside and prepared himself for yet another long day. He waited for his troops to gather and started them on basic exercise drills. Actually starting the whole process was like trying to herd cats, as far as he knew. They were probably more incompetent than the Royal Guard, and that was saying something.
That night, Pharynx actually went to get dinner with Thorax, though mostly so Thorax wouldn’t get too concerned about him.
Pharynx met him in the dining area. Thorax hugged him before trotting off to get food.
“So, what are we having now?” Pharynx grunted, rubbing his head.
“I was thinking one of these salads…” Thorax then turned to look at another plate. “But then this looks good too…”
“Just pick one.” Pharynx snapped, selecting one of the indicated salads and letting the chefs know.
“Alright, alright. You can go eat Pharynx, I’ll join you in a minute.”
“Yeah, a minute.” Pharynx rolled his eyes teasingly.
He went to the table where he and Thorax usually sat. The other changelings called it the “royal table” because of this. But Ocellus usually joined them when she was home from school so it wasn’t really true.
“I’m serious!” Thorax called back.
“Suuure…” Pharynx replied, sitting down and waiting with his muzzle buried under his forelegs.
He tried not to fall asleep but felt himself drifting off.
Thorax blinked at him. “Um...Pharynx? Are you okay?”
Pharynx sat back up in a heartbeat. “Oh, I’m fine. Sorry bro.”
Thorax chuckled a bit. “Uh, no problem. So, I take it the training didn’t go well?”
Pharynx sighed heavily. “About as well as every other day.”
“Aww.”
“What?”
“I really hoped they’d be making some progress. It’s not like they don’t have a good general and example… y’know, Princess Twilight mentioned her friend Rainbow Dash has some connections to the Wonderbolts, and apparently their Captain’s pretty good...maybe you could compare tactics with her.”
Pharynx was about to say something else when more food arrived.
“Oh, thanks.” Thorax said to the changeling who had brought it to them.
The brothers gazed upon their new meal. Pharynx began eating his food slowly, both from tiredness and trying to uphold his end of their conversation.
He took a bite and swallowed. “So...anyway...thanks for the suggestion, Thorax, but I think I can handle my own troops. Let the Captain of the Wonder-whatevers take care of her own. Besides, I know the differences between changeling troops and pony troops.”
“Well, it’s really a flight team, with a military background. Apparently they help out when the Royal Guards don’t do their jobs right. Rainbow Dash’s words, not mine.” Thorax explained.
“So in that case they help all the time?”
“...Heh. I guess so.” Thorax giggled.
“Well, I guess that means they know what they’re doing, but so do I,” Pharynx proclaimed.
“I know you do… it’s just...well, they haven’t improved...and maybe...you just need to try some new methods…”
“Like what, brother?” Pharynx’s eyes narrowed
“Well...I’m just saying...maybe Shining Armor or some of the other military captains in Equestria have ideas… Princess Twilight said that the captain I was telling you about, Spitfire, is a lot like Tempest. I think maybe you’d like comparing tactics with her,” Thorax said. “I mean… we all know how you are about Tempest, that’s for sure.” He winked.
“S-Shut up. T-Tempest has nothing to do with this.”
“I’m just saying, it may be useful to talk with Spitfire or Shining.”
“I guess.”
Wait... is he saying I’m not a good enough general? Pharynx thought as he took another bite of his food, lowering his head slightly.
Thorax could tell the conversation was upsetting Pharynx. “...I’m sorry. You wanna talk about something else?”
“I guess…” Pharynx mumbled.
“Okay...well...craft time is getting a lot of attention, I think the others really like the creative outlet. And I bet they really like the new paintbrushes donated to them.”
“Great.” Pharynx took another bite of food. “And how well do they work?” he asked after swallowing.
“The paintbrushes? Well, a lot better than the twigs and leaves we were using before.”
“Of course.”
“So...what about your theater troupe or whatever they’re calling themselves?”
“They’re really improving. They’re thinking about trying physically shapeshifting into the characters for the duration of the play.”
“Oh? Even though you said—”
“Well, like I said, only for the play. It makes sense-this way they can portray characters correctly, and it helps them get into character easier.”
“Mm… makes sense.”
“Yeah...and then there’s-”
Don’t say the-
“-the Feelings Forum. It’s getting really popular too.”
Pharynx groaned, his head flopping over and hitting the table.
“Um...Pharynx?”
No response.
“Pharynx, what’s wrong?” Thorax put a hoof on Pharynx’s shoulder. “You okay?”
