Chapter Two
Ditzy was normally fine with the cold, drafty attic. Her Pegasus magic was too weak to warm the entire room properly but it didn’t need to be comfortable to work in. She finished filling the cartridge up and slid it into place with her wingtips. Another errant gust made her ears twitch but she didn’t slip. “Stupid weather,” she muttered. “Stupid temperature. Stupid air.”
It wasn’t like an apartment would be any better. It might be warmer and they’d have enough money to afford more spider-gear but none of that was the same as better. There were memories here that were irreplaceable. This house warmed her emotions and that was better than actually not being cold.
She made sure her saddlebags were secure and pulled her mask on. She unplugged her camera from the mana charger and frowned; the homing spells on the lense hadn’t finished restoring even though it had been plugged in all night. The machine she used to recharge spells had been bought used and she’d need to replace it soon.
Apartments in the city come with these.
Her tail started to move but she held it still. She forced a smile on her face. It’s fine, she thought, it’s all super fine. Without the spell, her camera wouldn’t follow Ditzy when she was in the suit, so she couldn’t take pictures of herself fighting crime. But she was staff now and there were plenty of other photo assignments she could do. She had everything under control
She sighed and slipped on her mask. At what point do I start winning?
“Ditzy! Are you up?”
Ditzy winced. “Uh, yeah!” She called down. “I was just about to leave!”
“I made eggs,” he shouted. “Do you want some?”
“I already ate,” Ditzy lied, remembering her promise to eat something but somehow forgetting that Turner was in the kitchen and knew she was lying. “I don’t wanna be late! Love you!”
She popped the window open, hesitating just long enough to hear Turner’s disappointed “love you too.” Then she was off, bounding across rooftops and hoping something would happen to take her mind off this.
Ditzy entered the Daily Bugle her usual way and changed clothes, wincing at how tight her blazer was around her shoulders. Aunt Minty had bought her the outfit (A blue blazer, yellow vest, red tie, and a white dress shirt) when she’d moved out for college and it’d never really fit correctly. Back when she’d been a freelance photographer she’d gotten away with not wearing anything, but there was a strict clothing policy for members of staff.
Ditzy walked into the bullpen and was immediately beset with noise. The reporters themselves were quiet, hunched behind notebooks and typewriters like they were a shield, but the shouting voice of their publisher was like the omnipresent roar of the ocean if the ocean was always furious.
B. Blueblood burst out his office, followed by his editor-in-chief Fancy Pants. “Spider-Mare!” He shouted. “Spider-Mare, Spider-Mare!”
There was a chorus of agreements from the reporters who were completely turning him out.
Fancy Pants took a puff of smoke and spoke calmly. “Like it or not, she apprehended a dangerous criminal—”
“Can’t you see what’s really going on here?” Blueblood demand. “Mysterio still manages to destroy Bridleway and Spider-Mare gets to look like a hero. They are in cahoots!”
This was another word that the reporters had learned to agree with. “For shame,” one of them absently said.
“That doesn’t line up with their other encounters,” Fancy Pants said, “and Mysterio’s never shied away from casualties before. I’m not running that story.”
Blueblood looked angry enough to burst a blood vessel. His eyes roamed the bullpen for a deserving target. “Doo!” he bellowed. “Why were you snapping photos instead of calling for the Guard?”
“Because you constantly berate me for not having pictures of Spider-Mare,” Ditzy flatly said.
“Don’t get smart with me,” Blueblood sneered. “If you’d called the guard then they could have dealt with him like professionals—”
“How?” Ditzy asked.
“Well— They could have pulled him away from his traps”
“Spider-Mare did that.”
Blueblood’s tail was lashing, though she supposed it only rarely stopped. “They could have restrained him immediately—”
“Spider-Mare did that.”
“They could have tried to shut down his traps before engaging—”
“Spider-Mare did that.”
“GRAAH!” He spun around and began stomping back towards his office. “Spider-Mare!” He snapped. “Spider-Mare!”
His door slammed shut with enough force to rattle the pictures on the walls. Fancy took another puff of smoke and stared at Ditzy. “You realize,” he said, “that I’d almost wound him down.”
Ditzy winced.”Sorry,” she said. “It was a long night. I almost drowned.”
“You’re just a photographer,” Fancy said, “you don’t need to get so close to the action.”
Ditzy snickered. “I’ll try and keep that—”
“I’m serious,” Fancy said. “You’ve been on edge lately, and I understand why. But if you let that affect how you do your job, somebody could be hurt, and yes I’m counting you as one of those people. Be more careful.”
“R-right,” Ditzy said awkwardly. “Careful. You know me!”
