Pandemic: Starting Over

by Halira

Chapter 42: Intervention

"If you aren't hurt, I'm going to beat the ever-loving crap out of you!" Number yelled in my face. "What were you thinking?"

I didn't answer her; I just rolled over on my back and stared at the ceiling, trying to control my breathing. My heart was beating like crazy.

"Should we go down there?" one of the human agents asked from somewhere in the direction of the door.

"No, yes, no, I don't know!" Number said flusteredly as she paced around. "Stay up here. That hornet's nest has been poked enough today."

Starlight's face appeared above me and started examining me. I had never realized she looked kinda cute before. Not that I would ever cheat on my wife. I heard from her that she was attracted to a particular unicorn stallion back in Equestria anyway—not in so many words, but by the way she talked about him. Still, it wasn't an unpleasant view.

"I think she's unharmed, just in shock," Starlight announced as she left my field of view. I felt a little disappointed at her leaving.

"I hope Yinyu and Arbiter run her through a nightmare gauntlet to teach her a lesson!" Number seethed. "What was she thinking? She could have been shot!"

The mention of my wife and Yinyu made me shiver. No, they would not have kind words to say to me about this. I could deal with whatever Yinyu dished out, but a look of disappointment on Tonya's face was always unbearable.

"Why didn't you go in and protect her, Equestrian?" I heard Lántiān demanding of someone in a harsh tone. I could only assume it was Starlight since Lántiān didn't have much expectation of Trixie.

"If I came in, it would have spooked the already spooked humans!" Starlight said defensively. "I assumed she had a plan."

"Trixie knows an improvisation when she hears one. Sunset was completely winging it," Trixie said from somewhere. She sounded worried about me. I felt touched.

The next thing I felt was a wing slapping my face.

"Why did you do this, ma'am?!" Lántiān screamed as she buffeted my face with wing slap after wing slap. "Do you want me to have to tell Shǔguāng that he has lost another mama? Do you not care about him? Do you not care about us? You could have subdued that human with ease, but you stood there waiting for him to gun you down! Why?! Why do those who are supposed to care about us keep doing this? Why?"

She pulled away, or was pulled away—I wasn't sure which. I could hear her sobbing somewhere close by. I couldn't have subdued that human. If I had before he drew his gun, he would never come to trust me. If he had drawn his weapon, I wouldn't have been able to stop him before he could use it. To show trust, you had to leave yourself vulnerable.

"Damn it, filly! Please don't make me drain your magic to take the fight out of you. Stop struggling and stay off her!" Malcomb yelled. That answered the question. She had been pulled away.

"Maybe we should move her somewhere else," Trixie suggested.

"Move her into the dining room. My brothers need to see that she is alright," Lántiān ordered.

"Trixie would not call this alright, and you bloodied her nose," Trixie replied. Lántiān had bloodied my nose? I hadn't even noticed.

"Damn it, Sunset. That filly just wailed on you. People are yelling at you, but you're just lying there like a piece of deadwood. Where is your anger? Where is your outrage? Why aren't you at least saying something?" Number demanded. "You ask me for a drink and then nothing."

Where was my anger? That was a good question. I thought about the time I pinned Swift Strike to a wall and nearly burned him alive, and the time I tried to restrain Crystal Dreams when she made a move to attack Phobia. I was so angry, but of course I was. They were trying to hurt my daughter. This time was different. This time it wasn't anyone I cared about the line. This time it was only me. Yeah, I had been scared, but I couldn't muster that same rage on behalf of myself. Even the Shimmerists who attacked me days before I could rage at for being Shimmerists, but not for the attack on me. I was not worth being angry over.

"I'll go down there and show those dirty humans they can't threaten us!" Lántiān yelled.

My head cleared instantly, and I lifted it while scowling. "You'll do no such thing, filly! What are you going to do? Get yourself shot to get back at me? Don't you dare go down there."

"Finally, something you care enough about to stir some life out of you," Number grumbled. "You seem to give at least half-a-damn about keeping them safe. How about you give the other half-a-damn by remembering the position you'd put them in if you went and died." She growled then stormed off across the kitchen towards the back door. "I'm going outside to have a smoke and call Wild. Stressing me out! Guards, stay in this room until I say otherwise."

