• Published 21st May 2020
  • 1,307 Views, 84 Comments

Side of Beans - Irrespective



A collection of side stories, deleted scenes, and all the other bits and baubles that are too short for a story/chapter proper. Bite sized servings for your enjoyment.

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What if... Bean Didn't Meet Celestia???

Author's Note:

There have been several readers who have noticed the similarities between No Nose Knows and Hiver's stories, mostly in the central theme (common guy/pony gets into a relationship with one of the Sisters). In Hiver's tale, Celestia enters into a relationship with a pony who is not Baked Bean, which prompted the following what would have happened to Baked Bean in Hiver's world, if he exists there scenario.

“Beanmeister!”

“Hey Sip.” Bean replied softly, his gaze on the floor.

“Long time no see! How was your trip?”

“It was ... disheartening.” Bean whispered. “Are my parents here? I need to talk to them.”

“Yeah, they’re here. They should be down in just a minute, Bake ran to tell them you were back after we saw you down the street.”

“Thanks. Could, uh...” He coughed, and he sniffled back an apparent sob. “Could you give me a few minutes alone with them?”

“I’ll give you however much time you need. What happened?”

This sob managed to escape slightly, and a couple of heavy tears fell to the floor. “They were right.”

“O-o-o-oh.” Sip replied knowingly. “Yeah, dude. Take all the time you need.”

“Baked?” Lima called out from the back before striding up to the front. “Is that you, sweetie?”

“Hey mom.” Bean’s eyes didn’t even flit upwards.

“Oh, my little Baked! What happened?”

Bean let out a cold and mirthless laugh. “You were right.”

“Oh, Baked, sweetie. Come here,” Lima opened her arms wide for a hug, and Bean slowly stepped into it. There was no warmth in it, no comfort, no peace. All he could feel was meaningless pressure and a smug, know-it-all vibe from his mother.

“Bean, buddy? Is that you?”

Bean’s body shook involuntarily for a moment, and he tried to offer a reply but nothing was coming out. His mouth simply opened and closed for a moment until he flat gave up.

“Oh, sweetie. It’s ok.” His mother soothed. “Sip, why don’t you go get us some tea?”

“Righty-o,” he offered, and he moved into the kitchen quickly.

“Here, sweetie. Let’s sit down and talk this out,” Lima offered as she pulled away.


“...and then I went to Canterlot,” Bean continued, as his gaze remained on the ice-cold tea he held in his hooves. “I thought I could try writing some descriptions of things, like the train station maybe, or the gardens. I even went to the gardens, and I tried to write down how the sunflowers there felt.”

“And?” Garbanzo prodded after a pause.

“I met Lord Page,” Bean offered. “Or, I saw him, and he said ‘hi’ real quick before moving on. Princess Celestia was there, too, but she was walking with somepony, I don’t know who. A grape-colored mare, but … anyway. They didn’t say hello, they were too lost in each other’s eyes to notice me.

“Once they left, I finished writing about the sunflowers and went back to the hotel. I tried going to a bunch of publishers after that, but nopony was interested in my writing. I kept at it until I ran out of bits, and I had to panhandle to get the train fare to come home.

“So you were right. The writing thing was just a phase, nothing more. I’m as bad at writing as I am at cooking.”

“Oh, Baked. Don’t say that.” Lima replied in sympathy. “You’re a far better cook than that.”

“Your mom is right, son,” Garbanzo offered as well. “Why, I bet within a week you’ll be cooking up a storm. You’ve seen what is out there, and now you know that sometimes we get a little distracted from our true callings in life. You’re home now, where you should be, and you’ll see. All will be right as rain before you know it.”

“Sure, Dad. Sure.”

“Boss?” Sip called out from the main door. “Hate to interrupt, buy we got some live ones inbound.”

“Time to get to work.” Garbanzo announced. “We could really use your help, son.”

“Give me just a minute. I’ll be right back.”

Garbanzo and Lima then simply left, leaving Baked Bean with his thoughts and emotions. He didn’t move, he didn’t stir, he hardly even breathed for several long moments.

“I was so sure.” He finally remarked to his reflection in the teacup. “So sure. There had to be something for me … there. In Canterlot …”