To err is equine.
To forgive is divine.
Rappid Fires one-shot today, folks. Wanted to go for something more cerebral in her case, as her personality is best portrayed against contrasting, controversial ponies. So there's the slow build-up of backstory, the implementation of her personality in a quiet visit and dare in Ponyville, and well... how it makes her change in the end.
Again, out-of-Carnation-canon for this. Want to show just how the enigma of Rappid Fires works.
UPDATE, 6/15/2020: Revised as per Light Heart101's cutting review. Here's to a better story.
WARNING: Crusaders of the Lost Mark may now count as a relapse for ol' Spoiled.
Chapters (1)
I'm not sure what to say about this. It seemed to be all over the place. I couldn't grasp the plot.
10259967
Ay - I was trying to go for something one-person but....
It's effectively a non-Carnation coming of age story for Miss Rappid Fires: a failure plagued by her inability to fly who ends up finding her calling on the ground with one of the most unlikely mares on the planet.
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/213901/my-little-reviews-feedback/thread/438790/reviewing-rappids-canon-to-the-victor-goes-the-spoil
The idea behind it has promise, but you need to work more on your writing process, namely being able to add details and work on developing character.
10279018
Oh. Thank you for that, it actually crystallized a rather bad habit of mine.
See, I tend to usually start out on one-shots trinyg not to drown everyone alive in dialogue and un up flying way too hard in the other direction, where I end up stripping away all usable context.
Know what the motherlode of irony is? My 1.4 Cloudominum part in Carnation might be a better Rappid-structured chapter than this, and she's not even the main focus of that chapter. Curses.
Question is, where to go from here? I want to make it better, but not in a way that erases the time you spent showing me the flaws in my writing strategy - and more to the point, without making the review moot.
Do you have any ideas? Like, do I update it with the parts I cut out? Or un-and-resubmit it with changes noted in the title? I want to make sure I become better and that everyone knows it was you that made me better as a writer.
10279083
My advice would bo to use goggle docs first and use that to edit this story and drastically extend it. It will also allow you to give access to an editor who can help you out with any flaws you may still have in the story. I would need to ask the others in my reviewing group how to handle rewriting a story, but I am glad that you are willing to learn. If my last review becomes null and void, then I don't mind as long as I can have the chance to review the revised version.
10279680
The revisions are done, and the story is better for it. Just let me know when you're free to take a second look at it - I think you'll like the depth I've given it this time, for both Hoity/Pin and Spoiled.
I too believe there potential for there to be more to Spoiled's character and I enjoyed this portrayal of her immensely. It's weird but so much of this fits what I have head-cannoned for her, right to down to her admiration for Rarity's tenacity and work ethic. Down right spooky actually, but in the best possible way.
10287044
Holy cannoli, you had the same idea of Spoiled admiring Rarity? Were there any other specifics of the new Spoiled you have? I could maybe work it into future interpretations of her.
10287090
Sure! Want me to PM you or just do it here? Fair warning, I have a lot of ideas regarding her.
10287115
Do it here, under spoilers. it'll be good for us all.
10287130
Okay. Fair warning, I wasn't exaggerating about the length.
Spoiled herself started as a farm hand working on her family's farm and eventually through one circumstance or another wound up in the big city where she found success as an assistant jewelry and eventually became skilled enough (despite the occasional robbery, it was the inner city after all) to be noticed by Filthy Rich.
Her talent lies not just in jewelry but specifically in polishing off the rough edges in both showcasing and refining what she come into contact with, and that’s basically what she’s being trying to do with both her family and Ponyville, which occasionally contributes to Filthy’s absences from home (not that he would ever admit that).
Among her accomplishments at least one includes founding and funding the Ponyville schoolhouse and recruiting Miss Cheerilee all the way from Canterlot to run it, partly to ensure her daughter would have a premier education and partly to keep wild children from being constantly underfoot in Ponyville something she is not overly fond of, this is why she is on the school’s board.
She's a strict no nonsense type mare who has no time for tomfoolery or those she views as criminals. My theory as to why she despises the Blank Flanks is because she sees them as juvenile delinquents and trouble makers. The CMC are a great example of this: they disrupt a Ponyville parade nearly casing Babs to run of the road in the process (One Bad Apple), drugged their teacher (Hearts and Hooves Day), and just generally disrupt things in Ponyville, covering Rarity's tree in Scare Master with toilet paper, those kinds of things.
She also isn't fond of Rainbow Dash for her habit of speed crashing into things as we see in the earlier seasons, and still bears a grudge against the Apple family for misleading and then humiliating her husband in "Where The Apple Lies".
She's also not a fan of Discord or (at times) Twilight given their propensity for wreaking havoc or bringing it to them in Ponyville. She’s also slightly jealous of Twilight, whom she assumes received her position mostly due to the relatively easy nature of her talent with magic rather than any effort.
She has a hard time dealing with ponies who she considers to be slackers or having had an easy life. Especially since she was taught the value of hard work from a young age and credits that with her rise in position. Even though what she does know may not be “work” in the traditional sense she is nonetheless very proud of it, although she can’t help but feel unappreciated for her efforts.
She tends to talk about her material gains because it's a way for her to feel important when she can’t connect with many other ponies including her husband, whom she secretly can’t help but doubt as to whether he really loves her or is merely putting up with her.
10287147
Looks like it does center around making Spoiled a bit like Miss Hartman from Jackie Chan Adventures, where her personality more tailored around hitting disruptions than kids. Think it could be beautifully shown here as it was in Season 5 of that show.
Thanks, Mann. It was nice to hear what thought you've given into lore for 'the new' Spoiled Rich.
10287899
No problem. I was raised by that old school, push you kid towards excellence, expect and tolerate no nonsense type of parent, and that's definitely the feeling I get from Spoiled Rich during the Crusaders Of The Lost Mark episode.