Fancy looked at her skeptically for a moment, before nodding and trotting towards B.B.B’s office. Ditzy hesitated, considering taking refuge in her desk as well before deciding to head to the breakroom first and grab some breakfast.
The sight of the muffin basket was so beautiful it almost blinded her to the rest of the room. She immediately grabbed two and sat down at the table, smiling at her best friend. “Hey Carrot Top!”
“Hi,” Carrot Top sipped her coffee and looked at Ditzy. “You look...” she tried to find a nice way to say it and gave up. “Terrible. Did you sleep last night?”
“More or less,” Ditzy took a bite of food and hoped Carrot Top would say something else, but the mare was waiting for her to elaborate. “No big deal. How are you doing?”
“Can’t complain,” she said. “We had dinner with Written Script’s parents, and it… was better than I expected. Actually, pretty good.”
“Hey, that’s great!” Ditzy smiled. “I told ya, it was just gonna take a little while. The wedding’s not until Spring, you’ve got plenty of time to get to know each other.”
“I suppose.” Carrot Top stared at her coffee mug. “It’s just really important that they like me. I know Written loves me, and honestly, his mother isn’t an especially fair person, but I want to make this work out. Maybe I should give them space.”
“Nope!” Ditzy declared. “You’re just feeling nervous. Trust me, if I’d listened to you more when we were dating I’d have been a lot better off.”
Carrot Top nodded. “Speaking of which,” she said slowly, “What is it you’re trying not to talk about?”
Ditzy froze mid-bite. She frowned. “It’s not a big deal…”
“Ditzy, you would say that if one of your legs had been blown off.” Carrot leaned forwards. “Spill.”
She gave up. “Turner and I are thinking of moving into the city.”
“Really?” Carrot Top perked up. “Well, that’s good. We’ll be able to talk more often and—” She stared at Ditzy’s face for a second. “I mean,” she tried, “that’s terrible?”
Ditzy realized she was frowning and sighed. “It’s a good idea,” she said, “but I grew up there, ya know? It’s like the only place my work problems don’t follow me.”
Carrot smiled. “Funny how things change, huh? Back when we dated you spent as much time as you could away from there.”
“The neighbors kept an eye on Aunt Minty,” she said defensively, “and the whole social-life-thing was a new experience—”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Carrot Top said. “It’s just weird how we look back on things when we grow up, right? I wonder what makes everything change so much.”
Ditzy smiled with keenly-practiced ease; she knew what had changed. Back when they’d been in high school the house had almost felt haunted by Uncle Berry. She tried to spend as much time as she could with Aunt Minty but when she was alone, it felt like the walls were closing in. “Just life, I guess.”
Carrot Top frowned. “If you guys need anything—”
“No.” Ditzy’s voice was firm. “We’ll be fine for a while and your wedding is in the spring. We’ll be fine.”
“But—”
“Aunt Minty and Uncle Berry raised me to look after myself,” Ditzy said. “We can fix anything if we look at it right.”
Carrot Top’s ears dropped as she sighed. “Fine. But promise me you’ll talk to us if you can’t think of something. It’s not you against the world anymore.”
They made small talk for a while before Carrot had to get ready for her interview. Ditzy had a press conference to cover at noon and loitered around the office a little, staying just out of sight of the jolly one. Her mind was still occupied with her housing problems. I can’t patent my webbing because I still can’t duplicate its effects. Spider-Mare is a wanted criminal and can’t collect bounties… maybe Ditzy Doo could help catch someone dangerous? She frowned. Maybe both Ditzy Doo and Spider-Mare should dial back the third person. I’m gonna start sounding like Mysty.
With Mysterio behind bars, the only member of the Sinister Six left was Doctor Octopus. The diminutive mad scientist wasn’t technically as dangerous as Electro (who had managed to hold of Princess Celestia for nearly five minutes, something a greed-empowered dragon couldn’t do) but Doc Ock worried Ditzty the most. There were no lengths she wouldn’t go to for revenge.
On the plus side, once I do bring her in that should be it for supervillains for a while. SHIELD prisons don’t have breakouts like Strikers did, and it’s not as if anybody’s making new ones. Life should really start to quiet down soon.
This was, of course, when her spider-sense began to buzz.
Ditzy slowed down and peered out the windows. She couldn’t see anything approaching, but the buzz was unmistakable. Something was coming to hurt her, and it was coming fast. Ditzy casually walked down the hallway and slipped into a janitor’s closet. Locking the door behind her, she pulled out her mask.
Cozy Glow had never been one for humor, but there was a joke that she was fond of. An Earth Pony colt is sitting with his sister on an airship for the first time. He looks out the window and says, ‘Gosh, we’re so high up that the ponies look like ants!’ To which the sister offers a belabored sigh and says, ‘We haven’t taken off, stupid. Those are ants.’
