- Member Since 14th May, 2020
- offline last seen May 19th, 2021
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I like to write smut. mostly human but I'm trying new things.
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Joined 14th May, 2020 ·
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Your story is a quick one, but good enough for it's intended purpose. The source you're looking for is the artist Sunnysundown, aka Ignotoz. He is on Twitter mainly now, as well as Pixiv.
10234329
Thanks for the heads up but I finally found him right after I submitted for approval 😁
This was good. I hope to see more from you.
10234481
Thats from sinnysundown, the cover art.
Not bad.
So, it wasn't bad, but I think it could have been a lot better. Something I noticed immediately was that this story is only tagged as "Human", and yet you refer to Applejack as a "mare", describe her as having orange skin, and reference heat. Are you sure you weren't imagining this as an anthro story while you were writing it? Secondly, you leaned very hard on Applejack's accent in her dialogue. This is a subjective, style complaint, but I find the hard-coded accent to be distracting. I know there are some people who don't mind it, but I also know there are a lot of people who do. The pacing was also very quick as well. I know that, for a story like this, fast pacing can be desirable, but I would have preferred it to be a little bit slower, considering everything you tried to squeeze in. It could have used another grammar and punctuation check as well, although I'm a bit sensitive about that sort of thing.