- Member Since 6th Jul, 2017
- offline last seen 11 hours ago
SingingLark
I have a dog, he is evil, I love him
SingingLark
Joined 6th Jul, 2017 ·
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Okay...I read up to chapter 3 and I see a couple of problems...
The first problem is one that I myself have, but not as bad as you do. The story is readable, but your grammar is terrible. You don't seem to understand writing very well and that is a put-off to new readers. I suggest you try to to strengthen your knowledge of grammar and writing by taking a few online courses or reading a book about the subject. Trust me, I am giving you advice that was given to me and it helps. Also, consider finding a good editor to work with in one of the FIM groups or some kind of editing program like Grammarly. (Google it!)
Second, the alternative universe thing is really working against your depiction of Pinkie Pie. I could somewhat envision the character while I was reading, but changing cannon details about the character is not always a good idea. Some people do it very well while some others don't...Also, some of the dialogue sounds very unbelievable when she speaks. Even Pinkie Pie would not go off on a completely random spew about nonsense when she is standing over a beaten stallion strapped to a table. My advice here is pay more attention to how Pinkie Pie talks in the TV show and try to replicate that. In addition to that, what was with the whole thing about Pinkie Pie saying quote: “I-I know I’m a pony, but I guess I’m also a little hoarse”
I could not wrap my head around that one at all, a accurate portrayal of Pinkie Pie would not include such a strange response...
Finally, some of your paragraphs are way too long and contain information that isn't needed. I don't need to know that Pinkie Pie looked over there then she walked over there then she opened the door then she went inside. (You see the problem here?) It drones on...(Also, this is feedback I have gotten too.) My suggestion is pull out a thesaurus and reference it when you are writing a paragraph. See if you can find words that convey your message using fewer words.
I will say that some of what you wrote is good, but most of it is not. I hope my comments help you improve.
chapter 6 and 7 were decent... i give it at least 5.7/10 but the rest of the chapters.... I better run from reading. 1 through 5 is clearly 3/10
Why are you writing this?
10819347
Because I like writing, I'm not very good yet but i still try
10820384
Let me rephrase that.
Why are you writing something this needlessly atrocious?
10820396
I like writing gore and liked the concept. I came up with the idea a few years ago and now I'm having fun. I don't write anything except fanfiction so it's mostly practice and fun
10820487
Then get used to the poor reception because shock value for its own sake will only bring you infamy.
10820565
Yeah I'm not worried about ratings. I just want to improve my skills by writing what I like
10820577
you should use a grammar software I'm pretty sure that will help... microsoft word has made my fictions pretty good. Or you can get help by finding an editor or proof reader. well, have some faith... and your writing will be good in no time.... it is true when you write a lot you will get better. Then you can always go back to the story and fix when you improve further. I mean I done it... When my writing improved I went back to my older stories and make them more polished.
11014534
Yeah, I use Grammarly and Pro Writers Aid, and they help a lot. I think I just need more practice though, so I don't become over-reliant on them. My writing has gotten better, which I am proud of. My first attempt at this story was trash.
Keep going with the good work!
11014545
Thank you, the support means a lot!
10819347
Because they can.
11014609
I like the story because of the gore can't wait to see more story's from you and seeing you get better to.
11101290
Thank you, I am pretty happy with this story so far, and I'm glad you are too.
Why does this story have so many dislikes? I mean, it can't be that bad, right? ...Right?
11152103
Sorry, but I'm not sure if I should read this as motivation or an insult, either way thanks for reading!
11152103
In my opinion the reason people have disliked it because they dont like the idea of Pinkie being evil, eating meat or other things. Even though his writing is great, I think people just hate the idea behind it.
>>Nightmare_Me but is the story cupcakes where pinkie is evil already for my headcannon this is how cupcakes started pinkie was forced to love it lets say the cakes rigged the number to make it land on rainbow dash
11164511
Well, not everyone likes that Pinkie is evil and they don’t like to branch out with their headcannon into the horror universe.
Another great chapter! I can imagine Ivy thinking "Wait... What?".
We need more horror stories
Jesus look at the dislikes holy shit