Cozy often found herself coming back to that and snickering at it. It was how she felt so much of the time; even her so-called peers looking down on the masses had no idea how foolish they truly were. Nearly everyone else was an insect, wandering aimlessly or easily controlled, and sometimes it felt like she was the only real pony in the world.
The feeling was heightened as she burst into the Daily Bugle bullpen. She sat comfortably in a transparent pod, operating her eight mechanical limbs with practiced ease. She’d done this so many times it was rote; throw something heavy to cut off escape, grab whoever looks the most defiant, and wait for the screaming to die down so she could explain why she was here.
The shouting and swearing were muted through the thick glass. She rubbed her muzzle in frustration— had one of them started crying? Honestly, it was depressing. Cozy flicked her speakers on and made sure her two hostages were secure. An orange reporter who looked vaguely familiar and Blueblood himself hung in her grasp as she cleared her throat. “Excuse me, everybody! I’m here to make an announcement, and I’d like your full attention.”
One of her limbs snaked around a thick oak desk and pulled tight, breaking it in half. “There are plenty of unpleasant ways to do that,” she continued, “So if you could please— oh, there we go.” She smiled.”Who wants to be the one to ask why I’m here? I’m sure all of you could get something out of an exclusive interview.”
The orange reporter knocked on the tentacle holding her. Cozy waited, then realized she was chocking the mare. “Sorry,” she said, “when you have this much strength you forget. What’s your question?”
She coughed. “What do you want?”
“That’s a little generic, but fine. I’m here,” she shifted her pod up and gestured grandly with her free arms, “to announce a celebration!”
The reporting pool looked confused, but none of them were interrupting her with demands or terrified pleas about families. Like having a family is something special.
“It was this paper that gave me the idea,” she continued. “I mean, gave Mysterio the idea. He had a scrapbook of all the biggest failures of Spider-Mare’s career as told by this newspaper. He and I, seeing as we’re what’s left of the Sinister Six, will be replaying all of these events for the whole day. And out of gratitude to everything you’ve done, we’ll be giving you a chance to publish the news first!”
“And what makes you think Spider-Mare will even find out in time?” Blueblood demanded. “There’s no telling—”
“Interrupting is rude,” Cozy snapped as she began to strangle him. She looked down and picked up her water bottle, waiting for him to stop struggling before setting it and him back down. “I know you’ll let Spider-Mare know first,” she said, “because I know your secret.” She moved her pod back down, to better see the looks on their faces. “I know how you always break superhero stories stuff before the other papers. I know why Spider-Mare is seen around this building so often, and I know how you always get those photos.”
Most of the idiots looked confused, but the editor had the decency to be worried. “And what is that?” he asked slowly.
Cozy pointed at Blueblood. “You and Spider-Mare,” she said, “are in cahoots!”
The moment would live in infamy forever because not one of the photographers that were present thought to snap a picture of Blueblood’s expression.
“It was super obvious,” Cozy said. “She can’t work for you, because who would ever put up with a boss like this. Clearly, Spider-Mare allows the Bugle to run articles that make her more threatening to the criminal class and probably distract from her real identity, and gets paid by you for exclusive access. I mean,” she snickered, “if that feud of yours was real then she’d have killed you by now.”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Blueblood snapped. “No part of the Daily Bugle is even remotely affiliated with that masked miscreant—”
Thwip.
The quiet sound managed to make itself heard through all the noise in the room and stilled it as a web-ball hit Cozy’s pod and bounced off. “Sorry I’m late boss,” a cheerful voice said. “Traffic, amIright?”
Blueblood gave up on talking as Cozy turned to face Spider-Mare. “Even faster than I thought,” she said. “That’s great, no wasted time!”
“What can I say?” Spider-Mare said as she casually trotted across the ceiling. She hopped down, intentionally making herself a bigger target to draw her arms away from the hostages. “I’m almost done with you clowns. You’re the last one still making trouble—”
Cozy worked the controls, putting more innocent ponies as well as her arms between her and Spider-Mare. “I know!” She snapped. “And believe me, I’m done too. This is going to be our last fight.”
“Do you know how many last fights I’ve had?”
You won’t find this one funny, Cozy thought. Aloud she said, “As I was telling your friends, I’m declaring today a holiday! I’m sure you know why.”
“Tuesday is taco day?”
Cozy sneered. “Yes, make all the jokes you need. This is the day of our first fight, the one you lost. Mysterio and I managed to rig half-a-dozen different places to celebrate every time you were to slow, every time you stopped cracking wise and admitted you could fail. And you’ll be failing this time too; by sundown, this city will be mourning the death of its precious savior. And nobody will laugh at me again!”
