• Member Since 29th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

mrmidnight


A writers who's somewhat out there now, also taking commission's Let's see what you guy's got for me. I even have a patreon

Comments ( 81 )

Spike, worked a regular job, In Horns Publishing, just your normal Single guy, that was until he found himself winning a ring of an Auction site. Little does he know that this ring contains something far more allusive than he could imagine? Soon he's about to release what's hidden within him. His life will not be the same any longer.

Spike has to deal with this mysterious and beautiful creature. Is it possible he could survive to deal with such a monster?
Art by suirano

Have you considered getting a proofreader? Without pulling any punches: this is some extremely rough content, and it comes across as lazy and uncaring towards your readers to have this many errors in your description. I say this because I wasn't sure if you were a troll writer, but it does look like your whole library has this level of technical quality. Revision and clear writing are important, and you're not exactly a novice writer in terms of how long you have been on the site. You don't have to get a whole crew of editors; Grammarly is always an okay place to start (and it's free).

Consider the improvement here:

Spike works a regular job in Horns Publishing. He's just your normal single guy -- or was -- until he found himself winning a ring at an auction sale. Little does he know that this ring contains something far more elusive than he could imagine! Soon, he's about to release what's hidden within him. His life will not be the same!

Spike has to deal with this mysterious and beautiful creature. Is it possible he can survive to deal with such a monster?

Art by Suirano.

This is one example of how you can clean up your writing. We all have to start somewhere, and I understand that a few hiccups here and there aren't anything to sweat, but this looks like much more than that. Here's a link to Grammarly. Here's a group for seeking editors and here's another for proofreaders. If you post in those, be sure to let people know you're advertising for people to help out with NSFW content. Not everyone is comfortable with being the editor for certain materials.

nice very nice keep it up cant wait for the next chapter:pinkiehappy:

Because of me focusing so much a certain game, I can't help but imagine her say "I am thou, thou art I". Hell, the massive headache at the time just reinforces that.

10250853
whats the game lol

10250860
Persona 5. Whenever a character Awakens to their Persona, the Persona speaks in their head and forms a contract, which is them saying "I am thou, thou art I" and advising the person to do what they feel is right. The process also gives the user a massive headache that usually brings the person to their knees in pain until the end of the contract. After that... Well that part isn't like this so not much point bringing it up.

10250789
Wasting your time trying to get him to improve. A ton have tried, the point of his writing is just to get as much exposure as possible and hope people commission or patron. The phrase, "Cash Grab," comes to mind. It is a shame, because there's plenty of decent or even good premises among the stories, but there all complete messes with zero interest in improvement. He named a story Like Fine Wine to try and garner it more attention. In the nine years since Sleepless posted the original, hes the first to try and pull something like that.

10250896
... Um first of all, I do try and improve my writing.
Two I just came up with the Title Like Fine wine, cause it hit my writing a scene in the story where they were drinking wine, and the name popped into my head. It was a story commissioned to me, and I asked him about the title and he liked it. Also I don't know who Sleepless is, let alone use any of his work's to garner or get attention.

By the way, I do commissions, to simply earn some extra cash to fund my bigger projects and improve them. Make money to make more stories. I'm sorry you don't enjoy my work or how I kind of Suck at Grammar but I'm willing to be the first to admit it, But I at least put an effort. I mean hell I feel this story is better than how it was from the first story I wrote.

10250896
I just try and post helpful comments where I can.

10250853
Lookin cool Joker

Well... This is something I can come back to. Good story.

10251076
I been obsessed with that game since last August. I'm even getting Royal later this month and planning a Persona 5 story

I like where this is going so far. I won't lie when I read stories like this for its eroticism. But only if it has a decent plot to it. Like the Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why. Some stories don't have some of those. But this one does, I can't wait to see where it goes. All I hope is that if Spike gets a harem for himself Smolder and Ember are a part of it.

It's a pretty good story. I just couldn't get fully into it because of all the grammar mistakes.

Spike held onto it as he began walking out of the deli, waving off from Deli joe, the old man who ran the shop. Who waved back?

Here's a little friendly example of how you can have the same sentence both look and sound better:

Spike held onto it as he began walking out of the deli, waving goodbye to Deli Joe - the old man who ran the shop - who waved back.

Comment posted by Regret12 deleted May 27th
Comment posted by DarkSpider deleted May 27th

This desperately needs a prereader. Even a cursory spellcheck, since Google Docs is usually good about catching contextual errors as well.

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Comment posted by Marcthelightspark2004 deleted May 27th

Like a Genie of the Ring?

10252098
Semi- just more sex no wishes, and just some corruption on the very souls of woman or men who deal with such a passionate desire of lustful want.

10252105
I'm worried that she'll drain his life-force and she'll be alone again.

10252105
Sweet your newest series can't wait to read it

10250896
Hey, at least they're not Evictus (the first one, I mean )

10252677
I mean, Evictus is a troll, whose trolling. They're annoying at most and just barely. This is someone whose seriously claiming to be doing everything they can, though obviously not, while trying to get money out of people. In short, I'd rather Evictus at this point.

Comment posted by ThatOneGuy419 deleted May 27th

This definitely has my interest can't wait to see where this goes. It kind of sounds like a manga/anime ,I it has romances in the future.

nice work looking forward to more

So there are some kind of demon slayers in this story. It would be interesting to see how Spike would deal with his future from now on.

This was a fun and interesting I can't wait to see where this goes (no rush) I hope Twilight and Spike will be ok and Spike can defend her.

Hmm... Keep going, I'm interested.

“Oh, Spike, Spike. There is no such thing as Dark magic or Light magic. There are only power and those who choose to use it. Those who have it bend it to their will and what they desire more than anything.”

That is true

10274115
true though I still love the reaction it was just, a good bit of dorky fun XD

If the characters are anthrofied why are they human? And why doesn’t twilight look like twilight sparkle?

10283206
well to answer why Twilight doesn't look like twilight. its simple, that's her demonic form. I'll be showing off her real form that's more close to an anthro form of her.

In Gabby's mind: Will they, She doesn't dare do anything with Spike.

This was a awesomely fun and funny chapter.

Twilight's expression almost said, Stop, stop help me!

Even a succubus can't stand up to Gabby's wholesomeness.

This looks like a beginning of an interesting couple.

What about an energy sex field Twilight can casted on Spike and Gabby to let out all of their tension?

10286837
Depends on how much sexual energy she absorbed before

nice work on the chapter

10298737
Have to agree was fun writing a chapter like this, and WInd Riders mind yeah. Talk about a psycho

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