I rolled over and got back to my hooves, waving Trixie and Starlight away from me. "I can stand and walk. Let me go see the colts to tell them everything is fine. I'm safe. I was safe the whole time."

"And that was why you laid down on the floor and let your life pass before your eyes?" Trixie asked snidely. I turned and glared at her, and her ears sagged. "Sorry. You just don't seem like you believe that you were safe. I understand putting on a show, but it's okay to admit you weren't sure you'd come through it. It is okay to ask us to help you, because we're your friends and that's why we came here, to begin with. Nopony here wants you to get hurt."

"Trixie can be rough around the edges sometimes, but she's right," Starlight said. "That could have ended with you dead on the floor. You know it, and we all know it. I might have been able to save you if you called out for assistance, but you misled me by acting like everything was under control. It is back and forth with you. You seem like you are making real progress, then out of the blue, you go inextricably suicidal."

"Sounds almost manic-depressive. Maybe she needs a psychologist," Malcomb suggested.

"I don't need a shrink. I'm fine," I snarled.

Starlight gave me a long sad look and then sighed. "No, you aren't, and I think it is time for an intervention." She lit her horn up. "Sorry about this, Sunset. She was going to wait until later, but I think we need to do this now."

"What are you...do…" My head felt foggy, and my eyelids felt heavy. Some part of my mind screamed that she was using a sleep spell on me, but I couldn't do anything about it.

---

It was storming. Not just raining, it was storming. I was in between a row of marble columns, and beyond them, rain and wind came down like a hurricane while one lightning strike immediately was followed by another.

In front of me, on a golden throne, sat Tonya… no, better to say Arbiter. She was in full angelic mode, except for her hands. She had them both gripped around her staff, and a wicked-looking claw replaced each finger. It didn't take a genius to guess she was pissed off. Night ponies always warned never to piss off a Dreamwarden because you'd live to regret it.

A scowling face appeared on each and every one of the pillars. "You could have left my foals with no guardian! You could have traumatized them!"

"Hush, Sister. It does no good to yell at her," Tonya said in a tight voice.

"I have a nightmare ready to go since she is so ready to be punished!" Yinyu screamed.

"There will be no nightmares unless Phobia chooses to do one," Tonya replied, still sounding grim. "Phobia knows how to make productive use of them. I have summoned the others. They should be asleep shortly. Do you have anything to say, Brother?"

"Not at this time, you sycophant. I do not share the same privileges with her that you and the whore do," a male voice I didn't recognize said from no discernable location.

"What's happening?" I asked in confusion.

Tonya gave me a sad look. "An intervention. All seven of us are going to speak with you."

"Seven?" I asked, even more confused. "There are only six Dreamwardens."

Tonya nodded. "Luna is coming too. She had made plans to see you tonight already, but we are speeding those up. You need help, my sunshine. This frequent habit of endangering yourself needs to stop."

"You can make that eight of us if you allow it," a new voice echoed.

Both Tonya and Yinyu scowled, and Yinyu's faces turned to look at Tonya. "Do we allow it?" Yinyu asked.

Tonya seemed to think about it. "I have no objections; she may have wisdom and insights we lack in the matter. What say you, Brother?"

"I am not happy about the junk-peddler's presence," the male voice growled.

"That wasn't the question, Ghadab. Will you allow it?" Tonya repeated.

"I'll allow it," Ghadab replied in an irritated voice.

"And you, Yinyu?" Tonya asked as she raised her eyes to look at the faces.

"I, too, will allow it," Yinyu grumbled. "Willing to try anything at this point."

"Then we await one more vote to allow it; then you'll have your answer, Triss," Tonya said with a tone of finality. "The others should be here soon."

"This seems a bit much just to tell me you aren't happy," I said as I looked around. "How often do you all get together to chew a person out?"

"Not often. You should feel special, false-prophet," Ghadab replied.

Phobia appeared in front of me, looking completely normal, and gave me a frown. "And while Yinyu, Arbiter, and I have a personal interest in you, all of us have a vested interest in you pulling yourself together for other reasons." She turned her head to Tonya. "I vote against Triss's presence. Now is not the time for her."

A night pony stallion who I recognized as Psychic Calm appeared beside Phobia. "I, too, vote against Triss's involvement. The patient is not well, and Triss's interests require the patient to be at full capacity."

"I change my vote," Ghadab said.

