Chapter 34
Chapter 34
Statement by Grand Master Steadfast Word, given to Knights Mystic. Access by any other than Mystics strictly forbidden.
To All Knights Mystic
Several rumors, half-truths, and outright lies are being circulated regarding the incidents that led to the death of Lady Nickelplate and Lady Hollybright. The purpose of this memo is to clarify the events in question, and dispel some of the stranger rumors that have arisen.
Two weeks ago, on the night of the murders, Lady Nickelplate and Lady Hollybright were meeting late in the Grand Master’s office. A stallion approached the door and somehow managed to gain entrance without either mare alerting other Knights. He was wearing Mystic armor, and armed with a spear.
Once inside, he took both Hollybright and Nickelplate by surprise. From what our investigators can surmise, Nickelplate was killed nearly instantly, while the heretic fought with Hollybright before killing her. We believe both Knights fought with valor, and were only defeated due to stealth and trickery.
Now, to dispel some concerns. It has been suggested that perhaps Sir Brightblade was somehow involved. This is a lie. Brightblade was with me. Perhaps the stallion heretic bore some superficial resemblance to Brightblade, but I would like to assure all that Brightblade was with me that evening.
Even more distressingly, I have received evidence that perhaps the rumors of Brightblade’s involvement, in addition to some of the more strange and offensive theories as to why, may have been planted by the very same heretics behind this murderous plot in an effort to spread dissension in our fellowship.
Therefore, from this point forward, I will consider any discussion of these suspicions, sharing them with outsiders or even colleagues, to be dissemination of heretical ideas. These acts will be investigated accordingly. If anypony hears somepony discussing these ideas, I ask that they report the incident to the nearest available High Inquisitor, or myself, whichever is more convenient.
Stay strong in the faith, and together we will make it through these trying times.
Sir Steadfast Word
Knights Mystic, Grand Master
1113 AF, Angel’s Rest
“This is where we’re going to talk?” Emberglow glanced around at the grassy hill that spread out underneath a night sky.
“Is this not okay?” Topaz asked.
Emberglow shrugged, giving a shy chuckle. “It’s just not what I expected.”
“What did you expect?”
“I don’t know. Don’t you have, like, an office? With, like, a desk, and a fainting couch? Credentials on the wall?” Emberglow asked.
Topaz giggled. “I do have an office. But it’s not like that. Still, we could go there, if it would make you comfortable. But since this is a dream, why don’t you just recreate your room?”
“I don’t have a room,” Emberglow muttered. “I mean, there’s the guest room at Heartwing’s house, where I’m staying, but…”
“What about a foalhood bedroom?” Topaz asked. Emberglow shook her head.
“We didn’t have a lot of space. It was barely big enough to open the door, let alone fit two ponies,” Emberglow smiled, thinking fondly of her tiny room. After a moment, an image appeared of the tiny bedroom, complete with an open door and a small bookshelf. The room seemed to float in the air above them, connected to nothing.
“But remember, this is a dream. Just imagine it larger,” Topaz said with a smirk. “Or...” She stepped into the image of the room, seeming to shrink as she did so. She giggled. “Maybe we could just be smaller.”
Emberglow spread her wings and flew in after her, finding herself shrinking as she entered her room. Soon enough, two foal-sized mares sat on Emberglow’s bed. Topaz started to giggle as she bounced.
“Did your parents let you bounce on your bed?” she cackled as she bounced up and down. Emberglow laughed at the foalish behavior. Part of her wanted to bounce along.
“Of course they did,” Emberglow said. “I didn’t do it often, but that’s probably because I was a very serious foal.”
“Oh yeah?” Topaz kept bouncing. “What was your foalhood like?”
“Mostly studying and reading.” She flexed her legs, testing the springiness of the mattress and wondering. “Not that my parents made me, or anything. It was my choice.”
“What did you like to study?” Topaz asked.
“Mostly medical texts. I had read through Grey’s Pony Anatomy by the time I was ten. Also the Book of the Saints. I probably read that a hundred times.”
“It was very important to you?” Topaz asked.
“Yeah.” Her shoulders and ears slumped.
Topaz stopped bouncing, wrapping a hoof around Emberglow in a tight hug. “That’s okay. How are you feeling right now?”
“Angry. Upset. Confused.” Emberglow sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Okay. How about this: what did you like about the Book of the Saints?” Topaz asked.
“What did I…?” The question was completely unexpected, and Emberglow was nonplussed.
“It might help if you bounce while we talk about it,” Topaz said sagely as she began hopping again. “If you want to.”
“Okay.” Emberglow wasn’t sure she did, but the smile on Topaz’ face was infectious, and she could hardly refuse it. She began bouncing, making tiny, almost half-hearted hops. “Um, when I was a foal, it was the stories. I loved reading about the time Saint Fluttershy slew a dragon, or the time Saint Applejack and Saint Rainbow’s sparring match drew the entire city to watch. Best of all were Saint Rarity’s tales, of course.”
“What about as an adult? I mean, before you changed your mind on the whole thing.”
“It gave me purpose,” Emberglow said, after a moment of thought. “It was everything. It had the answer to every question, every problem, every single issue. If I looked hard enough, that is.”
“Wow, that’s a pretty comprehensive book,” Topaz remarked. Emberglow eyed her while she bounced, and Topaz laughed. “It really does have answers for everything?”
“Well,” Emberglow said slowly after a pause, “no. No, I don’t think so. It is just one book, after all.”
“That’s not the faithful answer,” Topaz noted, with a small, cheeky grin.
“I guess it isn’t, is it?” Emberglow smiled back. Suddenly, she found herself bouncing a little higher, as if a weight just had been lifted off of her back. Her grin widened, and she spread her foal-sized wings on a whim, fluttering them with joyful energy. Topaz giggled at her antics, and started bouncing higher as well. For a moment, they were just two foals bouncing on Emberglow’s bed, laughing giddily.
After a short moment of this, Topaz began again, thoughtfully. “What was it about it, do you think?”
“Hmm?”
“The Book, I mean. What do you think made it so special, so much so that it might have solutions for everything?”
“Nothing, I think. It’s odd.” Emberglow shrugged, still smiling. “I wonder if… we found the answers in the book we wanted to find. Like, the answers came from us, but we didn’t even realize it.”
Topaz beamed, pausing her bouncing long enough to clop her hooves together gleefully. “You just admitted that you’re smarter than you thought you were. That makes me happy. So the answers to your problems were mostly coming from yourself?”
“Maybe?” Emberglow now wasn’t sure. She realized just how arrogant it sounded, to assume that her own answers were somehow worth more than the wisdom of the Saints. It was an unsettling thought, uncomfortable enough that she had to consciously shove aside the guilt and shame that came with it.
“You don’t sound like you like the idea.”
“Well…” Emberglow stopped to think. “It’s frightening.”
“Frightening?”
“To realize there’s no master key. No magic bullet. No one-size-fits-all solution to life’s problems.”
“That can be scary. But it also means you’ve been finding your own answers, all on your own, your whole life. Doesn’t it?”
“I guess.”
“I think so,” Topaz said, speculatively. “You’re a smart pony, Emberglow. I hear stories from Lofty all the time.”
