Disaster's Ugly Face

Lightning Dust approached the large restaurant in front of her. Its name was hung letter by letter on the outside of the building. Le Petit Bistro. The fanciest of all Canterlot restaurants. It’s not a place she would normally find herself venturing into, but tonight was special. She had a business meeting setup that could change her immediate future if all went according to plan.

She didn’t want to waste any time.

Lightning Dust bum-rushed through the door leading to the dining area. She was already running late and she was fairly certain her dress was crooked. She took one moment to look backward at herself and sure enough, she was correct. She wasn’t much for dress-wearing to begin with, but these were desperate times. And desperate times called for desperate measures.

She quickly fixed up her clothing, ran a hoof through her electrifying mane and glanced around until she found her target. The pony she was looking for, a bright white unicorn with pink accents by the name of Fleur de Lis, was sitting at a small table for two on the far end of the room. Lightning gulped down her anxiety, well, at least what little anxiety she had. She was the fearless Lightning Dust after all, lead representative of The Washouts! She wasn’t afraid of a little friendly business discussion.

Right?

Before she made her mad dash to the table she rehearsed her plan in her head just to keep herself sane. She’d need to act politely, convince Fleur de Lis that she and The Washouts deserve a cash donation from Fancy Pants and she could be on her way and riding within the week. She could do this.

She will do this… Hopefully.

Lightning hurried over the open seat across from Fleur and sat down. “Hello, there, ma’am. I’m so sorry I’m…” Lighting checked the time on a nearby clock. “…two minutes late. Hoof traffic and all that. But I’m very glad you were able to meet with me.”

Lightning held out a hoof to Fleur de Lis who had just finished taking a sip of the complimentary water from her crystalware glass. She kindly held out her own hoof and processed a gentle hoof shake.

“Now,” Lightning said before briefly slurping down a bit of her own water. “I imagine I don’t have to tell you why I’m here, but just to verify that we’re all on the same page, The Washouts are looking for donations, and from my understanding, you Miss de Lis, are the go-to mare when it comes to Fancy Pants’ generous donation budget.”

Fleur simply smiled at her.

“That being said, when I inquired about donations and was pointed in your direction, I couldn’t have been happier.” Lightning Dust gave Fleur her brightest smile. Hey, she was pretty good at this business meeting thing. Good thing, too, because Celestia knows she needed all the help she could get. “I knew in my heart that you were a reasonable and generous pony and that we’d be able to get something done. Speaking of generosity, you’ll have to pass on my thanks to Fancy Pants for setting up this dinner for us. It was… extremely thoughtful of him.”

Fleur gently nodded her head and pointed at the menu in front of Lightning, to which the latter pony cocked her head before taking the hint that they’d need to order. Her stomach gave an uncomfortable gurgle as she opened up her menu and looked at the ridiculously fancy options. Perhaps she shouldn’t have stress eaten a whole tray of brownies before coming here, but that was all in the past now. It would look ridiculously rude to not even partake of a free dinner she was invited to.

Her eyes scanned the menu until they landed on the safest option she could find: a small salad with tomatoes. Boom. That would be her point of attack. Lightning set her menu down just in time for a waiter to approach them.

“Good evening, ladies,” the pink and black unicorn stallion stated with a smile. “My name is Poptart and I’ll be taking care of you for the evening. I trust you were able to find what you were looking for?”

Lightning nodded and handed her menu to the stallion. “Yes, thanks a lot. I’ll have the small salad with tomatoes.”

“Good choice,” he replied with a small smirk. “A house favorite. And for you, Madame Fleur?”

She must be a regular here for him to already know her name. How many of these business meetings did she have here? Or maybe she was just so rich she could come here whenever she wanted. Either option was impressive as far as Lightning was concerned.

Meanwhile, Fleur de Lis simply pointed at the menu item she wanted and handed her menu back to Poptart.

“Excellent choice as always, ma’am. We’ll have this out, as well as a refilled pitcher of water for you two in just a moment.” Poptart folded up the two meetings and walked away.