"He can do that?" the voice I assumed was Triss asked.

"He can indeed," Tonya answered. "I change my vote, as well. If both Phobia and Psy object, I trust their assessment."

"I change my vote too, for the same reasons," Yinyu chimed in.

A great grey minotaur appeared beside Tonya and gave a thumbs down.

"It seems unanimous; you will have to wait for another time, Triss," Tonya said. "Don't worry, if Sunset can get her head out from her ass, you'll get your opportunity."

"I am well acquainted with waiting," Triss replied in an annoyed tone. "Very well, Dreamwardens. As we agreed, I will continue to wait until you approve."

Luna appeared out of a hole in nothingness and looked around as the hole disappeared. "Are we still awaiting Ghadab?"

"I am here, Princess," Ghadab replied in a much kinder voice than he had previously used.

"This is too much!" I protested. "Surely you all have better things to do with your time than give me a heart-to-heart talk."

"We intervene frequently and have helped many who are struggling with crippling emotional problems," Psychic Calm assured me.

"Although it is typically just one or two of us at a time," Yinyu added on.

"Those possibly suicidal and endangering themselves get priority," Phobia said as she gave me a sad look.

"There are things worth dying for, but self-hate isn't one of them," Ghadab intoned.

"And you are very special, Sunset Blessing," Luna said. "I told you before that you have the tools to be great, but that you waste them. I was not being pretentious. I truly meant that. I know that both our worlds would lose out on so much if you never harness them for the good of all."

"You are loved by Arbiter, Phobia, my foals, and countless others, many that you may never meet. Even if you were a typical pony, your life has great value to all of them," Yinyu said in a firm tone.

"Number said it to you well," Tonya said. "You value the lives of others, but you fail to see how much your life matters to them. You fail to see the hurt you can cause them by putting yourself in danger, and for what?"

"I know you fear death," Phobia said. "You fear you are irredeemable. You fear punishment in the afterlife. Mom, you drilled the Bible into me my entire life; I know very well that God is in the business of forgiving. The person who needs to forgive you is you."

I found my rage. "How many lives have I ruined?! Yes, I am trying to do better now, but didn't I always think I was doing the right thing before? I have a whole life of failure behind me. I have recognized my failures repeatedly, trying to be better, only to end up worse somehow! I can't trust my judgment. I can't trust my sense of right and wrong. I can't even trust my interpretation of someone telling me what's right and wrong! What can I trust that I know I won't screw up?"

Luna stepped forward and placed a wing on my shoulder. "My little pony. If you wish to discuss failings and the harm they have done, I have my own sordid history. A whole tribe of ponies nearly died under my watch and lived in fear of me for generations after I managed to save those I could. I tried to strike down my only family out of envy and tried to force a world to love me because I needed somepony to tell me they loved and appreciated me, and my self-loathing made it so I would not believe any of them. My need to punish myself once created a monster of alicorn and Dreamwarden magic that could have turned all reality into a living nightmare. I also was the one who thought Sha'am Maut would make a worthy Dreamwarden and failed to see the darkness within her. Sunset Blessing, you do not have the same weight of regretful actions I do, yet I understand well how you feel."

"If I had your power, my crimes would surely have been greater," I muttered in a half-whisper.

Luna sat down beside me. "That is something we may never know. If true, then we can be thankful you've been spared that guilt. There are beings that Harmony bends itself around, whether they choose to let it or not. Even if they try to hide from the world, it will push them to be a part of it and allow them to shape it. It has chosen them, and I cannot say why. Twilight, the other Elements, Starlight Glimmer, and others in Equestria and Earth are all such beings. There's even one pony on your world where that seems to be their primary talent. You are another such being. You live to impact destiny and to make change, and we would be remiss to let you struggle with such a burden alone."

"Oh yeah, I influence things," I said through gritted teeth. "Made the Southern Shimmerists an economic powerhouse, am taught in schools in China to help brainwash people, blew up a city, wrecked Wild's dream of using temporary transformations to help the sick—and burned her magic out in the process. I even delivered you a nice new Dreamwarden to replace Sha'am by sending her to her death. What a great track record."