“You guys talk about me?” Emberglow asked, suddenly self-conscious.
“He’s told me a lot about you,” Topaz said. “I don’t say much back. I would never share anything you share with me with anypony else, without your permission. Lofty gets it, and he doesn’t press me.”
“You can talk to him about this stuff,” Emberglow said. “It might be nice to know somepony’s going through the same things I am.”
“Okay,” Topaz said carefully. “If you’re fine with it…” Emberglow nodded, and Topaz smiled. “Alright. So let’s get back to the Book. I want to know something. Now that you know it’s not true, is it…” She waved a hoof, her face screwed up with concentration. “…evil? Bad?”
“Yes?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” Emberglow sighed, slumping as she paused in her own bed bouncing. “Parts of it are bad, for sure. Some of the stories are kinda true, but most of it is just made up.”
“Is it possible to separate out the bad stuff, and be happy about the good stuff you got from it?” Topaz asked.
Emberglow shook her head. “I don’t know if I can. I’m still surprised every day at new things I’m learning that I’ve been mistaken about. I still flinch when I see a griffon or minotaur on the street. I still haven’t been able to go outside without clothing on. And you remember the cake I told you about last week? I still haven’t been able to go out and buy another cake.”
“Maybe that should be your homework for this week. Buy a cake.” Topaz actually sounded serious, which took Emberglow by surprise.
“Does that… Is that pathetic?” Emberglow whispered, hating how unsure she sounded. “I mean, is Lofty dealing with this stuff too?”
“Hmm…” Topaz pursed her lips. “He said something funny to me a few days ago. He said, ‘I feel bad that I don’t feel worse about all of this.’ I think he knows you’re having a hard time, and he feels guilty that he’s not struggling as much as you are?”
“That’s… huh.” Emberglow laughed a little. “That makes sense. He’s not really having as hard a time as I am, and that makes him feel guilty? I can see him saying that.” She grinned. “He’s a sweet stallion. Tell him not to feel bad, okay?” She had a sudden inspiration, and she smirked. “Give him a kiss for me, Topaz.”
It made her laugh loudly. “He is the most excellent kisser,” Topaz admitted without a hint of embarrassment. Emberglow joined in, genuinely happy that her friend had found such a kind and fun partner.
It was odd to hear about Lofty’s romantic success; odd but good, she supposed. She’d always felt a little sad that she’d had to reject him, and was genuinely happy that he was enjoying his time with Topaz. On the other hand, since she’d never viewed him in a romantic or sexual light, hearing about his relationship with Topaz felt like… seeing a sibling naked. Her eyes screwed up and she laughed at the comparison.
“What?” Topaz’ eyes twinkled with amusement.
“I just realized how weird it is to think about Lofty’s sex life,” Emberglow chuckled, reaching out impulsively to hug Topaz. “But I’m happy for you both.”
“Speaking of love and romance, have you thought much more about what we talked about last time?” Topaz asked, then furrowed her brow. “Hang on. We look like foals, and we shouldn’t for this kind of conversation.”
With a grimace of concentration from Topaz, there was a flash in the dreamscape. They were still in Emberglow’s room, and it was still larger than usual, but both ponies were now teenage-sized, wearing pajamas. Topaz’s mane was even done up in pigtails, and scattered about the floor were various makeover products, and even a few magazines featuring pictures of handsome stallions.
“W-what’s all this?” Emberglow stammered, bemused. Topaz glanced about.
“Oh, whoops,” she giggled. “Sorry. Hang on.”
Half of the magazines shimmered briefly, then transformed into pictures of glamorous mares instead of stallions. Emberglow jerked her gaze away with an instinctual flinch.
Topaz tilted her head, looking at her curiously before continuing with a small smile. “Teenager sleepover accoutrements. It seemed the appropriate setting to be talking about romantic subjects. Now I can braid your mane or do a makeover while you talk.”
“Okay,” Emberglow laughed. “I never did the sleepover thing as a foal. I was always busy.”
Topaz patted the spot of the floor in front of her. “Well, I’ll do your mane. Come here.” Emberglow rolled her eyes at the silliness of it all, but played along, scooting over to sit in front of Topaz. “Okay. So last time you told me you’re having a hard time not feeling guilty every time you look at a mare. How is that coming along?”
“Considering I just flinched away from a fake magazine cover just now?” Emberglow sighed. “Not good, apparently.”
“It was an automatic response?” Topaz asked.
Emberglow nodded.
“Okay, let’s focus on that. What went through your head?” Topaz’ gentle hooves went to Emberglow’s mane, and she realized idly that it was longer than usual. Probably because Emberglow’s normally short mane wasn’t conducive to braiding.
“Nothing, really, I guess,” Emberglow admitted.
“So you didn’t even think about it? You just flinched away from the picture of a pretty mare?”
“Yes.” Emberglow tried to nod, forgetting that Topaz was working on her hair. With a tut of disapproval, Topaz tapped the back of her head, and Emberglow giggled. “Sorry.”
“You’re fine. So what about me?” Topaz asked. “I’m an attractive mare, and you don’t flinch away when you see me.”
“No, I don’t,” Emberglow tried to think. She knew Topaz wanted more, because she didn’t say anything as Emberglow continued to think. “I guess, because in my head I know you’re not…” She looked for the right word. “…um, available? Like that?” She cringed at her awkward phrasing.
“Is that how you are when you encounter attractive mares during the day? You flinch away from looking at them until you’re sure they’re romantically unavailable?”
The idea was ridiculous, and Emberglow snorted. “No. Of course not.”
“Then why react to the magazine?”
“I guess because I know it’s supposed to be…” She paused. “Um, sexual in nature? That’s the wrong word, but you know what I mean.”
“Yes, I think I do. The magazine covers are specifically made to emphasize glamor, beauty, and sexuality. So what would happen if you ran into a mare in real life who was emphasizing those things?”
“You forget that I’ve been living in a house for the last few days with Rarity.” Emberglow grinned. She barely stumbled over not putting ‘Lady’ or ‘Saint’ in front of Rarity’s name now. “She’s always dressed to impress.”
“So how do you feel when you look at Rarity?”
Emberglow was filled with a panic so sudden and so complete that she froze. The shared dreamscape suddenly wavered and dissolved, with both ponies suddenly floating in a starry void.
“Quite the reaction. Do you want to talk about it?” Topaz asked mildly. Emberglow turned, shamefaced, to see her expression. It was neutral, but in Topaz’s eyes Emberglow saw the hint of an amused sparkle.
“Um, pass?” Emberglow ventured. Topaz’s eyebrows arched, and Emberglow laughed nervously.
Topaz frowned slightly. “We... can, if you really want to. I’d like to talk about it, though. And I think you have the courage to address difficult topics.”
Emberglow took a deep breath. “I think I have a crush,” she said in a rush. Topaz smiled. “I’ve only felt like this once before and I”— Gadget’s face swam in her vision, and her eyes stung with tears —“I denied it. Pretended it wasn’t… what it was. We never talked about it. And then she died.”
“This is the pony you keep having nightmares about,” Topaz guessed, and Emberglow whimpered, but nodded. “Oh, Emberglow.”