Lightning had made a few observations already to help her in her quest. One, Fleur was not much of a talker… at all. She definitely seemed observant though. She was probably studying her every move, deciding behind the scenes on if her team was worthy of a portion of the donation fund that she was asking for. And two, if she’s popular at an establishment like this, she must have plenty of money to spare, or at least Fancy Pants given that he set everything up, so this was an opportunity she could not let slide down the drain. This was her only chance.

“So, back to what I was saying,” Lighting spoke up, trying to keep things on track. “I’m extremely grateful for this opportunity and I’d like to address a couple of concerns you may have.”

Fleur sat back in her chair and looked Lightning right in the eyes and nodded.

“Okay, so I know that ten-thousand bits is a large amount to request right off the bat, but trust me when I say that I’m not overextending my reach. The Washouts are the premier stunt team in all of Equestria, and with your help, we can take our game to even higher levels.”

Fleur crossed her hooves and kept the same questioning gaze on her face.

Lightning gulped and shrugged off the anxiety that somehow found its way building back up inside of her. “Okay, so maybe we’re not the biggest stunt team yet, and yes, we may have almost served roast chicken to all of Ponyville on our last tour, but trust me when I say that we’re coming for the title.” Lightning Dust gritted her teeth. “If only it weren’t for The Wonderbolts standing in my, er, our way.”

Fleur raised an eyebrow and used her magic to levitate over her water for another sip.

She was losing her. Lightning could feel it. She had to really make her case. If she couldn’t come through with securing her donation, there’s no way they could continue to keep touring and her whole crew would turn against her. That was not something she felt like dealing with either.

“So, I know that Fancy, or Mr. Pants I should say, already has donations set aside for The Wonderbolts, but I'm here to give you three, well-rounded and well thought out reasons as to why those donations should go to The Washouts instead.”

Fleur’s eyes opened ever so slightly. She was engaged if nothing else.

“Number one, The Washouts represent something The Wonderbolts never could: action. We don’t just fly around, doing pretty flips in the sky. No, there’s fire, danger, and possibly even death in some extreme circumstances. Totally fun for the whole family.”

Fleur leaned in a bit closer to the table as Lightning continued. She had her interest.

“Secondly,” Lightning continued, “since we don’t operate as an official branch of the Equestrian Government, we have far more liberties as far as touring and stunts go. We can take our show anywhere, anytime, and do things ponies wouldn’t even think possible. It’s a money-making machine, for sure.”

Fleur was staring intently at Lightning at this point. Now she had her attention.

“Lastly, point number three.” Lighting leaned back in her chair a bit and cracked a smirk. “We’re just way cooler than those Wonderbolts. We don’t have all the rules and regulations, we don’t kiss every boo-boo somepony gets and we certainly don’t kick members out for trying to push it to the next level.” She kept her confident smile on her lips as she made direct eye contact with Fleur. “So, the way I see it, we’re the way to go and The Wonderbolts are yesterday’s news.”

She did it. She got her reasons out there on the table for her and she was able to do it with confidence. That couldn’t have gone any better!

At that point, something could be considered nothing short of a miracle began to take place: Fleur was actually opening her mouth to speak. This was it, either the saving grace or nail in the coffin of The Washouts. Lighting waited with bated breath. This is what the edge of her seat was made for. Here it com—

“And here’s your salad, ma’am!”

Lightning’s excitement was cut off by a small bowl of salad being placed in front of her by Poptart. No…. NO!

“And here is yours, madame,” Poptart stated, putting a bowl of some kind of soup in front of Fleur. “I’m sorry for interrupting. You two enjoy and let me know if you need anything!”

And just like that, Fleur was back to being silent, merely eyeballing her soup, their conversation a distant memory. Curses!

That’s okay, that’s okay. Everything is cool. She'll just have to take a bit of her salad like a normal pony and bring the conversation back up again. Nothing to worry about.

Lightning Dust did just as she monologued and took a small bite of her salad. It was pretty good, but more than likely not worth the ridiculous price tag that it came with. Regardless, she still had a job to do and it was time to make good on it.

