Spilling The Tea

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 10 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 10
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Toriandthehorse

Toriandthehorse #1 · May 6th, 2020 · · ·

Mm. This is nice.
One tiny suggestion:

“Thanks guys. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She smiled lightly.
“Now that that’s settled, I think we should get back to our tea before it goes cold.” Rarity said.
“Good point.” Said Fluttershy.

This was super helpful for me, to do all the dialogue/punctuation stuff correctly. I think it explains everything as clearly as it can get.

Now! This was a lovely piece of BFF-ship. The kind of thing you so want to see from the show, and the way this is done, it could be part of the show, were it not for the it's-for-kids-part. It's well-done, characters are wonderful, and... now I kinda just want to know what happened at the Pinkie/Cheese party.

Soarin is the father and yes, he was on board and she kept the baby.

I knew I liked you.

Ninjadeadbeard

Ninjadeadbeard #2 · May 6th, 2020 · · ·

This was a really nice story. Thanks for this.

Lurks-no-More

Lurks-no-More #3 · May 6th, 2020 · 1 · ·

Yeah, Rainbow's parents would go gaga over the possibility of having a grandchild.

Crankshaft

Crankshaft #4 · May 6th, 2020 · · ·

10219110
I don't think your first example is linked to the speech in the way the second and third definitely should be. It doesn't make as sense to end the speech with a comma; you don't "smile" dialogue the way you say, shout or proclaim it. It sounds much better to me as a separate sentence (though I'd remove "lightly" because that seemed obvious in the situation), as it currently is — or removed entirely. I already pictured Rainbow smiling from the tone of her dialogue — and if the reader can already picture it, why write it? It's engagement of "the theatre of the mind": allowing the reader to paint their own rendition of the events without the writer telling too much of what to imagine.

This idea is the reason behind the saying "it wasn't as good as the book" after watching adapted movies. The book, by its nature of not explicitly showing you images like a movie, allows you to imagine the story the way you want to.

Rockstar_Raccoon

Rockstar_Raccoon #5 · May 6th, 2020 · · ·

I like how this was a serious conversation about real adult issues, and I really like how you actually had them bring up abortion as an option in this: not enough stories go there.

The one thing I'd've changed is, Twilight is too likely to understand the science and ethics at play to not say something about the lack of meaningful development in the first trimester when Rainbow feels she has to be "loyal" to it, because that's what I bring up in those conversations, but other than that, I like the fact that they at least say out loud that she should consider that instead of creating a baby that no adult is ready to take care of.

SIGAWESOME

SIGAWESOME #6 · May 10th, 2020 · 2 · ·

I usually avoid [M] tagged stores, but this came as a recommendation. Certainly glad I read it.

“Well sugarcube, you have… options.” Applejack said.

This bit hit rather hard. I was also a surprise baby (my youngest older brother is 18 years my senior). Given the rather doubtful report from the initial amniocentesis and mum's age which promised complications (possibly fatal) for my delivery, "options" were discussed. Mum told the doctors to "fk off" (her words) and bravely carried me to term.