She felt Topaz’s hooves encircle her, and she buried her face in the other mare’s shoulder.
They stayed like that for a while before Topaz released her hug, placing her hooves on Emberglow’s shoulders as she continued. “Can we talk about this mare? The one who passed?”
Emberglow breathed out a little reluctantly. “Her name was Gadget. She was a marine. We flirted.” It was much easier to admit what had been happening, now that she knew it wasn’t sinful. “We even went on a sort-of date, even though neither of us called it that. We kissed, once, and then never really talked after that. I think she blamed herself for starting it, but it wasn’t either of our faults.” Her words wouldn’t stop, coming like a rush. “I barely knew her. I was so afraid to get closer, because I knew what she was. I knew she was... like me.”
“You knew she was gay,” Topaz clarified. “I’d rather not avoid the words, Emberglow.”
“Terminus says the same thing,” Emberglow said with a weak laugh. “He told me that if I’m afraid of the words, that’s okay, but to not say them gives power to the oppressors.”
“He’s right,” Topaz said. “I’m kinda excited to meet Terminus someday. He seems like a wise soul.” She shook her head. “But we’re getting off the topic. I’m glad you brought up this mare, Emberglow. I’d like to ask some things about Gadget.”
“Okay. I guess,” Emberglow sniffed. She didn’t want to have this conversation.
The darkness around began shifting suddenly, reforming into a room that Emberglow was unfamiliar with. It was an ordinary, mundane office, which almost felt odd after the strange environment they had just been in . There was a desk and a wide couch. The walls were decorated with abstract paintings in cool colors. It was, oddly, homey.
“Welcome to my office,” Topaz said cheerfully. “Have a seat.”
“Why are we here now?” Emberglow glanced around.
“Well, it takes concentration and the right mood to control a lucid dreamscape,” Topaz said. “I figured I could maintain the stability of the location, while you struggled through some difficult topics. You were telling me about Gadget?”
Emberglow slumped onto the couch. It was clean, well-used, and pink.
“I said it before. We were friends, but we never had a chance. To be more, I mean.” Regret burned in her, and made her throat ache.
“You think you could have been more?”
“In another world?” Emberglow laughed bitterly. “Maybe. I don’t know. My mind keeps circling back into ‘what-if’s’ and ‘could-have-beens’.”
“It’s perfectly okay to think about things like that,” Topaz said. “But I think sometimes it’s not very helpful.”
“I know. But I can’t help myself.” It came out as a whimper. “She shows up almost every night now. You and I have been meeting for a few days. How many times have you interrupted a nightmare about her?”
“Every time,” Topaz admitted.
“I don’t want to forget her. What we had…” Emberglow shrugged. “I don’t know. But it could have been wonderful. But at the same time, I…” She was suddenly filled with frustration, almost rage, and she kicked the couch she sat on.
“Emberglow?” Topaz leaned forward, her eyes locked intently on Emberglow.
“I just get so angry about all of this sometimes. You know, when I’m not sad, or terrified, or whatever else.” She waved a hoof; her left, the one that held her rune gauntlet when she wore her armor. “I’m a doctor. I heal. That’s what I do. If you broke your leg, I know a spell that will fix it instantly. Why isn’t there a spell to fix this?”
Topaz smiled sympathetically. “You’re not the first pony who’s asked that. But no, healing trauma takes more than magic. It takes time, mostly, and support. Close relationships, with ponies like myself, or Lofty. Or your friends Heartwing and Terminus. Maybe even a close relationship with Rarity.”
Emberglow blushed. She knew Topaz was steering the conversation a bit, though she didn’t mind.
“I’ll be blunt. If the opportunity came up to have a relationship with Rarity, a romantic one, would you take it?” Topaz said. Emberglow closed her eyes, her face still hot, and she nodded.
“Yes,” she whispered. “But I don’t know if that would ever happen. I don’t know if I’m… stable enough right now.”
“That’s probably true,” Topaz nodded. “But don’t close yourself off to the idea, okay? I think some romance would do you good.”
“You’re just saying that because you’ve got it so good with my best friend,” Emberglow teased, though when Topaz blushed and giggled herself, she knew she’d hit on something.
* * * * *
Emberglow’s eyes opened to an unfamiliar room. She immediately tensed, panic gripping her chest as her eyes darted around. Green wallpaper, a slightly ajar window, a small bookshelf in the corner… oh. Right. She was staying in Terminus and Heartwing’s guest room.
It was always a bit jarring to wake up in a room she didn’t recognise. It hadn’t been for long, but sometimes when she woke out of slumber she still heard the echoing of Brightblade’s hoofsteps, or the whistling swing of his club. Sometimes she woke up covered in sweat and hyperventilating in panic.
It wasn’t as hard as it could have been, thankfully. Terminus and Heartwing’s guest room was built for comfort and rest. She glanced about the decorations, still shadowed in the dim light of pre-sunrise.
Emberglow climbed out of bed, glancing down at herself. She was nude, and for a moment she steeled herself. This would be the day. She would take control of herself. She would go outside. She would show off her cutie mark, show off her talent to the world, and not let the Diarchy rule what she…
It was with a blush of shame that she stepped out of her room, wearing a dressing robe Rarity had provided for her. It was beautiful, made of a wine-colored silk, but it felt like giving up.
“Next time,” she whispered to herself, knowing that she’d said the same thing the last few days, and would likely say the same the next few more. She gulped, and trotted down the hall to the bathroom.
Doctor Plasma had told her she could take the bandage off today. She’d also said Emberglow should have somepony with her when she did. Emberglow knew what she’d meant; patients who had suffered disfiguring injuries could often have poor reactions.
Emberglow was also bucking tired of leaning on others for help.
She turned the faucet on to fill the tub with water before resolutely moving in front of the mirror. She slipped out of the dressing robe and draped it over the edge of the sink, before steeling herself and looking up at the mirror.
The bandage was still wrinkled from Emberglow’s tossing and turning in her sleep. She reached up and gripped one end with a tentative hoof. Slowly, she began to unwind it, her good eye locked firmly on the mirror. With each pass of the cloth, her heartbeat pounded harder in her ears. Finally the cloth unwound all the way, and Emberglow let it drift to the floor, forgotten.
Mutely, she stared at her reflection. Instead of her usual light blue iris, there was a distorted, pale milky mass. She’d known the eye was gone. She’d been coming to terms with it for days now. Emberglow had never been a vain pony, not really. But coming face to face with her ruined eye in the mirror was something else. She had to turn, to clench her eyelids shut from the image, but it was still there, still branded into her memory.
At least her tear ducts still worked.
Emberglow took the rest of her bath in a numb sort of rush, trying not to think too hard about her eye. When she was done, she stepped out of the tub and reached for her mane tie, then paused. Rarity and Klieo had said it looked better down, hadn’t they? She swallowed hard.
Oh, so now you’re dressing up for her? Didn’t take long for you to start skanking yourself out for your pretty unicorn, did it?
She froze, halfway turned to the door. With shaking hooves, she snatched up the mane tie and held it, turning it over and over in her hooves. She glanced at the mirror, her eye going over her appearance, and her still-damp mane for a few moments, before she cracked. Looking away with shame, she pulled her mane back in a ponytail, with one small change: a single lock of mane, long enough to drape down over her face and hide her bad eye.