“Okay, so, getting back to the matter at hoof,” LIghtning spoke up, catching Fleur’s ear. “Based on the reasons I provided, I really think that we deserve the donation instead of The Wonderbolts and I hope that you would agree?”

Fleur was opening her mouth again. Yes. Yes!

“Oops, sorry!” Poptart interrupted. “I forgot the water pitcher. Here you go!”

NO!

Lightning scrunched up her face as the waiter left the pitcher on the table and dashed away. Totally not cool.

“Anywho,” she continued for the third time now, “I’m really hoping you see things the same way I do because I believe that partnering with us can only help not only us but yourselves as—”

“And the extra napkins,” Poptart interrupted once more, throwing a pile of napkins down on the table. ‘You can’t forget those.”

If looks could kill, the evil eye that Lightning just gave Poptart would’ve planted him six feet underground and read the eulogy while doing so. She had had enough. It was time to get her answer. No more interruptions.

“Look!” Lightning blurted out with a bit more aggression than intended. “Can I have the bits or not?

Fleur began to open her mouth. This must be it! Lightning made sure to glance around, only to spy Poptart well out of range talking with another waiter. Nothing would stop her this time. She’d get her answer one way or another. This was it!

Here it comes!

Fleur cleared her throat “Oh, je ne parle pas Equish.”

“What?” Lightning Dust blinked a few times. “WHAT?!”

Fleur merely shrugged and slurped up a large spoonful of her meal. “Je m'excuse pour tout inconvénient que cela pourrait vous causer.” She followed her statement up with a bright smile.

She doesn’t even speak Equish. Well, this was a fine kettle of corn, Lightning could feel the angst and anger building up inside her. Her cheeks began to turn red and the sweat slipping from her pores began to cause her mane to frizz. This was stupid!

“Listen here!” Lightning said, standing up in the process. “I didn’t waste all this time and get interrupted by the most annoying waiter ever just to have you not understand a single word I said. Look, I need the money and I need it now!”

As Fleur was about to respond once more, Poptart ran over to intervene.

“Okay, ma’am,” he said, daring to lay a hoof on her to pull her away from the table. “I’m afraid you’re making a scene and we’re going to have to ask you to leave so others may enjoy their din—”

Lighting emitted a loud growl towards Poptart which was the only sign he needed to know that he should back away.

“You know what?” he stated with a nervous grin. “I’ll go get my manager.”

Within a matter of seconds, another pony came up, a dark gray pegasus with a deep purple mane. “Hi there, my name is Note Pad, I’m the manager of this facility. Miss Lightning Dash, if you could please come outside with us, that’d be great.”

“No!” Lightning screamed back. “It's Lightning DUST, you moron! Never call me Dash! And I’ve already been kicked out of The Wonderbolts, you can’t kick me out of a restaurant, too.”

“Oh, of course not. We’d never kick you out.” Note Pad chuckled aloud. “We’re dragging you out instead.”

Without a second thought, Poptart and Note Pad each put a hoof around Lightning Dust and guided her away from the table and back to the exit of the restaurant. Fleur looked on as she saw the prospective client attempted to fly, hit, kick, and bite her way back to the table. She chuckled and uttered only her second line of the night.

“Quelle chienne égocentrique.”

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Comments ( 8 )

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Jphyper

Jphyper #1 · May 10th, 2020 · 10 · ·

I'm pretty sure Fleur does speak the language and is just messing with Lightning. That makes it even more hilarious.

Boltstrike58

Boltstrike58 #2 · May 10th, 2020 · 4 · ·

Fleur is the greatest troll since Celestia.

Ninjadeadbeard

Ninjadeadbeard #3 · May 10th, 2020 · 2 · ·

I wanna feel bad for Lightning Dust. I really do.

Well...que sera, sera...

Ice Star

Ice Star #4 · May 10th, 2020 · · ·

Poptart being a jerkface is iconic, as always. I liked the snappiness of this one. It conveyed the comedy well while keeping everypony in top character.

Scholarly-Cimmerian