• Member Since 2nd Mar, 2020
  • offline last seen 49 minutes ago

SunTwi06


Love to write and make friends. Just ask me and I'll hear you out. Spoiler alert: I'm kinda of a klutz^-^'. Side note- I change my Bio pic every week :3

E

Scootaloo always tried to be strong for everyone, even when the Holidays open old wounds. But when an opportunity comes to share the truth, through a story of a tragic bond, it is up to Scootaloo to find her inner strength with the help of a good friend and an honorary sister to show her the way home.

Edited by Dramamaster829

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 5 )

Beautiful piece, my friend. Sad, heartwarming, bittersweet. I loved it. Hereʼs an upvote!

10294403 Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it:heart:

Going into this story, a lot of folks might be asking: 'Why focus on Scootaloo when it's been confirmed that she does have a father, and a mother too?' Speaking on my part as an editor, up till then, we had no idea if we were ever going to know if Scootaloo ever had parents or if she was an orphan. But for whatever reason, the final season decided to make it about how Scootaloo's parents are these awesome travelers who explore the farthest regions of Equestria in search of rare, exotic beasts and they barely keep in tabs with their daughter (To the point their communication skills are significantly low when they thought about having her daughter tag along, at the expense of leaving her life and her own ambitions behind... Yeah such a weird episode). While some details on this story could've been more improved, some elements more clearer as far as the symbolism of this tale and such, based on working what was given it's still a harmless enough story. We get an idea of seeing Scootaloo's most vulnerable side when she tries to act cool and confident, we see some interaction between her and Rainbow Dash, we get that additional similar scenario where one of her friends is involved in an accident, and while it seems significantly early to release a 'Heartswarming' style story during the summer... To be fair MLP does it all the time, so that's nothing new.

Overall, it's a stellar enough read for fans seeking a Scootaloo/Rainbow Dash story, you'll find plenty of those elements there.

Since I was asked to post my constructive criticism here as well (copy-pasted from DMs):

I liked the idea and concept a lot, though I think the execution could have been a bit better.

For one, I think Scoot’s story could have been a bit more subtle. Where she was constantly correcting herself, for instance. I think it would have been fine if she only messed up once. Her constantly messing up and saying “I” instead of “Smiles” killed all subtlety in the scene.

On top of that, what was up with Applebloom? I don’t exactly understand why her getting stabbed in the arm was important to the story (other than to interrupt Scootaloo’s story). If interrupting Scoot’s story to create tension was the the main focus, then it would have been better if something less extraordinary had happened instead. (Maybe she could have slipped and fallen into the snow and gotten slightly injured?)

Plus, the “tell a story” part seemed fairly contrived, and I believe it could have been brought up a bit more naturally.
Near the beginning there were some issues with tenses as well, present mixed in with past. Not a huge deal, but it was odd to read.

Now, please don’t take this negatively, as I genuinely did enjoy the story—it’s just that you asked me for critique, so I’m giving you that

SunTwi06 #5 · June 28th · · 1 ·

10306281 Oh, no it's fine. Admittly, I can see how the story bit can be considered "contrived" (although I'll admit that feels a little... harsh as it's relevant to the story) but I saw it as a starting point to the story. Unfortunately, you're not the first person to tell me that. It's something I'll have to fix in the future but for now, it works.

As for the AppleBloom bit, that was more or less foreshadowing. Of course, I can see how it would easily be missed so I don't blame you. But I'm glad you enjoyed it(although the like ratio is still same but Im assuming that's a glitch):heart:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!