Nopony would notice, right?
Coward.
Emberglow shoved her thoughts (and the unwelcome voice) aside as got dressed in her dressing robe again and trotted towards the kitchen, which was already alive with the sound of clinking utensils and the hissing of a gas stove.
The kitchen was full of breakfast smells, and Emberglow inhaled deeply the aroma of ground coffee and something baking. Terminus was at the stove, stirring a pot on the gas range.
“Morning. Have a seat, I’ll get you some coffee,” he glanced over at her with a smile, which faltered slightly when he looked at her. She suppressed a cringe. Of course he would notice her new hairstyle. It’d been absurd to think that he wouldn’t.
“How’s Miss Topaz?” he asked, turning back to stirring his pot. She silently thanked him for not bringing it up.
“Topaz is doing well,” she answered.
“Did she give you homework?” Terminus asked. She nodded. At their first meeting, when Emberglow had mentioned that she was doing therapy with Terminus as well, Topaz had asked her to share her ‘assignments’ with Terminus.
“She told me to buy another cake.” Emberglow laughed nervously. Terminus knew about the cake, too. “She might have been kidding. I think. I don’t know.”
“Ooh, if you do, they’ve got a new cake at the bakery. They call it ‘Better Than Sex’ cake. You should really try it.”
“B-better than w-wha?” Emberglow’s brain went blank for a second. “What is it made with?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, but Terminus was already laughing at her discomfort.
“Chocolate and caramel, I think,” Terminus said. “It’s just a silly name. Good cake, though.”
“Um, is it?” she asked, then realized what she’d asked and hid her face in her forehooves. Terminus smiled mysteriously at her.
“Well, that would be spoiling things, wouldn’t it?” he said slyly. “You’ll have to find out yourself.” He set down a mug of coffee in front of her. “Here, drink up. Do you have any plans for today?”
“I was going to visit Bubblegum again, and maybe find a quiet place to read.” Emberglow took a small sip from the mug. It was good coffee. “I’m almost done with the book Galileo gave me.”
“The one about the griffon doctor?” Terminus asked.
“Yes. He was really interesting. A disciple of the griffon they call Gallus Freewind. His name was Hippocrates, and he was pretty inspiring.” Emberglow had been forming the beginnings of an idea from the writings of the ancient doctor, but she wasn’t quite sure she was ready to say anything about it yet. She took a sip of her coffee, reveling in the dark, bitter taste.
“And after that?” Terminus asked. He was driving at something, she could tell.
“Nothing specific,” Emberglow said. “Did you have something in mind?”
“Well, if Miss Topaz doesn’t have homework for you, I might,” he said, crossing over to the table from the stove and setting a folded piece of paper on the table. “I think it might be helpful for you to meet these two ponies. Talk to them.”
“Who are they?” Emberglow asked, unfolding the piece of paper. There were a pair of addresses; one was on a familiar street, Bellchaser Avenue, in the commercial district, and only a few blocks from Rebirth. The other was clearly a residential home, somewhere she’d never bothered to visit.
“Just go meet them, you’ll see.”
“That sounds needlessly ominous,” Emberglow glared at him, and he smiled inscrutably.
“Trust me. I don’t want to taint your perceptions, or have you go into these conversations with assumptions. Do it for me?”
Emberglow sighed. “Does it matter when?” she asked, trying to forestall the puppy-dog eye look she knew was coming. It worked; Terminus appeared mollified.
“Whenever is fine, as long as it’s not too late.”
“Terminus…” Something about this whole thing made her anxious. “Is this really important?”
“I think it is.”
“But not enough to tell me where you’re sending me?” Emberglow cocked her eyebrows.
“I’m worried if you knew, you wouldn’t go,” Terminus admitted.
“That’s supposed to make me feel better about the whole thing?”
“Not likely,” Terminus shook his head with a wan smile. “But I’m going to have to ask you to trust me.”
Emberglow stared at him for a few silent moments. “Okay. I’ll stop by after I’m done visiting Bubblegum.” Emberglow sighed again, trying her best to ignore the worry she was feeling at Terminus’ cryptic behavior.
“Any change in Bubblegum’s condition?” Terminus asked, concerned. Emberglow shook her head. “Well, we’ll just have to keep hoping.”
“I guess so,” Emberglow said, finishing up her coffee. She said her goodbyes to Terminus before walking back to the room she was using.
“Oh, and Emberglow?” Terminus called just as she was at the door. “You’re going to want to talk to Topaz about your eye. Or I could. Just, make it somepony, okay? You can’t hide from this.”
She froze. She almost turned around, gulped and stepped out, not trusting herself to say any more. It was all she could do to not flee from the room.
Coward.
Emberglow made it to her room and opened the closet, looking over the outfits she found there. Against her protestations, somehow all three of the outfits she’d tried on at Rarity’s boutique had found their way into her closet. She rolled her eyes fondly, and quickly pulled out the light grey sundress — which was quickly becoming one of her favorites — and pulled it on.
When she left the house, Rarity and Heartwing were still sleeping in. It was probably better; Topaz had helped her come to some frightening conclusions regarding Rarity last night, and she wasn’t sure she was quite ready to face them yet. Terminus was there in the living room to wish her well before she left. She was nervous, but he didn’t say any more about her eye, thankfully. Or her manestyle.
“I think it’s Rarity’s turn to cook tonight,” he told Emberglow as she made her way to the door. “I wouldn’t miss it; she has amazing taste, and she’s really skilled in the kitchen.”
“Thanks, Terminus,” she said, meaning far more than just about the message regarding dinner. He nodded with understanding.
It was odd to her how quickly she had gotten used to the strange way Angel’s Rest handled the day/night cycle. She shielded her eyes from the magical sunlight that streamed from the massive crystal up above her. Did it really have to be just as bright as sunrise, though?
She wasn’t the only pony up and about as she trotted her way to the hospital. There were even a few Knights about. While most were dressed in yellow robes, a few had chosen to retain the colors of their old Orders, but with yellow stripes stitched into the forehoof sleeves. She always took a moment to look closely at the Knights she saw, somehow both hoping and dreading that she’d see a familiar face. But the Knights Discordant she saw were friendly but unknown to her.
There was a familiar pony in the hospital waiting room, though. The older stallion receptionist brightened up as soon as she entered.
“Miss Emberglow!” He was nearly bouncing behind the counter. “We were going to send for you, but Doctor Plasma said you’d be along shortly anyways.”
“Send for me?” Emberglow was confused. “Does that mean…”
The receptionist nodded, beaming. Emberglow gasped, rushing past him towards Bubblegum’s room. The door was open, but she slowed before dashing inside. Excited, happy sounding voices flowed from the open door.
Inside, several creatures were crowded into the room. Wind Storm and Galileo were both next to Bubblegum’s bed, and Doctor Plasma was nearby fiddling with the monitor. Bubblegum still had a feeding tube and an oxygen mask on, but her eyes were open. Even the foal was in the room, to the side, sleeping in the incubator, though his own feeding tube was gone.