"Sunset, stop saying you killed me!" Tonya yelled. "I was as good as dead, no matter what. If I hadn't been in the Bastion that day, what happened during the Cataclysm would have seemed like a picnic in the park. Yeah, you took Poly Glot in and used him, but you weren't the only one taken for a ride on that. The government was tricked into giving him over to you by others. Someone set it up, and you weren't the only one fooled. You don't carry that blame and need to stop trying to. You sending me to the Bastion was the most fateful decision you made that day, and it saved lives! You may not have known what was coming, but thank God you sent me there that day—over my objections, because you gave the world a chance."

"And you may not be aware of current events while in seclusion," Luna said. "The Southern Shimmerists have fractured due to your words. We now have a group of humans and ponies that echo your teachings against Shimmerism. Some of these humans came from groups who previously hated ponies and are now joining with ponies who previously hated humans. This is a momentous and joyous occurrence, and it is because of you."

"And the Chinese Shimmerists distort your older teachings and refuse to let the people hear your newer ones. If it wasn't you they were distorting; it would be someone else. Your influence there is not the influence you think, and they fear your newer teachings getting widespread appeal there," Yinyu added on.

"You protected ponies early on from losing their homes, their possessions, and their identities," Ghadab said. "Your reasons may have been warped, but these are good things, and just."

"You've helped advance magical knowledge, encouraged the Equestrians to take a good long look at their education system, and advocated for the loosening of magic restrictions on ponies," Psychic Calm said.

Phobia stepped forward and touched a wing to me. "We aren't saying you didn't make mistakes along the way, but everyone is guilty of making mistakes. You were misguided, and you know that now, but despite that, you always had the best of intentions, and you did manage to do a lot of good. You once went on about your legacy. It is a complicated legacy, but it is more good than bad, and there is still time to make an even more positive influence."

"But how can I stop messing up!" I cried. "If I am such a big influencer, that means I have more potential to harm others. I don't trust myself."

Luna dried my eyes. "I wish to help you. I made the offer before, and I am making it again now. I want to take you as my student. I cannot visit you often, and what I can teach you of magic is limited. However, I have learned from my sister that sometimes that isn't what is most needed."

"So what would you teach me?" I asked.

"I would have your experiences teach you, and give advice and an ear," Luna explained. "I would follow my sister's method with Twilight Sparkle that helped her grow to the pony she is today. I would ask you to send me reports, once a week, telling me about your experiences over the week that you learned lessons of friendship, love, compassion, empathy, joy, and forgiveness from. You need to focus on these experiences and learn from them."

"You want to be a better pony, my sunshine, and that is where you need to focus," Tonya said gently. "It isn't just sentimentality; it is what makes a truly good person. You experience all these things regularly, but you don't let yourself reflect on them. You reflect on all the negativity instead. Let Luna help you learn to love others and yourself."

"You make us mad, disappointed, and hurt at times, but we are all wanting you to be the best you can be," Phobia said as she nuzzled me. "It can be a process, turning your life around, but we know you can do it; otherwise, we wouldn't be here trying to encourage you. As you said, we would have better things to do. I love you, Mom, and I don't want you making the biggest mistake of your life by giving up on yourself."

"You aren't at the lowest you can go yet, but we want to keep you from sinking that far," Psychic Calm said in a monotone. "Given your prominence and how closely tied you are to half of us, we felt that it was worth all of us stepping in now, rather than later."

"If we all showed we cared, maybe you would take it more seriously," Yinyu added on.

I narrowed my eyes at the closest face on a pillar. "You wanted to toss me in a nightmare!"

"Well, we did say you make us mad sometimes, too," Yinyu said defensively. "No more reckless endangerment of yourself."

"Please, no more," Phobia echoed. "I don't want to lose you. I was scared when I heard what you did, and this hasn't been the only case lately."

"And these cases need to stop," Tonya said firmly. "A lot of people love you, Sunset; please, show yourself some love, for our sakes."

"What is your answer, Sunset Blessing?" Luna asked as she stared down into my eyes.

I still thought that I wasn't worth all this attention, but it mattered to Tonya, Phobia, and my friends. "I agree. I'll write letters to you once a week."

Luna smiled. "I look forward to reading them, and what time we can spend together, my student. I hope one day soon I can add good and faithful to that honorific."

Time would tell.

Comments

[harts fire]

that was smoother then i thought it was going to be.

[Da Fennec]

10635615 It's not necessarily over

[harts fire]

10635947
Oo i know things are just getting started.