Pharynx slowly raised his head to gaze at his brother. “I’m... fine.”
He slowly got up and walked away. Thorax looked after him in concern. Pharynx headed back to his room and got ready for what he assumed would be another restless night.
Well, here I go again…
This night, Pharynx tried just not sleeping, but going on two days with barely any sleep wore him out and he ended up falling asleep despite his best effort.
“He’s scary and intimidating!”
“He makes us all uncomfortable!”
“No… not again.”
“You’re not a very good general if no one’s learned anything.”
“No… Not you too, Thorax!”
“I bet even Tempest could do better than you…”
“Stop it...that’s not true…”
Soon, Pharynx found himself in a dark void. He looked around for someone. His brother, Tempest, or anyone.
He looked at his hooves. They were black and covered in holes. “What the?!”
“You know deep down this is what you always have been… and always will be.”
Pharynx shook his head. “Liar! You’re lying!”
“Am I? They all know it. It’s time you accepted it too.”
Pharynx turned around to see two familiar unicorns walking. “I…” one of them said. “I want to say something, but it goes against everything I’ve been taught as Twilight’s pupil,” her ears drooped.
“Ooh, then by all means, say it.” the second urged.
The first one sighed before uttering, “I think Pharynx is a lost cause.”
“I am not!” Pharynx tried to charge towards them, but his hooves didn’t seem to budge.
“Then why did Twilight’s pupil say so?” Another voice asked.
“Shut up! They didn’t know anything!” Pharynx snapped, but he couldn’t move. He looked down to see all four of his hooves smeared with changeling slime.
“Where are you going, my only heir?”
Pharynx’s eyes widened. “No…” he found himself staring at the towering figure of the changeling’s ex-queen herself, and the voices continued as she stepped closer and closer to him, an evil grin continuously spreading across her face.
“I’m all for second chances, third even, but he just seems like a BAD bug…”
“Stop it!”
“I think Thorax might have to kick Pharynx out.”
“He would never do that!”
“WE WANT HIM BANISHED!”
Pharynx woke with a startled gasp, and found his throat was raw and his eyes were burning. “No...don’t you dare start Pharynx...you’re an adult...it wasn’t real…” he croaked weakly as his lip quivered.
They’re all...they’re all scared of me…
“No. Don’t start...you’re not weak.” Pharynx whispered to himself quietly.
Pharynx laid back against his pillow, pulling the blankets up over him and burrowing under them, as though the thin sheets would hide him from the voices.
He felt the warm moist creeping up to the surface of his lavender eyes. Pharynx shook his head and rubbed his eyes.
“I just...need more sleep…” he said, trying to maintain a steady voice.
The tears didn't seem to stop though. Pharynx wiped them all away and took deep breaths, remembering how Thorax calmed himself down before big meetings. It was just stress, that’s all.
He sniffled weakly. Pharynx pressed his head against the pillow, hiding his face. Pharynx… don’t you do it…stop! Pharynx moaned and wrapped his hooves around the pillow.
“C’mon, suck it up, already…” he bit his lower lip. “You’re better than this. Stop getting emotional!” Pharynx punched his pillow slightly and laid back down on it, shaking around.
“C’mon, just fight it out like you were taught. You’re not a sensitive little nymph!”
He squeezed his eyes shut. “Just get through the night… you can do that… it’s probably nearly morning…”
A sob escaped his throat. “Sh-shut up! S-Stop…stop cr-doing that.”
He struggled to hold them back to no avail. Pharynx eventually stood up, went to the pitcher of water Thorax had insisted on leaving in his room if he got thirsty. Pharynx splashed it on his face and shook his head.
“Now, to get some sleep…” Pharynx sighed, wiping his face and going back to bed.
Pharynx laid down, then saw the moon was about to set. “No, nononono…” he banged his forehead on the wall and groaned. “How do dreams pass in the blink of an eye and last all night?” he asked himself.
He laid sphinx-style on his bed and stared out the window, watching Luna lower the moon and stars. After a minute, Celestia’s sun then rose in their places. Pharynx sat still, resting for a bit longer, until he heard a knock on his door.
“...Who is it?” he groaned weakly.
“Morning bro.” Thorax poked his head into the room, then saw Pharynx. “Wow...Pharynx, you look awful… what happened to you?”
“N-nothing. I just must’ve...slept in a weird position. Did you come to get me for breakfast, again?”
“Pharynx… I know something happened to you… you haven’t been acting right for days… please, just tell me...”