Bubblegum was the first to notice Emberglow, her ears perking up. She waved a hoof weakly in Emberglow’s direction, and the two males glanced up, their expressions tear-stained but happy.
“Emberglow!” Wind Storm called out. “You heard the news! Come say hi, I think Bubblegum wants to talk to you.”
Suddenly, her excitement and elation dissolved. The last time she and Bubblegum had spoken, things hadn’t gone well. Heart pounding nervously, she took a single shaky step towards the bed and stopped, her hooves feeling glued to the floor.
“C’mon, you silly mare,” Galileo laughed, wiping at his eyes with a claw. “You think she’d still be mad at you after all that? After you saved Spark?”
A part of her did think exactly that. But it was less about what Bubblegum thought, and more about the guilt that weighed down every muscle and limb. With leaden slowness, Emberglow stepped over to Bubblegum’s prone form, while Wind Storm graciously made space.
Bubblegum’s eyes were lucid, and she beckoned Emberglow closer. She couldn’t speak, because of the feeding tube in her throat, though when Emberglow reached her side she lifted a weak hoof and touched Emberglow’s cheek.
“I’m sorry,” Emberglow breathed. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Bubblegum’s eyebrows narrowed, and she gently bopped Emberglow on the snout. “Okay, I get it. No more guilt.” Bubblegum nodded. She pointed weakly at Emberglow, then at the foal in the incubator.
“We told her about the name. Bubblegum approves.” Galileo said. Bubblegum was nodding, and she pointed at Emberglow’s hoof. Confused, Emberglow lifted her hoof onto the hospital bed beside Bubblegum, who clutched it to her cheek, nuzzling Emberglow’s hoof as best as she could with all the medical equipment on her face.
“I… thanks, Bubblegum. Thank you. I don’t know what to say.” Emberglow’s heart was full of joy; for at least a moment, all of her troubles, her struggles to rebuild her own identity, faded into nothingness. “For what it’s worth,” she rubbed her jaw wryly. “I forgive you for cold-cocking me earlier, too. I kinda deserved it.” Bubblegum shook her head in protest, but Emberglow laughed. “I forgive you too, Bubblegum. For everything.”
* * * * *
It was hard not to have a bounce in her step as she went to the first of the two mysterious addresses on Terminus’ note. It was the address in the business district, on Bellchaser, close to Rarity’s shop. When she finally reached the number on the note, however, she frowned and looked around, with not a little confusion.
“A cathedral?” she murmured, looking up at the building she found herself in front of. Indeed, the building Terminus had directed her to appeared to be a two-story Diarchy cathedral, with a peaked roof and a large stained glass window depicting the six Saints. The front doors were wide open, and she stepped inside, as nervous as she was curious.
The cathedral was arranged just like the ones she was familiar with back in the Diarchy; it was arranged with a semi-circle of statues to the Saints. These statues, however, looked far different from any she was used to.
Taking the central positions were Saint Fluttershy and Saint Twilight. Fluttershy was prone, with her legs curled under her and a serene smile on her face. One hoof gently patted the stone figure of a bunny in front of her. Saint Twilight’s statue included a horn, and instead of stern and commanding, she appeared gentle and wise, with a small smile on her lips. There was something perched on her back, between her wings. It was an owl, its own wings spread in imitation of its master’s.
The other Saints were different as well. Applejack wore a hat, and one forehoof was cocked in front of the other, a pose that perfectly matched her jaunty smile. A grinning stone dog capered about her hooves. Rainbow Dash was reared up on her forehooves, wings spread as if beginning a leap into the sky, and was accompanied by a smiling tortoise. Pinkamena was…
Emberglow had to blink at the statue of Saint Pinkamena with a double take. Rather than the serene smile she was used to, this statue bore a face-splitting grin, and was clutching… balloons? And like the others, there was a pet as well, a baby alligator with its maw clenched around one of the Saint’s ears.
Finally, there was Saint Rarity, looking much more like the real Rarity than any statue Emberglow had ever seen. She wore an elegant gown, and a fluffy looking cat curled around her hooves with an aloof expression on its face. The statue seemed so much more full of life than any others Emberglow had ever seen in a cathedral; Rarity’s eyes nearly sparkled with an inner fire and a passion for life.
Emberglow shook her head. She was sure she was being silly, seeing things that weren’t there just because she’d met the real Rarity. Still, she wondered what Rarity would think of this statue version of her.
“Not like the cathedrals back at the Diarchy, is it?” came a voice from behind her, and Emberglow jumped. Looking behind her, she saw a sight that sent a chill down her spine.
A pegasus stallion dressed in confessor’s robes stood behind her. He had fur so white it was almost translucent, and a long, rainbow colored mane tied back in a ponytail that almost reached to his hooves. He watched her patiently, keeping his distance while she tried to calm herself.
“Sorry, you startled me,” Emberglow said. She waved a hoof about her. “What is all this? What… what are you doing here?” She knew she sounded rude, and felt a touch poorly about it, but she needed to know.
He laughed. “Hi, I’m Prism Glass. Nice to meet you.” Emberglow cringed at the gentle rebuke. “Sorry, I had to tease. I do get that question a lot. What’s your name?”
“Um, Emberglow.” She watched him warily.
“Have a seat, Emberglow,” Prism said, gesturing to one of the benches. “I’m guessing you’re a pretty new arrival to Angel’s Rest?”
“I’ve been here about a week, but much of that was in the hospital,” she said warily.
“That makes sense. You seem tense, so let me start with this. You’re completely safe here, Emberglow. I am not a regular confessor, the Diarchy has no power here, and there’s not going to be any inquisitors or Knights coming to drag you back to whatever Tartarus you had to escape to get here.”
“But…” she waved a hoof at the building, the statues, his robes. “Um… what?”
“Do you want me to start at the beginning?” he asked patiently.
Emberglow nodded dumbly.
He smiled, sitting down on the bench. “I’ve been a confessor since I was nineteen, but I was always a bit of an iconoclast. My seniors thought I asked too many questions, but it was just that too much of the Book of the Saints didn’t make sense to me. I couldn’t understand why a book that taught so many beautiful things could create so much conflict and misery. In my work as a confessor, I knew ponies who had been ostracized and persecuted by the Diarchy. The more I expressed those concerns, though, the angrier my superiors became. Finally, I had to flee my own cathedral one step ahead of a party of very inquisitive Knights Mystic.” He laughed. “This was the only place to offer me safety.”
“But it’s all a lie,” Emberglow said. “The Book… it’s practically made up!”
“True.” Prism nodded thoughtfully. “Tell me, Emberglow, have you ever read fiction?” Emberglow gaped at him, shaking her head. He nodded. “Of course. Well, just because it’s mostly fiction doesn’t mean there’s not stuff we can learn, right?”
“But what about all the things in there about unicorns? About gay ponies?”
“Utter garbage,” Prism stated firmly. “I’ve taken a black marker to those spots in my own copy. I certainly don’t teach that stuff to the rare ponies that still come to me for guidance.”
“But… you can’t…” Emberglow trailed off, confused, before she stopped. What did it matter? Who cared what he did or didn’t teach from the Book? Who was going to stop him, or tell him he was wrong? “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he smiled sympathetically. “I understand the impulse perfectly. What I do here is the deepest of heresy.”
