The story is getting darker and darker and I really like it! The relationship Vinyl and Octavia have in this fic is so... different. You manage to somehow ship them , yet make them almost hate each other. But we all know that there is only a thin line between love and hate. Also I like the concept of Octavia using Vinyl this way. She found her and got her a well paid job, this seems pretty nice of her, but the job is so hard she can't do it without drugs which Octavia provides for her... She really is a wicked mare (...and a bitch) Though I was a bit disappointed by the Fancy Pants scene. I was hoping he would hurt her more. (Way more)
Also: - At the beginning of the chapter where vinyl looks at Octavia you wrote" Vinyl averted her gaze from her the earth pony" either a comma is missing, or you wrote to many words. - In the scene where Vinyl enters Fancy's carriage suddenly you wrote "Hoity frowned for a moment" As long as we wasn't in the carriage too you should change that.
This story has taken a depressing turn. Not like a sad, emotional kind of depressing like the end of "My Little Dashie", but a fucked up kind of depressing. I'm really liking it so far, keep it up!
This has turned out to be a very interesting read. I really can't wait to read more of this and where you plan on taking it. I don't normally go for dark pony fics, but this is just too interesting to ignore. I hope you write an update soon.
There was a blue unicorn and a grey colt with a purple mane. The blue colt suddenly snapped out of his daze and stepped forward, The stimulation caused her to redouble her efforts on the grey colt.
Vinyl jumped on the unicorn, who is blue, not grey. And the one licking her was grey, not blue. xP
Took a while for this chapter, my apologies.
Fancy Pants is such a dick. Also: ‘Shut up brain.’ Vinyl thought. ‘We’re going in.’
Amazing as usual.
wat
The story is getting darker and darker and I really like it! The relationship Vinyl and Octavia have in this fic is so... different. You manage to somehow ship them , yet make them almost hate each other. But we all know that there is only a thin line between love and hate.
Also I like the concept of Octavia using Vinyl this way. She found her and got her a well paid job, this seems pretty nice of her, but the job is so hard she can't do it without drugs which Octavia provides for her... She really is a wicked mare (...and a bitch)
Though I was a bit disappointed by the Fancy Pants scene. I was hoping he would hurt her more. (Way more)
Also:
- At the beginning of the chapter where vinyl looks at Octavia you wrote" Vinyl averted her gaze from her the earth pony" either a comma is missing, or you wrote to many words.
- In the scene where Vinyl enters Fancy's carriage suddenly you wrote "Hoity frowned for a moment" As long as we wasn't in the carriage too you should change that.
This story has taken a depressing turn. Not like a sad, emotional kind of depressing like the end of "My Little Dashie", but a fucked up kind of depressing. I'm really liking it so far, keep it up!
1249381
Fixed both errors, thanks.
This is a good point, although I want to keep Octavia as the main antagonist. I'll think on it.
I feel so bad for vinyl considering she's been tavi's sex slave. Also, I have a feeling this story won't have a good ending, just saying.
This is kinda scary. Vinyl's trapped. She cant leave or she will live in a shit apartment and if she stays she's a living toy.
This is some fucked up stuff here. I'm really not sure what to think about it, I know that I shouldn't like it... but... Damn, I just don't know.
Really great story so far. Hurry up with the writing.
Octavia a drug supplier, Fancy Pants a sadic and drug abuse and rape?!
http://starfox64.baldninja.com/wav/fal-horr.wav
This has turned out to be a very interesting read. I really can't wait to read more of this and where you plan on taking it. I don't normally go for dark pony fics, but this is just too interesting to ignore. I hope you write an update soon.
There was a blue unicorn and a grey colt with a purple mane.
The blue colt suddenly snapped out of his daze and stepped forward,
The stimulation caused her to redouble her efforts on the grey colt.
Vinyl jumped on the unicorn, who is blue, not grey. And the one licking her was grey, not blue. xP
2360513
Thanks, fixed this error.
Well then...that was, once again, rather kinky.