Pharynx merely sighed and walked right past him. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“What are you talking about? Of course I would!”
But Pharynx continued walking on, ignoring the many drones that tried speaking to him. He made his way out to the training fields, ignoring the dining area, up until he finally reached the troops of changelings.
“Alright troops, get in formation!” Pharynx yelled. He obviously wasn’t having any out-of-place behavior this time.
The group of changelings got to work as soon as their general told them to. However, as usual, once the exercise warm-up was completed, Pharynx found himself needing to repeat the lesson from the day before. “Alright, boys! Attention!”
“Sir, yes, sir!”
“We’re gonna have to repeat yesterday’s excercises!”
There was a collective groan.
“Did I ask for your opinions, soldiers?! Get in line and start! If you have time to groan you have time to work! No complaining!”
They began as asked, going through the same routine as the day before.
Pharynx once again found himself struggling to keep his eyes open. He began pacing back and forth to avoid having time to close his eyes. He watched the troops through tired eyes and blurred vision.
Come on, Pharynx… Pharynx thought to himself. Just a few more… hours…
Pharynx smacked a hoof against his temple. He then heard hoofsteps. Then turned to see a female changeling with a concerned expression.
“General Pharynx? Are you alright?” It was Retina, one of the privates.
“Did I ask for your opinion Private?! Moreover, I don’t think I gave you permission to stop, did I?”
“Well no, but—”
“But nothing Private! Get back in line and don’t stop until you’ve finished the exercise-which for you, just doubled!” Pharynx noticed his vision getting more and more blurry.
“But, general, you don’t look-”
“DO you think I care?! Get back in line!” Pharynx held back a yawn as he yelled at the private.
Retina’s ears lowered. “Sir, I’m sorry, but you just look a little-”
“A little what?! I look a little what?!”
Retina flinched a bit as she tried to keep her calm composure. “A-A little... sir?”
Pharynx remembered the voices from the many changelings, then his brow furrowed. “Why do you even care about me now?!”
“I-I’m sorry sir? What are you talking about-”
“No, why?!” Pharynx stomped a hoof on the ground, stepping forwards and making Retina back up. “I’m serious, why?”
“I was just trying to—”
“I don’t care! I don’t care what you have to say, why do you care so much?!”
The private didn’t say anything. The others had stopped working to watch the scene play out.
“W-well, because you’re our general, and… not only that, you’re also...”
“What? A lost cause?!”
The other changelings all looked at each other, some with dawning understanding, others with blatant confusion.
“General Pharynx…” Retina began, but Pharynx shook his head at her.
“No! I’m not finished!” He looked at the private. “Whatever you’re here for, forget it! All of you, back to work! And I mean now!”
“But sir—”
“I am sick of letting you guys constantly offend me and talk about me behind my back like I’m not even there! So no! Whatever you want, no! All of you back to work! Now!” Pharynx could barely see now, he was relying solely on the fear he was picking up from Retina.
Retina reached out a hoof. “Sir, do you need a-”
“So help me Private if you say hug I’m going to make you see stars!” Pharynx yelled harder than ever.
“Sir, please calm down-”
“Don’t tell me to calm down! I know that none of you wanted me here! And I know you’d all be more comfortable with me gone!”
“Sir, we’d never think that, sir!”
“Oh, really? Not even before I became… this?!”
“S-sir, we-”
“No! Not a word, Private! I know you know what I’m talking about and I’m through with you pretending you don’t!” He stepped close to Retina.
“Sir, you...are you alright?” Retina asked.
“Of course I am! What gave you any implications I wasn’t!” Pharynx yelled, his eyes threatening to close any minute.
“Sir, you don’t look okay…”
“Shut up and get back to work Priva-ahhte...” Pharynx stumbled as he tried to take another step forward and fell, his chin hitting the ground.
The last things he heard before passing out were the shocked gasps of the drones as well as Retina’s words.
“Sir! P-Private Ventricle, go get help!”
“Pharynx...Pharynx…”
...Who is that?
“Pharynx, wake up!”
...Thorax?
“Pharynx!”
The general finally opened his eyes and gazed around the room. Thorax was standing over him while crying, and upon seeing Pharynx awake, leapt forwards to hug him.
“Th-Thorax…?” Pharynx rested in Thorax’s hooves, eyes drooping. “Whas’ going on?” he looked up at his brother’s face.
“What do you think, Pharynx? You passed out!” Thorax nuzzled his brother’s forehead. “You scared me Pharynx, what in the name of Celestia happened that made you faint?” he asked as he gently held his brother’s shoulders.