“How does it work?” Emberglow was curious despite herself.
“Exactly how I said it. I take what’s good, and discard the rest.” Prism shrugged. “I spoke extensively with Heartwing about all this. He said even back when the Saints were alive, nopony knew what happened when a pony died. Who’s to say maybe we aren’t reborn into a better situation if we live our lives virtuously?”
Emberglow stared at him, openmouthed.
“But… it’s not true,” she whispered.
“The way I see it, it’s my job to provide what wisdom and guidance I have, with whatever form of spirituality you choose,” Prism said. “If my version of the Saints doesn’t help you, then I wish you well on your journey. I have a feeling that something drew you in here, though — may I know what that is, before you leave?”
“Terminus said I should drop by. He gave me a pair of addresses, and said nothing else. This one, and one other.”
“May I take a look?” Prism asked. Emberglow nodded, passing over the paper. She watched his eyes narrow slightly, looking puzzled, then widened with surprise. He passed the note back to her. “I have some questions for you, if you don’t mind?”
“Go ahead,” Emberglow said carefully.
“Knight Terminus is concerned about you, so he suggested you come see me. There’s something he thinks you can gain from this meeting,” Prism theorized. “He often sends ponies to me who can’t decide what they want to do with themselves after their faith has changed.” He paused, looking at her as if for confirmation.
“That’s… accurate,” Emberglow admitted.
“Okay. So I’ll tell you what I tell everypony. Remember my story? Do what I did. Take everything that was good about the faith, about the lessons you learned from the Saints, and keep it. Everything else gets cast aside.”
“How can you make it sound so easy?” Emberglow asked. Prism’s gaze was sympathetic, and he reached out to touch her hoof.
“It’s not easy, and it doesn’t happen quickly. But it starts with giving yourself permission to keep the good.” He sat down at one of the benches, and motioned for her to join him. She sat, her thoughts churning. “So tell me. Is there anything from the Book that you know you’re going to reject?”
“Everything it ever said about gay ponies. Or unicorns,” Emberglow blurted, then flushed with embarrassment, wondering briefly what he would think about that revelation. But Prism was nodding serenely.
“Many ponies start there. Angel’s Rest draws those who don’t fit into Diarchy society.” He nodded approvingly. “It’s a good place to start.”
“What if I threw out the whole Book?” Emberglow asked.
“That’s fine too,” Prism shrugged. “There are no rules here, Emberglow, and no dogma. Just your needs, and your goals, and what kind of pony you want to be.”
She looked at him in surprise. It was honestly not the kind of sentiment she expected to hear from a confessor, even a heretical one.
“Think about it,” he said with a grin. “It could help you with the things you’re struggling with.”
Emberglow was silent, and Prism stayed quiet as well, letting her think. Her gaze drifted over the statues of the Saints, looking between each one, taking a strange sort of comfort in the simple joy they seemed to radiate.
“Can I tell you my story?” she said softly. Prism’s face filled with joy, and he nodded.
Emberglow lost track of how long she spoke after that. She found herself spilling her whole tale, from medical school to today. For his part, Prism Glass was a good listener, only speaking to ask a few short, clarifying questions.
“You’ve been through so much,” he said finally, wiping at wet eyes when she finished speaking. “Thank you for sharing. Terminus was on the right track by sending you here.”
“I don’t think I have room in my life for the Saints any longer.” Emberglow shook her head. For the first time since she’d met him, Emberglow was a little frustrated with Terminus.
“That’s not what I was suggesting,” Prism backpedaled gently. “If you walk out those doors and I never see your face again, I would be okay with that, as long as you were happy. I meant that during my time here, I’ve seen a lot of ponies that have gone through what you did, Emberglow. You’re not unique in your suffering. There are hundreds of ponies here who can relate to what you went through, and who have had to rebuild themselves after they lost their faith.”
“So Terminus sent me here just to meet you?” she wondered.
“Probably. To see that it’s not all bad. That there’s hope on the other side of the dark ravine.”
Prism fell silent, and Emberglow glanced around her, looking at the Saints that were both familiar and unfamiliar to her. They looked so happy; not stern leaders or bastions of purity, but ponies. Real ponies, with real lives.
“Bubblegum.” Emberglow’s sudden outburst broke the silence, and she laughed at Prism’s nonplussed look. “You said to keep the good. I saved a life. Two lives. Because of my Knight training, Bubblegum and her foal are alive.”
“It’s a good start,” Prism nodded. “I hope you’re glad Terminus gave you my address now.” He glanced back at the note, and a look of worry crossed his face. “That other address, though…”
He trailed off silently, and Emberglow waited a while for him to continue. When he didn’t, she spoke. “You know who it is,” she stated.
“I do. And I know Terminus means well. But this—“ he motioned to the paper “—might be too soon for you.”
“Who is it?”
“His name is Night Eye. He was an astronomer, before his family fled the Diarchy. Now he runs a small café in town. He’s by himself now; his wife left him years ago, and now both of his foals have passed.”
“His foals?”
“Sunrise died a few years back, in a raid. Night Star just recently.” Suddenly all Emberglow could hear was the pounding of her own heart. It was deafening; the sound drowned out everything else Prism was saying. No. No, there was no way.
“Why?” she managed to croak. Her ears were ringing. Her brain wouldn’t form any more words, and her unfocused eyes sought out the confessor’s.
“Terminus would not have suggested that you go see Night Eye if the stallion himself hadn’t offered. Terminus isn’t cruel.”
A name. Another name. Night Eye. Not dead, like his son, but yet another name to add to her list of guilt. Emberglow almost didn’t hear that last bit. She was breathing hard. Hyperventilating, her brain supplied. Suddenly she felt a warm embrace as Prism was hugging her, squeezing her comfortingly with his hooves, shushing her gently.
“Shh, shh. It’s okay. You’re safe here. Nopony is judging you for what happened. Night Eye certainly won’t. But if you don’t think you can go see him, that’s okay too. There’s no shame in that, either.”
“How can he not?!” Emberglow shrieked. “I killed his son!”
“You’ll see when you meet him. Night Eye is not that kind of stallion.”
It was like his words were spoken softly from far away, deep within the black void that suddenly surrounded Emberglow. She couldn’t get her thoughts straight; they spun about her dizzily like debris in a whirlwind. She didn’t know how long she sat there, taking comfort in the friendly embrace, but it must have been a while.
By the time she realized she’d stopped panicking, he was holding a handkerchief out to her. She took it gratefully and wiped her eyes.
“I’m going to do it,” she whispered.
Prism’s eyes widened with shock. “Are you sure?”
“Terminus thinks I have to get this done. He thinks there’s something important for me to learn. He hasn’t been wrong before…”
“Nopony’s perfect, Emberglow,” Prism warned. “But if you’re determined, I’d be happy to go with you.”
“No, I think I can manage,” she said. Prism was practically a stranger, after all, despite the fact that he’d just comforted her through yet another panic attack. “Thank you. For everything. Um…” she paused, searching his face. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be back. It might be best for me to make a clean break with the Book, and with that part of my past. But I don’t know for sure.”
