Fimfic Writer, Proofreader and Editor to those who request it, and a sucker for stories with parental themes.
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Meadowbrook111 stories ·137 members
After the coronation of Princess Twilight, life continues onwards for creatures in a new era. For Meadowbrook, she continues her life at Hayseed Swamp, enlightening the new generation, contributing all she can to her home and every creature.
But one day, she met a creature she never thought to see to come back to these lands. And to find that creature is such a sorry state, what else could she do but be true to herself.
Entry for May Pairing Contest 2020
Cover art by xbi
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Very nice piece of text. Felt a bit rushed, IMO, but a one-shot could be forgiven for that. An unusual pairing - very interesting one. I'd love to see a longer version or a sequel.
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Yeah, there was honestly a lot more I wanted to do with the story, but I got worried I would go over the 10k limit. I'll likely do a sequel to explore those other aspects.
Thank you for reading!
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I can't wait for that, then! I can only imagine reactions of the other pillars of Equestria if they would find out...
nice story i always liked sombra fics like this good to explore his character since we never go to see it in the show
- may be missed space. Or may be not ....
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Your eyes did not deceive you. That's totally missing a space.
Pretty good story... My one suggestion would be to find an editor to help you clean and polish your story. There are a lot of dropped words and fumbled sentences that could do with a good bit of editing. Aside from that, I hope you keep it up!
A very interesting story with a very interesting dilemma and relationship.
At last, I’ve finished reading this story. It attracted my interest particularly because of it having Meadowbrook, who’s my most favorite Pillar of Old Equestria. That, and this story seemed like something unique and new.
I have to admit, I see quite a lot of potential in this concept, and Meadowbrook and Sombra make quite a pair. I can’t help but particularly see this as a romantic-comedy among others.
The only trouble is that I wish this story could’ve been more than a one-shot. I feel that it should’ve been a multi-chapter fic instead, because that would give the concept a chance to breathe and express itself visually rather than just explain past events.
An example being this moment:
I feel that this should’ve been made into its own chapter rather than just be a bunch of paragraphs explaining something that happened before.
Other than that, there were quite a bit of grammatical errors as well, and everything felt like a bunch of plot pieces crammed together and didn’t seem to have enough time to develop because of being miscast as a one-shot.
I’m not sure whether it’d be my place, but, might I suggest remaking this story into a multi-chapter? Mainly so that the story could have a chance to express itself visually rather than consist of a bunch of paragraphs explaining stuff? And so that things could develop more, such as the likely romance and chemistry between Meadowbrook and Sombra?
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I think it's evident I have an issue when writing a short story. I have so many plot points that I want to add, but when constricted under the word cap (for this contest it was 10,000), I aimed to trim it as much as possible. There is a very good likelihood that I will expand this story. For some reason, Meadowbrook doesn't have that many stories and that irks me a bit.
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So, you’ll remake this into a longer story in the future?
Would it be okay if I offered ideas on what a remake of this story would look like? Such as what a chapter depicting Meadowbrook meeting Sombra would look like?
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If you like to give recommendations, I don't mind you PM them to me.
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Thanks.
This strangely works. Also, I see you changed Sombra's backstory from the one in the comics.
This... works well. It's brilliant, actually. I'd love a sequel.
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Here’s the multi-chapter edition of the story made by the same author, in case you guys want to check it out or don’t know about it yet:
- MLP: FiM
- Romance
- Dark
- Drama
On her scavenge for volt shrooms in the bayou, Meadowbrook comes across a shadow that will alter her future for the good and worst. Follow her tale of love, hope, and despair as tries to build a future with a stallion trapped in the past.10694600
Thanks! I appreciate it.
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No problem.
That's my only question I've always wondered I know how Rockhoof been feeling but what about the rest of them I'm sure they're feeling the same way as him
Wow this is a pretty interesting story specially how Meadowbrook been doing lately but it looks like she's been pretty busy and also healing a very Tyrant Pony King Sombra it looks like he was able to survive the rainbow Blast from the last time but it also severe him that he can never use magic again and Meadowbrook is been helping him even though he can be very ungrateful she must have a very strong patient to deal with that pony but it's a very nice interaction with them and it looks like King Sombra just realized something there's no way he can't go back to the Crystal Empire not without his magic and everything that he worked throughout the past was a failure even losing the pony who actually cared about him and it looks like Meadowbrook and King Sombra have in common with each other both of them came from a Thousand Years limbo and whatever how long he was waited and all the ponies they knew are gone now they probably have each other knowing how that feels this was a pretty good story keep up the good work