“I… um…” Pharynx hesitated and looked around. They were alone in his room. Pharynx nestled into Thorax’s carapace, enjoying the warmth of Thorax’s comfort and love.
Thorax looked at his brother, eyes still watery. “Pharynx, I know you can trust me. You can tell me anything.”
Pharynx opened his mouth to say something, and his eyes began to sting. “I-Thorax, I-” he gritted his teeth. “It...the reason was…”
Thorax pulled him closer. “Yes?
Pharynx started breaking down into tears. Thorax began rubbing his back gently. “Aw, Pharynx…”
“I-I just...I’ve been...I’ve been having…” he said between sniffles. “...Nightmares.”
“Oh, Pharynx...why didn’t you say something?” Thorax nuzzled him.
“I-I’m a general, Thorax! I didn’t want to be seen as a grub.”
“Pharynx, rank or not, everyling has nightmares. I know you want everyling to see you as the tough general, but it’s okay to admit that you’re scared.”
Pharynx sobbed. “I...but all they were about was how...how I was…”
“What, brother?”
“I...how I was still… evil…”
“Oh, Pharynx, you were never evil.”
“Thorax I was Chrysalis’ right-hoof ‘ling and her first heir in...ever.”
“But what about after she was dethroned?” Thorax asked.
“Everyone called me a lost cause, Thorax...they said you should kick me out. If that doesn’t scream hate then I don’t know what does.” Pharynx wiped his eyes. “Heck, even Starlight and Trixie were considering making you kick me out of the hive.”
Thorax’s eyes widened. “Pharynx...that’s what it was about...oh..” Thorax leaned in to nuzzle him again. “Pharynx…”
“I just kept hearing them say it over and over, every night…” Pharynx sobbed, cuddling against Thorax, absorbing in his love.
“I’m sorry, Pharynx…” Thorax held him close and willingly fed him the brotherly love and concern he had.
Pharynx finally stopped crying after a while. “You were in it too…” he mumbled
“I...what?” Thorax asked “Why?”
“You...bad general...not worthy…” Pharynx sniffed, laying his antlers against Thorax
Thorax gasped in shock. “Pharynx… of course I don’t think you’re a bad general. I was just recommending a way for you to coordinate efforts with other leaders of armies, so you could brainstorm and share tactics,” Thorax said. “I… I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
“You didn’t...I don’t know why I thought that...I-I just...I didn’t want to bother you and I thought I could just get through it…”
“Pharynx, it was my fault from the very start.” Now, Thorax was starting to tear up. “I should have noticed right away and been more persistent...I should have known you wouldn’t have come to me on your own.” He sniffled before continuing. “That and… I was the one who… set up the whole ‘being peaceful and no patrolling’ thing… I made you feel like an outcast… and I’m sorry.”
“I…” Pharynx sniffled and hugged Thorax, surprising him. “I’m sorry...I don’t want you to blame yourself, just blame me for not swallowing my pride.”
Thorax sobbed quietly. “Oh Pharynx…”
“I’m serious. I should have just come to you…” Pharynx broke off and yawned, eyes closing. “And now I’m too tired to work. I know it’s my fault.”
The two sat in silence for a moment. Then Thorax spoke. “You...should get some more rest…”
“Seriously? After what we just talked about?”
“You won’t have any more nightmares, Pharynx.”
“How do you know?”
“Because…” Thorax put a hoof on his shoulder. “I’m here.” He smiled. “I’ll watch over you, I promise I won’t let you lose any more sleep.”
It took him a while, but Pharynx smiled back. “Th-thank you Thorax...but don’t you have royal duties or something?”
“Nothing that can’t wait.” Thorax gave Pharynx a playful poke in the ribs.
Pharynx sighed and nodded. “Fine…”
He laid back in his bed. Thorax leaned down and nuzzled him again. “Comfortable?”
“Yeah...thanks.” Pharynx sighed as Thorax lifted his blankets to be tucked around him. “You… aren’t going to ask to sing to me, are you? Because that’s where I’m drawing the-” he broke off with a yawn “-the line.”
Thorax chuckled. “No, you’re not a nymph.” He rubbed his brother’s head.
“And yet you’re tucking me in, and rubbing my head.” Pharynx gave him a tired, yet sly, smirk.
Thorax giggled. “Heh. Sorry, I guess spending time with the nymphs rubbed off on me.”
“Of course it did.”
“Either way, I’m here for you bro.” Thorax said, nuzzling Pharynx affectionately.