“Whatever happens, I wish you well, Emberglow.” Prism nodded confidently, his smile comforting and warm. “Whether I see you again or not.”
* * * * *
Emberglow left the cathedral overshadowed by a cloud of mixed feelings. On one hoof, she was feeling a little bit more confident with the decisions she had to make going forward. On the other hoof, the harder she thought about where she was going, the more leaden her hooves felt.
Are you expecting some sort of absolution? Forgiveness? You don’t deserve forgiveness.
It wasn’t Gadget’s voice.
You don’t deserve to speak with Night Eye.
This time, when a face floated in her mind’s eye, it wasn’t Gadget’s blank stare, but another.
You think this will exorcise your demons? You don’t know anything. I’m never going away.
With a whimper, Emberglow shook her head and drove herself forward, dashing down the street towards the address. She wasn’t worried about getting lost; the streets in Angel’s Rest were well-marked, and there were enough other creatures about to give her directions if she needed them.
Maybe she could outrun the voice in her head, and the face in her mind.
You’re delusional.
Emberglow reached Night Eye’s café, a small building with a colorful cloth awning spread over a collection of wrought iron outdoor tables. The stallion himself was outdoors as well, clutching a broom in his hooves as he swept between the tables. His eyes were on the ground, and he didn’t notice when she was walking up.
He didn’t notice when she froze, a leaden statue in the middle of the street.
He didn’t notice when Emberglow saw his eyes, shuddering in utter terror at how familiar they were.
Then he looked up, and his eyes, those far too familiar eyes, were full of sadness and compassion.
Emberglow spun and fled.
* * * * *
The others were talking about her when Emberglow finally stepped out of her room that evening, hours after she’d secluded herself inside after fleeing Night Eye’s cafe.
“And that was it? The poor dear just sprinted in here and locked herself in her room?” Rarity spoke with alarm.
“I don’t even think she stopped long enough to make eye contact,” Heartwing replied sadly.
“This is my fault,” Terminus mourned. “I was the one who sent her to Night Eye. I really thought it would be a good idea. Night Eye himself suggested it. I was speaking with him, and mentioned how she was struggling…”
“Don’t you dare torture yourself over this, darling. Just as Night Eye is willing to forgive Emberglow, I’m sure she’ll be willing to forgive you.”
“I am,” Emberglow stated simply, stepping around the corner into the dining room. All three ponies jumped when she entered. “Sorry to eavesdrop. I was in the hallway.”
“Sorry, Emberglow,” Heartwing said. “We started dinner without you.”
“It’s my fault,” she eyed the table, with its fragrant array of dishes. Her stomach rumbled; she’d been hiding in her room for hours. “You knocked. I was just busy thinking.”
“Thinking?” Rarity said nervously. Emberglow nodded confidently.
“I’ve been a mess recently,” she admitted ruefully, holding up a hoof to forestall the protests from all three ponies. “You all know it. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting better, then I fail again like I did at the café.”
“Emberglow, I…”
“Stop, Terminus. I want to sit down and join you all for dinner, and then I have something really important I want to say,” Emberglow said, sitting at the table with the others. Carefully, she slipped the book she’d been carrying under her wing onto the table next to her. All three other ponies glanced at it.
“That’s the book Galileo gave you,” Terminus mentioned. “The one about the griffon doctor.”
“Yeah,” Emberglow nodded. “When I fled home, after locking myself in my room, I needed something to distract me. So…” she motioned to the book with one wing. “I read. A lot.”
“Losing an entire afternoon because of a good book?” Heartwing’s voice was light and teasing. “That doesn’t sound like anypony we know, does it?” he gently nudged Rarity with a smile, and Rarity rolled her eyes.
“It just means she’s in good company, you silly stallion,” Rarity shot back with an amused look, before turning concerned eyes back on Emberglow. “You seem to be doing better than before. You found your reading helpful, at least?”
“Very,” Emberglow said vaguely, glancing at the curious faces that surrounded her. She tried to resist a slightly smug smile. “What’s for dinner?”
Heartwing scowled at her, and Terminus gave a small laugh. “Rarity and Heartwing made kabobs and salad. Dig in, your big reveal can wait,” he said. But Emberglow didn’t want to wait.
“I think…” Emberglow began, noting the way everypony froze just slightly, their ears perking in her direction. “I think I’d like to join the Discordant. With conditions.”
“Okay,” Heartwing said. “Terminus said you didn’t want to kill anypony any longer.”
“That’s it, really,” Emberglow said. She wasn’t sure if she was excited or afraid. Probably both. “I won’t take life anymore.”
“Do you mind if I ask a question?” Heartwing said. Emberglow nodded. “If you’re worried about taking life, why join the Discordant at all? You could easily find a home here as a doctor. I know Doctor Plasma has mentioned wanting to hire you.”
Emberglow grinned. She knew that too; the doctor said something whenever she saw her. “I know. But I didn’t join the Knights because I wanted to heal. I did it because I wanted to walk in Saint Rarity’s hoofsteps.” She glanced apologetically at the real Rarity. “I don’t just want to heal injury, I want to prevent it. I want to protect and shield my friends.” She waved a hoof, taking in the whole of the dinner table.
“Don’t misunderstand,” Heartwing smiled proudly at her. “Your condition won’t stop you from joining the Discordant. I simply wanted to know where your heart is.”
“I think…” Emberglow breathed, her throat tight. “I’d like to think it’s where it’s always been.”
“I would be proud to have a mare like you in my Order, Emberglow, conditions and all.” Heartwing said.
“That’s not all,” Emberglow said. Her heart was pounding, and there was a flash of light from around her neck, where the Element of Honesty sat underneath the neckline of her dress. She looked down, then glanced back up at the ponies around her. She felt suddenly self-conscious; all three stared intently at her, feeling the gravity of the moment as much as she did. “Um…”
“We’re all here for you, darling,” Rarity reached out and patted Emberglow’s hoof. Terminus was smiling, and even Heartwing’s regular smirk was somehow comforting and supportive.
“I was reading something. In the book.” She glanced at the book, her mind drifting back to the stories of the ancient griffon doctor. “Ugh. I’m telling it wrong.” She shook her head, blushing with embarrassment and frustration. Her thoughts were jumbled, coming out in the wrong order. Once again she looked at the ponies around her, and found nothing but patience and support. “When I became a Knight, I swore oaths to Saint Rarity. I know now those oaths meant nothing, because the pony I was swearing them to was a fiction. A lie, and a disgrace to the real Rarity.
“I’m sure Knights Discordant swear something,” she continued, and Heartwing nodded. “But I needed more. You all know I’ve been struggling with a lot of stuff. And then while I was reading this book, I read about the oath that griffon doctors swear when they finish their training.” She dug deep and pulled up as much confidence as she could manage.
“I swore my last oaths to a fiction, a lie. I’d like to swear my next one to the three of you.” Emberglow glanced at Rarity, who was dabbing delicately at her eyes with a napkin. “Especially you, if that’s okay. I’d really love the real Rarity to hear my oath.”
“I would be honored,” Rarity replied.
