• Published 9th May 2020
  • 939 Views, 13 Comments

Reinventing Music - Dashie04



John Mercury is a human that has landed in Equestria. Sorely missing his music, he decides to take the step and bring it back.

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Chapter 3: Train Kept ‘A Rollin’

Before I know it, orchestra girl, Twilight, Pinkie, and I were on a train. I could’ve sworn that my entire equine body was just ripped from the party and teleported onto a train. Given Twilight’s visible strain, I’m saying that she just somehow broke the laws of space time to bring every individual molecule of my body and my guitar from point A to point B.

“Wait, ponies can do magic? Is it just the God-pony varieties? Where did I end up?” I wail.

“You really aren’t from around here, are you?” Pinkie says, long and drawn out.

“Considering that you are a Unicorn and I haven’t seen you pick up that guitar of yours with magic once,” Twilight adds,”I’m going to say that you don’t know how magic works. Did the place you’re from not have magic or anything?”

“I’m from America. Unicorns are a fucking myth and the only magic worked in my city was by the robbers who seemed to magically disappear from crime sites,” I state.

Twilight looks at me funny. I remember that I am a Unicorn. Unicorns can’t be a fucking myth if I am one. Well, to be fair, I am a human in Equestria, I didn’t sign up to be a Unicorn.

After a long and awkward pause, Twilight breaks the ice,”Well, magic is quite simple. Certain classes of Unicorns have certain types of magic, I’m of the upper tier, even when I was a Unicorn. I’m one of the few ponies that can do teleportation. So, it works off of one simple principle, you Imagine and you do. For example, with telekinesis, you envision picking something up in your aura, of which yours would be a nice blue color, Mercury, and then you channel your thoughts into picking it up...”

Fuck, a lecture, it’s like I’m back in college. College of which I dropped out of to avoid this sort of thing. The only thing I get from this lecture is that I should add ‘Imagine’ to the list of songs which I should totally cover.

I sigh.”How long will she be doing this?”

“Oh Mercury,” Pinkie says,”Twilight will be doing this for hours, and hours, and hours, and—“

“Alright I get it, she never stops. Orchestra girl, can you back the crazy pony up on this?”

“I’ll have you know that I have a name! Octavia Melody, Canterlot cellist. I had a show in Ponyville yesterday.”

“Alright Melody, Twilight will be doing this forever, right?”

“As far as I know, yes.”

I sigh again and settle in for a long trip.


Hours, and hours, and hours of Twilight shooting her lip off later, we finally arrive in Canterlot. As funny as it is to call a glorified Newgrounds animation beautiful, the towering cliffside castle does have a funny majesty to it. As do the several radio towers that litter the city. The castle overlooks what I can only presume to be sprawling suburbs.

I turn to Octavia.”So, where do we find this ‘Vinyl’, the record store perhaps? I’d love me a big ten-inch record right now.” I chuckle at my joke I know absolutely none of the ponies I’m with will get.

“Vinyl owns the most played radio station in Equestria. I love the girl, but her music’s dreadful, and she only ever buys records to scratch them. Since you appear to have no prior knowledge of the great Canterlot city, I’ll show you to where you can find my wife and her station.”

“You guys like Freddie Mercury and Jim Hutton?” I ask.

“I know not of who you speak. Let’s go to Vinyl’s station.” Octavia replies.

Octavia decides to take the scenic route. So she can act superior and show me around I guess. It’s either that Canterlot has a confusing city setup, or that we literally were going in circles, but everything looks exactly the same to me.

There’s a combination of fancy houses and stacked apartments, also fancy, on every street. There are several Unicorns in suits, which perplexes me, because they’re the first ponies here who actually seem to be wearing suits, or any clothes at all for that matter. I mean, Octavia has her bowtie collar, but that’s not a ‘suit’ to me. She’s wearing an accessory, like an earring or whatnot.

Also, Octavia feels the need to point out every single pony she knows and stadium or music venue of note. I’m guessing she played in several of them.

When finally, we walk what seems to be the entire fucking length of Canterlot, she leads me to a radio station.

“Vinyl should be in there. She’s always manning the console, love the girl, but she overworks herself. She’ll probably offer you ten bits to sing into a can, it’s just a joke, I don’t know where she gets it from,” Octavia says, pointing a hoof to the only radio station in a 5-mile radius.

Now, I know exactly where Vinyl gets it from. Of course, it’s from the movie accompaniment to one of the greatest Bluegrass albums of the 2000’s, O Brother Where Art Thou, but I presume Octavia doesn’t know it. That only makes this entire debacle even odder. Of course, that movie could exist under different pretenses and Octavia just hasn’t seen it, which is also very viable.

Octavia ushers me inside.

