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This story is a sequel to Heart Forged of Iron
Ditzy Doo has been the defender of Manehattan for almost ten years, and she's made a lot of enemies. When an old face pulls it together for one last plot, will she be able to survive the day, or this finally be the end of the Wall-Crawler?
Side story to Heart Forged of Iron. Art by JodtheCod.
Theme Song.
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Her coming off as snappish is more believable if you add a exclamation point to that question mark at the end of "fruit".
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I will do that.
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Maybe two, but I'll leave that to you to decide.
Cool
Looks pretty good so far. Great job getting us inside Mysterio's head. Loved the technology and moves used during the fight scenes.
Jack Pot as Mysterio is perfect, especially given how his daughter is following in his hoofsteps. I wonder how he'd feel if he knew she's part of a much larger sinister criminal organization. And can recruit her own minions.
Never mind that that fortune would likely come with glory for the stallion who reinvented special effects...
In hindsight, a gadget-dependent villain was never going to fare well against Best Pony.
You do a great sense of conveying a sense of exhaustion and exasperation throughout the fight. These two are well and truly sick of one another and of the argument that's gone on as long as their fights.
There's a big difference between an off switch and a self-destruct option, Jack.
There's a Squirrel Girl in this universe? Well, at least we don't have to worry about Thanos.
Yes, and then what?
Right, right, madmare. Can't expect much in the way of rationality from her.
Excellent reboot thus far. Looking forward to seeing the new take in full.
Wow, you really put the work in here. Think you could've kept the first draft and just maybe nipped and tucked Cozy's stuff but at least Sandstone's still a nice idea and out there.
Another great opening line. Déjà vu!
Jack Pot's grumbling puts in mind an Astro City character called Mr. Drama. He's an archetype of diffrent theatrical villains of course, but it's that same fun level of head up the ass craftsmanship for totally ridiculous things like haunted boat theatres. Mysterio's also a fun opening villain because beyond just stage presence it's neat to think of what a Theatre Villain would be like in a society where magic's definitely real. (Delightful. The answer is delightful.)
A great way to get us inside his head and toy with emotions a little. You wanna feel sorry for the tired old guy at first but also he's clearly a sociopath and like Ditzy says later on everything he's whining about is his own fault.
Because he was good at non-shark related forward planning he wouldn't be a super villain.
But the Guild of Calamtious Intent charges a fore and BOTH hind legs for top shelf minions! And they call ME a thief!
Really liked that! Makes Mysty's helmet functional without taking away the fun.
*Were
The elaborate what?
I laughed a little too much.
Wow. This Ditzy doesn't mess around.
The two of them being absolutely doneso with each other is a nice touch.
Killed people. She just said that. C'mon Jack, you're an actor, you should be good at remembering things.
Yeesh. Lady takes no prisoners.
Huh. Roomies Spidey's been doing it for nine. Nice touch working in organic webs and still made them a super power that generates bills.
Now there's a t-shirt.
The Ditzy and Turner stuff is still very sweet.
Oh, so that's why they're always shouting they'll show us all!
Is she still Negative here or...?
Maybe he likes it in there, you don't know.
Good for Limestone! Pinkie'll be proud.
Wow. Way to go Sergi.
Didn't see that coming.
Of course she would.
Ooh, so now you're telling a story about two people who can't move on. Interesting!
Solid (re)start with Jack Pot giving us some wonderful Spidey action, best scene is still Ditzy's home life and ending on Cosy Glow plotting among the depressing ruins of her own career is a great hook. Egarly looking forward to more!
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Thanks!
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The strategic potential of really weird made-up stuff is one of my favorite things! Thanks.
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I do intend to use that at some point, I love me some drama.
She's a professional therapist and played by Suprise, because Pinkie is taken.
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...Well, her name is defiantly Sandstone now, that's awesome.
Mysterio is one of my favorite villains for this reason. He's just sympathetic enough that we understand why he wants what he wants, but he's clearly responsible for everything that's happened to him, which lets his performance and schemes to be more grandiose and dangerous a generously sympathetic villain would enact. I also like that his gimmick invites elaborate set-ups; as much as I liked Far From Home I wish I could have seen a Tim Burton or Sam Rami Mysterio. The illusions were cool but c'mon. Gimme a twenty-foot tall robot duplicate of himself and a fake alien invasion.
No, she says 'The Die is already cast' at the end and double-check that cover!
Thanks!
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I know right?! This gets us just to the point where almost feel sorry for him, which is what good writing does.
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Me too!
So I know she works for Twilight but who is she in relation to the comics? Or would that information contain spoilers?
Well, that should be interesting.
So I just noticed, that first "to" needs a extra 'o'.
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All casting decisions are kept confidential aside from cameos, I'm afraid.