“If you want people to stop laughing at you, maybe just get a different manecut and drop the creepy little kid voice?”
“Haha,” she deadpanned. One of her tentacles flexed, and the orange reporter started to gag. Spider-Mare took a step forwards and froze. “If you try and fight me here,” Cozy said, “or if anybody other than you deals with these disasters, the hostages die. And speaking of which, you might want to get over to the bridge.” She smiled. “Mysterio was very proud of his opening act.”
Spider-Mare’s tail was lashing back and forth, the only reminder that she was a pony as that expressionless mask stared at Cozy Glow. “Which bridge?” She asked.
Cozy smiled wider. “Oh, I think you know.”
Cozy pushed a button and a searchlight lit up, blinding the wall-crawler. She smashed through the floor and moved through the building, dragging her two hostages with her. Spider-Mare followed, but it took her to long, and Cozy was already getting away. She was heading in the opposite direction as the bridge, and she knew which one of them Spider-Mare would feel forced to attend to first.
This time. This is the time I win.
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- TheManehattanite · 114k words · 9 1 · 510 views
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That is funny
Please don't delete or remove the comments from this chapter like you did last time
Amazing
Someone may have asked but I'm on lunch at work and don't have time to read the comments.
But does this take place at the same time as Iron Mage is?
And if so then I guess that would mean that Spider-mare has been around longer i think.
When you let yourself.
The irony is exquisite.
And yikes, this one's going to be tough. And I can only imagine what it's going to do to Blueblood's mind.
Relate to this a little too much.
Oh, like 616 Spidey had that tracking chip thing in New Ways to Die?
Preach.
Nice touch, especially because it inadvertently provides her with a way to hide her costume.
Was not expecting this casting to be as perfect as it is.
AHAHAHA
HE KNOWS. KILL HIM.
Really like that Carrot fits that archetypal Spidey friend while still being her own person and not any specific one. Frees things up a lot. (Also is Ditzy bi or did I misread something?)
Oh ho HO! Someone's mask is fading over one side of their face, because they are two-faced!
A nice way to box her in! I hate the more obvious How Do Glasses Work questions but they can create some nice handwave solutions that add to the story.
So someone was manufacturing supervillains at some point? Interesting.
Cozy's joke is so in character.
Nice visual! Also helps you get around the image of Spidey assaulting a child, so bonus!
"I remember when they used to point at you and narrate what you were doing as you did it! Now there was a captive audience that understood give and take!"
"That's what I'd do!"
It's great when villains are thiiiiiis close to putting all together and then their sociopathy trips them up.
What did you put her through you absolute monster.
Great chapter! You really kick everything up a notch without losing any of the nice character beats and Cosy's master plan is a corker I really wanna see play out.
10290766
Yes, they are simultaneous, and Spider-Mare has been operating for far longer than Iron Mage.
10290780
Some version of "I'm such a good person, why does this always happen to me?"
10290780
Exactly like that! For those who haven't read that; Spider-Man has a tracker in his spider-insignia that lats his camera track his position, so that the photo's he takes are always centered.
It does, as well as being Peter Parker's original outfit!
Was very proud of that.
Blueblood bursting out of his off using Spider-Mare's name as profanity, as well as Cozy's joke, are both from Adam-Troy Castro's Spider-Man novels.
Actually, Carrot Top is Betty Brant.
And Ditzy is Bi, mostly because Spidey has dated a lot of girls and there aren't that many stallions with established personalities. (I still need a Gwen, come to think of it. Well, I guess it's not like she has a speaking role.)
Well, Doc Ock was for a while but it's not a big deal. Mainly, she's expecting there to be a less exotic crime now that the only people causing trouble are that small terrorist group AIM, and they definitely don't have an interest in superpowers.
.
Thank you! I only have eleven days left to finish this story for the contest and I am freaking out.
Okay, did J.J. ever get accused of that? Because that's just freakin hilarious.
10293119
Somehow, no.
I cracked the hell up to see who this story's Jonah and Robbie are. That was beautiful.
Solid work all around. I really can't say much else because there's already a lot more in-depth comments than mine, but still, superb stuff!
Gotta say you really nailed the attitude of Spidey with some "derpyims"
I think the reader can tell that Derpy has been doing this for a while and has a rich, complex history.
The inner dialogue of the villans is very interesting and humanizing. I look forward to seeing how it ends
Did you remove this from the Depth in Innocence group yourself?
10326918
No, I don't know how to do that. I asked the GM to remove it.
Whoever drew this otherwise AWESOME cover art, kinna forgot Derpy is a Pegasus.
10367909
Her wings are hidden under the body of the suit
Spider-Mare!!!!!! 0_0 *hype*