As I walk in, I see a girl with her back end to us. In the small room is also A bunch of gizmos and gadgets, a pile of records, a bunch of water bottles, and a black and white wall-painting job.

“This is DJ Pon3,” she says in the same feminine, raspy, DJ voice,”and you’re listening to the greatest Equestria music of all eras. If you excuse me, I think I have some visitors, so enjoy some Classical while I attend to this untimely interruption.” She presses a button, and I start to hear classical music fill the room.

Turning to me, I see a mare with a haircut that looks like it was cut at a fucking lumber mill and is an electric blue. She has sunglasses over her eyes. The nerve! Wearing sunglasses indoors!

Otherwise, she’s very white. I hope pony segregation doesn’t exist in this world.

“Well hello there Octy, odd black guy. What brings you to my station today?” she says clearly in her radio tone.

“Well, Mercury here has a song he wanted to sing for you. Isn’t that right?” Octavia says.

“Well, that’s awesome! I assume you’re playing guitar as well?” Vinyl asks.

“Yes, I do, and yes I am,” I say, simply.

“Great, I’ll pay you ten bits to sing it into that can there,” Vinyl says with a shit-eating grin, pointing her hoof to a tin can in the corner that’s suspended on a couple of ropes.

Oh God, this was exactly like O Brother Where Art Thou. It wouldn’t hurt to play her game for a while.

“That depends,” I reason,”will it record my singing and guitar playing?”

“Absolutely!” Vinyl confirms. Meanwhile, the Classical movement is still going on, she must’ve chosen something absurdly long for the song.

“Sound quality?” I stay with a smile.

“Terrible, insurmountably bad,” Octavia butts in,”you can’t even record a worthwhile Classical piece on that thing!”

“That sounds perfect!” I say, surprising everyone. Seeing their shocked glances, I add,”The Blues aren’t necessarily known for having splendid sound quality.”

“Alright then, that’s awesome! I’ll set you up, just wait a second.” She turns back to the DJ console and cuts the song short to cut to commercial.

“I want this to be recorded live on air, and I’m going to cut to commercial so you aren’t here all day. Wouldn’t want to waste your time,” Vinyl adds.

I sit impatiently. I think I’ve been holding my guitar the whole time, which is weird, as I’ve literally walked the length of a fucking capital. Whatever the case, I watch Vinyl connect some sort of Frankenstein-like wire splices and the can. I didn’t know what the hell she was doing, but I trusted her.

“There, all set. Let’s hear it!” Vinyl says, heading back to console and ending the commercials. As she’s on the air, I quietly take my position behind the tin can.

“Hello, my faithful listeners! DJ Pon3 is back! We’ve got a special guest on the air today who’ going to sing us an awesome song called...”

“Goodnight, Irene,” I whisper.

“Goodnight, Irene! Let’s hear it at home for Mercury with this song he says is a Blues classic.”

I pick up my guitar and strum out the accompaniment. I perform the version that everybody loved so much at Pinkie’s party, the one with the growl. It’s not like it was complicated to perform, it’s just that it sounds better if performed right.

After I’m finished, the room is silent for a couple seconds when Vinyl steps back up.

“That was Mercury with Goodnight, Irene, what a beautiful song. Also one you’ll only get on this station! Keep it tuned to DJ Pon3. Music of every era!” She turns on another Classical ballad.

“Awesome rendition! I have to attend to the station now, but you can go with Octy and I’ll meet you later. You will keep Mercury here at your house, right?”

“If I must, you don't happen to have a house to protect me from this burden, do you?”

“Not exactly, as I just got here this morning! Owned an apartment in Chicago, not in fucking Ponyville,” I respond.

Oh well, if Dear Vinyl wants me too, I’ll keep you. For reasons unknown,” Octavia says, with that last sentence dripping with malign.

“Great, see you both later!” Vinyl says, turning back to console.

So, I follow Octavia back to start my Equestria life as a musician.


A day later

In the darkness of Vinyl’s studio, right as she was about to put the station on autopilot, a pony walks in.

“Hey, you DJ Pon3?”

“Why yes, you’ve come to the right mare! Only the best station in Canterlot!”

“Do you know where that Mercury guy is?”

“Yeah, he was black with brown eyes, and a brown buzzcut mane. I remember him like the back of my hoof.”

“No, not who he is, where he is.”

“Oh yeah, why didn’t you say so! He’s staying staying with my wife Octy. I’ll lead you there. You want something?”

“Yeah, just to sign him.”

“Can do! You follow me!”


Author's Note:

I share Mercury’s sentiments, ‘oh God this is exactly like O Brother Where Art Thou’. I like that movie’s plot, so shoot me. It won’t be like this forever.

You still enjoying it? Is everypony still in character? Were they ever? Let me know.

Also, every chapter’s named after a song, even Radio, so be on the lookout for that.