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Fair enough. I am not familiar with the comics as I watch the video material, or animated stuff, so I have no idea whether Pinkie's character turns into a "super" later on, or whether that's just you sticking rigorously to cannon.
I have mixed feelings about the reworked chapter. Are we going to the Sandmare again? I liked who it was and how that scene went down. But this was good, too.
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I'm sorry, but the new narrative is designed around a very personal conflict between Doc Ock and Spider-Mare. Limestone should appear in my Iron Mage story (since Pinkie is one of the main characters and they're sisters) and I'll probably even re-use the scene because I love me some drama, but it won't be for a while.
I applaud you for the "I just don't know what went wrong" bit. That was perfection.
Okay, I already liked the original chapter but this was probably even better in my opinion!
I really got a bang out of the whole clash between Mysterio and Spider-Mare, that was really well-done in just about every way, and then the concluding scene with Cozy made for an intriguing set-up as well. Nice work all around!
Lovely work, there is certainly a few typos here and there but it is quite an enjoyable read. I am curious if someday you'll be able to release the cut version once life has changed for everyone to something a bit more peaceful, but for now I'm very happy to read what you've got in store!
That is funny
Please don't delete or remove the comments from this chapter like you did last time
Amazing
Someone may have asked but I'm on lunch at work and don't have time to read the comments.
But does this take place at the same time as Iron Mage is?
And if so then I guess that would mean that Spider-mare has been around longer i think.
When you let yourself.
The irony is exquisite.
And yikes, this one's going to be tough. And I can only imagine what it's going to do to Blueblood's mind.
Relate to this a little too much.
Oh, like 616 Spidey had that tracking chip thing in New Ways to Die?
Preach.
Nice touch, especially because it inadvertently provides her with a way to hide her costume.
Was not expecting this casting to be as perfect as it is.
AHAHAHA
HE KNOWS. KILL HIM.
Really like that Carrot fits that archetypal Spidey friend while still being her own person and not any specific one. Frees things up a lot. (Also is Ditzy bi or did I misread something?)
Oh ho HO! Someone's mask is fading over one side of their face, because they are two-faced!
A nice way to box her in! I hate the more obvious How Do Glasses Work questions but they can create some nice handwave solutions that add to the story.
So someone was manufacturing supervillains at some point? Interesting.
Cozy's joke is so in character.
Nice visual! Also helps you get around the image of Spidey assaulting a child, so bonus!
"I remember when they used to point at you and narrate what you were doing as you did it! Now there was a captive audience that understood give and take!"
"That's what I'd do!"
It's great when villains are thiiiiiis close to putting all together and then their sociopathy trips them up.
What did you put her through you absolute monster.
Great chapter! You really kick everything up a notch without losing any of the nice character beats and Cosy's master plan is a corker I really wanna see play out.
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Yes, they are simultaneous, and Spider-Mare has been operating for far longer than Iron Mage.
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Some version of "I'm such a good person, why does this always happen to me?"
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Exactly like that! For those who haven't read that; Spider-Man has a tracker in his spider-insignia that lats his camera track his position, so that the photo's he takes are always centered.
It does, as well as being Peter Parker's original outfit!
Was very proud of that.
Blueblood bursting out of his off using Spider-Mare's name as profanity, as well as Cozy's joke, are both from Adam-Troy Castro's Spider-Man novels.
Actually, Carrot Top is Betty Brant.
And Ditzy is Bi, mostly because Spidey has dated a lot of girls and there aren't that many stallions with established personalities. (I still need a Gwen, come to think of it. Well, I guess it's not like she has a speaking role.)
Well, Doc Ock was for a while but it's not a big deal. Mainly, she's expecting there to be a less exotic crime now that the only people causing trouble are that small terrorist group AIM, and they definitely don't have an interest in superpowers.
.
Thank you! I only have eleven days left to finish this story for the contest and I am freaking out.
Okay, did J.J. ever get accused of that? Because that's just freakin hilarious.
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Somehow, no.
I cracked the hell up to see who this story's Jonah and Robbie are. That was beautiful.
Solid work all around. I really can't say much else because there's already a lot more in-depth comments than mine, but still, superb stuff!
Gotta say you really nailed the attitude of Spidey with some "derpyims"
I think the reader can tell that Derpy has been doing this for a while and has a rich, complex history.
The inner dialogue of the villans is very interesting and humanizing. I look forward to seeing how it ends
Did you remove this from the Depth in Innocence group yourself?
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No, I don't know how to do that. I asked the GM to remove it.
Whoever drew this otherwise AWESOME cover art, kinna forgot Derpy is a Pegasus.
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Her wings are hidden under the body of the suit
Spider-Mare!!!!!! 0_0 *hype*