“I know...thank you.” Pharynx closed his eyes and laid back against the pillow.
Thorax smiled. “It’s no problem. I love you Pharynx.”
“Love you too, brother.” Pharynx smiled back in his sleep. Thorax gave Pharynx another nuzzle and sat down by the bed, watching over Pharynx, just as he promised.
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An honor to do this with you as well! To quote Spike from Celestial Advice: "We make a great team" (omitting the 'Sparkle' for obvious reasons)
10256521
We surely do! Thank you too!
10256522
Anytime, my friend!
That was amazin'! Cheers to the both of you!
10256538
Thanks!
10256539
No problem, dearest friend!
10256575
Indeed! Thanks for reading
Hey, congrats on being featured!
10257651
Thanks! I couldn’t have done it alone
Great story! And with how many nights in the last 10-15 years I've kept myself awake with overthinking every little thing (especially mistakes and disappointments), I can totally relate to Pharynx. You've illustrated the ordeal perfectly
Just one teeny tiny little thing.
I may be nitpicky here, but this kind of breaks the immersion. Maybe some other word instead of 'man'? Something like 'whoa, that was close', or 'eggshells, that was close', etc., you get the idea? Just a suggestion. It's okay if you don't think it's necessary.
10257680
How so?
10257681
Because the word 'man' refers to a (male) human and Pharynx probably doesn't know of humans/the world on the other side of Twilight's mirror, and even if he did, he probably wouldn't be using a word referring to them to add stress to the rest of the sentence. Now, I don't remember every line from the show verbatim but I'm pretty sure they hardly ever used a phrasing like 'man, this is [something something]' unless it was an oversight, but there was an occasion in which a character used the word 'man' several times and then got asked what the word meant, so if the word exists in Ponish language, it's probably one of those that hardly ever get used and are unknown to most, and therefore wouldn't be likely to make it into common phrases. (Sorry if this doesn't make any sense to you.)
I'm assuming that's what you meant by 'how so?'
10257708
Huh. That makes sense.
Sweet story! I am a sucker for good fics involving Thorax and/or Pharynx and you, dear writer, have just made an excellent one.
10258323
Thanks. I didn’t do it alone
10258325
Well, give my praise to the other(s) involved as well. He/She/They deserve it!
thumbs.gfycat.com/CheeryVengefulLadybug-size_restricted.gif
CLUSTER NAPS ARE BEST NAPS~
Cute little story~ c: Glad you guys collabed together on something, collabs are fun.
10282769
Heh, thanks! Glad you liked it!
It seems Pharynx was experiencing what the Scandinavians call "The Wolfing Hour", where all your doubts and fear come at you at once.
Not a bad story.
10299487
Thanks.
The Wolfing Hour, huh? Never heard of it.
10299491
Stephen King mentioned it in on of his non-fiction pieces. He had the same troubled nights when he was just starting out in his career.
10299497
Ooooh.
10299497 Huh. I heard about the concept on Babylon 5. Definitely fits with this story, and now I see Pharynx as Equestria's equivalent to Susan Ivanova.
10302769
Oh wow.
10302770
"Have you ever heard of the hour of the wolf?"
"No."
"My father told me about it. It's the time between 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning. You can't sleep, and all you can see is the troubles and the problems and the ways that your life should've gone but didn't. All you can hear is the sound of your own heart."
-- Ivanova and Lyta, Babylon 5, "The Hour of the Wolf" (S4E1)
10302777
Huh.
10302777
I still get those wolfing hours. It's been years since I've even though of Babylon 5, but that's a smart reference you made there.
Aww Pharynx He's been dealing with a lot of stress lately ever since they change It made him felt like an outcast And he bottled up his emotions because he doesn't want to show that he's weak but he not and I'm glad that thorax help him get through this this was a good story between two brothers nice job
When I read the title of ‘I see your monsters’, I immediately thought ‘I see your pain’, and clicked the story. Chapter title confirms it. Good song :)
10538886
Heh. Kudos to my good friend Melody Song for the idea!
Oh my gosh this is so sad. But sad stories are adorable. Favourite!
10992072
Thank you! We’re glad you enjoyed it!
10992076
heh
Dang now that is the worst case of PTSD that he ever had good thing his brother is there to help him get through this even though he still have doubts that he feels like the bad guy well I hope he does get through this and he doesn’t feel like he felt like that nice story 👍
Yes she doesssss
Finished the story! I'll definitely reread this another time.
Pharynx is my favourite and best changeling too.