“I had to change the words a bit, so that they’d make sense for ponies,” Emberglow muttered, her confidence faltering just a little. “So if it sounds weird, it’s…”
“Don’t second guess yourself,” Rarity whispered. “Please.” Emberglow nodded and began to speak before she could stall any longer.
“I swear by Celestia the Sun, and by Luna the Moon,” she began, intoning the words she’d arranged and memorized earlier this afternoon.
“I swear by all the immortals, making them my witnesses, that I will carry out according to my abilities this oath and this indenture.
“Into whatsoever houses I enter, I will enter to help the sick, and I will do no harm or injustice to them.
“I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those in whose hoof-steps I walk, and will gladly share that knowledge to those that will follow me.
“And whatsoever I shall see or hear in the course of my profession, if it be what should not be published abroad I will never divulge, holding such things to be holy secrets.
“Now if I carry out this oath, and break it not, may I gain for ever reputation among all ponies for my life and for my art; but if I break it and forswear myself, may the opposite befall me.”
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Ok so some notes this time around.
First of all, Better Than Sex cake is a real thing. A real yummy thing. Go make some for yourself. Here's a great recipe if you're lazy.
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/7515/better-than-sex-cake-ii/
As to whether or not it actually is better than sex, well... that's a question you'll have to answer for yourself.
In other news, a very cool individual known as Horsetorian has been doing some pre-reading for me. So thank you, and much love!
Third, the Hippocratic oath was a very cool Wikipedia rabbit hole to dive down. I loved the ideas of pony Hippocrates being a griffon. The oath presented here was hodge-podged together from multiple translations of the ancient oath and even some modern ones.
The treachery at play is glaringly obvious, but it's quite ironic(?) to see their own, twisted system be played against them by someone with power within, and contrary aims.
It's good the subject of finding the answers you want to find in religion was brought up. One of the things I appreciated about the story was its nuanced portrayals of more complicated ideas like religion instead of a skewed view of things.
And I agree with Emberglow--I too am happy that Lofty has found a great little love life after that rejection from Emberglow ages ago.
This all being framed within the realm of a teen girls sleepover is quite humorous, especially with the accompanying magazine. I'm glad that, despite being the element of laughter, Topaz seems much more grounded and not as hyperactive as pinkie pie.
I was worried that one of the ponies Emberglow was going to be sent to was Gadget's father. Christ I was thinking that would be far, far too soon. But ah, it's the less-worse of the potential options: The parent of the heretic she killed.
The scene of swearing her oath was a nice turning point. And, I think it's amusing she's sort of acting as a knight swearing an oath to her lady Rarity
.
Something ive always admired was how driven and committed Emberglow was. It was always nice to see, and this oath reminds me of that early character and how much need to get my butt in gear and start bettering myself, too.
So much for wondering whether Brightblade knew of Steadfast's role in Hollybright's death. Curious to see where this takes him; sunk costs are going to make it very painful to waver from his current path.
I'm curious what Steadfast is going to do at this point. I'd assume he isn't aware of Angel's Rest, and short of a tracking spell, spy, or traitor, doesn't have an easy way of learning about it. Targeting Topaz or Lofty would be my top guess, though I don't think I can guess what grounds would justify such a thing at this time, especially since anything sensitive can be discussed in dreams, so it's a pretty weak top guess at that.
Well, I guess something could go wrong if/when Topaz/Lofty try to sneak into Old Canterlot, either to talk to Luna, find Starlight, or both.
Now that I think about it, I'm surprised the Diarchy hasn't done anything about Starlight, unless they somehow managed to never come across her over all those years?
Poor, poor Emberglow. I'm happy to see that she's gradually finding her way forwards, even if that process is in fits and starts. And yet I can't help but worry that she's going to be forced back into the thick of things while still trying to pick up the pieces of herself... Though the oath seems like a good foundation upon which she can build.
Out of curiosity, are there rules of war or something similar in this universe? Ember resolving to not kill anyone, yet also staying on the front lines (?) seems like a rather perilous situation if there aren't even nominal protections for medics (though to be fair, even if there were such a thing and those rules were followed I'm not sure how stuff like shield spells might count/not count towards participating in combat).
10752329
It's an interesting question, with a bit of a complicated answer. In reality, the Diarchy says it has rules of engagement, but those only apply to ponies. Heretics don't count because the Diarchy classes them as terrorists and criminals, not an enemy force. And since currently the Diarchy isn't at war with any ponies (besides the Heretics), they ostensibly have no real rules of engagement.
But that's not entirely true, and is a major point of conflict between the Knight orders. The Knights Adamant do their best to respect certain rules of engagement (for example, on the griffon war front, they won't go after medics or civilians). This level of restraint makes the Mystics rather cranky at times. In fact, we've seen that each Knight order has a secret they share with their initiates on taking their oaths (such as the oracle Emberglow saw, and her visions). The Knights Adamant have a secret too, regarding Saint Dash's friendship with griffons. It probably won't come up in the story; it's just world-building in the back of my head.
10752318
You mention something interesting; Gadget's father, Gearsmith. Funny thing about him; he was always a big giant question mark in my outline. Even now, I don't actually know where he is or what has happened to him; the last time we saw him ended on a rather ambiguous note, didn't it?
I really like what you're doing with Emberglow's character. Getting help from others, trying to overcome her fears despite every setback, the two steps forward, one step back progression, etc.
10752673
Thank you for saying so. This whole process is so difficult to get right in writing. I want to do justice to Emberglow's faith journey, but at the same time I don't wanna have, just, a bunch of filler chapters where Emberglow mentally struggles.
10752635
Huh. An understandable position, even if it smells like shades of "enhanced interrogation". Looks like no easy outs for Emberglow here.
Specifically against griffons?
Huh, never occurred to me that that'd be the case, though it makes perfect sense.
Makes me wonder how many of the other orders hold heretical (?) views. Or is there a Diarchy-friendly way to explain them? (e.g., Dash was "friends" with griffons to bring them the glory of their teachings)
....And now I'm worried that Steadfast is planning a purge.
Ya know...it does occur to me that the principle qualification for being a "Saint" seems to be becoming the bearer of one of the Elements of Harmony...doesn't that make Emberglow a Saint now? I find myself very much wondering how she'd react if the heretic ponies started carving statues of her and founding Knight orders in her name.
I loved this update.
And at the same time, I want a female griffoness to swoop in and snuggle emberglow. Give her all deh feline birb loves xD
10763981
So the Diarchy is inspired by an amalgamation of several sources, both fictional and real. And yes, the medieval Catholic church, as well as modern evangelical traditions, are among my inspirations.
Also included are my own personal experiences, as well as fictional sources such as the Whitecloaks in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series and the Immaculate Order found in the Exalted TTRPG.
Of all things to get me a little emotional, the Hippocratic Oath wasn't one I expected.
10769342
It's not often I come across someone who knows of Exalted.
10803929
Me neither!
I love the idea of Exalted's Immaculate Order as an evil organization that doesn't know it's evil. I also borrowed the Diarchy's doctrines about reincarnation from the Immaculates, as well as a pretty firm disapproval against social mobility. The bit about social mobility hasn't come up much in camera, so to speak, but hints of it may come out when we learn a bit more about Lofty's months as a Knight Vigilant.
ggwp
Love this part.